It’s nine in the evening and the word document in front of Kyungsoo is still as clean as a blank sheet of A4. He is supposed to finish a 500-word marriage article that his professor has requested the entire class to submit tomorrow morning. As he stares pensively at the computer screen, he groans in exasperation at the mere thought of the subject. It’s a topic that he doesn’t wish to write about.

 

A stray of light scatters across the desk as he extends a hand to grab the glass of cold coffee beside the lampshade. A booze. But this, folks, is basically a hopeless case. Kyungsoo’s face breaks into a small frown that later grows into an imaginary ‘S.O.S’ signage. He is royally ed because he wants to spend more time writing the fanfiction he has been working on for almost a year.

 

Fanfictions. Right. Fanfictions are Kyungsoo’s favorite hobby to escape the realities of life. It’s not as dramatic as some people think. He simply loves creating a different world where rules are just rules and names are just names.

 

He recalls scanning the comments section where thousands have left him lovely messages. It’s priceless and if only he is done with school activities and duties, he is much willing to leave replies to everyone who appreciates him. For Kyungsoo, the fanfictions he publishes once in a while are mediocre. Occasionally, he wonders why he is adored by a bunch of sweet readers when there are far better authors on the site.

 

But Kyungsoo doesn’t belong to the stereotypes who focus on girl-boy relationships. It’s way different from a typical romance novel where the hero dotes on the heroine. He prefers complicated yet realistic love stories between two boys. Slash fanfiction, in fact, is more glamorized by fans. So, he writes chaptered fanfictions starring Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun who are both members of the famous boy band EXO in South Korea.

 

Kyungsoo has written at least 20 fanfictions about Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Most of them have been translated into different languages. (He is pretty popular in Malaysia and France). Presently, he is busy with Accismus.

 

On weekends, he visits Twitter to backtrack updates and chat with some mutuals. And then there is Junmyeon. Thanks to him for being a supportive friend, beta reader, and creative toolbar every time Kyungsoo is fanboying over the beloved ship or experiencing a major writer’s block. (But Junmyeon insists Baekhyun tops in the relationship because he believes height is a stupid basis for dominance).

 

There is a little wish that hangs in Kyungsoo’s chest whenever he is reading messages from readers. He badly hopes to meet them and throw a party where Chanyeol and Baekhyun are invited. It’s ridiculous, but he has imagined himself personally meeting the couple in person. He dreams of having a photograph with them and he promises to set it as his Facebook display photo, Twitter icon, mobile or desktop wallpaper – everything.

 

This is Kyungsoo’s youth.

 

He once said that he’d rather see Chanyeol and Baekhyun date than see himself with someone. But at some point, he thought it’d be fun to know how he’d actually handle such thing.

 

The clock glares at him. It has been 25 minutes of empty ideas and unfavorable flashbacks.

 

He clicks on the document chapter33_accismus.

 

And he writes.

 

* * * * *

 

“I read your newest oneshot,” Junmyeon says in between the noisy munches of food inside his mouth. Kyungsoo cannot help but dislike having lunch with him. The guy is kind of disturbing.

 

Kyungsoo stares blandly at Junmyeon. He is certain that it’s a part of Junmyeon’s sugarcoating tendencies in attempt to ask favors during Fiction Writing classes. He snorts, remembering the update – a product of a 2-hour sleep. “Do you see that trash can right there?” He points at the bin near the counter. Junmyeon gives him a questioning look. “That’s where that oneshot belongs.”

 

“ you,” Junmyeon curses.

 

“That’s disgusting, Junmyeon.”

 

“Seriously?" Junmyeon props himself as he pushes the tray on the other side of the table. He is likely going for a round two after narrating an overly-emotional review of Kyungsoo's fanfiction. "You wouldn’t want a live demonstration of how you had me my laptop’s screen while reading that mind-blowing y time. Chanyeol was the hottest piece of when he asked Baekhyun to bend over Professor Sooman’s desk,” he squeals.

 

“You really didn’t have to say that,” Kyungsoo admonishes.

 

"Write me a fic involving food play. Whip that whipped cream and put a cherry on top of Chanyeol's mighty sword."

 

"Mighty sword sounds too noble. Let's call it yogurt slinger."

 

Junmyeon laughs at the nickname. Having this kind of conversation with Kyungsoo absolutely amuses him. To call it ‘friendship goals’ is an understatement. Junmyeon has shared the most sensitive topics with Kyungsoo like how often he forgets to flush the toilet after taking a dump or how he used to prick prepubertal acnes. "You know what?” he muses. “I'm really glad we're friends in real life. You've contributed the best NC-17 fanfictions in the fandom. I wouldn't trade those with real books.”

 

"My cheeks are flattered. Thanks."

 

"Man, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are just so..."

 

A student from a group of boys shouts, “Your ship ain’t real!”

 

Junmyeon rises as he waves a proud middle finger. “You better shut up, Jongdae, before I shove this inside your nostrils.”

 

“Just being realistic. Y’all delusional.” Jongdae laughs with his friends.

 

“Get a life!”

 

“My life is obviously better than yours. Y’all wasting your time with your sickening gay .”

 

“You’re such an !” Junmyeon yells, fist curled and ready to throw a massive punch on Jongdae’s face. “I’m sure you secretly wear your sister’s nightgown, too, you hypocritical bastard.”

 

Eyes are glued on Junmyeon’s direction as Kyungsoo surveys the cafeteria. It’s such a struggle to endure Junmyeon’s hostile personality towards haters. He remembers Junmyeon getting into a cyber-fight with an anti-Chanyeol and Baekhyun blog. And now Jongdae, who pesters Junmyeon on a daily basis, has come to add more unwanted token to his disgrace.

 

Kyungsoo heaves a sigh. “Stop it,” he orders.

 

Junmyeon shoots Jongdae puckered brows as he slips back into the seat. “He’s annoying as . I’d love to skin him alive and turn him into a cheap Gucci bag.”

 

“Calm the down. Everyone’s looking at you.”

 

“Great!” Junmyeon glances and sees a blonde frowning at him. “What the do you want from me?” he asks the girl who immediately leaves with her squad.

 

“Junmyeon!” Kyungsoo chides. “You’re completely nuts.”

 

Junmyeon huffs and leans over the table to finish his lemon juice. “Anyway, it seems like Accismus has gained more popularity in just a week. I still can’t get over the most recent update. Also, I wanted to be the first commenter, but there’s this user who probably types faster than I do.”

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s Natasha. She’s from Singapore.”

 

“No. It’s definitely not Natasha,” he pauses, thinking. “I’m too pissed right now to remember, but she keeps saying cheesy stuff. Don’t even remind me of her fancy tildes. She’s like a kimchi fangirl.”

 

“Are you seriously hating on this innocent girl?” Kyungsoo guffaws.

 

“I’m your best friend and I’m supposed to be the first at everything you do!”

 

“Clingy.”

 

“You like me this way, Soo.”

 

“Stop being such a sap,” Kyungsoo teases. “Why don’t you help me with the twoshot I’m currently working on? I’m running out of ideas. Plus, I gotta stop sensationalizing . It’s not healthy for my readers. And for me.”

 

“ is good. I have this great suggestion that will surely leave your thirsty readers in shock.”

 

“Tell me then.”

 

“Make Baekhyun top this time.”

 

“No!”

 

* * * * *

 

There’s traffic which is not entirely new to Kyungsoo because it’s Friday. The evening sits with discordances coming from the metropolis and lights gleaming against the windows of the bus. Kyungsoo feigns discomfort as he occupies the farthest row where two seats have been left vacant. It’s a cold night. He bites back a curse for leaving the sweater that Junmyeon gave him last Christmas.

 

He hugs his backpack as he gazes at his Chanyeol and Baekhyun key chain. There are also photo sets printed on round pins attached on the straps of his bag. This is the very least he can do to distract himself from the numbing weather. Kyungsoo smiles instinctively, thinking about the update he is planning to write. Certainly, it doesn’t include Junmyeon’s proposition.

