Chapter 1

The first time that he had met Donghae, Hyukjae was awe-struck.

He had been running from a gang from a neighbouring school. Harsh pants came out of his split lips as he ran, mindless of the searing pain that he felt in his ribs with each step. Those guys had beaten him quite badly but Hyukjae managed to free himself before he was beaten to a pulp and out there and then. He didn’t fancy finding himself face-planted on the dirty pavement of the dark alley, bloody and alone.

He skidded around a corner that led out of the shopping district, almost tripping before gaining back his momentum. Chancing a glance behind him, he cursed under his breath. Those guys were gaining on him.

He turned to another corner and almost gasped in relief. They were entering the shopping area where there a lot of people that he could blend in with. Hyukjae slinked through the crowd, never slowing down from his fast pace, unhearing the grumbles he got after bumping into a few people in his haste.

“Stop, bastard!!!”

Hyukjae cringed and continued on his way, pushing through the crowd until his eyes caught an alley between two shops that was quite hidden from sight. He looked over his shoulder and after estimating their moves, he took his chance.

He ran into the alley way before dropping into a low crouch behind a trash bin, careful to hide all of him. He held his breath as he heard voices shouting got nearer and nearer until rushing footsteps went past his hiding place, the voices distant.

Hyukjae took a moment to regulate his breathing before slowly peeking out from behind the trash bin. Satisfied, he stood up and made his way out of the alley and the shopping district, wincing all the while as he started to feel the pain at his sides.

*****

Plopping down on the grass, Hyukjae started to look over his bruises and wounds. He ed his school shirt that was stained with blood and grimaced as he saw the bluish purple bruises on his chest and middle. Those guys did kick him rather hard earlier.

He sighed before buttoning up his shirt back.

His life was a wreck. People kept messing with him, just because he looked like a delinquent, he finally came to light that he was adopted, he got no friends to turn to and most of all, his relationship with his parents were straining with each passing day to the point of suffocating. He could barely breathe at home.

Hyukjae gritted his teeth and ran his calloused fingers through his blonde hair feeling frustrated with himself. The evening breeze blew softly, whispering a soft note that echoed thorough the clearing and he slowly lain down on the field of clovers. He stared at the sky that was turning red hue for a while before closing his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his mixed feelings.

“Let me die already,” he muttered.

“Don’t say that.”

Hyukjae snapped his eyes open at the voice and turned his head to the side. A boy was sitting beside him, hugging his knees to his chest and was staring ahead at the setting sun.

When did he get here?

Hyukjae stared at the boy and eventually the boy shifted his gaze onto him. The boy smiled and Hyukjae felt his breath stuck in his lungs at the sight. The boy was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

They locked gazes for what felt like an eternity and he could not help himself from drowning in the other’s eyes because there was something so…mesmerizing about those orbs. He realized he was probably looked dumb right now, gawking at the stranger beside him so openly but the boy didn’t seem to mind. He was still smiling in any case so he thought, why the hell not?

“-here?”

Hyukjae blinked and noticed the boy’s lips were moving. Was he talking to him?

“Yes, I was talking to you.” The boy chuckled, amused.

“Did I say that out loud?” Hyukjae blurted out.

The other boy was now laughing and Hyukjae probably should be pissed at him for laughing at him but he found himself unable to. The other looked so open, so free when he laughed that Hyukjae went back to gawking, mesmerized once again by the boy.

The other boy apparently suddenly became self-conscious at his staring because his laughter started to die down and Hyukjae felt disappointment rouse in him at that and unconsciously he whispered, “No, don’t stop.”

The laughter immediately died at his soft-spoken words and he felt a moment of panic that came with the thought that he had said something wrong but it was quickly assuaged by the butterflies that were fluttering furiously in his middle at the blush that had dusted the other boy’s cheeks.

“What’s your name?”

The boy averted his gaze and stared down at his lap bashfully, embarrassed as he answered, “Lee Donghae.”

“Lee Hyukjae.”

The boy, Donghae smiled again and Hyukjae found himself quickly getting used to it. His smile was rather beautiful like its owner.

Okaaaay…where did that come from?

Hyukjae cleared his throat and looked away.

“Did you come here often?”

Hyukjae couldn’t help but steal another glance at Donghae as he answered, “Not really. I only come here when I need to get away.”

“From who?”

“Everything.”

“I see.” Donghae hummed.

Silence ensued after the small talk. Hyukjae kept glancing at the quiet boy from the corner of his eyes. The boy had closed his eyes, resting his head on his knees and a small smile graced his peaceful features. Hyukjae was forced to keep reminding himself on how to breathe as the reddish hue of the sunset cast an unearthly glow on the pale boy.

Hyukjae probably said this already for the nth time in his mind but sweet heaven, the boy was the most beautiful boy he had ever met. The rational side of his can go to hell.

Light breeze blew over them and Hyukjae watched as a stray lock of Donghae’s hair fell into his closed eye. His hands twitched at his side, wanting to just push it behind the boy’s ear so he could continue on watching Donghae’s face, unhindered but he held himself back.

