Chapter 5: Please don't cry.

Hoseok was really surprised when he hadn’t met Jimin in the practice room the next day. He was always on time, happy, bright and full of energy, but today something weird happened for sure. The elder, late as always, was about to call his younger friend to check if everything’s alright, but then he heard him running into the room, breathing hard and red-faced.

“Sorry, hyung! I didn’t sleep much last night.” Jimin said with weak voice, trying to catch his breath. His hair was a mess, clothes were creased and shoes untied. Hoseok also noticed dark circles under younger’s eyes, he looked really, really tired. Even his moves were slow and clumsy. When Jimin was changing his clothes, he wore his t-shirt on the wrong side and almost fell down tripping over his shoelaces.

“Is everything alright, Jiminnie?” Hoseok asked,  coming up to the younger boy and taking a careful look at his face.

“Yea, why are you asking?” Jimin seemed to be a little nervous, doing everything else in that moment like unpacking his bag or checking his hair in the mirror to avoid hyung’s eyes. But Hoseok’s strong fingers didn’t have any problem in turning Jimin’s head to face him. He could now see that the younger’s eyes were red and swollen, just like after crying for a long time.

“Because I can see that you have a problem.” Hoseok answered with soft voice, taking his hand away after realizing that Jimin stiffened up after he touched him. So it was still awkward, huh? The elder thought that they solved the problem yesterday, but it looked like Jimin was still not feeling good around him. Hoseok understood that, but it made him feel really bad, he shouldn’t have done “that” when Jimin kissed him. He had made a serious mistake, now he had to deal with consequences.  “Why won’t you just talk with me about it, hm?” he asked after a few seconds, when his younger friend finally looked at him.

“Because it’s my problem, not yours.” Jimin answered him with a weak voice. He could actually feel his stomach making front-flips when Hoseok  touched him and he was getting more and more insecure around his hyung. He didn’t know how he should act now, with all his doubts and uncertainties. When he looked in Hoseok’s eyes once again and met his demanding stare, Jimin felt all his powers escaping from his body, leaving him defenseless in front of his greatest danger.

“But I want to hel-“

“Yoongi thinks that I’m cheating on him.” Jimin interrupted his hyung, whispering answer out. He dropped his stare onto the floor, starting to nervously play with his own fingers. “He doubts I’m at work for so long every single day and he’s jealous… he’s jealous of you, hyung. I tried to tell him about Taehyung and that you have a boyfriend and that we’re not interested in each other…”

“Aren’t we?”  Hoseok asked with weak voice, way too quiet for Jimin to hear him. He realized what he have just said after a few seconds and he was surprised by this odd feeling when Jimin was talking about Yoongi. It’s probably because of his care about his younger friend, Hoseok didn’t want him to be unhappy, obviously. “ Do you want me to talk with him?” he asked again, this time loud enough for Jimin to hear it.

“No! No, it’ll just make it worse.”

“Alright, we won’t train our choreo today then, you’ll be home earlier. Is that ok?”

Hoseok’s proposition was good and bad in the same time. Jimin would love to be able to talk with Yoongi today about his jealousy and being home earlier would help a lot. But on the other side it meant less time spent with Hoseok and Jimin wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He should be thankful and happy about some extra time for him and Yoongi, but for some reason he felt uncertain.

“Ok, that’s sounds fair enough.” he answered finally, flashing his bright smile in the gesture of gratitude for his hyung. The sound of children filling up the practice room was such a relief for him. It meant no more talking with Hoseok while exchanging these awkward stares. Well, for a few hours at least.

__

“ … flour and sugar, ok, I’ll remember. Alright, I’m leaving in a minute so I’ll be home soon. Yea, see you, baby.” Hoseok smiled to himself before ending the call with Tae and throwing his phone in a backpack. It was 7 pm and he and Jimin have just finished the last lesson and were about to leave. Hoseok had some shopping to make, too, so he was already putting on his jacket when he heard Jimin’s weak voice.

“Hyung?”

“Yea?”

“…”

“What is it, Jiminnie?”

“Could you walk me home, please? I want to talk to you.”

