❝my happy little pill;
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                                  take me away.. dry my eyes , bring colour to my skies

He can't get her off his head , he can't forget about what he did , he can't even sleep because of it . he cry , he beg , he's desperate for her . he needed her , he needed her so much that it hurts him to move on , to move on in his miserable life he's making . He couldn't stay away from her , he couldn't let his eyes go away from her . he will always look over her , even from afar. 

Ever since their horrible fight and break up , it was him that couldn't get enough of her , it was him who couldn't get away from her . because he loves her too much to even erase her from his mind , his life. And frankly speaking , she's still love him as much as he is. But the past is too painful for her to accept it. 

the past is the past , Jinri .. please 

he beg as he remember that night the fought. He made a huge mistake , he knows , he knows he did a stupid mistake in the past that lead them into a huge and horrible fight. He knows he was wrong and he couldn't just go back the time and fix it because we don't have a time control remote or something . He can't go back , he knows he can't . He tried to fix his mistake before , he did everything just to please her , but it never make her smile . 

She cried. 

Everything he did was wrong to her . She couldn't look at him like she used to , she just can't.. even though she tried because she's still love him .. but the past .. it's too painful for her to forget . it kept coming in and haunt her every night that will make her cry . 

Ever since then , she left his place back to hers , away from him though her heart says don't . And now he's in his apartment that doesn't even look like his comfy and calm apartment before . There's junk everywhere , torn out curtains and filthy clothes everywhere. He doesn't know how to live anymore , He doesn't know what to do with his life after she left . Everything is just pieces of crap. 

He couldn't turn back though his heart tells him to do so , his body refuses. All he needs right now is Jinri , her love , her laughs and smiles , her everything . he needed that life back. His life is ruined. Though most of the girls in his favourite bar tried to hook him up , he won't even bother to look at them , all he did was drink and left . There's only and only Jinri in his head , in his heart . nobody can replace her . 

i need you .. i need you back .. 

Turning the knob as he push the door open to look at the filthy apartment before his eyes , there's nothing wrong with it in his eyes , everything is just as perfect as he is , his life .. the ruined life of his. this is perfect for him. Slaming the door shut behind his back , he collapse on the floor after tons of massive mug of beer he just drank. 

He had been drinking ever since the day she left , the only reason why he drink so much is because he wanted to forget about his terrible mistake. not Jinri but his stupid mistake. 

Looking up to the small corner , he sees tons of empty orange coloured bottles scattered on the floor and there's one left still full of his happy little pills . He knows what he did was wrong , but he just couldn't help but to get the pill just because he wanted to be happy , he hates being alone and miserable. the pill did everything in his head , he can see Jinri's smiles , he can hear her soft giggles in his ears , he can see her making love with him and he can feel the kisses she give..

Everytime he take the pill , he'd fall asleep afterward with tears in his eyes , but joy in his heart . This is the only way , he thought. the only way he can get close to Jinri , though he knows it was all just an illusion , he wouldn't mind as long as he can see Jinri's sweet smile in front of his eyes. 

All their sweet memories together came back after he consumed his pill , it's addictive . he's addicted to it. Sometimes he'd consume it twice even worse , 3 times a day just because he needed it. he couldn't stay away from this thing so called happy little pill. 

i couldn't believe of what you had done for me . this is beautiful Taemin.. thank you so much. i love you. i love you..

A single tear slid down his cheek as the memory of them together during her birthday party that he'd done just for her came in his head and play it all night long . there's tears yet there's a soft smile of his plastered on his face. 

The night went along with the pill plays good memories of theirs to him , and the reality came back after his alarm clock rings next to his ear making him jolted in his place. The reality is worse than his dreams . but he knows that this is coming anyways, he couldn't run away from it. 

It's raining heavily outside as he got on his feet , standing tall by the window as he tried to breathe in fresh air. He doesn't look horrible , yet he doesn't look like the healthy Taemin like before . His face gotten smaller a bit as the pill has taken over his body. Even though lovely memories that the pill had given him is beautiful, there's always a bad side of it . 

He showered , he did but it never look lively like the old Taemin. The strangers would still look at him normally but his friends won't . they can clearly see the difference between the old Taemin and this one even though he's still wearing the same thing he does before. shorts and shirts . he looks normal during the day but miserable during night time. 

As the clock ticking away , he drive his car to the other side of Watermonth called Crystalmill , where Jinri is staying now whilst he stays in Summerhill that is 4 to 5 hours away. He knows her schedule quiet well after the long 8 months being separated from each other. and the reason behind how he knows her schedule well is from his friend in Crystalmill .. Kim Jongin . 

Who is Jinri's best friend in Crystalmill since they were in middle school , and his girlfriend , Jung Soojung is Taemin's best friend back in Summerhill during their high school years. They got along very well and always go on a double date , together with Taemin and Jinri but it all stopped when she left and Jongin got offered for a job in Crystalmill whilst Soojung stays behind with her family's business. 