 

Kyungsoo’s sources of inspiration are often spontaneous. Believe it or not, he gets the best ideas from two random guys who are too shippable or same- couples who humor him with public display of affection. Kyungsoo finds it unlikely of him to love the concept of girl-boy relationship. It seems futile. Like, he cannot even imagine Chanyeol or Baekhyun with girls.

 

A new set of passengers boards the bus. Kyungsoo shifts slightly as a stranger sits beside him. He tries to scoot but it’s impossible for the man’s broad shoulder not to touch his.

 

Before he catches a moment to check the other seats, he hears a voice beside him. 

 

“Ah, they look perfect, don’t they?” the stranger says, eyes directed on Kyungsoo’s key chain.

 

A small smile greets Kyungsoo as he studies the guy next to him. He is graced by sun-kissed skin, sharp jawline, and thick lips. He thinks he has seen him before but he is too thunderstruck to function properly. So, he remains silent and waits for the man to continue.

 

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun,” the stranger adds, grinning. “I like them too.”

 

Kyungsoo is still speechless. He is quite sure the guy thinks he is dumb or something.

 

“This is one of my favorites.” The man taps a finger at the upmost pin – there are three – where Chanyeol and Baekhyun are holding Show Champion placards. “Chanyeol is a happy kid around Baekhyun. No offense to South Korea’s journalism standards but Dispatch needs to reveal the two’s relationship soon.”

 

“Yes,” Kyungsoo finally speaks, hoping he doesn’t sound tense. “They’re real. They’re dating. They’re going to get married in the future.” He pauses as he notices a flash of amusement in the stranger’s face. “I’m sorry. That sounds crazy. I just—I live for them.”

 

“No! Don’t be sorry.”

 

“It’s funny how they can control me in less than a minute.”

 

Kyungsoo labels this meeting as another lucky encounter. Coincidence? Maybe. Fate? He is not sure.

 

Normally, he develops close ties with Chanyeol and Baekhyun fans. In a few minutes of conversation, he manages to talk about the couple’s recent moments in Beijing. He adds the newly-released backstage video where Baekhyun keeps following Chanyeol during the entire filming. As trivial as it may seem, this is important to Kyungsoo. Everything about Chanyeol and Baekhyun basically means a lot to him.

 

“Have you watched EXO Next Door?” Kyungsoo asks in excitement. “You have to watch it!”

 

The stranger chuckles, nodding. “I haven’t watched the latest episode, though.”

 

The 25-minute ride leaves Kyungsoo stoked. He gets off the bus with the man who probably thinks of him as a soon-to-be sasaeng fan for being incredibly updated with Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s future activities.

 

“I’ve never met a shipper who remembers the tiniest details of Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s interactions,” the man coos. Kyungsoo blushes faintly at the comment. “So I guess it’s goodbye.”

 

Kyungsoo feels a bit upset. He promises to meet him again. There are going to be Chan-Baek conventions and gatherings so he is positive that this is not the first and last. Minus the fact that his chest is swelling for an unknown reason, Kyungsoo convinces himself that he is merely overwhelmed by the stranger’s intense attraction towards Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He rarely meets manly-looking fanboys. Junmyeon, for instance, is highly doubted as one. The rich kid screeches louder than he does.

 

“It was really fun having a chat with you,” Kyungsoo says. “But we haven’t formally introduced ourselves.” He holds out a hand. “I’m Do Kyungsoo.”

 

The man accepts the handshake. Kyungsoo peers up at him. He shoots him a final smile.

 

“I’m Jongin. Kim Jongin.”

 

Kyungsoo takes a mental note of his name.

 

* * * * *

 

(Last night, Kyungsoo counted as many sheep as he could. It was an awful experience.)

 

The room is silent as Mr. Zhang delivers another monotonous lecture in front of the class. The Chinese professor continues to scribble unreadable words on the white board and fiddles with the pen in his hand like he is not prepared for today’s discussion.

 

In all honesty, Kyungsoo has no s to give at how the 3-hour subject bores everyone, including him. He leafs through the pages of his notebook and outlines the scenes of Accismus’ next chapter. This has become a routine every time he is forced to endure Mr. Zhang’s tedious lectures.

 

At noon, Kyungsoo scurries out of the room with the knowledge that Junmyeon needs to go home early. He strolls along the corridor and avoids Jongdae’s gang as he heads to the other side of the building. There is Mr. Park, the generous World Literature professor who gave him the highest grade last semester. And there is also Mr. Cho, the unforgiving Feature Writing professor who marked his paper with a huge red “F” after writing an article about Chan-Baek.

 

Reaching the farthest room, Kyungsoo examines a number of sophomore students supervised by Ms. Jung. Everyone is concentrated. He wonders if it has something to do with the Science geek’s pencil cut skirt which doesn’t really attract him for an obvious reason. He steps closer and peeks only to realize that he is looking at a familiar person.

 

As he narrows his eyes, he sees a befuddled Jongin staring back at him.

 

“Jongin?” he mouths. It’s funny but this causes him to recall a scene in Accismus wherein Chanyeol sneaked out just to meet Baekhyun. He frowns inwardly as he shakes off the thought in his head. Kyungsoo hopes Jongin doesn’t notice the way he falters.

 

The bell chimes. Kyungsoo sways himself that he is just hungry, that the weird feeling in his stomach only suggests lunch. But his cheeks tell a different story as Jongin hurries towards his direction.

 

“Didn’t know you study here,” is Jongin’s first greeting. He seems pleased which Kyungsoo considers a good sign of interest. The taller male gazes down at Kyungsoo’s ID card. “Ah, we both major in Literature. And you’re from a senior class.”

 

Kyungsoo is tongue-tied. It has never crossed his mind that he is actually older than Jongin. People tell him all the time that he is too baby-faced for his age, though. “I’m your hyung,” he tells him.

 

Jongin grins pleasantly. “Would you like to have lunch with me, Kyungsoo hyung?”

 

Acid reflux is definitely new to Kyungsoo but this has won over the delicate thoughts of him in a starving afternoon. He is either thrilled to share Chanyeol- or Baekhyun-related stuff with Jongin or he needs to visit the clinic and have a complete digestive system checkup.

 

“Sure,” he answers as nonchalantly as he can.

 

* * * * *

 

The entire conversation is 90 percent Chanyeol-Baekhyun and 10 percent school . Kyungsoo narrates the first time he started shipping the celebrated OTP. It’s the most refreshing thing he has felt for ages after hours of writing nonstop fanfiction updates.

 

He cannot deny how much he enjoys Jongin’s company. The sophomore listens to him with both ears. Kyungsoo, in return, heeds every detail attached to the stories.

 

A cluster of beautiful, vivid descriptions of Jongin’s features revel at the back of his mind. This is probably a writer thing but Kyungsoo has constructed free verses in his head.

 

roses are red

violets are blue

this kim Jongin

is really handsome oh my god please help me

 

Unacceptable.

 

Kyungsoo bares interest in each topic as he mentally describes Jongin. He wants to ease this frustration by writing a drabble or something that can be of use at this very ungodly state where he worries about his breath hitching each time he takes a conscious effort to meet Jongin’s eyes.

 

The feeling is bizarre and novel for Kyungsoo to understand. He cannot be this unreasonable for having a crush on a guy he just met. It’s absurd. But the sudden realization catches him off guard as he receives another swoon-worthy smile from Jongin. This is no different from how he idealizes Baekhyun’s attraction towards Chanyeol.

 

“Do you read fanfics?”

 

Kyungsoo’s mouth parts in confusion. So he inquires, “I’m sorry. Did you just say fanfics?” It’s a dangerous subject that he doesn’t want to discuss with anybody unless it’s Junmyeon. Not the ficdom, he prays. He cannot afford the degree of mortification if Jongin has read his explicitly written and disgustingly cheesy fluff.

 

“Yeah,” Jongin replies. “My favorite author is Dyonut.”

 

Kyungsoo tries not to choke on the food inside his mouth. “Really?”

 

Jongin nods. “Do you read Accismus? It’s a perfect combination of angst and romance. I hope he updates again tomorrow.”