Hoseok froze in the middle of buttoning up his clothes, slowly turning around to face Jimin. He couldn’t help smiling softly after hearing younger’s proposition. It sounded serious, so probably there was nothing to smile about, but the way Jimin looked in that moment was just too precious for Hoseok to handle it. The younger boy was standing in the middle of the practice room, pretending to search something in his backpack and trying not to look at Hoseok. His hands were shaking a little bit  and cheeks were flushed red.

Is this kid even real?

“Sure.” he answered shortly, turning off the lights in the room and closing the door behind them. He wasn’t sure about his decision, but extra time with Jimin was very tempting. And, of course, he wanted to know what the younger wanted to talk about. Probably something about his boyfriend again. To be honest, Hoseok didn’t know how to help Jimin out in this situation, because Tae have never been seriously jealous. He seemed to be totally sure about his boyfriend and his faithfulness.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Hoseok asked, breaking a heavy silence between them. It was already dark outside, and maybe it was better that way so they didn’t have to keep an eye contact or fake smiles.

“Yoongi.” Jimin’s answer was short and quiet. He could feel his own hands trembling inside the pockets of his jumper and cheeks turning red. “Does he got a reason for being jealous?”  his voice was even quieter this time as he moved away from Hoseok a little bit. He started regretting this question right away, but on the other side he was happy he had asked it. He wanted his relationship with Hosek to be like clear. To be like it was before.

Hoseok didn’t have an idea what he should tell now. He was as confused as Jimin, he used to think that kiss in the practice room was meaningless, just a small mistake. But now his thoughts were just a one, big mess. What should he tell Jimin to not make him feel bad and … used? Hoseok only made things worse with his stupid behavior that day, now he had to take consequences.

“Ok, I see.” Jimin whispered after a long break, when his hyung hadn’t replied him. He knew it’ll look like this. Hoseok had a boyfriend and he had a boyfriend, they both acted stupid and now they’ll forget and not talk about it. Sure, it’s so easy, wasn’t it? Maybe for Hoseok, maybe he really hadn’t felt anything back then, but Jimin’s heart was skipping a beat every time he saw his hyung since their kiss and it felt so, so wrong. There was Yoongi who wasted 6 months for a relationship with him just to have doubts now?

Park Jimin, make some decisions already.

“No, no, no…” Hoseok suddenly started denying Jimin’s words, grabbing youngers wrist and making him keep an eye contact. “It meant … something, for sure,  Jiminnie... but we’re just friends, right? And you have Yoongi, and I have Tae, and…”

“Yea, I got this. I just wanted to make it clear.” Jimin cut Hoseok off, pulling his wrist out of his grip. “So we’re cool now? No more awkward talks and stares and hesitation in touching and all that stuff?” younger boy could literally feel tears in the corners of his eyes and he was hoping that Hoseok didn’t realized it. He wasn’t even sure why he started to cry.  What was he thinking, huh? That Hoseok will break up with Taehyung for him? That they will live happily ever after? Was he really expecting his hyung to change his life after one, small kiss?

Stop being ridiculous, Jimin.

“Yes, I mea-“

“Alright, thanks for walking me home.” Jimin interrupted him with shaky voice, pretending to look for a keys in his backpack. He didn’t want to cry before his hyung, it’d be much more embarrassing than their kiss. And he should be happy, right? They can be friends again, take care about their own relationships and boyfriends. “See you tomorrow.” he added after a while, disappearing inside the building and leaving Hoseok alone on the sidewalk, without sending him a single gaze.

What have I done?

Hoseok had been standing still for a few seconds before he actually realized what happened. He screwed it up so badly. He wanted to make Jimin feel better, to turn his interest back to Yoongi, to make him focus on his relationship, not him, Hoseok. He thought it’ll be less painful for Jimin this way, and for himself. To set things up now, when they haven’t fallen for each other yet. Suddenly he thought about Yoongi and Jimin making up after their argument, and instead of happiness, he felt disappointment. Was it because of Jimin’s behavior today or …

Because Hoseok felt something too that day?

Of course he felt something. Younger’s lips made him forget his own name and left him craving for more.

