She was Always.. Understanding..
 

"Oppa!"

"Seoyeon-ah I'm busy now. I'll call you later alright?"

"Neh.. Oppa Sara-"

And the call ended. Seoyeon sighed. Ryeowook has been so busy for his new album preparations just starting recently that they haven't even got a proper phone call with each other for days. But Seoyeon smiled.

"Kwenchana!" She said aloud, standing up from her chair that she was sitting on in her room. "Ryeowook oppa is working hard for his career so I will support him!"

 

"What are you screaming about, yeonie?"

"Ah! Nothing omma~"

Seoyeon's omma took a peek into her room. "Weren't you talking with Ryeowook-sshi?"

"Well.. he was busy so.." Seoyeon did a little sad face, pouted, but smiled again cheerfully "But he said he'll call later!"

"Alright. Then we shall head for your appointment. Ready to go?"

"Neh~"

 

---

"Ryeowook ah. Someone's looking for you"

"Oh? I'll be there~"

Finishing up the round of rehearsal, Ryeowook jogged out with a towel on his hand, wiping off his sweat while heading to see who's looking for him.

 

"Tadaaaaa!"

Seoyeon popped out as Ryeowook came to the door, on her hands a beautifully wrapped bento. She smiled.

"Oh Seoyeon?"

He was a little surprised seeing her. "What are you doing here at the practice studio?"

"I got you bento!" Her eyes were shaped like crescent as she smiled so happily at the sight of him and the sound of his voice.

 

"Bento? Wah~ You never got me one of these before~ What's the special date~"

Ryeowook took the bento from her hands, turning it around and exploring the food. So carelessly concentrated that he never caught a glimpse of the slight change in Seoyeon's eyes.

"N..Nothing~ I just thought you're busy so I should get you some food"

"Oh! Actually we ate dinner already.." Ryeowook recalled; he actually did have dinner already. He turned his head and looked at the time on the clock hanging in the studio. "Woah! It's already this late. Shouldn't you be home by now, Seoyeon? Didn't you have work earlier?"

 

"Ah..! Neh! But.. I was just worried about oppa so.."

"Ahhh I forgot to call you again. Mianhae.. I was busy with rehearsals"

"Kwenchana..! As long as oppa is working hard.."

 

"Ryeowook ah! We're starting!"

"Neh!"

Ryeowook looked back at Seoyeon "Mian.. I'll call you after I'm done, neh?"

"Hmm.. Araso"

 

---

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Oppa!"

"Oh Seoyeon ah"

"Oppa what are you doing?"

"Rehearsals"

"Oh.."

"Wae?"

"Aniya.. I just want to hear your voice"

 

Ryeowook gave a small smile although he's tired.

"Didn't you just see me this morning?"

"Nehh.."

"..."

"Oppa!"

"Wae?"

"Bogoshipo.."

 

Ryeowook then gave a small sigh.

"Seoyeon ah, you do know oppa is busy right"

"Neh"

"Seoyeon ah"

"Neh?"

"You already called me 5 times today.."

"Oh.."

 

Ryeowook knew he was too busy these days. That was why he finally was able to take out time in the morning to meet Seoyeon for an hour. He knew he wasn't being fair to his girl. That was why he tried to make it up in an hour. Maybe it wasn't enough. But then again. He is busy.

"Oppa will call you later when I'm done okay?"

"Araso.."

 

---

(flashback)

"What do you mean, omma? Why can't I-"

"No!"

 

Seoyeon was flustered and almost angry as she confronted her omma.

"Omma! I don't get it, why?"

"He's an idol. Having a lot of work on his hands all day long. He don't even have time to take care of you!"

"He's just busy with the upcoming album now. That's all!"

"He can't take care of you Seoyeon ah!"

"Omma you just keep saying he can't take care of me but how can you be so sure?!"

 

At this time, Seoyeon's appa came in.

"Seoyeon ah.. listen to your omma"

Her eyes widened and she tried to fight back "But-"

"He can't."

"Appa.. Why? You had always supported me, why-"

"He can't."

 

"What do you mean by he..can't?"

"He can't.. He wouldn't be able to take it.. Losing you.."

"W..What?"

There was a silence.

"Appa.. What do you mean.."

 

"Your heart.. Is failing.."

 

---

I should have known.. Something was wrong when she changed..

 

"Seoyeon ah how many times did I tell you not to come to the recording studio?"

Seoyeon kept quiet. Its been more than a week. Ryeowook took a breath.

"Don't you have work?"

"I.. quitted.."

"What? Why?"

 

Because I wanted to spend more time with you..

"Nothing.. It's just.. I wanted to change job.."

Ryeowook had a small frown.

"Seyeon you know-"

"Ryeowook!" The director's voice was heard.

"Uh!"

