Eunhae.

The name that has come to define us. We've been inseparable for many years, best of friends, soul mates. I've always loved Hyukjae. Probably from the very beginning, of that I can't be entirely sure. But this I do know, that there has never been a more important person in my life, apart from my immediate family. Hyukjae has also loved me in his own way, I'm sure of that. I have confessed my love to Hyukjae on numerous occasions, however despite my sincerity he has always played it off. "Stop joking Donghae! People might start believing we're more than friends." That was always his reply, and my thought would always be, 'let them think that'.

 But now the time has come for enlistment. And I'm tired. Tired of fighting my feelings for him. So a week before we enlist I ask Hyukjae to make me a promise. That after the two years have gone by, if we still feel the same way towards each other, we'd get married. At first he looked at me as though I were insane. He scoffed, shook his head and then buried his face in his hands. Then ever so quietly I heard is reply, "Ok," before he scurried away. It was only later that night while preparing for bed that I realized that was the first time he had directly acknowledged that our feelings for each other were more than platonic.

 The day of our enlistment arrived. The members came to see us off, but all I wanted to do was to hold him. I didn't know if we would get similar appointments or if we would be separated and that made me uneasy. Hyukjae could sense this because he kept checking on me, asking if I was okay. I wasn't, I was absolutely terrified, but I didn't tell him this. I didn't want to scare him, because I knew that even though he was putting on a brave face he was just as scared as I was for what lay ahead.  

 And then it was time and we were waving goodbye to the members and to the fans that had gathered. Then just before we walked towards the soldiers we embraced so tightly I thought I would die and I whispered, "remember our promise."

Two years later.

 I survived. That was my first thought as I exited the army compound. I waved to the fans that were so dedicated and had come to welcome me back and then headed towards the van that was waiting. As I sat there my heart started to race. Any minute Hyukjae would also walk through those gates. A million thoughts ran through my mind: Is he well? Does he still look the same? And the most recurring thought of all, the thought that plagued me for those two years: Does he remember our promise?

 Suddenly there was a loud cheer from the fans and I knew that he had emerged. As I looked up I saw him walking languidly towards the van, escorted by our security. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he appeared to be slightly thinner than I was used to seeing him. But for all of that he was still as beautiful as ever and my heart ached for him. When the door to the van opened and he saw me for the first time, he gave me the most precious gift: that gummy smile of his. The door shut and we were wrapped up in each other's arms. I inhaled his smell that I had missed for so long. Yep, there he is, my Hyukjae. "You survived." He said releasing me from the hug as he leaned back and examined my face. "You look terrible." I replied, getting a slap on my arm in retaliation. "You don't look too good yourself." He said sticking his tongue out at me. The van then started to make its way home and we sat in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, as I believe we were both just enjoying being back in each other's company. But as the minutes rolled by that question continued to plague me. That promise is what kept me going those two years. The possibility of what could be once we met again and here he was sitting inches away from me. My heart was ready to burst. I began to fidget in my seat, playing with the seatbelt, picking at some lint on the seat. I looked over at him, of course he has always had a cool, collected demeanor and this was no exception as he gazed out the window. "Eunhyukkie..." I started to say, but he cut me off, holding up his hand to stop me from saying anything else. "Not now...later." He hadn't removed his eyes from the window. I felt him shut me out, I wouldn't be able to bring up the subject for the rest of the evening. That was his way and it only made me crave him more.

 At last we made it to the dormitory, where we suspected our members were waiting to "surprise" us. And of course as soon as the doors to my flat opened everyone burst out "Surprise! Welcome home! You're free now!" Everyone rushed to us, hugging, kissing, crying. It was very touching. In all the chaos I still couldn't fully remove my gaze from Hyukjae. I saw him attempt to wipe the tears that were flowing down his cheeks as Leeteuk hugged him. After the welcome everyone started to mingle and to enjoy the atmosphere of the party. All I wanted to do was to pull Hyuk aside and ask him the burning question.

"Ya! Why are you sulking in the corner when we prepared this awesome party for you?!" It was Heechul who had accosted me. I shook my head and replied, "I can't celebrate because I'm too anxious." He nodded knowingly. "Why, because you still don't know if he's going to say yes to marrying you?" Of course Heechul knew all about the promise. In fact it was he who not so subtly suggested it to me, saying that it was tiring seeing Hyuk and I walk eggshells around the fact that we were attracted to each other and were possibly more than platonic. "Does he remember? And if he does, does he still want to go through with it?" I asked Heechul, the panic starting to rise in me. Heechul put his arm around me and pulled me into a half hug. "He remembers. I think he's just scared. You know Eunhyuk, he's sensitive. He doesn't like when things get too personal because it tends to be too much for him to handle."

 As he mentioned this I looked over in the direction Hyuk had been. At that point he was dancing along with Shindong and Siwon, a drink in his hand. By the way he was swaying slightly I knew he was more than a little tipsy. Heechul broke through my thoughts, "Ask him tomorrow. Give him this night of freedom. If you ask him right now you're going to push him away." And even though I didn't want to accept it I knew it was true. "Okay tomorrow."

 The night was coming to a close. Most of the guests had already left and some of the members had retired. Only a few still lingered. Hyukjae was dozing lightly on the settee. I prodded his knee. "Ya! Get up, this isn't your house." He mumbled something incomprehensible and then stretched out his hands towards me. He wanted me to carry him home. I sighed to myself, why do you torture me so Hyukkie? I hefted him up off the settee and towards the elevator. Once the doors opened I shuffled us inside and leaned him up against the wall for some extra support. His head was resting on my shoulder. "I missed you." He whispered into my ear. He continued, "every night it was you I dreamed about and how it would be between us once we got out." I looked down at him. His eyes were closed, his breathing even, a slight smile playing across his lips. I think he may have been talking in his sleep. His cheek looked so soft, I took my hand and gently caressed his cheek. He leaned into my touch ever so slightly. His lips looked so inviting at that moment, I just wanted to know what they tasted like. Slowly I bent my head towards him and our lips brushed lightly against each other. I opened my eyes, he hadn't moved, hadn't responded. The elevator bell dinged. We had arrived. I shuffled him towards his bedroom and plopped him down on the bed. Removing his shoes, it unveiled those smelly feet. Ugh Hyukjae some things never change. Then I tucked him into bed. "Would he remember?" I shut the door quietly behind me. Tomorrow I get my answer.

Tomorrow.