But what about Tae, though?

No, it can’t be. His today’s talk with Jimin had to be that way. It was better for both of them.  They can’t just sacrifice their relationships with Tae and Yoongi because of this one kiss.

Can we?

Hoseok immediately shook his head and started walking back to his apartment. It had to be that way so they can move on. It was just childish – losing your own mind because of some stupid kiss. Who was he, a teenager after his first time? He didn’t knew Jimin very well too, how could he be thinking about something serious between them?

I’m so stupid.

And I forgot about the flour. And sugar.

.

__

next day, 1:33 am

Yoongi turned around to take another look at Jimin lying on the far end of the bed. His breath was quiet and steady so elder thought he was already asleep. Yoongi himself couldn’t sleep though, he kept thinking about their last argument and guilt had kept him awake all this time. Maybe they should just talk about it tomorrow morning? Maybe it’ll be enough?

1:34 am

Yoongi sighed, turning around and lying down on his back, examining a white ceiling of his bedroom. But what if Jimin will feel even worse? When he came home after work he seemed to be not just physically , but also mentally exhausted. He didn’t want to talk much, he was apathetic and lifeless and went to bed without eating. Yoongi tried talking with him, asking if he’s sick, but Jimin kept ignoring him and pretending he’s already asleep. It was suspicious, because the younger boy was never visiting him after an argument before, he was usually taking a 2 or 3 days break to calm down, sleeping in his own apartment.

1:35 am

Yoongi looked at Jimin’s back, moving slowly up and down, and took a deep breath. How old was he again? 13? He should act more like an adult and stop running away from tough conversation. He tilted his head to the right and took a shy glance at boy lying next to him.

“Jimin?” Yoongi’s voice was soft and quiet, like he didn’t really want younger to hear him. He cleared his throat and tried again, a bit louder this time. “Jimin?”. A few seconds later the younger boy moved a little under the blanket he was sharing with Yoongi, sighed quietly and asked with weak, hoarse voice.

“..h-hyung?”

“…”

“Hyung?”

“Jimin?”

“Hmmm…?”

“Are you asleep?”

“…how do you think?”

Yoongi lost his confidence immediately and hesitated before opening his mouth again. He turned around completely on his right side to face Jimin’s back and took another deep breath.

“Jiminnie?”

“Yea?”

“…”

“Yoongi?”

“I’m sorry, Jiminnie…”

Jimin to his back and then onto another side to look at his boyfriend. Yoongi’s voice was weak and shaky, and the fact that he hid his head under the blanket made it even quieter.  He was always insecure when it came to face-to-face combat with Jimin, who seemed to be his only weakness. Yoongi was usually avoiding younger’s eyes in every possible way, just to make himself feel less awkward. He probably hadn’t idea that acting like that  was melting his boyfriend’s heart every time. And that night wasn’t the exception, the fact that Yoongi was apologizing him in the middle of the night was just too precious for Jimin to pretend he hadn’t heard him and had fallen asleep again.

“For what, hyung?” he asked as quietly as it was possible, crawling closer to his boyfriend and slipping his head under the blanket as well. The street lanterns was the only source of light right now, but their eyes already got used to darkness so they could see each other just fine. I mean, only Jimin could see his boyfriend, because Yoongi’s eyes were closed really tightly and secured with his own hands, just to make sure he won’t see Jimin’s face.

“Everything I said this morning, I mean, yesterday morning and evening and …” Yoongi suddenly cut off as he felt a pair of warm hands on top of his own, pulling them away and revealing his face. Without having any other shield to protect him from embarrassment he opened his eyes and shuddered a little bit, surprised by how Jimin’s face was close to his own. He felt defenseless in front of Jimin’s intense stare right now, younger’s eyes made him forget what he was supposed to say, so the only thing that escaped Yoongi’s mouth was a silent sigh.

