It had been an awful day. The weather was hot and sticky and heavy. The kids in your class had been tired and cranky and unwilling to do anything but nap in an air conditioned classroom. Frankly, that was all you wanted to do but you were being paid to teach them and you needed the money if you were ever going to move out of your squalid apartment the size of a matchbox.

You desperately wanted something to soothe your frayed nerves. And you knew that ‘something’ was hidden in the bottom of your closet. Your last pack of cigarettes. You and Taehyung had decided that it was for emergencies only. For when you felt nervous or angry in extreme situations.

Well, you certainly felt angry. Angry at the kids for not working. Angry at humidity. Angry at the one bead of sweat on your neck that was driving you mad. Angry at the cigarettes for being there in the first place.

You sighed, giving in. You pulled the pack out and pulled off the seal. You snapped open the box; glaring at the white filters gazing up at you.

' it.' You said to yourself.

You pulled the window open and climbed out onto the fire escape. Sitting down on the steps you lit it with your favourite pink lighter.

You dragged on it slowly. You could immediately feel the world correcting itself. You could your muscles unclench as you released the breath, a plume of grey smoke billowing out. You watched the smoke dissipate as you took another drag.

With each passing motion you felt everything settle into place. The heaviness in the air lessened and you felt more human.

"Honey! I’m home!" Taehyung’s cheesy greeting echoed through your tiny apartment and you cursed.

. 
What were you going to do?

"Babe, where are you I have a present- oh no"

You turned around guiltily, cigarette held loosely in fingers, a trail of ash at your feet.

"You promised."

You couldn’t bear to look at his face. You could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"I’m sorry. I was having a bad day and I knew they were there and I just … I’m sorry, Tae."

He sighed and climbed out the window, joining you on the small platform. You sat back down on the steps and he sat with you.

"Finish it. It’s your last one. I’m throwing the pack away when we go back in." He said sternly

You nodded miserably. You felt unbearably guilty but you had to finish this last one. You slowly dragged on it, careful to keep the smoke out of his face. Carefully blowing the smoke away.

"I really am sorry." You said again

"It’s just we’ve been through this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and if you’re going to kill yourself with those things we won’t have much of a life because you’ll be all black and gross inside" he took your spare hand, your fingers gently, turning your hand up and tracing shapes into palm.

"I know. I’m sorry."

"You know, I first fell in love with you because you were different. You had blue hair and piercingly and you tasted like smoke and you seemed kind of dangerous and mysterious. But when I got to know you, when you told me you loved me I realised I wasn’t in love with the mysterious blue haired girl I was actually in love with you."

"What do you mean?" You were honestly perplexed. Did he not love you anymore?

"I fell in love with the girl who teaches kids and meows at cats on the street and pets dogs. I fell in love with the girl who whispers ‘I love you’ in case the wind steals the words. When I realised you weren’t ‘dangerous’ or ‘mysterious’ but just a girl who has had bad things happen. And I want to help you. Please let me help you."

You stubbed out the cigarette and sighed. It was a day for sighing it seemed. You rested your head on his shoulder.

"I love you." You whispered; scrunching your eyes shut to stop tears leaking out. Taehyung kissed your palm. 
“I love you too” he whispered into your palm. You could almost feel the words snaking through your arm and spreading through your body.

***

Don't smoke