 

“He? How did you know that he’s a he?”

 

“Well, didn’t he mention it before?”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t remember revealing his identity on Dailyfanfics. Maybe on ask.fm. He is not entirely sure since he receives a ton of questions per week.

 

“The last part was such a cliffhanger.”

 

“Cliffhanger,” Kyungsoo repeats. Apart from being cliché, he cannot help but worry about the number of grammar mistakes and spelling errors he has committed without knowing.

 

“He’s good at but I’m more into the dramas he writes.”

 

Kyungsoo spares no words as he swallows back a string of curses. He had lost enough dignity when his father accidentally read one of his poems way back in high school. Now everything is repeating itself. Jongin is his reader. The four-sentence revelation continues to echo, and the very least he can do is pretend that none of it matter.

 

“I have a class to attend to in 15 minutes,” Kyungsoo subjects. “I gotta go.”

 

“Oh. Wait, hyung. I have a small problem.”

 

“Okay? Maybe I can help.”

 

“Of course you can,” Jongin chimes as he hands his smartphone to Kyungsoo. “Give me your number. I’ll let you know after class.”

 

Kyungsoo is pretty sure he’ll be checking his phone every minute.

 

* * * * *

 

Being a senior means having the worst schedule. Kyungsoo is forced to suffer from the long vacant hours that have slowly consumed more time than actual lectures. He hates this – the decreasing reluctance to meet Jongin whose classes are likely in the morning. He misses Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and perhaps Junmyeon is not enough to mend his dying fanboy heart.

 

It has been three days. Kyungsoo sits on the bench in front of the burger station two blocks from the university. He sends Junmyeon a text message: be here in 10 minutes or im telling kris. It’s the best bait, though he still mulls over the thought of his best friend crushing on the basketball captain.

 

Kyungsoo mopes as he skims through the playlist he created last night. It consists of soundtracks from chick flicks. He laughs at himself and attempts to smash his smartphone into the ground. Just when an old lady shoots him a weird look, he chills and conceals the embarrassment flushing on his face.

 

Truth be told, it piques his nerves that Jongin has not messaged him yet. He cannot help but wonder if he actually missed a digit when he gave him his number. He curses at the sudden realization.

 

“I’m here!” Junmyeon yelps, panting.

 

“You look like ,” Kyungsoo comments. Junmyeon looks disoriented in a badly fitting coat and a pair of old sneakers. “You at fashion, Junmyeon. Your father can buy you a whole clothing store any time you want. Please stop wearing those sneakers. They’re very jurassic.”

 

“You don’t understand.” Junmyeon shuffles to flaunt how ‘nice’ his navy blue sneakers are. “These are important to me. They’re not that bad.”

 

Kyungsoo surrenders. He knows Junmyeon is not letting him win the argument. The guy is too stubborn to listen to him. Way back in sophomore year, Junmyeon would often choose an old jacket despite having enough budget to purchase ten of it. Kyungsoo would tell him to stop valuing things too much but the latter felt like betraying the people who gave him those gifts every time he replaced them with something new.

 

Junmyeon settles a seat next to Kyungsoo. For a moment, he is quiet and Kyungsoo finds this strange as he casts a gaze on Junmyeon’s twitching fingers.

 

“Spill it,” Kyungsoo says petulantly.

 

“I’m planning to ask Kris out this weekend,” Junmyeon mumbles.

 

“What?” Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

 

“I really like him.”

 

“You obviously do. You blush like a school girl whenever he smiles at you.”

 

“And you cringe every time that happens.” Junmyeon giggles. “Look, this time, I gotta give it a go. It’s kind of risky but when you like someone, you need to have the guts to initiate. Casually, of course. There’s no right moment. You show a bit of effort. And when you do that, you feel amazing; you feel real.”

 

Kyungsoo snorts and scratches the tip of his nose. “What have you been reading on the Internet?”

 

“I’m serious about this.”

 

“Good luck, lover boy. Just don’t bawl your eyes out by the time he rejects you.”

 

“Shut up,” Junmyeon snaps, annoyed. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have a crush.”

 

Kyungsoo thinks Junmyeon is wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

There is a paper due three o’clock in the afternoon. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon proceed to the library to finish another product of word vomit given the fact that they are both not in the mood to write a 300-word essay about politics. Kyungsoo’s face sours as stares at the pen in his hand. This is not different from the dreadful experience he had when he practically sugarcoated that 500-word marriage article.

 

“Finally down to a hundred,” Junmyeon says, and glances at the blank paper glaring at Kyungsoo. “Just write something like politicians are all liars or politics is a filthy game of power and . Come on, Soo. Stop zoning out. That’s not going to help.”

 

“I quit,” Kyungsoo answers dully.

 

“Do Kyungsoo quits? Who are you kidding, young man? You write the best fanfictions and articles. You have the finest descriptions and imagery. Your vocabulary is outstanding. Soo, you’re simply the next best thing in modern literature,” Junmyeon breathes, watching Kyungsoo’s reaction, but the boy seems unconvinced. “You deserve a Pulitzer and—“

 

“Flattery doesn’t work on me, Junmyeon.”

 

Junmyeon scowls. “I’m trying to motivate you. It’s already two-thirty. You have to write.”

 

“My mind is a mess.” Kyungsoo stoops over the desk. “I want to see him.”

 

“Who? I’m too hungry to tolerate your Chan-Baek cravings, okay?”

 

“This isn’t about them.”

 

“Your favorite uncle?”

 

“You mean er, uncle Jisung passed away two years ago,” Kyungsoo whisper-yells.

 

“Ah, my bad. How about the pizza boy you used to like?”

 

“I didn’t like that pizza boy. I told you I just found him cute.” Kyungsoo eyes him, disappointed and irked. He wants to give up. There is no way he can finish a well-wrought political essay in less than 30 minutes. He doodles sad faces on top of the paper, and asks, “Junmyeon, would you date me?”

 

Junmyeon guffaws, gaining disapproving stares from some students and the librarian. He covers his mouth until his face is burning into red. “Date?” he reiterates, choking on the laughter stuck inside his throat. “Holy , Kyungsoo.”

 

“I think I like—“

 

“Oh, no. You cannot like me. We’re best friends.”

 

“Dream on. I am not talking about you. You’re the ugliest thing on Earth.”

 

“You’re more ugliest.” Junmyeon’s face drops.

 

“Bad English,” Kyungsoo remarks. He glances at his phone and feels a painful sting in his chest as he blinks at the Chanyeol-Baekhyun fanart on the screen.

 

“So what’s up?”

 

“I think I like this guy,” Kyungsoo shares as quietly as he can.

 

“Oh my god, Kyungsoo!” Junmyeon screams.

 

The librarian throws them out of the library.

 

* * * * *

 

The hallway stretches with loud conversations of students lumbering out of the rooms. Mr. Cho reprimands a group of girls for wearing excessive makeup. A brunette runs to the powder room to rinse off her purple lip tint and heavy eyeliner. The professor later turns to the cliquey gamers next to the staircase. He prompts them not to laze around the corridor. The shortest male guarantees him that they do not intent to disrupt ongoing classes.

 

This is a daily scenario in Kyungsoo’s college life.

 

He decides to go home, hopes to write a new chapter of Accismus tomorrow because his readers have been complaining about his frequent slow updates. He walks faster, clutching the straps of his backpack with both hands, until he sees Mr. Huang talking to a student. Kyungsoo is certain he has heard that voice before. He stops in front of the room and catches a glimpse of Jongin.

 

Something travels down to Kyungsoo’s stomach. It’s that nausea-inducing, stomach-coiling physical reaction he experiences every time he fails to function as an established human being. He hems over the insignificant details of Jongin’s gestures and worries about how he probably looks like a flustered mess for a reason he refuses to identify. 

 

“It’s Kyungsoo,” Mr. Huang tells Jongin. He greets Kyungsoo with a smile. “Go ahead.”

 

“Hyung,” Jongin greets as he trudges out of the room.

