Wind breeze

Ferns

"Soonkyu-ah.. Where are you?" I could hear the anxiousness in the voice of the person on the other side of the line. 

"Somewhere... But you don't have to worry, I'm fine. I will be back before midnight. I just need to meet up with a couple of friends first. Today is Cecilia's wedding. You remember my childhood bestfriend, Jeremy? His younger sister got married today..." Trying my best to sound as convincing as possible. 

"Soonkyu..."

"Tae.. Trust me, I'm fine. Didn't you see how i was in the wedding earlier? I was okay and i am over it already. He is happy, isn't he? I want to be happy too but that will take some time since i'm not in anyway rushing to be in a relationship.. and he is not the only one who is getting married today.. C-Cecilia too. I got to go.. See you at home when i get back, okay?"

Without waiting for her reply, I quickly said, "Bye!~" and ended the call.

Switching my phone off for the rest of the day before placing it into my clutch bag. Indeed, i lied about having another wedding invitation this evening. There's no Cecilia. There's no Jeremy too, my childhood friend. The only Jeremy i knew was the guy character from TVDrama Vampire Diaries; Elena's younger brother. Thanks to Tiffany who watches the show for almost everytime on the plane. I just wanted to have a time in complete silence away from people, away from human contact. I just wanted to be by myself for a little while. I need to take a breather to just think... But before i was able to, i felt warm liquid started to flow down my cheeks. I looked up, the roof of my convertable weren't opened, so where did those water came from? Before i could even find the answer to the question, my gaze caught the reflection of myself on the rear-view mirror. It was a little small but for that moment, the view was big enough to had me realized that i was in complete mess. There were tear stains on the side of my face and my hair,.. i don't know how to even begin to describe the look that i had going on up there. Frantically, i began digging up in my purse for a hair brush. Once i had it in my hand, I tried to work it through the strands but half way through, it got caught with the hair pin that i've used to hold my side hair up into a half updo. While trying my best to remain calm at the situation that was so small, i was feeling overwhelmed by the scenes that came in flashes to ,my mind. I felt like i've lost the muscle strength that i had on my forearms.In a matter of seconds, both of my arms fell to my sides like gravity had a sudden strong pull on them. And at that moment, I felt weak.

Weak. The word that i hated using the most. I don't like that word at all and i can't believe i just said that. With all my strength that i had left deep within me, I raised my right hand to my chest.

Dugeon..... Dugeon...... Dugeon.....

I felt my heartbeats against the palm of my hand. It was beating. It wasn't fast nor was it slow. So, why does my chest hurt so bad? Why?

I let my tears fall freely like i had any strength left to fight them. I rest my head on the steering wheel with my eyes closed. The car that was previously filled with the music that came off from the stereo, now began to be filled full of my sobs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------Flashback--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure you want to go to their wedding, Unnie?" Seohyun asked me as she stood at the door frame of my room, waiting for me to finish spraying perfume on my wrists. With a smile, I answered, "Yes and i'm ready. Let's go!" I took my clutch in my hand along with a winter parka walking towards her and pull her along with me as i walked out of the room towards the dinning table where all the others were.

"Hmm, I'll be down in two minutes. Ne..." Sooyoung said on the phone as her gaze caught mine as i slowly slipped myself into the chair in front of her.

Don't ask. Don't ask. I chant in my heart. But it was too late. Their gaze on me was enough for me to understand what was on their mind. Well, that's the perk of having to live with the same group of people for almost everyday of my whole life ever since we debuted and some of them, months before people even know theres such thing as a "Girl's Generation" since all there was in the world were men and boys doing jobs that girls are infamously known to be incapable of.

"What?" I asked as i poured myself a glass of orange juice.

"You are going?" "Seriously?" "Are you sure?"  

Those were a few of which i could made out from the whole lot as they asked in unison. 