But they will always meet each other even though it will take him 4 to 5 hourse drive from Crystalmill back to Summerhill. He wouldn't mind and same goes to Taemin. Even though they are not together anymore , he wouldn't mind going there even if he's stuck in a hectic traffic jam , he will still be there to look after her. to make sure she's doing all fine. 

He stops quite far from her apartment after the long 4 hours drive , tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he wait patiently for his favourite girl to come out from her apartment to the cab that is waiting for her. He knows that she'll be heading off to her own coffee shop that she owns for quite some times now , It was always her family that take over her coffee shop instead of herself. 

His heart beat skipped a beat when he saw her walking down the stairs with the medium length hair of hers bouncing on her shoulders as she jumped a little before stopping by the cab. She looks incredible in that beautiful floral dress of her , that stops right before her knees showing her milky white legs. 

He smile a little when he sees a soft smile creep on his girl's face before she gets into the cab that drives away from him. He knows that she's doing all fine , she's doing all good even without him by her side. but he knows that little thing in her that nobody can't read. She's still missing him. he can see it through her shimmering eyes. 

Heaving a long soft sigh , he drive away to her coffee shop. He'd stay there in the car until 4pm in the evening and leave back to Summerhill without even waiting for her to go back to her place because he knows that she will go back with her older sister and she will drop her off. 

The day spent just like that for him but it was all perfect and enough for him , to look at her smiling so beautifully to every person that came into her lovely coffee shop and how she laughs softly whilst making her favourite drink , sitting down on the usual place , right at the corner at the back and he can see her clearly through the glass wall. How her eyes wandering around and stop at the floral shop next to hers and smile beautiful before her look changes a little as she stare blankly up to the blue skies . He can see her look changed completely from happy to sad in split seconds. 

He couldn't help but to heave a long sigh , knowing that it was all his fault afterall .. 

i'm sorry

His doorbell rings making him arch a brow , the door hasn't ring for quite some time now . it its ever ring , it will always be Jinri. he walk towards the door , hesitating to open the door , pulling the door slowly and heave a sigh of relieve to only see Soojung standing tall behind the door

"what are you doing here" 

The girl rolled her eyes before putting her phone back in her handbag that hang on her arm 

"can't i come and visit my best friend? can't i come in?" 

He look back to see his messy apartment , he look back to his friend who waits patiently in the cold chilly night 

"lets go for a walk instead" 

"fine then, i'll wait downstairs" 

She never come often , the last time she came here was few days before they got into a huge fight and break up. After that , they'd go out for a chill night , the night where he will always talk about Jinri and Soojung wouldn't mind because she knows that he needed someone to talk with . Jongin couldn't be here always as he always in Crystalmill, he'd be with Jinri most of the time. 

He put on his favourite brown jumper that Jinri gave him for his birthday. He'd always have them on when the night gets chilly and how he feel the warmth Jinri always gave him through this jumper. He fixes his hair as he tried not to look miserable infront of his best friend who already knew about him being miserable but doesn't have any clue of him taking pill..

The night went on with the two best friend walking down the street after a nice cup of coffee in the middle of the night. He tried to calm himself for not having any beer tonight , he's trying to distance himself from any alcoholic drinks but it will always happen when Soojung is here , if he's all alone , he'd end up in the convenience store buying tons of beer bottles. 

Soojung doesn't have any clue of him drinking so badly . She knows him liking to drink but he will only drink when he's with his friend in a bar , he'd never buy any alcoholic drinks to have them back in home. he never did that before . never. 

"so you went to Crystalmill today?" the blonde one asked as she hug herself with her leather jacket

"yeah.. she looks lovely Soojung.." he mumble , gaining a soft smile from the girl 

Sometimes it hurts her to know how miserable her best friend is , how needy he is to have his girl back. she knows Jinri well too, she still loves him. Jongin always have a small talk with Jinri once or twice a week. He knows everything and he'd always tell Soojung about it but Soojung didn't tell Taemin any of them 

Because she's afraid . Afraid that he'd feel like he'll have the chance to be with Jinri again . there is but the chances are so thin because of how she couldn't still forget about that night , the painful night and she couldn't forgive him yet. 

"i know i did wrong. i know i did a huge mistake. i tried to explain to her but she wouldn't listen.." he mumble under his breath

"i cursed myself for doing such things. Soojung, you know how much i love her .. i feel so bad. i'm useless. i'm useless.. i couldn't fulfill her needs. i'm a bad person.." 

Soojung got her eyes teary as he continues , having her hand on his back and patting on his back softly , trying to calm him down. She couldn't look at him like this anymore. He got thinner , he couldn't stop blaming himself for disappoint Jinri and never keep his promises. 

They got back to his place and Soojung told him to get a good rest , he let out all his feelings towards her and how much she knows that he misses Jinri. 

"take a good rest okay, i'll come again in few days. we'll talk" 

Sitting on his bed , with a pill on his palm . he open his mouth as he take the pill and consume it. He needed it , he need it so bad right now , he needed Jinri in his sleep . he needed to feel her love , her lips that will kiss him passionately and her sweet giggles , her moans and everything. 