 

“Hi,” Kyungsoo says, hoping he doesn’t sound robotic.

 

“What brought you here?”

 

“I was just about to leave the building.”

 

“Done with classes?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Great!” Jongin cheers as he inches closer. “Do you want to hang out?”

 

Kyungsoo stares up at him. Jongin’s cleft chin is distracting. Jongin’s lips are distracting. Jongin’s jawline is distracting. Jongin, in general, is distracting. Kyungsoo still thinks it’s impossible for an ordinary guy, who ships Chanyeol and Baekhyun, to be this beautiful.

 

“Hang out?” he repeats.

 

“Yes. I stay at my dorm on weekdays. My roommate is out so we can absolutely do whatever stuff you’d like to—I mean we can eat ramen since the weather is...” Jongin falters in embarrassment.

 

“Ramen by Kim Jongin sounds great,” Kyungsoo supplies, grinning.

 

“I at cooking. It’s either undercooked or overcooked. You have to deal with it.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

Jongin beams. “We can watch Chan-Baek videos, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

The room is equally good for two people. It has matching beds – one for Jongin and one for his roommate. A lane of books in varying sizes occupy the shelf of his study table, while a blue lampshade stands next to a small corkboard that has been pinned with Chan-Baek polaroid.

 

They sit against the bedpost. Jongin places the laptop over his lap. Kyungsoo tries not to shift but ends up hitting Jongin’s knee as he moves a little farther from him. These panic attacks have caused him to become unreasonably jumpy around Jongin. He finds it alarming but ignores to recognize how he has been acting weird with no valid reason.

 

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks.

 

Kyungsoo snubs the question as he huddles his legs up to his chest. “You didn’t text me.”

 

“You remembered?”

 

“I waited. You said you needed help.”

 

“I thought you were busy so—“

 

“I was never busy,” Kyungsoo cuts off. Technically, it’s no big deal because he hates texting. He isn’t even sure why he is fussing over a single text message.

 

Jongin seems skeptical, but says, “I’m sorry.”

 

Kyungsoo honestly feels inconsiderate for bringing up the subject. So he answers, “It’s okay.” Jongin looks upset at himself, and Kyungsoo doesn’t like the way the younger male is pouting at him. “I said it’s okay,” he repeats, elbowing Jongin’s side. “I’m not mad at you.”

 

“You are,” Jongin insists.

 

Kyungsoo sighs. “Come on. Don’t kill the vibe. You got a bunch of videos in store for shippers like me.”

 

“Illegal videos,” Jongin notes wryly. “I’m going to get sued for downloading these.”

 

“I’m with you. Now let’s watch that.” Kyungsoo points a finger at the third thumbnail.

 

“Ah! That’s my favorite.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Kyungsoo is certain there is a small smile lingering on Jongin’s lips.

 

 

 

 

 

It has been an hour and a half. At some point, Kyungsoo pictures a fanfiction wherein Chanyeol and Baekhyun went out to see a movie. It’s sort of strange, but he feels like he is living inside his ideal world with his ideal guy.

 

The credits flash on the screen. Kyungsoo’s too dazed to realize that the video has ended. All he can process right now is Jongin setting aside the laptop and smoothing his jeans.

 

“So ramen,” Jongin begins. “Give me a second.” He storms out of the room.

 

Minutes later, Jongin serves two bowls of ramen which Kyungsoo assumes a product of the cafeteria down the hall.

 

“Careful,” Kyungsoo warns as Jongin hands him the bowl. “Thank you.”

 

“It’s the best instant noodles ever,” Jongin gloats, chuckling. “This is the most economical meal. Fits your budget every time your stomach needs a good chomp.”

 

As Kyungsoo watches Jongin, he starts eating. He makes sure he is holding the bowl in place before he chews as gently as he can. He is starving and there is no way Jongin has not noticed his stomach begging for food in the last thirty minutes. But that is simply the case since Kyungsoo dubs himself The Ultimate Overthinker.  “Ah, it tastes fantastic,” he says.

 

“This isn’t your regular ramen, hyung.”

 

“And you’re a fine sales-talker.”

 

“I’m giving you a reason to visit my dorm the next time you feel like hanging out with me.”

 

“Ramen is just another reason,” Kyungsoo mumbles. He swears he wants to knock himself out at the moment for being too obvious in front of Jongin.

 

Jongin beams at him without a word.

 

The door suddenly opens. Kyungsoo guesses it’s probably Jongin’s roommate. The guy is tall, lean, and blond. He is wearing a black snapback with the word printed over it. boy, Kyungsoo thinks.

 

“You’re back.” Jongin greets him with a high five. “This is Kyungsoo hyung,” he introduces, motioning a hand at the older male’s direction. “Kyungsoo hyung, this is Sehun.”

 

“Yeah,” Sehun deadpans. He sits on his bed, removes his cap, and run his fingers through his hair. “Jongin talks about you a lot.”

 

* * * *

 

Kyungsoo rushes to the university at nine o’clock in the morning. He phones Junmyeon and asks him to wait for another five minutes. Junmyeon has been bombarding him with messages since last night. 

 

As Kyungsoo reaches the cafeteria, he runs to Junmyeon who is sitting three tables away from Jongdae’s circle of friends. Jongdae glances at him, and Kyungsoo he doesn’t exist.

 

“What’s up?” Kyungsoo greets, taking a seat. “You okay?”

 

“Kris ditched me,” Junmyeon says quietly.

 

Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut. This doesn’t even surprise him at all. “He’s a douchebag. I did warn you, didn’t I?”

 

“He’s a nice person,” Junmyeon negates. “It’s just—“

 

“It’s just you’re not his type because dude’s straight as . Please stop fooling yourself. Junmyeon, he likes girls. s, to be specific. Okay?” Kyungsoo enlightens, although he feels quite sorry for laying down these facts to Junmyeon. “Hey.” He tilts Junmyeon’s chin to meet his gaze. “Don’t cry.”

 

“I’m not crying, motherer,” Junmyeon spats as he swats Kyungsoo’s hand. He sips on his banana milk and lets out a heavy sigh. “I just thought things were going as planned when he agreed to go out with me.” He laughs it off. Kyungsoo stiffens knowing that Junmyeon is hurt, and he is not used to seeing him this way. “I was—I was stupid for believing we had a chance.”

 

“Can’t blame you. Kris is one handsome son of a .”

 

“I know right.”

 

Kyungsoo bites on his bottom lip. He doesn’t know exactly what to say. He has never been in such state, though the conversation does remind him of Jongin.

 

“I was hoping he’d give it a try,” Junmyeon continues. “But I was wrong. It was just all in my head.” He breathes. “God, I was such a fool. I was such a fool for thinking he felt the same way.”

 

“You really were,” Kyungsoo retorts. He has to be honest. It’s the only means of comfort he categorizes as socially acceptable. No sugarcoating. “But everything doesn’t end here, all right? We love. We hate. We get over it. It’s a part of our nature as humans. We tend to break. We tend to lose. And that’s okay.”

 

“What do you even know about this? You’ve never liked somebody,” Junmyeon cries out, and Kyungsoo senses a bit of guilt growing inside him.  “You’ve always invested your time in the fandom, in the ficdom. This is different, Kyungsoo. This is real life. It’s a vicious cycle where I have to deal with these emotions every single day. Now try to imagine yourself in my shoes. Do you really think it’s that easy to ignore the fact that I like a guy? News flash, I’m a guy, too. And that makes everything problematic.”

 

There is pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes that he wishes to conceal. He understands Junmyeon’s point, and it actually makes sense. He is not in the right position to talk as though he has been in a serious relationship. “Yeah. I at this,” he mutters. “Forget it.”

 

“Hey, Junmyeon,” Jongdae calls from afar. “Do you play basketball?”

 

Junmyeon curses Jongdae under his breath for subtly reminding him of Kris. He ignores the question as he leaves the cafeteria without looking back.

 

“I was just asking,” Jongdae tells Kyungsoo, shrugging.

 

“Bad question,” Kyungsoo notes.