 

Ryeowook gave Seoyeon a look as she stared at the floor at the time he had started to raise his voice.

"Go home first.."

He said it in a calm and deeper voice than his usual, while he headed back to work without looking back. Seoyeon look at his back. Her heart clenched a little, but she controlled it. She know Ryeowook was getting stressed up. She understands.

 

Small white puffs of her hot breath can be seen as Seoyeon made her way home. It was winter and the wind blew. Seoyeon had enough clothing on, but her hands still felt cold. Her heart hurt little by little as she arranged her own thoughts the whole time until she got to her home doorstep. She took in quite an amount of air at one go, and let it out again. And she smiled. At least she have to smile in front of her parents.

 

And then suddenly, her puffs of hot breath was no longer regular. The white clouds appeared and then disappeared for a longer interval, and appeared again. Seoyeon supported her body against the door with one hand as her other hand held onto her chest. It hurt sharply with every breath she took in.

Calm down.. Seoyeon.. Calm down..!

It took a short while before the small white puffs was produced at a stable rate again. Seoyeon's whole body shook at every breath she exhaled, as if her body was telling her how relieved they felt to be able to receive oxygen again. The floor had a small pool as Seoyeon's tears fell from her eyes which had accumulated the liquid at the thought and fear of her heart stopping.

 

It's not time yet.

 

---

(flashback)

"Seoyeon ah! Kwenchana?!"

 

She breathed heavily as Ryeowook panicked. He knew she shouldn't be out in the cold winter too long.

"Where's your inhaler?"

She shook her head.

"You didn't bring it?!"

She held onto his hands while she was having difficulty in supplying air for her body. Ryeowook didn't know what to do, but only to allow Seoyeon to have enough time to manage her breathing while supporting her physically and mentally. Seoyeon's cold hands have both Ryeowook's warm hands on hers as she held them tightly. So tightly.

 

It was only after some time, her breath returned to normal. Ryeowook, relieved, lifted his hands to cup his girl's face and wiped off her tears at the same time. She smiled.

"Pabo. You had me scared there and you can still smile?"

"Mianhae oppa~"

"Bring your inhaler next time, araso?"

"Shiro"

 

Ryeowook stared at her

"Yah." He pretended to be angry

"As long as I have oppa by my side, I'll be fine!"

"Yah... This isn't funny"

"Really oppa!

 

Don't you know? Any of these asthma attacks can be healed as long as I have oppa's warm hands holding mine at anytime and anywhere.

As long as I hold it tightly, I can overcome anything without medication.

 

As long as oppa hold my hands with his warmth, I'll be fine!"

 

---

Sometimes.. I really wish I could stay by your side for every minute.. every second..

 

"You know I don't like it when you do that, right?"

Seoyeon kept quiet.

 

Ryeowook was trying to control himself. Of course, he knew it was not entirely her fault. He didn't give her enough because of his schedule. But she should also know, he hate it.

"It's too much." He started, thought for a while, and continued. "It's disrupting my work, you should know that"

Seoyeon still kept quiet. For the past few days, she had been visiting Ryeowook as he did his work. So often that Ryeowook could not concentrate. Coming by every few hours or at least texting every half an hour. He's tired enough from work, and now this.

 

Ryeowook looked at Seoyeon.

"You don't do this in the past.. What's wrong now?"

 

---

(flashback)

"But but but..!"

"No buts!"

 

Seoyeon pouted. It was just a party.

"It's not just a party."

"But oppa..!"

"No."

 

She then landed herself on the sofa with the pout still on her face, and started kicking the air in rebellion. Ryeowook took a glance at his girl, gave a small sigh, and hesitated. In fact, he knew himself it was indeed, just a party. Nothing will happen to Seoyeon anyway; her identity as his girlfriend has already been official. Basically, people knows she taken.

Basically, it's just him.

 

He never allowed his girl clinging onto him everyday, but he also never allowed her to stay too far. Sometimes, he dislike it that she doesn't worry about the concerns that he has. But at the same time, sometimes, or more like most of the time, things would work out because she understands. Her understanding makes his heart melt; her innocence makes him want to protect her even more.

And so, sometimes, Ryeowook hate it himself when he realises that he should also give her the same understanding she had always given him.

 

"No guys."

Seoyeon's eyes light up and she nodded quickly.

"No drinking."

"Roger!"

 

Ryeowook gave another sigh as he gave in.

"Fine.. you can go"

"Yay!!!"

Seoyeon jumped up from her position and ran to give her man a tight hug, while still jumping up and down. "Komawo oppa!"

 

He gave a smile as he Seoyeon's hair while she is in his embrace. And then in his gentle voice, he spoke.

"You know oppa is just worried, neh?"

"Hmm.."

"Mianhae.. For being over-protective.."

