Don't Look At Me Like That- Myungyeol / AU Non-Infinite Idolverse. Songfic

            When the lights start to turn off, I quietly go to meet you

               I ran to you as quickly as I could, disregarding what they'd say against it. The streets lights are bright and blinding. As I run past the crowds in fear of being recognized, I only had you in my thoughts; thoughts of us and how scared I am if we had to face them, but there is no helping it. My heart raced as I thought about the many possibilities of getting caught.

               I lowered my head and pulled down my hat attempting to hid my face as I made way through the crowded subway station, hiding the mobile device within my palm to check for your call. My heart can't stay still at the thoughts of you; at how your voice sounded on the phone just a few minutes ago. It's a hard time for us.

               I cursed at the fact that the subway was still crowded at this ungodly hours. I looked around from side to side checking the surrounding, checking for the safest spot away from familiar eyes; from people who could recognize me. The phone buzzed in my hand notifying me of a caller.

               "Yeoboseyo? Yeh, I'm  on my way...yeh...I miss you too baby. Wait...Sungyeolie, I love you." I whispered the last part almost inaudibly. God I miss your voice even though we were just on the phone a few moments ago before I left my dorm. I couldn't help it, you sounded so troubled. My heart almost stopped when two set of eyes looked up at me.

               "Aren't you Myungsoo Oppa?" A girl asks earnestly.

               "Oppa can you sign?" The other girl says.

               I hesitated in answering them, but by default nodded subtly, trying to avoid further attention. I was saved by the ringing buzz from the subway as the train made it's stop. They left in discontent. I could hear them whisper amongst each other as they walk away.

               "Is Oppa dating someone? I heard him say I love you." The shorter girl asks her friend.

               "Yeh, I heard him say that too! B..But did you also Oppa say Sungyeolie?"

               "You must've misheard. I didn't hear anything like that."

               "No, I swear I heard him say Sungyeolie. Does he mean THE Sungyeol Oppa of _X_ boy group?"

               "I'm sure you misheard Oppa is not gay..."

               "Omomooo What if they're dating...that means our Oppa is gay?"

               "Shut up! That's probably not it. You misheard, but I wonder who is Oppa dating?...Ahh this breaks nerve wrecking..."

               My heart sank with each words they said. I can't take it, if this jeopardizes our relationship. Even if it's dangerous I can risk it, I can't risk losing you. I won't make it.

               A flower blooms in the world that’s only filled with thorns

               With caution I took the back route around the building leading up to the Apartment. It's late, but I can't be too careful. It's ridiculous that I'm acting like a criminal just to go see my own lover. It hurts that while you're hurting I can't hug you. One thing I'm  grateful for  is that the company don't require you to live at the dorm 7 days a week when there isn't promotion. I want to be with you, and this is our only escape away from watchful eyes. The only place I get to be with you.

               I found you on the floor staring off into nothing, sitting amongst empty bottles and cans. I closed the door quickly behind me and ran to you. It hurts when you pushed me off in the midst of frustration. I studied the scene before me, and your tearful face. I wanted to kiss away all your tears, but the only thing I could do was them away as they fall down your cheeks.

               I know it's hard, but please stay with me; stay strong despite whatever they may say. You cried harder in my arms. I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you at the hardest times, when you had to face them alone. The harsh criticisms, I know how they bother you, I know how much they hurt because they hurt me the same. Out of frustrations I tore up those horrible headlines and threw the papers across the far side of the table.

               "Myungsoo ah...thanks for coming." You whispered to me gathering each breath. I shook my head at your words and pressed my lips on yours.

               I know sometimes it's hard to breath, but for me please don't stop breathing. As long as we're together we can get through anything, right?

               I kissed you more with each cry and tremble that came from your lips.

               Why? Why not?
               They whisper and go against us
               Why? Why not?
               We’re so in love

               Things got better after that day, but it didn't stay that way for long. I guess we got ahead of ourselves. How silly was I to think they didn't notice, what a fool I was to think they wouldn't catch on...

               It's probably my fault that day. After our heated argument, we made up and I couldn't wait to be close to you as soon as possible because I missed those nights of being next to you. So, I had to do it. I had to lean in towards you during that stage encore, pretending to whisper something in your ears, but reality it was a facade; my "subtle" way of kissing you. To think we thought we could get away with it and even held hands throughout the whole encore. The other artists were too busy within their own social network to noticed, and our members were busy giving out fan service, and greeting other performers to notice us. What fools we were?