 

 

 

 

 

The first class was dismissed at one in the afternoon. Junmyeon had ignored Kyungsoo when they were asked to pair up with someone. Kyungsoo was so upset he worked alone and did not submit the final output on time.

 

“Um,” Junmyeon stutters, edging closer towards Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry about earlier.” He chews on his nails and waits for Kyungsoo’s response. “I was mad. It was very immature of me.”

 

Kyungsoo stuffs the books into his bag as he glances at Junmyeon who is pouting at him. “It’s okay,” he answer, meaning it.

 

“I love you,” Junmyeon says, and links his arm with Kyungsoo’s. “You’re the best best friend. I’m not gonna lose you just because I’m still not over Kris. Kris is temporary. And you’re not. Let me buy you strawberry puddings tomorrow. You like them, right?”

 

“Oh my god.” Kyungsoo scrunches up his nose. “Stop it, Junmyeon. You sound like my 10-year old niece.”

 

“Do you mean Minah?”

 

“Yeah. Now can we stop this sweet conversation? It’s making me strangely uncomfortable.”

 

“Sure.” Junmyeon withdraws and occupies the vacant seat next to Kyungsoo. “Anyway, I want to meet your man. Do you have plans with him today?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow.

 

Kyungsoo cringes at the embarrassing label. “First of all, he’s not my man. He probably likes the V more than the D. I don’t have enough pieces of evidence to assume that he’s into guys. Second, we haven’t talked for days. He’s probably busy hitting on those y sophomores from the volleyball club. Third, you’re not allowed to see him.

 

“Stop using initials every time you refer to s and .” Junmyeon scoffs in displeasure. “He hardcore-ships Chan-Baek, and that, makes him gay.”

 

“Your logic needs a fix.”

 

“I want to meet him, Soo.”

 

“I told you. You can’t.”
 

“Why not?” Junmyeon frowns.

 

“Because I won’t allow you,” Kyungsoo deadpans as he lifts his bag from the table.

 

“Does he look that bad? Ah, he probably belongs to the below average line.”

 

“He’s definitely more attractive than Kris.”

 

Junmyeon laughs halfheartedly. “You’re kidding. Kris is the most handsome in this university.”

 

“Not to me. He’s a jerk.”

 

“Touché.”

 

Kyungsoo’s phone chimes inside his pocket. Fumbling with the apartment keys that have fallen on the ground, he answers the call. “Hello?”

 

“Hi, hyung,” the voice greets. Apparently, it’s Jongin, and Kyungsoo is suddenly having a hard time breathing. “I thought a call would be better than a message. Just wanted you to know that I did save your number and I didn’t intend to ignore you the last time.”

 

Kyungsoo feels like sweating bullets at the moment.

 

“Kyungsoo hyung?” Jongin speaks again.

 

“Hi, Jongin,” Kyungsoo manages. “It’s okay. We, um—that’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry about it.”

 

Jongin chuckles. “Your voice sounds nice over the phone,” he compliments. Kyungsoo stiffens. “Do you still have a class? I don’t mean to intrude if you’re busy with stuff—or with someone.”

 

“I’m never busy. I’m just, well, about to go to my next class but I surely have minutes to spare.”

 

“Mr. Cho needed to attend a convention.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. He left two activities, though. Finished them and now I’m bored as—“

 

“Then do you want to go out with me later?” Kyungsoo blurts out without further warnings from Junmyeon who is now gaping at him. A shade of crimson dusts across his cheeks.

 

“Sure, hyung,” Jongin replies. Kyungsoo hates how he sounds so nonchalant and calm. “What time?”

 

“Say four-thirty?”

 

“Then I’ll see you at four-thirty.”

 

“Okay. Later.”

 

“Is this a date?”

 

The word ‘date’ makes Kyungsoo’s stomach churn. Honestly speaking, he has never been on a date so he counts this as another friendly hangout with Jongin. No feelings involved (despite the unwelcome protest of his subconscious). Kyungsoo continues to ponder the changes he has remotely noticed in the past few days. He is new to this—whatever—liking and dating.

 

“A date?” he whispers, and Junmyeon frowns at him for toning down his voice. “I’m not quite sure.” Kyungsoo hears Jongin laughing softly. “Are you laughing at me?”

 

“No!” Jongin responds. “How about you let me decide on it?”

 

Kyungsoo sighs in surrender. “Whatever you want, Jongin.”

 

“I want this to be a date.”

 

 

 

 

 

Friendly dates are not that bad. Kyungsoo is certain that playing the game safe is better than expecting more in the future. He is not supposed to risk a thing or two. After all, there are no promises attached to this meeting.

 

Strolling down the streets, Kyungsoo follows Jongin’s lead to the local ice cream parlor near the university. Floor-to-ceiling glasses cover the area with sallow lights matching the tables, chairs, and counters. A small “Welcome!” signage written in bold letters hangs in the front window. A lady in pink greets them as they enter the shop.

 

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Jongin inquires, smiling.

 

Kyungsoo gives him a quick nod. “Of course.” He’s more than okay.

 

As Jongin lines up the station, he orders berry strawberry and chopped chocolate. Kyungsoo waits a little longer, and checks his phone. Two messages from Junmyeon flash on the screen: have fun don’t get laid and someone left a sorry note inside my locker :( i think it’s from kris.

 

Minutes later, Jongin comes with the ice cream bowls drizzled with flavored syrup and rice krispies.

 

“Ah, they look pretty,” Kyungsoo coos. “So, how was your discussion with Mr. Huang yesterday?”

 

Jongin slips into the seat as he takes a careful scoop from his serving. “Favors,” he begins. “He was asking me to represent the class for the forum.”

 

“What’s that about?”

 

“We are to evaluate the work of selected novelists who are quite new in the industry.”

 

“You read lots, don’t you?”

 

Jongin presses his lips into a thin line. “It’s still different from reading Dyonut’s fanfictions.” He half-smiles. Kyungsoo stares back at him. “I like Dyonut so much.”

 

“He likes you, too,” Kyungsoo supplies. He cracks a nervous laugh as Jongin sends him a puzzled look. Taking a bigger scoop of the ice cream, he lowers his head and hopes he doesn’t seem like he wants to disappear for 12 years.

 

“You think so?”

 

“Um, yeah? He likes everyone.”

 

Another stupid excuse.

 

“I read his recent update. He left a note. It said: ‘Why does love come so unexpected?’” Jongin giggles as he recalls the author’s message in Accismus. “He’s in love. He misspelled ‘unexpected.’”

 

“What—?”

 

“He forgot the d.”

 

Kyungsoo doubts to answer. Instead, he snubs the subject and pretends Dailyfanfics and Accismus do not exist. “The ice cream is really good,” he comments.

 

Leaning over the table, Jongin an eyebrow as he smears a thumb on the side of Kyungsoo’s mouth. Kyungsoo soothes in at the skin contact. “I could tell,” Jongin says, grinning. “You’re so cute, hyung.” He chuckles and withdraws from the swoon-worthy touch.

 

Kyungsoo thinks he is really in love.

 

 

 

 

After an hour, they cruise the central park. The slight breeze rustles the leaves on the graveled pathway leading to the metal benches across the fountain. The sunbeams teeter over the water as they glisten in pale orange and red. On the right side, an old man stands with a ukulele. On the left side, three children are playing tag with a teenage girl.

 

Somehow, Kyungsoo recalls a scene in Accismus wherein Chanyeol and Baekhyun had a date in an open field. He finds it ridiculous that everything he does reminds him of the fanfictions he has written. Maybe he needs a break from reading and writing.

 

Jongin gestures Kyungsoo to sit with him on the ground. The freshly-cut green grass tickles Jongin as he occupies the space. “This is such a conventional date, isn’t it?” Jongin quips. “Let’s talk about you, hyung.”

 

Settling beside Jongin, Kyungsoo blows a ladybug crawling on his arm. “My life is as dull as second-rate novels. It’s tragically tragic.”

 

“Tragically tragic,” Jongin repeats, nodding. “That sounds familiar.”

