Can I lay by your side

 

Taehyung woke up again. He darted up from his bed as tiny sweat droplets trickled down his face. He counted his number of breaths while asking himself numerous questions, the normal. But the lingering smell of unrest was reeking as he his lips before trying to remember what he was supposed to do, although he repeated it countless times already. He remembers it, he does. Taehyung has been reminded again and again, he wouldn’t forget. His lightly blurred vision and messed up mind made him fumbled through his messy footsteps, somehow. He tried not to make any noise, in fear that he would disturb the neighboring roommates but with him not being able to remember it, his patience was exploding. He felt pissed at himself as he continued to run through the things he had to remember, the little sticky notes that was scattered in his mind. He scratched his scalp, pulled his blanket down, threw a pillow and felt blood rushing before he finally caught on.

 

He had to call Hoseok.

 

“H-Hoseok?” He mustered out, awkwardly.

 

“Yeah? What’s wrong?”

 

“I-I think I’m having that problem again…“

 

A soft sigh could be heard. ”Wait for me, I’m coming.”

 

“Please be quick,” Taehyung answered desperately.

 

The male, with just a track suit on, dashed out of his room and stood again the door of the entrance of his dormitory. Disheveled purple hair, worn out shoes, anxious footsteps, Taehyung was hard to miss. He kept staring outside the glass door, waiting for the older man to come. It wasn’t his first time calling about this, obviously. There were many untold nights where Hoseok has came dashing towards the school dormitory, only to face a broken Taehyung that was constantly fidgeting, as if his was on the brink of his sanity. Taehyung has no one to rely on, being in such a foreign place. He was never a social bee and with his constant fears, he only opened to one. And that is his one senior from his club, Jung Ho Seok.

 

Seconds turned to minutes as Hoseok still haven’t appeared. Taehyung could be peeling his skin off already due to the anxiousness but after the nth peek outside of the door, a familiar slim male could be seen. He was no better in appearance compared to Taehyung, with a similar tracksuit, Converse and nest-like hair. He was already out of his breath upon reaching the door yet he was mercilessly dragged towards Taehyung’s room, not wanting to waste another second.

 

The two males remained quiet in the room, letting Hoseok catch his breath. Taehyung was still roaming restlessly in the room while biting onto his nails. The weird atmosphere hung in the room boringly until Hoseok was finally capable of speaking.

 

“So? Come on, ask me the question!” Taehyung pestered.

 

“Alright. What is your name?”

 

“Kim Taehyung. Age 19. Studying arts. I have a younger sister. Skip these, ask me the other ones.”

 

Hoseok stared at him, annoyed. “Favorite food?”

 

“Kimchi stew.”

 

“A memory from primary school?”

 

“I fell down and had stiches on the back of my arm.”

 

“Your first birthday gift?”

 

“A pair of socks with brown and yellow stripes.”

 

Hoseok then lightly nodded before giving him a small thumbs-up. The younger male loosened his breath before sitting down, relieved and happy. Hoseok slowly walked towards him before lifting his head up, eyes locked to his. He could see the small spark of fear still looming in him, engulfing him soundlessly. He felt bad, knowing that he can’t do anything else except for this. Taehyung gave him a small smile before patting his hands softly, indicating that he was all right.

 

Taehyung’s family has a long line of things. They have many things that were inherited down even after so many decades and centuries. The big pair of eyes, the pointy nose, the constantly dry lips, it all points to the Kim family. But one thing that they never wanted to make people point was Alzheimer’s. It has occurred that at least three of every generation has a possibility of encountering it. Taehyung has studied Biology, and he knows that the chances of males encountering genetic diseases were higher than females. He doesn’t want to care, but fear isn’t letting him to. Every time he woke up in the middle of the night, he was worried that it might be the beginning, the starting of his life ending. He calls Hoseok; make him ask him questions related to the memories since he was young. For as long he was able to answer them, it means that he slipped pass death’s grasp once again.

 

“Why don’t you let me date you?” Hoseok finally asked.

 

“I can’t. I don’t like you.”

 

The male scoffed. “I don’t need you to like me for me to date you. You just have to play along.”

 

“I can’t. Dating is when two people mutually like each other and I don’t want to do such silly acts when I don’t even like you.”

 

“Then, why don’t you like me?”

 

Taehyung eyed him. “ I just don’t. There’s no answer for that.”

 

“Come on, if we were together, I can take care of you 24/7. What’s so bad about that?”

 

“So you’re telling me that I should date you so I can take you as my personal nurse?”

 

Hoseok immediately went speechless. He didn’t mean it that way, he know he didn’t. But somehow, he felt as if he stepped on the border of Taehyung’s nightmare. He wants to do many things with Taehyung, just like every couple does. Hoseok wants to bring him to dates, buy him food, paint stuff and many more but his mind could only focus on taking care of him. All he could care about Taehyung was how to care if he was sick, not how to make him happy.

 

Hoseok took him as a patient even before a disease has. 

 

“Taehyung, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it that way-“

 

“I know. You can’t take me normally too, can you? After letting anyone know that I might have Alzheimer’s, they don’t look at properly anymore. They keep asking me if I can remember this or that, even when I’m trying to engage into something common. You guys want me to have it even more than wanting me to avoid it. ”

 

Silence rushed in. The younger male then whispered a goodbye before opening the door, signaling that he should leave. Hoseok slowly stood up, footsteps heavy from his words. He wondered if there was anything to make up for his mistake, to cover up the slip of wrong words. His small strides towards the door came to a halt when he lifted his head up, looking at the battered male.

 

“Hey, I don’t feel like going home. I’m going to stay over.”

 

Taehyung’s face turned from shock to a small smile as he closed the door. They both climbed up the cramped bed while tucked up to the chin. They started to mention stuff that they never talked about, such as aliens and penguins. They also started gossiping about the school, the little secrets and lies that keep the student paparazzi alive. They kept their voices low but a loud snicker always escapes once or twice. Hoseok’s going to make things right, firstly by treating him normal.

 

“You know, if I do get the disease, please run far away from me.”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

“Because I’ll feel horrible. I don’t want you to waste time on me if I’m going to end up forgetting it.”

 

“What if I don’t?”

 

“See? It’s because of people like you, which make it harder for me to accept the reality that I might get it. I don’t want to lose memories of you, of times we spent together. If you could just ditch me alone, I wouldn’t feel so pitiful.”

 

Hoseok slowly reached for his hand and grasped it tightly. “I won’t leave you. I will remind you of me for as long as I need, as long as you are willing to let me stay.”

 

“But what if leave you early-“

 

“No, if you’re going to leave, I’m leaving with you.”

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’m going to lay by your side, at least today.

 

 

 

 

 

a/n: sup I'm two days away from national exams so wish me luck! I hope you guys like it cause I managed to blab it out in words even though that I'm not very good. the idea has been hanging in my mind for so many days hhahahahah