"It's not nice to drink alone," he said suddenly as he dropped into the seat across the table.

It wasn't that light but she could see his distinct features in the dark, traces of his jaw and cheekbones and all of his facial features, and slowly she could make a man out of those little glimpses. He had a glass in his hands, dripping cold and half full. Or half empty, maybe--she wasn't feeling too optimistic that night. Her hands unconsciously played with the glass she was holding, passing it from one hand to another nervously. She forgot what she was drinking, was numb--one of the effects that this man had on her.

"It's not." She finally responded, doing her best to avoid his eyes. 

He raised his eyebrows. "Then don't.

"I'm not."

Silence fell between them. She had nothing else to say to the man who showed up all of a sudden. There was an odd look in his face--she couldn't tell whether he was amused or whether he was simply taken aback by her answer. It didn't matter. She liked both of the possibilities.

It had been a while since she last surprised someone.

Including herself. She hadn't surprised herself for so long, too. She was never the type to respond to a stranger's offer of having a drink with her, let alone reciprocating answers and exchanging thoughts. If this happened two or three weeks ago, she would've gotten up, picked up her glass and went somewhere far more peaceful to drink in peace. Maybe with a slight mutter under her breath 'I have a boyfriend'.

But this situation was different. Probably because now she didn't have the right to tell him that she had a boyfriend.

Because she didn't. Not anymore.

She took another sip and felt the substance down . Junhoe, she thought while trying to keep that name away from her mind.

Another gulp went down , this time as a punishment. She didn't like to drink that much.

Junhoe doesn't like to drink, too, she thought. He can't.

She wondered if that was the reason why she decided to come and drink--because Junhoe couldn't, and she could. Drinking was one of the ways to knock some sense into her head, reminding her that she was older than Junhoe, she could do the things he couldn't. She could do whatever she wanted to and Goo Junhoe should not be holding her back.

But he was, and it was driving her crazy.

The man in front of her seemed to notice the change of expressions that went across her face. "Something wrong?"

She could feel her drink starting to get into her head. Whatever it was that she drank, it was doing a pretty good job at taking Junhoe off of her mind. The man in front of her darkly chuckled as he took a sip slowly. "A lot of things, I see."

She didn't answer. It wasn't a question and she didn't feel the need to reply. He could have his monologue and she would give feedbacks when he asked for it.

He put his glass down, looking amused. "What's your name?"

Without thinking, she answered. "Kang Seulgi."

His eyes scanned her face for a couple of seconds before he nodded slightly. "I should've figured it out. You look familiar."                            

Once again she didn't know what to say but there was an urge to continue to conversation--an urge that almost felt like an obligation.

"You?" She shortly asked.

He gave her a slight smile. "Kim Sangbae."

She was starting to feel dizzy but she could still recall his face from broadcasts, a couple of seconds of his music video, and brief encounters between the two of them after shows.

"Right," she muttered. "Yolo."

His eyebrows went up again in genuine surprise. "You know me."

"That song's stupid."

"I didn't expect someone who sings a cute song about happiness to be gloomily drinking in a bar at 1 AM either."

She burst out laughing at his words and his lips formed a wide smile, satisfied because he finally managed to drag a smile out of her.

"See, that laugh suits your concept better."

"Our concept is dark and mature now."

He choked on his drink a little. "Right. Be Natural. Laughing is natural."

She'd finished her drink. Only little drops of what she was drinking remained at the bottom of her glass. Seulgi waved at one of the waitresses.

"I don't know what this is but I'll need another glass."

Both of them watched as the waitress walked away from them with Seulgi's glass in her hand. "There must be a lot of things in your mind."

"I guess." She fidgeted with her sleeves, trying to keep herself busy while she waited for her drink.

Sangbae leaned down.

"So who's the guy?"

She frowned. "Why are you assuming that I'm drinking because of a guy?"

"I know that face all too well," he grinned. "I'm not a nice guy when it comes to girls. And whenever they drink because of me, they have that face. Your face."

It was so honest and straightforward, Seulgi's mind went blank as hung open and she stared at him. "So basically you're a jerk." Seulgi slowly said.

He let out a low, entertained chuckle. "Pretty much."

She knew that she was supposed to be disgusted or at least bothered by the fact that he could say such thing so casually, but instead she felt a little intrigued. He was odd. Sangbae was odd.             Sangbae noticed the look on her face and laughed. "Don't look at me like that. I'm a good guy, in a way," he smiled slightly. "I break girls' hearts so they can learn how to appreciate good guys."

The waitress returned with her drink and as soon as she turned her back on the two of them, Seulgi took a sip and coughed.

"Hey, go easy on yourself," he handed her a tissue. "So who's the guy?"

She coughed into the tissue and wiped . "Not that easy. Guess."

Sangbae rolled his eyes. "Fine." He rubbed his thumb against his lower lip, thinking. "Is he your senior?"

"No."

"Is he from your company?"

"No."

"Is he older than you?"

Seulgi choked on her drink.

Sangbae burst out laughing. "I see it now. Noona."

She shot him a cold look. "Don't call me noona. You're older than me."

He grinned at her mischievously. "How old are you? Twenty-two? Twenty-one?"

A brief silence hung in the air before she replied. "Twenty."

The ends of his lips quivered while he struggled to hold back a laugh. "And how old is he?"

Seulgi bit her lower lip. "Seventeen."

He broke down in an uncontrollable laugh, his hands clapped and her nearly knocked his glass off. She bitterly watched as he enjoyed his moment, sighing and glancing at her between laughs.