 

It’s from Accismus, chapter nine, Kyungsoo thinks. “Just another basic description of a Literature student who fears sad endings.”

 

“You fear sad endings?”

 

“Endings in general.”

 

“That’s odd given the idea that impermanence lives within permanence,” Jongin reasons. “Life itself is temporary. Therefore, endings are inevitable. You cannot run from it.”

 

“That’s the reason why I fear it. It’s always after us. That’s how powerful it is.” Kyungsoo’s gaze lingers on Jongin for a moment then moves to the couple sitting on the concrete ramp. “We’re all ed.” He laughs, shaking his head. “We hate endings because we’re afraid to start anew, to meet bigger beginnings.”

 

“Is this about your graduation?” Jongin looks intently at him, saddened.

 

Kyungsoo forces a smile. “Don’t remind me of it.”

 

“Get a job. Earn money. Meet Chan-Baek.”

 

“I want to meet them with you.”

 

Jongin beams at him.

 

Same interest. Same dream. Same soul.

 

Kyungsoo finally admits to himself that Chanyeol and Baekhyun have to share a space in his heart with someone now.

 

 

 

 

 

Under the moonlight, Jongin walks Kyungsoo to the bus stop. The night lulls with the occasional hisses of the wind and the distant bustles of vehicles. A car passes by the shed. Kyungsoo’s face softens as he succumbs to the silence. Today is not a day about Chanyeol and Baekhyun. If he has written a four-thousand-word update, Kyungsoo guarantees he can write more about today. Because today is a day between Jongin and Kyungsoo.

 

“I had fun,” Jongin confesses. “I hope—I mean—I really want to do this with you again, hyung.”

 

Kyungsoo’s heart heaves against the confines of his chest. He chides himself. It was just a friendly date. But then he submits to it, forgetting the uncertainty he has always kept.

 

“I’d love to,” he mumbles. “Call me. Text me. I’m never busy.”

 

“As an upcoming graduate, I can tell you’re always busy.”

 

“I can find ways to make myself free.”

 

“Your schedule is no joke, hyung.”

 

“It’s under my control. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

 

Jongin nods in defeat. “I gotta get going. I still have to read Dyonut’s newest twoshot. You better check it out, too.”

 

“Ha. Is he that good?”

 

“He’s not just good.” Jongin chuckles. “He’s the best.”

 

Kyungsoo cannot believe he is jealous of himself.

 

Jongin can’t believe it either.

 

* * * * *

 

The notifications have reached an unimaginable number as Kyungsoo visits Dailyfanfics. He clicks on the comments section and manages to reply to some. In all honestly, it’s impossible for him to remember every single username on the website albeit he is quite familiar with the way readers write and flatter him with compliments. For instance, Natasha types in capslock while Haru constructs sentences without punctuation marks.

 

After skimming through at least fifty comments, Kyungsoo decides to launch his ask.fm account. To his surprise, the entries have doubled. He reads the questions. ‘I love you’ messages are not new to him. But ‘I love your sweet smile’ is something he finds strange and unusual when he has never posted a photo of him. He closes the tab.

 

 

 

 

 

Days have caused a shift in Kyungsoo’s schedule as he beats the deadlines for the last semester.

 

Despite the nonstop activities, he makes sure that he doesn’t lose contact with the people around him, especially Junmyeon and Jongin. Kyungsoo is more than satisfied to have a really close (platonic) relationship with the sophomore. They would send each other messages even in the middle of a boring class. They would spend hours chatting on the phone at late nights. They would meet during free times. But Kyungsoo is a bit taken aback by these sudden changes because he feels like has relatively devoted time to check Chanyeol and Baekhyun updates.

 

On the other hand, Junmyeon is as busy as Kyungsoo. The senior schedule has been chaotic due to the upcoming graduation. Junmyeon would often bug Kyungsoo to meet Jongin, but as expected, the latter would not let him for reasons. 

 

“You should describe Jongin to me.” Junmyeon would shake Kyungsoo’s arms stubbornly.

 

And Kyungsoo would just give him a cold shrug. “Google him.”

 

That night, Junmyeon did and all he saw was North Korea’s leader Kim Jongun.

 

* * * * *

 

“I’d be ting myself if Kris was the unknown caller who bothered to dial my number in the middle of the night,” Junmyeon says as he fishes out the books inside his locker. “Kyungsoo, what are your thoughts on this? Do I confront him or—?”

 

“Are you sure it’s Kris?” Kyungsoo asks in confusion.

 

“Honestly, I don’t trust my intuition.” Junmyeon laughs nervously. A note falls on the ground as he pulls the last book. He picks it up and reads the message: meet me after graduation. “What the hell?”

 

“What does it say?”

 

“Meet me after graduation.”

 

“That smartass,” Kyungsoo huffs. “There goes your motivation, Junmyeon. Now proofread that final output due tomorrow. Kris is probably excited to meet you next week.”

 

Junmyeon cracks a smile. He leans against the lockers, thinking. “This is it.”

 

* * * * *

 

It’s a Friday which means it’s pre-weekend and Kyungsoo is free to do whatever he wants. He has planned to meet Jongin after all the sleepless nights and crying fits. He receives a message just when he checks his phone: you’re wearing specs! you look cute hyung~. Kyungsoo has not worn the spectacles that Junmyeon bought him months ago. The black frames are thick and round, and he thinks the nerd vibe doesn’t really match him. But Jongin begs to differ.

 

Kyungsoo peeks at the window to wave a hand at Jongin. He receives a bow from the younger male who is busy taking down notes while Mr. Huang summarizes today’s lecture.

 

A few minutes later, Jongin is running towards Kyungsoo’s direction, greeting him with a hug. The latter freezes as his body presses against Jongin’s. He bathes in the smell of honeyed perfume and expensive detergent. Kyungsoo’s heart aches so much that he wants to hold Jongin like this forever.

 

He withdraws to study Jongin who is now more embarrassed and flushed for suddenly being touchy without Kyungsoo’s consent.

 

“I’m sorry. That was quick,” Jongin mutters. “I just missed you.”

 

Kyungsoo chuckles and ruffles Jongin’s hair. “I missed you too!”

 

“That’s great to hear.” Jongin rubs the back of his neck, blushing. “Never busy, huh.”

 

“I’m about to graduate,” Kyungsoo says, and his heart plummets at the thought of leaving Jongin and the university. He is not ready. He still has a ton of things to tell Jongin. Probably just another hopeless idea of asking him out to test Junmyeon’s advice.

 

“When is your graduation, hyung?”

 

“Next week.”

 

“Can I come?”

 

“Of course you can.” Kyungsoo grins fondly at him, though apart of him dismisses the idea of liking someone and not being able to tell that person how beautiful or special he is. “Promise me you’ll come,” he says, trying not to sound dramatic, but Jongin doesn’t miss the hint of sadness in Kyungsoo’s tone.

 

“I promise.” Jongin eyes him, unblinking. “So where should we go today?”

 

Fixing the spectacles over the bridge of his nose, Kyungsoo stares up in confusion. “Wherever?”

 

“You have 10 seconds to pick a destination or we’re heading to where I want to go.”

 

“Screw the 10 seconds. Bring me anywhere with you.”

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin brings Kyungsoo to N Seoul Tower simply because he has always wished to promise a thing to himself. But this time, he wants to make a promise with someone he considers worth a try.

 

“I’ve never made a promise with anyone,” Kyungsoo admits as he places the white padlock over his palm.

 

“Really?” Jongin is pleased with the revelation. “It’s an honor to be the first.”

 

Kyungsoo pokes Jongin’s elbow. “Don’t be ridiculous. What am I supposed to write, anyway?”

 

“How about we dedicate this to Chanyeol and Baekhyun?”

 

“You genius!”

 

“All right. Let’s play as Chan-Baek. You’re Byun Baekhyun and I’m Park Chanyeol.” Jongin laughs at the suggestion. Kyungsoo is practically embarrassed to face him. “Are you okay with that? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, hyung. Please don’t give me that look.”

