It was a Saturday evening and it was deadly cold outside. I was at YG Cafe to unwind and kill some time. I need a distraction. I hugged myself, even my fur coat does not help me from the cold. I sipped my hot cafe latte, it does make my body warm but not my heart, it's still frozen. I noticed my book, opened but yearning for its attention and the busy people who want to escape the untamed wind outside. I didn't know that I was here for an hour but I was staring at nowhere and contemplating.

        I need to get out. I need to keep my thoughts on the track. I need time and space.

        I was walking along the street and all the faces I see are painted with happiness and laughter. Someone should kick me out at this wonderful picture because I was busy sulking at the middle of the street.

        I was thinking of him... but I should not.

        While I was busy recollecting my thoughts, a store caught my eyes and I looked at the tainted glass wall. Then my eyes fell on someone. I was observing him and I thought that I was just hallucinating and crazy. Then our eyes met, it was longing for each other.

        Those warm brown eyes, prominent nose and crooked smile that I used to admire, it was his. How can I forget?

        My feet has a brain of its own. I ran away, far, far away. The lights from the lamp post illuminated my way as if it was helping me to my escape. I can't let myself see him again. I have been avoiding him these days. I don't want another breakdown, my heart can't survive again.

        "Dara... Wait..." He was panting and reached me. It was his yearning voice that I love. It was GD. But I can't let myself throw my arms to him. I stopped on my tracks, my back facing him. I earned every inch of patience and strength to hold back my tears. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

        Yes! YES!!! I really hate him for being a jerk! "Ah... No, GD... You did not do something wrong..." I can't hide my sarcastic tone anymore. It's really annoying, you know? Isn't he a human? He is so dense! I rolled my eyes in frustration.

        "Then tell me..." He suddenly walked inch by inch, closing the gap between us but it looks like were unreachable to one another. I can feel the tension in the air.

        "There is nothing that I will say or explain." I said with conviction and finality.

        I was about to leave, thinking that this conversation will lead to something that will also trigger my emotional breakdown but he tugged my wrist. "There's something that bothers you. Please tell me..."

        His tone is very caring and convincing but I still did not face him. "I..."

        My tears are about to escape from my eyes. No matter how I conceal it, my heart can't take it anymore. I felt that I got his attention, a first time. Then a single tear made its way to my left cheek. "...hate you..."

        In my mind, I was running... running away. But it seemed that my feet was rooted on the ground. It could have been my greatest escape from troubles... from heartbreaks... from him. I could have left him from the first place, but I was blinded by my love for him. I was an idiot.

        I can't believe it. After all those years and months, happiness and sadness, I was dominated by fear and pain. After all the love that I gave, I think that it was all trashed in the dumpster.

        Warn hands enveloped me. It was him... The man whom I loved for years is now the man I now hated the most. Why should it be me? Is God punishing me? Please, no, not heartbreaks. I can't bear this painful feeling.

        "Please... I'm sorry..." I can't let myself falling for those words again. Those words that I kept on hearing. And me, being an idiot to forgive him every time.

        "Stop. I had enough." I heaved a sigh. "To be honest, this relationship . I have been fed with your lies just to make me happy. I'm tired... all the time."

        I felt him stiffened. But I got to admit, I also lied. I made him think that I'm happy with our relationship. "I remember when I first met you. You gave me another definition of love. I had a huge crush on you and I way glad that you repaid my feelings. I thought you were just playing..."

        "...I let my heart to fall for you. I convinced myself that if ever my heart will experience another heartbreak, it won't be painful just like in the past..."

        My thoughts in my head came to a blur but still continued. "You... were special. In the most simplest things that you do: look at me, talk to me, glance at me, and say 'I love you's' and 'I miss you's', my heart somersaults. Even though you ignored me and played tricks on me, just one 'hi' from you and my heart just melts. I think that my heart really fall hard for you, right?" I let out a bitter laugh.

        I stared at a distance, particularly at the busy road. "I thought you were the one... The one who can make me happy... The one who can save me from this misery... The prince charming in a wonderful fairytale... The mobster who will protect me because I'm a walking trouble... Well, I guess that I need to stop reading romance because it only happens in stories. It was pure illusion, and there's me who hoped that these things will happen to me..."

        I looked at him straightly to his eyes with pain-strained face. "Tell me, where did I go wrong, GD?"

        "I have done everything to save this relationship. All these years, am I the only one who is holding on?"

        "You always forget our monthsary, yet I forgave you! You are so busy with your friends and what you call 'girl friends', yet I forgave you! You don't even reply to my messages, yet I forgave you! You don't have time for me, yet I forgave you! Am I turning blind in this relationship?! Am I your girlfriend for title?!"

        I tried to compose myself again but failed miserably. "And you..." Saying these words with utmost hatred. "You, being so ignorant to all of these commotions! Are you even human? I hate myself for being a martyr and falling for a dense person like you! Can't you even know that I'm hurting? I am a human, you idiot!"

        I failed to notice that all the emotions that I have been holding back came out through tears. I don't care. "And you asked me if I was okay?! Well, damn! I was crumbling to death! You asked me if what's my problem?!" I took a deep breath. "YOU! You are my problem!"

        "I can't help but blame myself, why did I hold on to this relationship? If things will just be as complicated as this?"

        I looked at his eyes, cold and hurt. His silence is very alarming. "Why... did my heart fall for you? Why... did I love you?"

        My expression mirrors his, tired and hurt. My words... It strucked me, like a needle piercing into my heart. Deep, very deep.

        "I'm... sorry... I truly am..." He bowed and said it like a whisper. He was like a child who was scolded by his mother.

        "I'm starting to hate you and your 'I'm sorry' or you're just pissing me off." I gave him an annoying smirk. I should have an actress award because I'm portraying many emotions here. I must be out of my mind.

        He hugged me and tightened his hold around me. The warmth that I have been wanting since the beginning. His embrace, I want to feel his protectiveness over me. "Is it too late? Can't you forgive me...?"

        "Forgiving you is the most impossible thing that I could think of..." I free myself from his embrace and faced him again. I was fuming with anger and pain, it was visible through my eyes.

        The next thing that I have done shocked the both of us. I slapped him... hard. An action that shouldn't be done by a good girl. "I hate you... from the deepest core of my heart."

        I started walking away from him and stopped again. "Remember this day... because I'm about to crush you..."

        Then I faced him again with a triumphant smirk. "...And oh, it's going to be your loss, not mine."

        He must be so shocked.