"Yes. I am sure. It's his special day. I should be there to congratulate him, don't you think so? He personally give me the invitation and it will be rude to not attend since i don't even have any schedule for the day." I shrugged off my shoulders carefreely like today didn't have any effect on me at all. 

"So, you're really over him?"

"Yes." I said strongly, trying not to have any doubts at all. I took a huge gulp from the glass in my hand. All of the attention were still on me. It felt as if 3 minutes had passed with them monitoring whatever movements i did with my hands. A buzz could be heard pulling them from their trance as Sooyoung's ringtone could be heard blazing off from her phone. 

"Oh! I forgot, Siwon oppa's waiting. Sorry girls, i have to go! Shouldn't keep the gentleman rot in his car for long. Bye!" Sooyoung exclaimed as she ran off to the front door with her heels in her hands. The door could be heard opened but a shriek came after. Each and everyone of us were giving each other looks. One by one, we walked towards the front door only to see Sooyoung on the floor, rubbing the back of her head. From the looks of it, she seemed to have fallen down due to shock since a presence of a man was there at the foot of our front door standing and confused as well. Letting out a chuckle, Seohyun went to Sooyoung and helped her up. And as fast as lightning, she was out of our sight as she took the elevator down to meet her boyfriend, aka, the Choi Siwon. 

"Donghae oppa, you're here already? Why didn't you call?" Tiffany voiced out at the corner while checking her phone, probably to see if theres a miss call from him. "Oh.. Mianhae. I'll take my coat and we're good to go." In a beautiful fushcia dress and black sparkly Jimmy Choo's, she took the coat which Donghae gladly help her with. Taking his hand, she said, "I'll see you girls there! Bye!" 

One by one their boyfriends came to pick them up to the ceremony leaving Seohyun and I in the house. It was almost 4pm that we took off to the ceremony. Everyone were in the hall when we reached. All the attendees were all present except for Kyuhyun oppa who had a performance to get done in the studio and after which he rushed here. Well, that explains why Seohyun decided to follow me instead. I guess i was deep in my own thoughts for quite some time as suddenly, all that i heard was, "..if theres any objection, lay it out now before we start the ceremony or you shall forever hold your peace..."

The hall that was previously full of claps as the beautiful bride and groom walked in down the aisle fell silent with people looking around the room checking out for themselves if there was really a person who would object to the marriage that was about to carry out.

Dengeon..Dengeon..Dengeon.

My heart that was beating within the boundaries of my own ribcage started to feel like it was begging to come out. My palms were getting sweaty as i turned my head to the seat just across of mine to only notice that the girls had their head turned back towards me, where their attention were on me just like earlier on in the house, expecting me to stand up and say something.

"Alright i'll start the ceremony formally now. To all the attendees and guests, you're about to witness...." I closed my eyes slowly trying to swallow whatever that was left in me as the priest started the wedding ceremony. In the midst of all those that i was trying to calm internally, I felt a hand in mine. Shooting my eyes opened, there, i was greeted with a warm smile by my side as she pulled me closer. The youngest. For once, i was glad that Kyuhyun oppa really did missed gatherings. For once, i was really glad that the strict and very mature maknae was by my side. The warmth in her smile and the simple gesture of hers comforted me on many ways than one.

"I, Lee Sungmin, promised to express my love to my wife, Kim Sa eun, love her in all rights that a woman should and respect her under any circumstances because where she is, will be where i'll be the most happy." Those words. His voice. And then his wife took over in the declaration of vows. When everything ended, my heart just can't seem to slow down at all. It became a little hard to breathe as well. I waited till both the bride and groom to walked down the aisle once again for an outfit change, that was went i excuse myself to the ladies, leaving Seohyun with the girls. I look at my reflection, touch up on my make up a little and searched for my phone, infroming Seohyun that i might not be returning back to the reception hall like i had planned. I told her that i received a call from Jeremy about the forgotten invitation of his younger sister. 