               The managers called us into the head office the next morning. They were furious by the new headlines. The President slapped the papers violently on the desks ordering us both to have a look. I stood still, already expecting what was coming next; as you picked up the papers to have a look. Your eyes changed slowly as they travels across the article. They continue to curse us, but we endured it, for our love we'll endure.

               Don’t look at me like that

               They ordered us to keep things on the down low, to not touch each other in public anymore, and to not even make eye contact for more than even one minute, or else they'd have to separate us for real. This was hardest for me.

               I looked at you and saw your eyes linger on me for a second, but you looked away coldly. Your eyes; the sadness within them hurts me. I held my fists until the knuckles turned white. It hurts me that we have to be this way. It hurts me that while the others can be close to you, but I can't. I look away avoiding eye contact with everyone, because I don't think I can hold it in much longer if I had to see more of this pathetic reality.

               Even as subtle as I tried to be; brushing my shoulders against yours as we stood on the stage, my hand brushed lightly on your fingers holding them briefly for a second; You took a step back distancing yourself from me. I had to hide the hurt, but I know it probably hurt you more that you had to do this. When I turn to look at you I saw the red in your eyes. I feel guilty.  

               We’re just in love, that’s all
               Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us
               We’re just a little different

               Just leave us alone

               Can’t we live in a world where time stands still?

               Yes, those damn headlines caused all this, but who is to blame but ourselves right? How dare we hold onto each other in the public eye. How dare we go off privately on our own time, because shame on me for holding your hands while we walked through the street thinking no one had followed us. How dare I wrap these arms around you as we sat in the dark theatres, and how dare you rest your head on my shoulders... How dare we kiss each other goodnight.

              
               Why? Why not?
               We did nothing wrong
               Why? Why not?

               You kept asking me...      

               Why can't we just simply be together? Why do we have to hide it? Really, I know you weren't just asking me, but yourself as well. I'm sorry I don't have an answer to that. It hurts me too. It hurts me too, that things had to be this way.

               In public we tried to keep our distance, but sometimes we'd forget, and I find myself making way back to you. They scorned us for that.

               The Company got them to believe that it wasn't us in those pictures. They had them believe it wasn't us in the scandal. I hate that word: Scandal.

               Why is our love a scandal?

               We’re so in love

               Don’t look at me like that

               Every time your eyes land on me I could feel how hurt you are while we stand before the crowd, with a degree of separation between us. How I wish I can forget this world, a world that doesn't just belong to us, but that's impossible to do, because we can't live just for us. Everyone we love, everyone we care about could be hurt if we loved so openly.

                I really just want to push everything away and run to you. I just want to tell everyone that the one I love is you.

              
               We’re just in love, that’s all
               Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us
               We’re just a little different
               Just leave us alone

               Tell Me What Is Wrong
               Tell Me What Is Wrong

               These nights are painful for me, to have to watch  you hide yourself. I know you don't mean to be that way. I know you don't mean to avoid me, but you have a way of dealing with things on your own that even I can't understand sometimes. I just hope that you'll reach your own conclusion, and come back to me soon.

               Baby, please don't hurt anymore.

               I don't think they'll ever understand how much we mean to each other. They wouldn't understand how much I need you. They wouldn't know how much I need you, because you're always there in my mind.

               Tell Me What Is Love
               Tell Me What Is Love

               These days I question myself regarding many things. What's important? What's priority? What really matters? I feel drained. I think I might burst. I feel clock ticking away, and my heart will collapse if things continue to stay this way.

               Sungyeol-ah do you know I can't live without you? And I know you can't live without me. I'm really going crazy. You're the only one that keeps me sane.

               I see you getting worse and worse; day by day the more we hide ourselves, the more we lie, the more we deny our feelings, and it driving me crazy.

               I want to love however I want
               I won’t change no matter what anyone says

               I'm sorry to everyone. I'm really sorry. But, I can't lie anymore. I can't keep being sorry to us.

               It must've shocked everyone when I pulled you into my arms and held you for the longest time. You were shock, but you didn't pull way. I brushed away your sweat drenched bangs, and I kissed you once on the forehead, and once on your lips.

               "Forgive me,..."

               That was the first thing I said when we pulled away from each other.

               Don’t look at me like that
               We’re just in love, that’s all
               Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us
               We’re just a little different
               Just leave us alone

               The stage lights blinds me, but it helps lessen the shocked and hateful eyes that set upon us.

               Your hands grew cold and shaking at first, so I held onto them firmly. I know inside we both want this. You slowly adjusted into my hold, and our bodies worked in a link. I found myself bowing along with you to the crowd.  

               Together, as long as we're together.