The time betrayed me…

I am left behind…

Only the fans who are really faithful and him…

Stayed beside me until now…

Others left me along with my fame that fades…

The other left me to reach their dreams…

I have nothing against it…

It’s been years since our group fall apart…

 

Year 20XX

“ugh…” I said as I woke up with a hangover

I tried to reach the glass with water at my bedside table

“damn hangover” I growled

*beep beep*

I tried to read the message in my phone.

From: Seung

                              Yah Junhyung-ah are you drunk again?

As always this cute little kitty… is always beside me…

But I think I am not worthy of his attention…

He is a big time personality here in South Korea…

He is a big name here…

I think I am just a stain for him…

I am not popular anymore…

I am left behind…

I am only at the shadows…

I stop composing… since…

*Flashback*

The group “BEAST” decided to disband…

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Yoseob decided to pursue being a musical actor…

Doojoon and Gikwang decided to play as a professional football player and left South Korea along with Yoseob…

Dongwoon decided to become a professor outside the country…

And Hyunseung decided to continue being an artist and he succeeded….

While me I became a composer…

I thought everything will go well after that…

But it didn’t goes smoothly as I thought…

Taejoo left me since he got married with a foreigner so he left the country also…

I lost my partner…

I continued losing people…

And it’s hard for me to bear…

I got depressed and everything…

But there is one person who continued to be by my side, it’s Hyunseung…

I am grateful of him being by my side…

But I think that is too much since….

I am not worthy…

I think I am just a bother to him…

He is so busy…

Yet he still cares for me…

I hear the door opening

“Yah Yong Junhyung it is already 4:00 pm… Why are you still on PJs?” Hyunseung shouted

“I just…uhmmm” I said while looking for the right words

“Yah Yong Junhyung, get a life!” he shouted again

“WHY ARE YOU BEING SO LOUD? WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?” I shouted out of the blue maybe stressed that’s why…

“It’s because I am your friend, Jun” he said gently while brushing my hair

“Friend” I chuckled and put his hand away

“Friend… then please stop… stop being my friend” I said

“Why are you being like that?” he said while his face shows that he is worried about me….

“It’s just….” I said and walked out of my room

I felt someone stopping me from walking…

I faced that person…

Who is stopping me…

It’s him….

The guy that I’ve loved for years…

The guy that I don’t want to ruin like years ago…

*FLASHBACK*

“Junhyung…please don’t go” he said with tears streaming at his eyes

It feels like my heart is breaking into pieces while seeing him like that…

But I have to be brave…

“Hyunseung… Don’t you see… I don’t love you anymore… Don’t you see the news? I have a girl in my life, and it’s her… So I am choosing her…” I said without breathing

“But… I can feel… we feel the same… don’t leave me… Choose me… I beg you” He said in a begging tone hands holding at the hem of my shirt and his knees on the floor…

“Men are for women” I said even I didn’t mean it…

I put his hand away… and walk to the door and left…

I can hear him crying…

*END OF FLASHBACK*

This is just like at that time…

I don’t want to ruin him…

At this moment…

I feel like going back to years ago…

I can see a Hyunseung in 20s and I feel like the Junhyung in 20s…

I was about to put his hand away…

Just like I did years ago…

This time…

I wasn’t able to go…

Because he hugged me tight…

“Junhyung don’t leave” he said and cried

“this is haunting me”

“this is not right”

“I stayed at your side..” he said with his tears flowing at his eyes and hiccupping

“so you’ll not leave me again”

“I thought if I stayed at your side… You’ll grow feelings for me”

“I thought you’ll love me as you love her before”

Seung why are you like that? I loved her but I love you more than her…

But I can’t say it… It’ll just ruin you…

I don’t want your life to miserable… so please let me go…

Find someone who is more worthy of you….

In the end I can’t say it…

Since I need you…

I want you…

I can’t bear without you here by my side…

In the end I just ended up staring at his face…

Without saying a word…

“Junhyung please let me” he said and he reached my face

I can feel that I blushed…

He slowly pull my face…

We were inch closer…

I frozed..

I can feel his luscious lips on my lips…

I didn’t respond to his kiss…

Even though I am itching to do it…

I think it is not right…

We have done more than this before…

But I think this a mistake that is not a mistake..

Like before…

“Junhyung… why…. you are not responding? Do you hate me that much?” he said crying while he is burying his face on my chest…

I was about to caress his hair… but I stop since I think it will not be the best for us…

“Do you know, Junhyung… I can accept we not being lovers… but not being friends is too much” he said

I can feel a tear fell from my eyes…

What should I do?

Should I be truthful?

Or not?

“Hyunseung” I said and he looked up

He is looking to me waiting for me to continue…

“Hyunseung I am not worthy of you” I finally said it

“I will just ruin you” I continued and I gesture him to sit beside me at the bed

“Why are you thinking like that? Without you being by my side is ruining me..” Seung said

“I think it is not health-“ I said but I was stopped

“It is unhealthy for me without you” he said while he hiccupped

“Should I tell the truth?” I said and trying to calm

While he is anticipating for what I’ll be saying…

“Hyunseung, I still love you as before…. No I am wrong… I love you more and more everyday… I haven’t stop loving you…”

He didn’t respond maybe he know I having something to add

“I love her too but not as much as I love you… I left you and chose her because I think it will ruin your name if others would know that *thing* about us”

“Just like now… I am a worthless composer while you are a big star that I can’t reach… I think being by your side will just ruin you like before..” I said

He sighed and said “Junhyung… why are you thinking so much? I am happy to know you love me also… Can you just cut out the other things you said… What’s wrong with you being by my side…” He said

“But…” I said but was cut out he pecked my lips

“Cut that out… that buts… There is nothing wrong with us being together… so please… don’t think too much… You thinking too much ruined you… you know… so please… just think about being happy… huh” he said

I rethink…

“Okay” I said softly and he kissed me

“I love you” he said

“I love you too” I said and continue our kiss…

Everything goes smoothly since that day…

I was able to compose again…

I became a man worthy of him…

We enjoy each other… company…

Everything who left come back to my life and congratulated me…  that I finally found my happiness…

So this what feels like being happy…