"Algetseubnida, unnie. Take care. -Seohyun"

I was about to head out of the vicinity. With heavy steps and head bowing lowly, I felt a bump on the side of my body. Stumbling to the side and was about to fall. However, momentarily just before i touched the cold flooring beneath my feet, i was held up by a strong and comfortable embrace. Without looking up, I uttered, "I'm so sorry. I should have-"

"Sunny?" Straight away, at the sound of the most familiar voice. 

"O-oppa.."

"Y-you came.."

"Yes. I did. She's beautiful, oppa." I admit.

"She is.." 

"You're a really lucky guy. I hope that you'll be happy with her and will have the kind of marriage that you've always dreamed about."

"Sunny..."

"No.." I interruptted him as soon as i know where this conversation was getting to. I brushed off my bangs to the side, trying to recompose myself. "...Oppa, don't.. Just don't say another word.One day, i'm sure i'll be as happy as you today. I wish you all the happiness that the world have in store for your next and upcoming chapters in your life..."

"Sunny.."

"Oppa!" Once again, i interuptted him; putting his words on hold. "Take care of yourself and Sa eun-shi. I'm sorry i can't stay for long."

"Where are you going?" He questioned. For a moment there, i thought i could hear a slight dissapointment in his voice. However, that wasn't the case as I saw the way his eyes looked straight at me, asking that question casually. With that 'groomy' blazer on, i know he was just surprised that i couldn't stay till the end.

"I am going to meet another friend of mine. Her wedding is today as well. You didn't think that you're the only one who held a wedding on the 13th December, right?" I joked trying to flex the side of my lips a little to form a smile. 

"Haha! I didn't mean it that way. I won't hold you back any longer, you should go ahead."

I bowed my head as i began to excuse myself. However, my steps forward was being paused as i felt a tugging force being felt on my wrist. I turned my back to face the tugging force but i was greeted with a really warm and familiar embrace. I wanted so much to push off the weight away from my body but i couldn't find the strength to do so. I couldn't find the courage to just be clean with what i felt. In his embrace, i felt his beating heart through the material of his button ups and vest. This wasn't the first time that we've ever hugged. It had been the numerous time ever since before but this hug is different. Somehow, it was as if my body unconciously was aware what this hug would mean to me when he lets go of this embrace. It would probably be the last hug we'd ever share. In the midst of all that, i could feel him snuggled in my hair a little. The habit that he had never learnt to kick off. 

"Take care of yourself too, Soonkyu." He whispered before pulling away.

Soonkyu. A name that i've gotten used to live without being called in his voice. 

For the last time, I looked straight into his eyes, memorizing the contours of his face and the look that he had for today as this might be for the last time that we could stand at this close approximaty with each other. 

"Op-" This time i was the one being interrupted as i felt his lips on my forehead. As soon as he retracted his lips from the bearness of my forehead, I bowed my head and turned my back on him quickly walking out of the building and towards my car before i couldn't hold back my tears no more. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------End of flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes shot opened as i heard his voice playing through my ears calling out my name. I leaned my head on the back rest as i looked out of the tainted window of my car. It was already dark now. The sun had fully set and the street lights had in the city replacing the non-existant stars in the sky above. Here, at the top of the very cliff of where all things started between him and me. We used to come up here for dates and picnics with the members but most of the time, we came here alone. It's our favourite place to be at. Even though it's a public place but not many people favour this place due to the lack of facilities, it gave us a sense of privacy. We didn't need to cover ourselves up just to go on dates and we didn't have to be very cautious at the amount of skinships that we were making at all. Thinking back, this is the first time that i had ever came here alone. Pushing the door open, I took my shawl and cover myself against the cold night breeze, took off my heels as i sat at the edge of the cliff with my legs dangled down and my arms over the metal barricade; defining the borders of safety. I look a deep breath, leaning my head down on my arms, eyes fixed on the view. 