“You should take a picture. It lasts longer.” Donghae muttered, eyes still closed.

Hyukjae felt his face warmed and he cleared his throat awkwardly. Donghae opened his eyes, his lips curved into an amused smile.

“Do you live around here?”

Hyukjae pursed his lips, “Not really.”

He actually lived quite the distance from the riverbank and the only reason he had ended up there was because he was chased. Not like he had the time to think where to run to as the guys had waited for him in front of the school gate and his already slow brain did not help much.

He saw Donghae raised his eyebrows and skimmed his eyes along Hyukjae’s black and blue face but decided not to elaborate. Donghae must have taken the hint that he did not want to talk about it because he just smiled and looked back towards the river.

“What are you doing here?”

Donghae glanced at him, “Searching for a four-leaf clover.”

Hyukjae frowned.

“It works as a charm. Each leaf represents hope, faith, love and luck.”

“What do you need it for?”

The smile that Donghae gave him was a secretive one albeit a little sad.

Hyukjae was curious by now but he chose not to ask further, just like when Donghae chose to not ask him about his bruises.

Silence.

“…Did you find it?”

“Hmm?” A sideway glance from Donghae.

“The lucky four-leaf clover.”

Donghae slumped, disappointment clear from his posture and shook his head. Hyukjae was reminded of a kicked puppy.

But then, the boy sat up and the smile was back, “That’s fine because I still have tomorrow right?”

Hyukjae blinked in amusement at the boy’s mood swings.

Donghae’s smile faltered when he didn’t answer immediately and something akin to desperation flashed in his expressive eyes.

“R-right?” His voice quivered.

Hyukjae quickly sat up on his elbows, “Yes!” Hyukjae coughed, “I mean, yes, of course.”

Donghae’s smile was bright again and he sighed in relief quietly.

Hyukjae settled back and closed his eyes, basking in the feeling of calmness that seemed to radiate from Donghae.

After a while, his breath slowed to a steady rhythm, twining with the light breeze and Lee Hyukjae fell into a light sleep.

*****

Hyukjae took off his shoes at the entrance and muttered an ‘I’m home’; a habit of his that his…foster parents cultivated in him since young. He looked up when an older woman came out from the kitchen.

“Hyuk-ah, you’re…” the woman gasped in surprise.

Hyukjae’s forehead creased in confusion before he remembered the bruises on his face. He brought up a hand to try to cover his face but it was too late. The woman was already in front of him, touching his face with gentle hands.

“Are you okay? Oh, Hyukkie, what happened?”

Hyukjae felt his resolved wavered at his childhood nickname and the genuine worry that was shown on his mother’s face.

Except she’s not really my mum. He reminded himself bitterly.

Hyukjae pulled away from the touch that he did not want to admit he had missed for the past weeks.

“I’m fine.” He grumbled.

“No, you’re clearly hurt-”

“I said I’m fine!!!”

He felt a twinge of guilt when hurt flashed across his mother’s face but he kept his face aloof and gaze averted as he quickly went past the woman and up the stairs before the guilt could make a void in him.

Closing his bedroom door behind him, Hyukjae leant against it for a minute, trying to regain his composure.

“Damn it.” He gritted his teeth and ran his hand through his blonde locks.

Taking a few deep breaths, he finally pushed himself away from the door. Hyukjae went into the bathroom to treat his wounds and bruises and got ready for bed.

Coming out of the bathroom in fresh clothes; a white t-shirt with a pair of shorts, he plopped down on his bed and let out a long sighed against the pillow beneath him.

He was so tired and he just wanted to go to sleep but the image of his mother’s hurt look just kept replaying in his mind.

There it was again, the vexed monster that clawed against his heart.

Guilt.

He hated it. He had been feeling guilty since all of these mess started. Since the time he knew he was not his parents’ real son. It was a catastrophe then. There were shouting and tears. Hyukjae was pretty sure the entire neighbourhood could hear them. He remembered everything vividly like it was yesterday. His mother had cried as she stuttered out an apology for keeping this from him, his father had not even once looked at him because he was too leaden with guilt and Hyukjae just felt empty as he stared at the adoption papers in his trembling hands. 

Hyukjae squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling and willed all the images away; the hurt away.

Then, an image of a pale boy smiling down at him burst through the front of his mind, pushing all his thoughts away and Hyukjae held on. Anything to get him to stop feeling like the most pathetic person on Earth.

Even if it was a Lee Donghae.

After he had woken up earlier, Donghae was gone. Without even saying goodbye. Hyukjae had felt disheartened a bit. The boy could have at least woken him up.

Donghae intrigued him like no other. He showed up unexpectedly and was gone the next without a trace. Hyukjae also noticed that Donghae loved to smile. During their short time together, the boy never stopped smiling except when he told Hyukjae how he had unsuccessfully found a four-leaf clover.

His smile suited him though.

Hyukjae pursed his lips, embarrassed at his own thinking and buried his face into his pillow.

Later that night, he had finally fallen asleep, content with the thought that he wanted to see Donghae’s smile again.