 

Kyungsoo hopes he is not blushing. For ’s sake, he is too weak for this. “Well, um,” he stammers.

 

“We don’t have to do it if—“

 

“No! I want to do it. This is just for fun, right?”

 

“Doesn’t matter, hyung. Link your padlock with mine and let’s throw our keys together.”

 

Kyungsoo wishes to replace the locks with their names one day.

 

* * * * *

 

Black has never been a beautiful color symbolizing the stepping stone to the future. The hall is massive. A man in his fifties stands on the podium, handing diplomas and congratulating every graduate of the university.

 

College is just one of the most treasured phase in life. It’s the ticket to the last station where life welcomes a new conquest. Kyungsoo believes today is not an ending.

 

But something hits the back of his mind. He thinks that ending this chapter also means ending Accismus. There are dozens of ideas (not to mention Junmyeon’s ‘interesting’ suggestions). Maybe it’s the best time to move forward and start another great story.

 

Kyungsoo takes a photo with his family as he smiles and waves the diploma at the camera. He receives a tight embrace from his parents and older brother.

 

“Junmyeon!” he calls. “You going?”

 

“Yeah!” Junmyeon shouts back. “He’s waiting in front of the gates. I’m so ing nervous!”

 

Kyungsoo guffaws. “Wish you luck!”

 

Wandering back and forth, Kyungsoo waits for his special visitor. There are too many students and it’s sort of impossible for him to catch a glimpse of that person in a second.

 

He tries to contact Jongin but he receives no texts and calls in the next thirty minutes.

 

An hour passes. Kyungsoo decides to leave.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo slumps inside the car as he steals, through the crystal clear window, a final glance at the portico where graduates scuttle out of the venue. He is mad at himself for expecting Jongin to congratulate him—at the very least—when the younger boy has better endeavors to do today.

 

He stares outside, watching the giant trees disappear along the boulevard. His eyes prick and his stomach coils painfully at the thought of Jongin probably dating a hot chick from the volleyball club while he, on the other hand, has been sober since morning. Maybe Kyungsoo just needs a drink. But a promise is a promise. Jongin’s promise to come and see him hurts him the most.

 

“Saw it, Kyungie?” Seungsoo asks, peering at his brother by the rare view mirror.

 

“Saw what?” Kyungsoo answers sullenly. The nickname annoys him. As a 22-year old adult, he finds it mocking when people call him ‘Kyungie’. Plus, he is not in the right mood to deal with Seungsoo’s occasional inquiries about school or acquaintances or job offerings or life in general.

 

Seungsoo motions a hand behind him. “There’s a package in the back seat. A friend of yours left it on the hood some hours ago. We had a compromise so I refused to tell you about this little secret between us…”

 

Kyungsoo immediately jumps in the back seat, ignoring Seungsoo’s detailed explanation. A small box sits on the empty space and Kyungsoo wastes no minute as he loosens the white ribbon. A yellow padlock and a silver key. His chest tightens.

 

Strewn with colorful confetti, a card lies underneath. Kyungsoo slips it out of the case and opens it, carefully, as though his life depends on it. He reads the body.

 

Baekhyun calls it refusal.

Chanyeol calls it denial.

You call it accismus.

 

I’ll be waiting.

 

Jongin

 

“Oh, ,” Kyungsoo barks. In less than a minute, he phones Jongin. His breath hitches the moment the ringing stops. “You knew,” he says. “Where are you, Jongin? Why did you send me those? I waited for you. You weren’t there! You said you’d come! You promised!” Overall, it’s incoherent but Kyungsoo doesn’t care about how he is rambling like a third grader and how Seungsoo is judging him real hard. He is frustrated and he simply wants to see Jongin right now and kiss the life out of him.

 

“I came,” Jongin answers. “You looked amazing back there, hyung.”

 

“Why didn’t you—? I waited. You were out of sight.”

 

“I’ll be here until five o’clock.”

 

A beep comes after in seconds. “Jongin? Hello?” Kyungsoo bawls. Keeping the phone back to his pocket, he turns to Seungsoo who immediately sends him a look of disdain for acting beyond the actual nature of a typical Do Kyungsoo. “Hyung,” he starts. “Can you like pull over and drop me by an empty lane?”

 

Seungsoo laughs sardonically. “Are you kidding me? We’re in the middle of the highway. I cannot just—“

 

“Yes, you can!”

 

“Not a ing chance.”

 

Kyungsoo’s face hardens. He checks the time and realizes he has less than an hour to catch up. “Look, this is pretty simple. Just stop the car, let me out, and that’s it. Drive your way to wherever you want and do me this favor because this is very important to me. Now if you find me ridiculous for liking that guy you had a compromise with some hours ago, then I will be forced to open the door and jump out of this Chevrolet of yours.”

 

“Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?” Seungsoo snaps, begging to understand why his younger brother has become this hardheaded in a span of four years. “I thought you were straight. You used to date Sojin in high school!”

 

“I don’t have time to talk about that right now, okay?” Kyungsoo shouts. He wants to explain that it was all a rumor and that the dating façade was only out of Junmyeon’s banter. In fact, he doesn’t even remember Sojin. Or the girls he, to some degree, liked in the past. They are only part of the vague memory he doesn’t wish to keep. “I’m serious about this, hyung. Stop the ing car!”

 

Seungsoo hits the brakes in an instance. “I can’t believe you’re bailing out of the family dinner for that guy.”

 

“It’s four-fifteen. I’m going to make it before seven,” Kyungsoo guarantees, though he is not entirely sure. “Just—just give me an hour or two.”

 

“Then what are you waiting for? Get him!”

 

“I’m sorry, hyung. I love you, okay?”

 

“I love you too. Now move your because that fat officer right there is looking at me like I’m an afternoon snack. I’m absolutely ed for violating the rules—“

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kyungsoo cuts off. It’s a given that Seungsoo talks a lot.

 

Clutching the box against his chest, he hops out of the car.

 

The clock ticks faster.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo reaches N Seoul Tower three minutes after five. He catches his breath as he examines the place. He recalls that moment he and Jongin made a Chan-Baek promise. It’s pretty childish, but he bares no regret for leaving a special trace at a very special place.

 

“You were a secret I didn’t want to hide forever.”

 

He hears a voice. He swings around and sees Jongin smiling at him. The line, too, pulls a smile on his face. It’s from Accismus, chapter 30, which he considers the best he has written so far.

 

Jongin inches closer. “You were the reason to every ideal I had selfishly denied,” he continues. “You were the name attached to the beautiful words I wrote and one day, I’d like you to read them, too.”

 

“You’ve read them,” Kyungsoo notes dryly. He steps forward and jabs a finger on Jongin’s chest. “How?”

 

“I guess I was lucky to hear your conversation with Junmyeon that day he had a little fight with Jongdae,” Jongin explains.

 

“How?” Kyungsoo is not convinced. “Why do you know those guys?”

 

“I just know. Oh, um,” he pauses, cheeks flushing into scarlet. “Happy graduation.”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t really care about that right now. So he tiptoes, seizes the back of Jongin’s neck, as he captures his lips. An arm drifts to his hip, pulls him closer until he is pressing in. Fingers thread through his hair. Kyungsoo feels faint but he grips on Jongin tighter. The kiss is gentle and innocent. Classic. It’s the kind that suffocates in a matter of slow, beautiful seconds, the kind that tastes like early summer.

 

A free hand cups his cheek with Jongin’s thumb tracing circles over his jawline. Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the invitation as Jongin’s tongue prods over the seam of his lips. He is breathless.

 

As Jongin withdraws, he distances himself not too far from Kyungsoo, grinning. He plants a final kiss on the smaller boy’s temple. “How about you make a story about today?”

 

Kyungsoo smiles. “Nonfiction.” Jongin just stares down at him without a word. “What?” he asks, confused.

 

“I love your sweet smile.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Before the sun sank into the horizon, Kyungsoo made another promise. This time, it was a promise between him and Jongin.)