Being here and looking at the city down below, brings alot of memories that we both shared. The toughest times while being a newly, debut groups. We were all there for each other. We became closer during the our DJ era years back. Our relationship started there. We were happy and everyone of our members were guessing that we'd be the first ones to get married since our relationship were the most stable. Then, one day, he drop on one knee, held out a ring box and popped out the question. 

A question that i should have answered a 'yes!' with no hesitation and doubts but i was too taken aback by the sudden question of his that i turned my back on him and left him there still on one knee in the middle of the dance studio and in front of all our members as witnesses of his embarrassing downfall. I didn't mean to reject him, really. But all of that was too late, when we began to start on our split schedules overseas, leaving us unable to mend the mess that i had made. The girls and i were in Japan, having our japan promotions while the guys were in Taiwan, promoting their latest album and having to do variety to promote it. We started to drift apart and the gap was getting wider and wider as weeks turned to months and then, 2 years had passed. Suddenly, a rumour came about on his relationship with Kim Sa Eun on the tabloids. After a few times of denying, months later, it resurface only having it confirmed a few days after. That was went my heart and hope of getting back to how we used to be shattered to pieces. Well, who should be blamed?

Him, because his heart wavered without any closure. Or me, who should have said that one word that could have changed everything?

Well, theres a saying, "Love is like an investment."

It's either an all in or not at all. When you put all of it in, you would then lost yourself and walked out with either nothing or bearing fruits of your bravery and courage. Just like Sungmin oppa. He believed in me just like how someone believe that a certain investment might help them change their life. Putting it all in; his heart and all of him in the question that he asked me but i was the investment that had no certainty and definitely, no gurantee for him. All because of the fact that i wasn't ready. Had i told him and asked him to kindly wait for me, probably things might had just be different now. The sequence of events might just turned out differently today. I won't be here on the edge of the cliff, sitting and looking at the city lights longing for his presence and most importantly be here, alone. The person who walked down the aisle and said those vows in a whole and totally different forms of words as a promised made, would have been me instead of her. The person who would have made him smile a different smile that had long been capture in photographs would have been me. The reason that he said, "I'm happy." when the MC of the ceremony asked how he was feeling, could have been me. But now, all that i am left with is that more than one possibility that i could have been the one for him earlier today and for the rest of our lives if i had just opened up my mouth to just say, 'yes!' which i didn't.

A tear escape from my eyes making the shawl that wrapped around my very being, earned a few droplets, wet; absorbing it.

"He lost himself just like you lost yourself, when you left him in the dance studio. Now, that he had finally found himself and he's whole, isn't it selfish of you wanting him to be back to his old self just for you to mend the wounds that you've got 2 years to but you didn't?" I blurted out to myself. 

"Soonkyu-ah! You have to get your act together. On the bright side,you've lost your heart, yourself and.. him. So, what else can you lose more than this? He's happy and you should too. Soonkyu! Him naeseyo!" I nodded to myself. Pulling myself up from where i was sitting and was ready to head back to my car. Pulling off the shawl, i felt the most foreign feeling in the most familiar thing that was on my neck. 

I smirked at myself at the realization of what it was as my finger brushed on it. Reaching out for the hook at the back of my neck, uncliped it and i took a look at the contents that was being binded by the silver chain. An 's-s' pendent that interlock each other to form infinity sign that symbolizes, Sungmin-Soonkyu. There were also couple rings of different size with, 'Forever and Always with You Love' was crafted on the inner side of the ring with small letterings. It just seemed like it was yesterday that i received all those. I can't believed that i've been wearing those around my neck for the longest time now. The necklace with the pendant, the first gift he had ever gave me when i agreed to go on a date with him as his girlfriend and not just a close collegue or a comfortable sunbaenim. The ring was that ring Donghae oppa sent to the dorm in Japan when he came to fetch Tiffany for a romantic dinner during one of our tour that he had come to watch which was a few months after the wound was left opened without being treated with any explaination and closure. On the day that i should have called to apologized and explained. 

