Seoul was beautiful at this time. Lights everywhere, the cold air signaling that snow was coming. Laughter could be heard all around me and I wanted so bad to be able to enjoy the night like them. Everything around was set up for a perfect night and I wish I could be here with him but there was something holding me back. I had to make things right.

    I wish I was able to keep my promises when they counted and spend more time with him. He constantly told me not to work so hard, to stop making him feel alone. I wanted to do all of that for him but I always found it in myself to break my promises. I know he knew what I had done, what I had done to us and I wish that it was not true. I have wished so many times that I could take back what I had done and that we could be the way that we had been in the beginning. But it was no longer possible because I had ed up. Now all I could to is hope that things can be good again because even though I don't tell him, I love him more than anything in this world. 

    Standing outside the apartment door, I could see my hand shaking as I reached for the doorknob and I had to stand there to calm myself before I walked in. The apartment was dark and cold when I entered. The only light coming from the TV lighting up his face in the most beautiful way as he sat in the couch not looking at the screen. There is no one so effortlessly beautiful. Even in the limited lighting I can see the bruises under his eyes which are purple and swollen. It breaks my heart to see him this way. No hints of the smile I love so much, the way his eyes disappear when he is truly happy and there is no one to blame but myself. 

    I sat next to him and he came closer, lying his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist and brought him closer, causing a content sigh to leave his mouth, the warmth between us one of the best things in this world. 

"I missed you so much." Jimin said as he snuggled closer to me.

"So did I but I am here now and I can stay as long as you want me to." I smiled into his hair, feeling happy that he missed me.

Silence washed over us again as we watched a rerun of a show that the were broadcasting for what seemed like that hundredth time. We stayed that way for a while not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Jiminnie are you awake?"

"Yeah. I guess I am just a bit tired."

"Do you want to do something? We can do anything you want." 

"No I just want to be here with you…….only for a little while more." he whispered the last part to himself. 

It felt like I was hit by a bus when he said those words knowing that this was only temporary and that this was going to end soon. I was interrupted from my thoughts when I heard him laugh.

"What are you laughing at?!"

"This show is so funny. I have seen it a million times but I love it and I never fails to make me laugh." he replied still laughing.

"I love hearing your laugh."

"No you don't!" he said lifting his head and looking me in the eye, "I remember very clearly that you told me that my laugh was annoying."

"I only said that because you told me that me smile was too gummy." 

"Whatever Yoongi hyung, my laugh is not annoying and your smile IS gummy. So just leave me alone." he said smiling, satisfied with himself. 

"Oh no, we are not done and I will show you that your laugh is annoying."

"I how are you going to do that?!" he said with a challenging smirk.

I moved closer to him and started to tickle his sides. He was squirming and gasping for air before I stopped for a second. 

"I fail to realize what you are talking about." Jimin said between gasps. "My laugh is very cute." 

    I climbed on top of him pinning his hands above his head before I continued to tickle him again. This time I didn't stop even when he begged me to. Seeing him under me, so happy made me remember why I loved him so much. I leaned down to kiss him. He was surprised when our lips met, freezing from shock, but he soon kissed me back. Everything that I felt for him was poured into that one kiss. I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I pulled away, breathless, when I felt something wet against my cheeks. Jimin was covering his face with his arm, tears clearly streaming down his face.

"Jiminnie?"

"Get off of me Hyung."

"Jimin?"

"Why did you have to do that to me? I love you so much and I told you everyday but you still went and cheated with him. He was my friend too and both of you just didn't care. I don't know why allow you to do this to me over and over. You come over and we pretend that nothing is wrong but I am never able to forget what you did to me, to us. Why did you cheat?", tears streamed down his face as he moved away from me so that we were no longer touching. 

"I don't know." I could not hold back the tears that were forming in my eyes. I wish I could say something that could make this all okay but I have tried so many times to come up with an answer that never comes. "I don't know, but I love you so much." I tried to reach for him only to have him move away from my touch.

"I love you too, more than you can imagine but I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much to love you more than you love me. Nothing can ever be the same."

    I watched him as he stood up, drying his tears and walked out the door. I stared at the door for hours after he left. The dark was the only thing that kept me from seeing that everything that could remind me of him was gone. I was able to find comfort when I closed me eyes and imagined the way that things were when we were happy. Him beside me with his head on my shoulder, and me with my arms around him, pulling him close. When the sun came up and illuminated the apartment I knew that nothing of him was left and it was all my fault. All because he loved me more than I deserved.