 

* * * * *

 

“Junmyeon!” Kyungsoo races towards Junmyeon’s direction. He takes a seat on the wooden chair. The table has been served with separate platters of chicken nachos and cheddar quesadillas. “How was your post-graduation date with the basketball captain?”

 

“Well,” Junmyeon begins, clearing his throat. “It was, um, totally unexpected.”

 

“Totally unexpected requires a thorough explanation.”

 

“You’ll understand soon enough.”

 

“What exactly happened?” Kyungsoo glowers. He’s not letting Junmyeon win this. “Tell me.”

 

“It was casual.”

 

“Casual? You’re boring as .”

 

“Sure, Soo. Diss me all you want. But next week’s gonna be a blast. On the day of the concert,” Junmyeon dares. “Anyway, are you excited to see Chan-Baek?”

 

“I am! Jongin’s coming with us.”

 

“Holy ing ! It’s a double date then.”

 

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo pops a nacho inside his mouth as he checks his phone. There is a message from Jongin. It’s another poem.

 

your lips

are my favorite shade of red

but i find new colors

beneath your eyes

where there’s a promise

needing no words

 

call you later hyung :*

 

Kyungsoo hides the amusement on his face. He is beginning to adore this cheesy (and seemingly chivalrous) side of Jongin. Honestly speaking, Kyungsoo finds it funny how brief yet perfect things have fallen into place. To call Jongin the person Kyungsoo likes is an understatement. He is certainly more than that.

 

Meanwhile, Junmyeon is rather busy browsing Dailyfanfics. He visits Kyungsoo’s profile and discovers a new update. “Ah, I haven’t read chapter 39. Goddamn it.”

 

“The last chapter will be out tomorrow,” Kyungsoo spoils the supposed to be surprise finale.

 

“Ha.” Junmyeon snorts. “Have you seen that wall post?”

 

“What wall post?”

 

“The kimchi fangirl left you a message. Jesus. Pretty sure she’s not Korean. Dude, she calls you ‘hyung’. She’s a total creep.”

 

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo snatches Junmyeon’s phone to read it by himself. His jaw drops.

 

From Kairoro

 

i love you so much hyung~ see you next week~ ♥

 

* * * * *

 

It’s d-day.

 

Kyungsoo picks the pair of black sneakers from the shoe rack. He is dressed in black shirt and skinny jeans. A typical outfit for an all-nighter concert. He stands in front of the floor mirror and grooms the feathered bangs over his forehead. He squeezes his cheeks with both hands as he decides on a self-assessed rating. He gives himself an eight over ten knowing that he has gained weight for having frequent food escapades with Junmyeon in the past weeks.

 

“Hey,” Jongin greets as he saunters inside the room. “Is everything okay?”

 

Kyungsoo faces Jongin. “Yeah. I guess I’m just a little bit tense.”

 

“Tense?” Jongin smiles. Kyungsoo thinks he looks genuinely boyish. “Don’t be.” He jerks Kyungsoo’s chin up to meet his eyes, and he smiles again. “Hyung, we’ve been talking about this day since March.”

 

“I know.” Kyungsoo laughs halfheartedly. He grabs the snapback on top of the drawer and fits it on Jongin’s head. “Cute,” he mumbles as he finger-combs Jongin’s middle-parted hair. Kyungsoo feels lucky that his heart aches uncontrollably. (He wonders if the girls from the volleyball club are jealous of him.)

 

Jongin takes this opportunity to pepper kisses on Kyungsoo’s cheeks until he is gently nibbling on the older’s lips. Jongin’s arm circles around Kyungsoo’s waist, earning a soft moan when his free hand slips under Kyungsoo’s shirt. Kyungsoo wriggles, and Jongin grins against his mouth.

 

“It tickles,” Kyungsoo whispers, chuckling.

 

“I’ll take note of that,” Jongin teases. Kyungsoo breathes sharply as Jongin’s hand travel up to the crook of his neck. “And here.”

 

“Hmm.” Kyungsoo nods in surrender, leaning in the touch. “You’re a fast learner.”

 

Jongin traces a thumb over Kyungsoo’s bottom lip. “I love you,” he says.

 

“I love you, too,” Kyungsoo answers. He kisses him again, this time, deeper and longer.

 

 

 

 

 

It has been fifteen minutes.

 

The arena is filled with thousands of fans, including fansite masters who are all geared with huge cameras. Light sticks and colorful banners are simultaneously waved up in the air every time an EXO song blasts through the built-in speakers across the corners of the venue. Kyungsoo thinks it’s surreal.

 

“Where’s Junmyeon?” Jongin asks. “The concert is about to start.”

 

“I’m not really sure. Can’t contact him,” Kyungsoo explains.

 

“Kyungsoo!”

 

Speaking of the devil.

 

Kyungsoo glances around until he recognizes an overly-excited Junmyeon waving at him. A familiar figure tails behind Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo narrows his eyes in disbelief.

 

It’s definitely not Kris.

 

“What the ?” he cusses inwardly.

 

It’s Jongdae.

 

“That’s Jongdae, right?” Jongin inquires, watching the two make their way along the crowded aisle. “I thought they hate each other.”

 

The shock registers on Kyungsoo’s face as Junmyeon and Jongdae reach their designated seats next to Jongin. He shoots the couple another questioning look. He deserves an explanation. After all, Junmyeon has practically shoved the idea of Kris for days without telling him that he is dating a different person. “This is totally unbelievable,” is Kyungsoo’s mere response when Jongdae greets him with a quick ‘sup.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Dae’s not here to bash the fandom,” Junmyeon promises. “In fact, he likes Suho. Right, Dae?” He smiles at Jongdae.

 

“Yeah.” Jongdae gives Kyungsoo a wink. “Trust me, Soo-ya.”

 

Kyungsoo winces at the nickname. He watches Jongdae lean closer to Junmyeon’s side in which Junmyeon chuckles like he is the happiest kid on Earth. Kyungsoo has to admit that he finds it adorable. “Okay,” he pauses, “um, by the way, this is Jongin.” He motions a hand at Jongin who shyly bows at Junmyeon and Jongdae. “Jongin, this is Jongdae and this is Junmyeon.”

 

“Hello,” Jongin mumbles, flushing. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

“Ah, wow. You’re surprisingly better-looking than Kris. And Kim Jongun,” Junmyeon coos. “No wonder Kyungsoo spends hours rereading your old conversations. He talks about you 24/7 I swear to Buddha’s tummy—“

 

“Junmyeon!” Kyungsoo warns. Public shaming. This is just one of the reasons why he has always refused Junmyeon’s requests to meet Jongin in person. “You’re such an .”

 

“Oops.” Junmyeon lets out a nervous laugh. “Strawberry puddings after the concert?” he bribes.

 

“Shut up.” Kyungsoo throws a weak punch on Junmyeon’s arm. Jongdae pretends to sooth Junmyeon as he curls an arm around the latter’s shoulder. It’s disgustingly cute. “Please don’t eat each other’s faces in front of my boyfriend. Thank you.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jongin tells them. Jongdae giggles against Junmyeon’s cheek.

 

Kyungsoo considers this the honeymoon stage. Truth be told, he has been equally touchy and sweet for a week because of Jongin. The only difference is he does it with him in private. So, he ignores Junmyeon and Jongdae. It’s probably acceptable.

 

The concert starts with the members’ introduction followed by group and solo performances.

 

They sing along and dance to the songs and Kyungsoo’s chest thunders when Chanyeol and Baekhyun appear together on stage. He is living the fanboy dream. Swaying next to Jongin, he laces his fingers with Jongin’s as Lucky begins to play.

 

Jongin doesn’t miss this moment to jam with Kyungsoo. He grabs him by the waist, looking dopily at him in every chorus. “This is one of my favorite songs,” he says.

 

“Me too,” Kyungsoo answers, resting his head on the peak of Jongin’s shoulder. He glances at Junmyeon and notices how Jongdae is smiling at his best friend. Kyungsoo’s heart flutters.

 

So lucky to have you

So lucky to be your love

I am

 

Jongin kisses Kyungsoo at the end of the song.