"You could go to jail for that, you know?"

Her eyes widened. "I didn't do anything to him!"

Gradually his laughs calmed down and he drank again to calm himself even though he clearly still found it hilarious. "In which group is he?"

She pronounced her words carefully, avoiding his eyes. "He hasn't debuted. Yet."

Sangbae's eyes grew wide. "A trainee?"

"Yes."

"How did you know him?"

Her eyes darted everywhere. Something in the back of her mind was telling her that she'd told him too much and it was already time to go home--but something also told her that she wouldn't be able to sleep that night if she didn't tell anyone about how she felt. 

It was already too late to take back all the things that she said.

"He was on two survival shows and my friend Hanna was on one of them."

He gaped. "YG?"

She nodded.

"Two survivals. One of those IKON kids?" He carefully guessed. She gave him another nod and drowned herself in her drink. One more question and there would be no more secret.

He popped the last question. "Which one?"

With a heavy sigh Seulgi answered. "Junhoe. Goo Junhoe."

His face lit up. "Ah. I know him. Nice voice."

"Yes." She muttered in agreement into her glass, Junhoe's voice suddenly rang in her mind, giving her the worst headache. 

Beautiful. The beautiful last notes of Eyes Nose Lips in Junhoe's voice. She could hear it like he was right next to her.

"What happened?" Sangbae gently asked.

She nibbled on her lower lip for a moment before she brushed her hair back and answered. "Fights. Little fights that build up. Little things like not answering phone calls to his upcoming debut and me working with other men. You'll know those fights."

"I do," he said, shaking his glass a bit so the ice would move around, "and I do know that there's always that one main reason that causes those fights." He paused before he continued. "What's yours?"

"I don't know I--" Seulgi cleared , "he kept on saying that I was being cold towards him just because I wouldn't look at him when we came across each other at airports and how I never talk about him with my friends or family." The two of them fell silent, letting the music in the background fill the gap that their voixes left. "He thought I was ashamed of dating a trainee three years my junior. I wasn't."

His thumb carressed the side of his glass, eyes fixed on her. Something in his eyes changed. He didn't look like the playful and mischievous Kim Sangbae that she knew--he was someone else.

"You're scared."

"I'm not." Seulgi retorted.

There was something different in his eyes, almost gentle, almost heartbreaking. As if he had once gone through what she was going through.

"You're scared because you didn't know that you were going to like Junhoe so much and you began to wonder whether you were just in love or steps away from hurting him."

Maybe it was the alcohol, or his words, or just the sound of Junhoe's voice that kept ringing in her head that made her dizzy and her stomach felt empty. 

"You make it sound so personal."

A weak smile broke on his face. A real smile, a thin, worn-out smile. Not the usual lopsided grin he flashed.

"What?" She sleepily asked.

"Junhoe's not the only one who has dated a noona."

Her mind was still thinking about his answer when he got up and yanked her arm.             

"We need to go home. It's almost 2 AM, your members will be worried."

He dragged her out by her arm and told her to lean against a wall while he looked for a cab to take her home. She pressed her back against the cold wall and watched him waving his hand occasionally to the streets, little rays from the streetlights formed a constellation on his coat.

He was a good guy in his own way.

A cab finally pulled up.

Sangbae pushed her in and slammed the door, blankly perusing her face through the window. Seulgi stared back at him. "You should go home, too."

"Later. I'm a wanderlust."

"Your members might be looking for you."

"They've lived through enough years with a wanderlust to know that there's no bringing them home." For a couple of seconds he put out a grin and the usual Sangbae returned. "They come home when they do."

"You're weird."

"Life makes people weird. Like turning someone into a wanderlust that never leaves. Like telling a completely rational twenty-year-old to fall in love with a high school boy."

They fell silent.

"Love?" Seulgi carefully asked.

He gave her a slight smile and nodded. "Yes. Love."

He tapped the driver's window and motioned at him to start driving, and in seconds she was left alone, staring into the now blank window, thinking about his words.

Maybe, she thought.

. . .

The cab dropped her right in front of the dorm. She offered him her money only to find out that Sangbae had paid for her cab. Th driver handed her some change but she refused.

"Keep it," she stuttered, wildly wondering why would he pay for her cab while he looked like the type of man who would let a drunken girl pay for herself.

He was a good man. In his own weird way.

It was already past 2 AM and the street was pitch black, except for the lights from the streetlights that formed a spotlight on the pavement. Her phone was full of missed calls--her manager, the members, her friends--but she didn't need them.

She only needed one number.

Her frozen fingertips swept the screen, tumbling, carelessly stuttering as the spelled his number. And before she realized it, she was already calling, and the operator redirected her to his mailbox.

She had to.

"Hi," she whispered into her phone, her fingers ran through her hair. "I'm sorry." Tears began filling her eyes, adding blur to her already hazy vision.

"I wondered where you went the day you left," she began. "I swear I counted your steps. I can still hear each one of them ringing in the back of my head I swear you have a way to drive me crazy even when you're not there--I don't know how you do it, you're one hell of a person." She gasped for air between tears, spitting out broken words for him to hear when he woke up. "And I don't know why but I didn't bother looking for a stop or a pause I guess you're just like nicotine you only stop when it's too late and I'm drowning." Her back slid down the wall until she sat on the concrete floor. "I'm drowning. I'm drowning and there's a gap called you in me that I can't fill."

Seulgi pressed her forehead against her phone, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Just please come back."