'Taemin, you can't do that' she laughs at him as he tried to cheat with the game they're playing at the fair . He loves to see that huge smile on her face and that cute laugh of hers everytime he tried to do something funny. even though it's not , she'd still laughing at him . 

'i need to get you that plushie toy' he murmured before trying to throw the ball into the loop , standing in front of the yellow line which afterward he got caught only causing Jinri to laugh so hard at the back before he quickly pulled her with him , running away from the guy who's trying to catch him because he cheated 

'you're a bad boy don't you know that' she laughs softly as they stopped running from the guy , standing near the photobooth as they panted hard , trying to catch a breath. 

'i can only be bad for you' he murmured with a slight smirk on his face making Jinri blush a little , oh how much she love that smirk he always give to her. Jinri look to her back to see the empty photobooth box , a soft smile creep on her face before turning back to her boyfriend. 

'should we take pictures?' she smile and soon the guy giving a slight nod with another smirk like smile . he pulled her as they got into the booth , putting few coins in before he sit on the stool with Jinri sitting on his lap. The guy wrap his arms around her petite body as they smile to the camera

'no!" she squeal when Taemin teasingly kiss her neck , on her soft spot making him chuckle at her . He rested his chin on her shoulder as she lean her face on his and smile at the camera. 

'i love you' he whisper in her ear with a smile

'i love you more' 

∞

Jongin walks out from the coffee shop and wait for Jinri to pack up her things before they leave for some dinner , tonight Soojung couldn't be here so it'll be just her and her best friend , Kim Jongin. Jinri knows that if Jongin is here , means they'll talk about Soojung and she'll slowly open up about Taemin which Jongin wouldn't mind , because he knows her well , like Taemin. She always needed someone by her side to let all her thoughts out .

It'd always be Taemin before , but after the break up , she felt empty and her heart felt so heavy that she needed to let all her feelings out . and since then , it was always Jongin that hear her thoughts and feelings. he'd encourage her to do things just to make her happy , though the only thing she wanted right now is Taemin love back , the true love he gave her before the mistake he did. 

She misses them , it was indescribable . She haven't met any of the guy like Taemin before , and will never find one like him. He's truely sincere in everything he did for her , for their relationship but that one night , he screwed up big time . Jinri herself couldn't imagine him to do such things. 

She couldn't imagine him doing that in behind her back and how she saw it by her own eyes.

"lets go" Jongin look back at his best friend who just done locking the coffee shop's door

"usual place?" 

"sure"

They walk towards their favourite place , the place that him and Soojung together with Taemin and Jinri herself would go for dinner because they serves the best grill lobster. Jongin was hesitating to ask her to go for dinner there because clearly there's a lot of memories of her and Taemin in the restaurant . But Jinri wouldn't mind really .. 

She kind of love it to be there everytime they have dinner together , because somehow it feels like Taemin is there , next to her , smiling and laughing together with her and Jongin.

"you know you could just go back to him" 

"you know i can't.. i still can't forgive him" mumble Jinri whilst playing with her fingers.

"have you listen to his explanation?" 

"do i need to? if he truely loves me , he would't do it" 

Jinri is right , he knows that she's right. but he knows that Taemin has his reason that he needed to explain to her. Jongin knows that he tried to explain them to Jinri but she refused to even listen a single word. Jongin and Soojung knows the reason behind his mistake. they knew. but they keep it from Jinri as that's what Taemin asked . 

He wanted to tell her himself. 

"but if he come just to see you , and talk . would you?" he asked 

Jinri remain silence , she couldn't answer his question . part of her says yes she would sit there and listen but the other part is being all arrogant and selfish . 

"he came.." 

Jongin look up to her in confusion. Jinri look away before taking a deep breath and heave it out 

"he came , i saw him.." 

Jinri saw him this morning , he was there in his car quite far from her coffee shop , having his eyes at her coffee shop . Jinri couldn't believe he's actually there , she saw him today , but she didn't know that he'd been there ever since they separated from each other. 

"he still loves you Jinri, give him a chance to explain and change." 

"not now .. just.. not now Jongin. the painful memory is still here haunting me. i can't forget about it" 

∞

'what the hell are you doing!?' his eyes snapped open to see Jinri standing there with tears in her eyes before looking back to his front to see a half girl lying on the bed . That is the time he knows he did wrong. 

'Jinri w-wait!' he run after her who's crying so badly as she run down the stairs from the private bar that they promised to meet up there. He's spinning , he couldn't run as fast as he always do , he couldn't think straight. he's drunk. All he sees in front of him are all blurry , he can see Jinri's orange hair starting to get farther . 

'Jinri!' he shouted , running as fast as he can before finally managed to grab her wrist and cry on his knees in front of her. 

'Jinri i'm sorry' he cried before her , couldn't let her go when he realised he did a mistake. a huge mistake

'why.. why Taemin!?' she shouted before trying to escape from his grip 

'i'm sorry.. please.. please don't go. let me explain' 

'don't! i've seen enough! you're a jerk! i hate you! let go of me! let me g-' 

gasp