hi i'm [anonymous] and this is my story...

Besides, in life, we never move on. We just accept. And that's just life.

It happened 3 years ago. I had no path to go. I was a total wreck, a mess, gods' creation of chaos and destruction in me when in actual truth, I was lost. Lost in life. Bored of life. As if my life goes by in repetition. It was that one day, while my classmate was busy chatting gossiping, I was siting alone doing my work, when I got fed up, I put down my pencil and looked out the window and in coincidence, I saw him. I thought to myself, "oh? I haven't seen him before? Is he new? But I haven't heard of any newcomers. Must be someone I just never noticed."

But who knew, he truly was a new comer. a new student. Intelligent yet has that badass aura. And this encounter was just a week before end of year holiday starts and the next year, that's when fate played its magic on us. I kept bumping into him and slowly we made eye contact. From eye contact to smiling at each other. From silent smiles to talking. I slowly got to know him. His likes-dislikes, interest-hobby, & etc. and one thing lead to another, he finally asked me one night. I still remember him look so nervous, fumbling-ly holding my hand while here I was amused why he was acting this way, turns out he was preparing to confess. Gawd did I felt ecstatic. It was so cute yet touching. His confession consisted on his voyage of loving me, our first contact, encounter and the rest. Gawd did I cry that night he confessed. He was crying too cos he thought I didn't like him the way he did with me. He was mumbling things like, "it's ok if you don't like me the same way I do. We can still be friends. We'll pretend this didnt happened and-" before he continued on, slightly pained when he said we could pretend this never happened, I cut him off saying I didn't want to forget this. It was silence for a while, while we were staring at each other, me smiling genuinely before saying, "cos I love you too" I did the boldest thing I did in my life and kissed him. He was shocked before he held my face asking, "this is real right? It isn't a joke right? You're not doing this cos you pity right?" His voice broke a little at the last question, I just nodded and said yes yes yes, and sparks just fly off from then on. We were happy. He was happy. I.... I was happy. But it all started to crumble when I had a weird feeling that one night he told he's going out with te guys. I tried to persuade myself that he's just hanging out with his bestfriend but a woman's instinct is almost way too right. And I was way too late to realize it. That one night was just a beginning.

Slowly he became distant, And i became anxious, afraid, afraid that we won't make it. And we didn't. We fought a lot. I cried a lot until one, wat was supposed to be a fine day for me, turned out to be the worst truth. He was with a girl. They were dining out in a cafe and he was going to pay first, and when he looked up, that hateful shocked traitor of a face of his. Why? Why does he looked shocked? Is it because I caught him? Was this the reason we were growing distant? I guess we were too lost for words, I slowly turned away, and so does he. After that, we haven't talked for a week.

And a week later, he called one night. I was hesitant to accept the call, and when I did, it was silent for a while. All I heard was him breathing and shuffling. Seconds turns to minutes and I couldn't handle it and cried then and there. I asked him, in my midst of crying. "Was she the reason? The reason we were going distant? Was she better than me? I bet she is. She seems lovely. Are you happy?" My voice broke beyond compared at my last question. I remembered him being silent, silently hearing and silently crying together.

All I heard after that, was "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "What happened to the promise of forever? Was that all a joke? A lie? Was all of this just nothing? Do we meant nothing?" I asked and yelled. "What happened to us? What went wrong?" and he just... Hung up. Idk what happened after that but I guess, that's when we ended, whether I could accept it or not. But I guess we did. No more words to tell that we were over, but that night signifies our little ending.

After that, I was like a broken rag doll. It was a good thing all that Rucus was before holiday. What a coincidence again indeed. The moment I stumble upon him was also the moment we parted. Oh the irony. A month passed by, I was finally able to walk the depressing road that lead to the park we once hung out. I was sitting on the swing, a hot coffee to warm my cold. It was as if the world was moving so slow. Too slow for my liking. And I guess it was better that way. I was still broken but at least, I made progress. I was moving

It was a hard and depressing year for me. It felt like all the drama away all the positivity in me and replaced numbness. I felt... Empty. But I guess that was fate. We weren't meant for each but at one point, I guess we did. Just one moment. It took me almost two years to forget him but in the end, I knew it was useless to forget when even until now, he's still running in my mind. So I just accepted. Embraced reality and just walked straight on with my head held high, even if wat I wanted to do then was to cry. I've cried too many, it was time I stopped crying. And slowly but surely, here I was, ready to accept and embrace reality. Waiting for wat reality has in stored for me. For my next wreck. My next havoc. My next self-destruction.

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