She giggled. "And possessive..!"

 

"Yah..!"

"Aniya aniya~ I mean, oppa is the best~"

Ryeowook can't help but smile so widely as he lowered his head and placed it on Seoyeon's shoulder,tightening the hug. He may be strict or cold in relationships, but he knows.

 

There's this one girl who can melt him every single time without fail.

 

---

If only.. I had understood your actions more..

"Mianhae.."

 

Seoyeon whispered softly but loud enough for Ryeowook to hear. Ryeowook was not stupid. He knew there was something suspicious about her actions those few weeks. Something was wrong. But he was too tired to find out there and then. He just need some air.

"I think.. We need some time alone.."

It was something Ryeowook never wanted to say, but he was tired so he had to say it. To him, it would be better this way for both of them, for now.

 

She pinched her fingers together as her tears threatened to fall. Maybe this was what her parents feared.

The fear of losing.

They knew it would happen. That was why they wanted her to end it sooner, a month ago. The sooner the better, the lesser the pain. Because her parents knew how hard it will be for them, so they could predict how bad it will be for Ryeowook as well.

 

Signs of a heart failure. Born with a weak body, Seoyeon had to always take extra care with her body. Asthma was once her biggest enemy, and now this enemy brought her the biggest nightmare, to take away her life with her heart. It wasn't that there was absolutely no hope for her. It was just that the chances of finding a heart transplant for her would be so scarce that it might be almost impossible within the time frame, looking at how bad her condition is. Furthermore, she refused to stay in the hospital. In fact, her parents refused to. Staying in the hospital or not, her days left aren't much different. They would rather she do things she like, and be with people she love.

 

Ryeowook.

It would be such a pain for him, Seoyeon's parents thought. The best plan they had for her is to end it. But Seoyeon refused. She couldn't end it, yet she also couldn't reveal the truth to him. He had enough stress to deal with in work; she didn't want to pile it up for him. She just wanted to do what she could for him until she can't anymore. That is how she love him.

 

But it didn't work. It didn't at all. She made him more tired. And she probably made him stressed up too. She understands, how Ryeowook will never say anything more than what he just said. Because she understands, how much he loves her. The way he loves her was through his heart, not actions. No one else could understand him more than her, how he loves her.

 

And because he loves her, he could never imagine how it would be like, without her.

This. Seoyeon herself knows it too well.

It is also because she understands this.

That she had no choice.

 

"Br..Break.. up.."

Seoyeon carefully formed the words. The words that he would never, ever say. He wanted time, not break up.

But time was, exactly what Seoyeon doesn't have anymore.

 

Ryeowook, who was initially about to turn away, now stared at Seoyeon. He wanted to say something, anything; his lips parted, but nothing was heard. He never, ever, spoke of breaking up. Not ever in past relationships, and definitely not with Seoyeon. His love for her was so much, so wide, like the never-ending stretch of galaxies in space. He could never, imagine himself without her.

He was so taken aback. It was as if his heart stopped.

"Seoyeon ah.."

 

That voice of his. It was this gentle voice that always gave Seoyeon so much warmth.

But this time, the same gentle voice was filled with so much pain, so much sorrow, so much love.

Her heart hurts.

But she thought. At least. This hurt now would be for the only time, and it will be the last.

 

This sweet voice. Will never sound so painful ever again in the future.

 

---

(flashback)

"Namja..?!"

"...Uh.. But it's just my childhood oppa..!"

 

Ryeowook's eyes widened.

"Oppa..?!"

"Uhh.." Seoyeon acknowledged. "We knew each other since childhood.. But there's nothing between us..!"

"..Why is he a oppa.."

 

Seoyeon stared at Ryeowook. "He's older than me by 2years?"

She continued staring as she saw his face stiffened a little. Then she starting giggling, and Ryeowook gave her a look.

"Yah! It isn't funny"

"Oppa, you're just bothered that I called him oppa too right?"

 

"A..ani!"

Ryeowook looked away, feeling childishly angry and yet embarrassed at the fact that his child act was discovered. Seoyeon just had to look and she knew what he was thinking. While still giggling, she hooked her arms around Ryeowook and clung onto his body. He showed a small sign of shock, but continued looking away.

"Oppa~"

 

The sound of his girl sweetly calling him oppa, made Ryeowook's smile naturally appear and heated up his face a little. He always love hearing Seoyeon calling him oppa. As a man, although being a rather small sized male, he want to be always able to hold her tight and be her knight. Being a man who can shoulder all her worries and give her the best.  It makes him feel important and dependent.

It made him melt.

 

Seoyeon lied her head on Ryeowook's chest as he wrapped his arms around her in an embrace.

"Oppa"

"Hmm?"

"Your arms are so warm. The weather's so cold, how can you even stay so warm?"

