That day I opened my eyes and instatntly knew something's going on. I don't know why, I could just feel it in the air. My room was stuffed with people, even though in the moment I woke up I couldn't see them since a white ceiling above me was my first perspective of the day.                A second after someone jumped into my bed - not someone, multiple people - all girls. As soon as I spotted the laughing face of my best friend Emma, taking a pillow to nicely beat her best friend up I slowly started realizing. Suddenly something exploded with a noise which is supposed to be unpleasant, but due to the connection of the exploding thing to happy moments in our lives, it turned very pleasant to me. Not only to me, I believe. Confetti.               "Happy birthday!!!" my friends screamed. I turned my head and spotted like ten or even more people stuffed into my small room. My best friends, some even from primary school, my mom, my closest family relatives. My little brother Lucas, holding his stuffed toy, not looking very delighted that they woke him up to congratulate his big sister.               I turned eighteen today. Finally. Eighteen. My heart started beating faster. The sound of the word 'eighteen' was so...so eighteen. Mature, but still young, very responsible, but still so fine. Now it describes me. I'm officialy an adult.               Mom cut off my thoughts: "I just wish you behaved like you're your age, sweetheart. You're still such a child." She said with that smile only she could give. "That's fine Mrs. Nam. Not everyone has that oppurtunity to babysit her best friend." said Emma. Everybody laughed. Me too.               Till I noticed someone's missing here. I didn't see my boyfriend here. There was no Dongwoon.                     And that's how the day, which is supposted to be one of the best days in the person's life, turned into a day which basically .               I got dressed, I brushed my teeth and then I was dragged to a barbecue party to Emma's house where I just moved as a ghost, recieved gratulations and tried my best to fake smile. Everybody seemed happy except me. Such an irony.              Maybe he really couldn't come. And was in such rush that he couldn't phone me and excuse himself. Or maybe... Goodness, Nam Sabrina, stop it! You date him for two years which is enough time to know him that much to not fall for such foolish illusions. He forgot. Exactly like he forgot two years ago, exactly like he forgot about the Halloween party where he had to be my partner, exactly like he just ignored me almost every time I needed him by my side.              Almost every time. To be fair, there were times when he really proved to me that he can be such an awesome boyfriend. There were times when I thought I'm a lucky girl.              When he really took me breath was last December when my father died. I cried two days and two nights straight. Dongwoon was there, lying with me on the sofa, holding me in his tender embrace, kissing my tears away, whispering to my hair, that people that we love come and go in life and we can't affect it but we should always try living for the people who love us and find happiness in it.              I barely talked to anyone beside him and my mom, but my mother was pretty much in the same condition as me, so I was mainly with my boyfriend. He gave me time to recover, but after a week he demanded that I should leave the house at least for a few minutes to get some fresh air. I opposed, so he just sighed and dressed me up (I let him, because I knew that he couldn't make me move from the house - at least I thought so). So I was suprised when he knelt in front of me and explained to me that we have two options - either I will walk by myself or he will carry me, but I'm definitely going out. "I would prefer the second one, though..."  he addded.             It was the first time he made me smile since my father passed away. I agreed to go out (I choose walking to Dongwoon's big disappointment). We were holding hands and almost didn't talk at all, we were just enjoying each other's presence and the fresh almost springy breeze.             It came slowly and quietly, it just floated somewhere in the back of my mind and then it hit me all of sudden. Life is still beautiful. I could loose so much more. I still had my mom, I still had my friends and this amazing person right here. That day I learned to appreciate what I still have instead od mourning about what I can't have anymore.             This turn in thinking was so sudden and shocking but so happy and full of hope that I bursted out in tears. Dongwoon, not knowing what just happened in me thought they are another tears of sadness and anger hugged me and gently pulled my head into his chest. I wanted to explain him but I couldn't stop crying, so I let my tears wet his scarf, I let him press his cold cheek against my hot and teary face and I gave him the satisfaction to carry me home.               For the rest of the holiday he was always with me. Of course, sadness came back and there were moments when I felt nothing but miserable, but thanks to him and Emma, whom I slowly again started talking to, it was easier and my sadness reached a bearable limit. He always took care to provide my some distraction, we've been to cinema like a million times, we've been to an amusement park, we both started a dance class and we talked to late night, because he knew that when I'm alone in the darkness of my room and I can't sleep I'm getting depressive thoughts. When it was really bad he came into my bed, hugged me and started softly pecking the back of my neck till I fell asleep.             I really thought we built up and strenghtened our relationship during this though period.             But the better I was getting, the more often I smiled, the more I was loosing him. I didn't need him so desperately anymore - so he again turned th