“It’s ok, hyung. I wasn’t worried because of you. Something bad happened at work and it brought be down a little bit.” he said with comforting voice, smiling a little bit just to make Yoongi feel less awkward. ” I have been also thinking about what you said… and I think you’re right.” Jimin added after a  while, wrapping his arms around elder’s waist and pulling him even closer. “You have a reason for being jealous, so I decided to give up some of the classes in the academy. That way I’ll be home earlier and have plenty of time to prove that you are the only one I love. In many different ways.” That was Jimin’s solution for his crush on Hoseok. Filling his daytime with Yoongi. Filling his nighttime with Yoongi. Giving all his own time to Yoongi. And not forgetting that Yoongi was the first person in his life who made him feel like that. Who made Jimin’s heart skip a beat for the first time. Only Yoongi had a privilege of waking Jimin in the middle of a night to apologize him for his behavior and not making him angry. How could he leave him now? How could he ever leave him?

Yoongi’s expression was simply priceless at that moment. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy or scared, so he hesitated with answering and continued looking blankly at Jimin’s face. Having his boyfriend home earlier would be awesome, but was it completely fair? He had to sacrifice a part of his dream job for Yoongi, and the elder didn’t feel right about it.

“Are you sure?” he asked finally, sending Jimin a confused stare. He didn’t want younger boy to give up anything just for him, he thought he didn’t deserve that, but deeply in his heart he was hoping that, starting tomorrow, he will see his boyfriend back home earlier.

Jimin’s reply was sudden, longing and warm as he pressed a his lips against Yoongi’s, tightening his grip on elder’s waist. He couldn’t help a roguish smile crawling onto his lips as a loud, surprised moan escaped older boy’s mouth when Jimin pushed him onto his back and kneeled above him just to have a better access to his lips.

“Aren’t you too tired for this now?” Yoongi asked after a while, when Jimin was busy taking off his shirt. His own face was flushed red now and his breath harsh and heavy as he hadn’t had much opportunity to breath for last couple of minutes.

“Too tired for you?” Jimin said with a mischievous smile, moving his knee deeper between Yoongi’s tights and pressing a quick peck on boy’s neck. “Never.” he added before connecting their lips once more.

He was tired the very next day, though.

But still, worth it.

__

“Hi, hyung! Thanks for your message.” Jimin patted Hoseok’s back and flashed his usual, sunny smile. Seeing a surprised face of his hyung was a quite good reward after sleepless night spent on thinking about what had happened the day before. After talking with Yoongi, Jimin had been finally able to collect his thoughts and make some decisions, like this one about forgetting his kiss with Hoseok and acting like it never really happened. His relationship with Yoongi was way too precious for him to just waste it. The plan was easy in his head, but a lot harder to be put into action. Especially now, when he and his hyung were alone in the practice room. Hoseok had been charming and caring as always and he had sent Jimin a message last night. “I’m sorry, Jiminnie. I hope you understand what I mean. Sleep well.”. The younger boy didn’t replied though, he was afraid of writing something stupid what’d make the situation even worse. (And he was busy proving Yoongi how much he loves him in the best way he could think of, but that’s not important right now).  He thought it’ll be easier for him to destroy this new feeling towards Hoseok now, when it’s still fresh and shallow.

“That’s nothing, really. I just thought that you may be confused about what I said, so …” Hoseok answered, running fingers through his hair, messy and tangled. He was late as always, so he probably hadn’t had a time to care about his look this morning. “… I think I was a little bit too harsh on you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, you were right anyway. I have been thinking about it all yesterday and I totally agree with you. It’s little annoying, you know, this whole awkward atmosphere….” Hoseok cut Jimin off with his usual, sunny smile and a sudden, warm hug. There was nothing intimate in it, just a friendly cuddle, but Jimin still felt a little bit uncomfortable. When elder pulled away they both burst out a nervous laughter. “...yea, so I think we’re good.” younger added after a while, just before a  group of children ran into the practice room.

Hoseok’s answer was, again, just his bright smile.

Yea, we’re good.

__

“Where the have you been, huh?!”

“Tae, calm down!”

There went a cushion,  flying across the living room and hitting Hoseok’s chest.

“Answer me! Where have you been?! Do you know what time is it?!”

“I was at the academy! Where could I have been?”

Another cushion, this time it hit his shoulder.