 

Ryeowook smiled again at his sweet girl.

"Because i have you, pabo"

 

---

It is for the best.. Because I love you..

Almost immediately after hearing his voice calling her name so painfully, she turned her back from Ryeowook as her tears rushed down her cheeks.

"Mianhae..Saranghae.."

 

Ryeowook didn't hear those words that were only mouthed and not voiced. He watched as Seoyeon slowly walked away. Away from him.

But his legs wouldn't move. Only tears overflowed from his eyes.

His heart hurts.

So much.

And he doesn't know what to do.

 

He may not have been the best boyfriend, but he knew from deep inside his own heart.

He love her.

So much.

 

It was only after some distance that she is away from him that Ryeowook finally woke back up. That small distance. It may seem small but he felt so lost, so empty.

All in that instance. He realised.

He just can't.

Having her away from him.

 

He ran up to her as she slowed down her pace, pulling Seoyeon into his arms.

"Saranghae.."

The words poured out from him as Ryeowook back-hugged Seoyeon, holding her so tightly. Because he doesn't want her to walk away from him anymore.

He have not even said anything yet. He have not done anything for her yet. Ryeowook himself doesn't know why and how this got so serious right from the start. If he had known tears would be involved, he would have been more understanding. He would have embraced her and hear things out first. He started blaming himself for letting the situation going out of control. He blamed himself for making her upset. He blamed himself for allowing her a chance to say those words. He blamed himself for not understanding.

 

His tears continued falling. He doesn't want her distanced. He doesn't want to lose her.

He doesn't want her to leave him.

"Don't go.."

 

Seoyeon felt the force behind her as he made skinship. But Seoyeon wasn't concern about that. It was exactly that few seconds that she felt as if someone pierced her heart as she slowed down her steps. The pain on her chest suffocated her. Unlike other times, she was given no room for air. Her heart squeezed. More tears gathered. Just before his warm hands could touch her. Just before she could hear those words from him.

 

Her heart stopped.

 

---

(flashback)

"I love you I love you
More than anyone I know

The person I’m always missing
That person is you
But these sad whispers can only be heard by you
If I love you and love you more"

 

"Oppa this is a sad song"

Ryeowook paused. "Neh. Wae?"

"Nothing.. I guess it's okay. Since my oppa's voice is so mesmerising, it doesn't matter what song he's singing, Seoyeon will listen to oppa sing"

 

Ryeowook's lips curved and formed a smile. He ran his hands though Seoyeon's hair while she laid on his laps. And he continued singing.

"The day when you come to know my heart
Then I wonder if you will say you love me too
I will wait just a little more until you will come to me

The person that is always lonely
That person is me
Though I am standing behind you today
I wonder if I will stand next to you tomorrow
If I love you and love you more"

 

Seoyeon turned her face and dug her head into Ryeowook's chest. Holding his girl's hands, Ryeowook closed his eyes and fell asleep shortly, a result of his sleepless nights due to his tight schedules. Another reason why he could close his eyes without worries is because his girl is right in front of him. When he wakes up, she will still be there, on his lap, sleeping for an even longer time than him. So that he will be able to watch as his girl dreams. So that he will be able to protect her.

 

But little did Ryeowook know, as he fell asleep, Seoyeon's tears flowed to soak his shirt. And she whispered softly.

"Mianhae oppa.. If you were to become lonely.. Seoyeon will take all the blame..

 

If only Seoyeon could.. Seoyeon wants to stay with Ryeowook oppa forever..

I really.. really want to..

 

Oppa..

Saranghae.."

 

---

Don't.. Leave my heart alone..

"Jebal.."

 

Ryeowook pleaded amongst his cries with Seoyeon in his arms. Her hands were ice cold as he squeezed them.

"Didn't you say..? As long as oppa hold your hands, you'll be fine..?"

But Seoyeon didn't move.

 

With his tears flowing non-stop, Ryeowook shook his head in disbelief. He kept calling her name as his heart bled. He doesn't mind if he was in pain; he just wants to hear his girl respond "Oppa". His cries contained so much. Grief. Hurt. So bad that he was almost suffocating from the great amount of sudden distress. This is just so sudden that the pain in his heart just wouldn't stop. His heart hurts so much it's unbearable.

His girl was gone.

All of a sudden.

And so is his heart.

 

"Ottoke..?

Seoyeon ah..

My Seoyeon ah..

 

You know right..?

How much oppa loves you..

 

But..

If you leave me now..

Ottoke..?

My heart.."

 

Seoyeon's beautiful face was flawless, expressionless, and cold.

Ryeowook cupped them with his warm hands; his hot tears fell as his heart was torn apart.

"How can anyone else..

Make oppa's cold heart love like you did..?"