I placed my steps towards the metal barricade earlier once again, this time not for me to sit back down and be in awe due to the view but to hook the necklace with all the things that i held on it; hanging it. I smiled at it for the last time as the memories flashes before my very eyes once again. Taking it all in and turned my head to the car, never to look back on the necklace. Opening up the roof of my convertable and drove off home as per promise to Taeyeon that i'll be back home before midnight. 

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~No one's POV.

It was close to midnight. The engine of a car was the only thing that was heard up the hill and on the cliff. A man came out of his car and looked around to see if there was anyone there but he was left with nothing but just the view of the city lights below. Walking towards the barricade he noticed the most significant thing that he had always took notice of; it just looked so familiar that it tugged on him to take a look at it. The necklace. The rings. It belonged to Sunny. That was when it hit him that Sunny was here and he was a few minutes late. He took a while to find an excuse to get out of the house and decided to not lie but instead to wait for Sa Eun to fall in deep slumber before he took off to the cliff. Earlier on, when he bumped into Sunny, an enveloped filled with a piece of letter written by her, dropped off from her clutch. He only realized it was on the floor when she had her back facing him and started to walk towards her car. It was long forgotten in his trousers pocket till he reached home at the end of the ceremony, got change in the washroom and read the contents of it. Word by word, he knew she had place alot of thoughts towards the thing that she wanted to say to him but never could. When the priest was saying the one line, he wished for her to stand up and say something. However, she didn't. That was when he was certain she was over him and the feeling that they both once shared, were no longer there in her heart for him. But little did he know, it wasn't her that had a change of heart.

It was him. All along, it was him and not her but it's too late to make any changes to something that had already written. He's a husband of someone that wasn't Lee Soonkyu, the lady that he had his head over heels with for the longest time but to a lady whose name is Sa Eun, Kim Sa Eun. The lady that healed his heart, his full of misunderstanding heart. In the letter, she told him to be happy and she asked him to promise her to hold onto Sa Eun in the same way he used to held onto her if not, stronger. He choked on his own tears that he tried to held back so badly once he realized that he had reached the last paragraph of her letter.

"Last but not least oppa, i love you. Forever and always with you, Love.. We might not end up to be each others partners in this life but knowing that you once felt the same way and that we used to have a history together, i'm happy. I think i am blessed to know i am capable of such feelings with your help.You have to know that my time spent with you were the best and i will never want to trade it with the world even if i being force to. May we end up with a happy endings in another life and till then, i shall keep my answer only for you to hear. 

Your only Fern, 

Lee Soon Kyu."

Clapse the pendant and rings in his fist tightly, he closed his eyes shut with the same intensity as a tear made it's escapade. 

"Mianhae.." that was all that he could say.

The words that he had been wanting to say from the beginning but with just a different intent. Placing his head on the baricade just like how Sunny did earlier, looking at the view down below. The wind that was getting stronger, blew the letter off from his other hand, even before he manage to fold it as if it was a sign for him to let go of his regrets and be man. A man who owns up and ready to face his new responsibilities for what his decision had brought him to. Even though, it's different now. Now that he knew the truth of all their pain.

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Author's note;

This is my first one shot for SunSun couple. Hope you like it and enjoy reading it. Comment, subscribe and upvote if you like it, i truly appreciate it! Thank you. God bless. :^)

 

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adahgogo7 #1
Chapter 1: As usual, it's beautiful. SunSun is not my favourite OTP but for sure i have a thing on them... Indeed, your story is beautiful. I really like it, the way you describe thier relationship and feeling are wonderful. I just wonder if that really happen in real life. Btw, Sungmin-shi, congratulation!!
Kid_BunnyMushroom-- #2
Chapter 1: I love this!
This is so touching and true!
It's time to let go of his regrets and be man up to face his new responsibilities for what his decision /thumbs up/ =]