“It’s almost 3 am and you tried to sneak in like a ing thief! Do you think I’m stupid?!”

“Tae, what do you- put that book down or I swear to Go-“

Hoseok lost his temper when a book hit his stomach. It was the first time Taehyung made such a big deal from his late homecoming. He knew it was, really, really late, but it wasn’t his fault. I mean, it was his and Jimin’s fault, because they had both forgotten to make a choreography for a new group for tomorrow, so they just had to stay this long. It was the first and probably the last time and Hoseok didn’t see how was it such a big problem.

“Tae, this is not funny! I have been working all day and all I get now is y-“

“Alone?” Taehyung seemed to be a little more calm down now, but he was still holding another book in his hands, all set and ready to throw it. He had been worrying all day long as Hoseok didn’t pick up a single call from him or answered his texts. It wasn’t unusual, but when his boyfriend wasn’t home at midnight he started to worried even more. He wanted to go to the academy and check if everything is alright, but on the other hand he thought it’ll be better to stay home, just in case Hoseok’d come back and needed some help. And here he was, all fine and in one piece.

“…what?”

“Have you been working alone?”

“Of course not!” Hoseok was truly confused now and he didn’t even try to hide his surprised face. “You know I work with Jimin, so I don’t unde-“

“Jimin! Exactly!” Tae said with weak, shaky voice, as tears suddenly started streaming down his cheeks. He couldn’t control himself anymore, he tried to act calm and cool, but he felt miserably. “You’re back home at 3 am and you are say-“ Tae sighed deeply after his voice cracked a little bit and stopped Hoseok from coming up to him by raising up the book in his hand.”-… and you’re saying that you have been just working with Jimin, huh?” His last sentence turned into a whisper as a breath hitch in his throat, making him unable to speak.

“What are you talking about? Are you jealous of J-“

“I don’t want to hear this now. And I don’t want to see you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok. Not “Hobi”.

The elder watched Taehyung walking away to their bed room, wiping his tears off using his own sleeve. Hoseok didn’t make a move as he knew it’d be better to give him some minutes to calm down. He had to collect his own thoughts, too. It was surprising how Tae started to be suspicious, he wasn’t like this before. He had usually trusted Hoseok, he hadn’t been jealous of his friends at work or anyone else, so … why now? It was weird even more as Hoseok thought about Jimin’s argument with Yoongi. Did they change in any way after their kiss? Were they acting different lately? Or Tae’s and Yoongi’s prosecutions were just a sign of a worry?

“Tae, can I come in?” Hoseok made sure his voice was soft and comforting before even trying talking to his boyfriend. He wanted to solve this right away, talk the problem through, show Tae that his worries are unfounded and he should trust Hoseok more. “Tae, is everything alright?”

“Go away, I don’t want to talk now.” his answer was weak and quiet, followed by deep sigh and crying noises.

“Tae, let me in…”

“No, go away!” this time Taehyung’s voice was much louder, but still hoarse and cracking. Hoseok tried to open the door but it was obviously locked. He sighed before realizing how much he screwed it up. He should have realized sooner that involving himself into deeper relation with Jimin would be problematic. He haven’t even done anything yet in that direction and problems started appearing by themselves.

Hoseok sat down on the floor, resting his back against the bedroom door.  He could still hear Taehyung crying behind them, but he was helpless now. He could try talking with him but it’d not make too much sense now as Tae was still angry.

Is he really thinking I’m cheating on him with Jimin?

“Tae, please, don’t cry…” this sentence escaped Hoseok’s mouth against his will, and it sounded so pathetic it made himself wanted to cry, too.

Tae should not hear me crying.

After a few minutes of silence in the room behind his back, Hoseok assumed that Tae must have been so tired that he have fallen asleep.

So he hid his face in his hand and started crying by himself, quietly and privately, making sure no one will hear it.

And he wasn’t even sure if he’s crying because of anger or sadness.

Or just because he made Tae cry.

A couple of minutes have passed before his own tears put Hoseok to sleep.

_________________________

What do you think guys? Is it good? Because I think it's just ... meh~