When they kissed the first time it was natural, a thing that had been working in silence under their skin for a while, a long while at that. Neither completely understood how important their relationship would turn out to be, both just living in the moment trying not to be too obvious. The members knew pretty fast, you could even say they knew before the couple knew it themselves. They supported them, helped them the best they could and stood by their side when they announced it to their boss, who of course already knew it, because it was plain as day for anybody around them.

All was well until the filming started. Jiyong found himself alone, missing Seunghyun more and more as time went by. He did see Seunghyun but normally Seunghyun would barely be able to make it to the shower once he sat down, as he would instantly fall asleep. Jiyong understood how much this meant but it hurt, not only feeling that Seunghyun was slowly slipping out of his grip but also the fact that Seunghyun was so dead tired when he got home. Jiyong struggled to see somebody he loved so dearly so exhausted - so drained. When Jiyong got the call from one of the noona’s on set that Seunghyun was hurt, his heart dropped and the only thing he could think about was to get to Seunghyun fast, was to get him to take a break. Seconds after the noona had hung up, Jiyong’s phone had started ringing like crazy, it was the other members who knew what had happened, had been able to keep calm during the phone call. They picked him up knowing fully well that he wouldn’t be able to drive himself. Jiyong remembered it as a dread filled silenced ride, everybody fearing for their hyung. Jiyong couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop the wild panic that had blossomed in his heart, his fear for Seunghyun’s safety - sanity.

Everybody in the group knew that when Seunghyun got deep, he often went to deep, to lost in his own thoughts that he could end up disappearing for days, just thinking. The only people capable to pull him out of his own destruction was his mom and as time went on Jiyong. Yes, Yongbae, Seungri and Daesung could do it to, but it rarely had a good outcome, often they ended up being too fussy or they ended up with a slightly hysterical Seunghyun, something nobody knew how to deal with since seeing him like that so rarely happened.

Jiyong had known this when they got together. He himself knew that he wasn’t always the most easy person to deal with, but Seunghyun never complained just smiled at Jiyong, simply told him to rethink or to just sit down with him and do nothing. Seunghyun pulled Jiyong back down to earth, and Jiyong pulled Seunghyun back up to the surface of the water. They balanced each other, they always had, and everybody had seen it before they had. The members had even been betting on when they would get together - Yongbae had won that bet.

Everybody drew a relieved breath when the filming was postponed and Seunghyun went on tour with the rest of the group. Yes, Seunghyun was hurting on a daily basis in the beginning but everybody made sure that he was okay on and off stage. Jiyong remembered how Seunghyun kept apologizing to Seungri after a performance where his shoelaces had gone up, and he had asked Seungri to retie it, because he of course wasn’t able to do it himself with the bandage and all. Seungri hadn’t had any issues with it, since he was the member closest to Seunghyun at the time, and rather tie the tie, then see his hyung fall on his face as he so nicely put it. Later that evening Jiyong had found Seunghyun on the roof of their hotel smoking, having that half distant look in his eyes, Jiyong managed to pull Seunghyun back to the surface but he once again felt the flower of panic from before grow a little more, because he knew that this wasn’t good at all.

The tour ended and Seunghyun went back to shooting his movie, being tired into the depths of his bones and the only thing Jiyong could do was watch carefully and with sadness in his eyes. The evenings when Seunghyun got home just a bit earlier than usually and talked with Jiyong was the treasured moments Jiyong had and he breathed for those evenings. The panic flowers roots had its tight hold on Jiyong’s heart and brain; it tangled itself in and out of every thought he had.

When the shooting finally was over Seunghyun slept almost three days, only getting up to go to the bathroom and drink some water. He looked more dead than alive those days, and Jiyong did everything in his power to get Seunghyun out of bed the second day, but after he got a pillow in the face and an angry string of curse words after him, he silently retreated to the living room. Jiyong was worried sick but he also knew Seunghyun well enough, to know that messing with him when he was sleep deprived wasn’t a good idea. Jiyong waited the rest of the day until he climbed into bed, staying at a safe distant of Seunghyun in case Seunghyun would be ticked off in his sleep, but oddly enough when morning came, Jiyong found himself embraced by Seunghyun who apparently had wrapped himself around Jiyong during the night. Tears had started flowing from Jiyong’s eyes when he realized this, it wasn’t because it had been ages since it had happened Seunghyun always found a way to get closer to Jiyong when sleeping, no matter what. Jiyong was crying because even though he knew Seunghyun was barely aware of what was happening around him, he had known it was Jiyong he was tangled with.

Once Jiyong had been questioning if Seunghyun was just a cuddler no matter what and had stolen one of Seungri’s hoodies. Making sure that Seunghyun had been able to smell it wasn’t Jiyong. Seunghyun had woken up mumbling something about the maknae getting out of the bed right this moment, or he would regret it into his next life. The confused look on Seunghyun’s face when Jiyong’s head was above his was priceless to Jiyong. Nobody had gotten much sleep that night.

Jiyong had gotten out of bed that morning feeling the flower losing its grip just a tiny bit, letting him breathe a bit easier, there was still a long way to go but for some reason Jiyong felt more at ease. Maybe it was the fact that Seunghyun looked more relaxed. Around 3 in the afternoon Jiyong heard the water running in the bathroom, and a tiny smile spread over his lips, a shower meant Seunghyun was finally able to pull himself out of bed. Seunghyun almost lost his footing when he stepped into the living room, since Jiyong crashed into him, kissing the daylights out of him. Poor Seunghyun had looked so confused and even a bit uncomfortable when Jiyong finally let go. Jiyong realized what a grave mistake he might have just made, knowing that Seunghyun wasn’t even beginning to get out of the role yet. 

Days went by, slowly Seunghyun released the grip on the role, but Jiyong noticed the distant look in his eyes, and the flowers roots tightened its grip so much Jiyong could barely breathe. He feared that Seunghyun would slip away this time, would drown this time around, because no matter how hard he tried to pull Seunghyun back to the surface it only helped so little. Jiyong ended up calling everybody he knew could help, which included Seunghyun’s mom, Yongbae, Seungri and Daesung. To say Seunghyun was furious would have been nice, but he had just looked at them all, then at Jiyong with raised eyebrows because he himself didn’t see the problem, didn’t realize how bad it was this time. If Seunghyun’s mom hadn’t been in the room Jiyong might have slapped Seunghyun.

It wasn’t until a week and a half later Jiyong came home late and a dreadful sound filled his ears. He had sworn to himself, that he would do anything in his power to never hear that sound again. To this day, the most painful sound Jiyong had ever heard was Seunghyun’s sobs, and now he was in a living nightmare, because he didn’t know how long Seunghyun had been in this state. Jiyong had rushed to the room the sound was coming from, their office. Every horizontal surface in the room had been covered in crumbled up paper. Seunghyun was curled up in the corner, crying with his hands tucking at his hair, Jiyong noticed a pencil in one of Seunghyun’s hands. The rest of the night Jiyong spent with a crying Seunghyun who was furious at himself, because he couldn’t write, he couldn’t get a thing down that made sense.

Later on when Jiyong read all the lyrics, he ended up crying, because every single of them was hauntingly beautiful. YG would never allow them on any album, but it was poetry in its most desperate and broken form. Jiyong could see which lyrics had been the beginning of the desperation and which had been the last one that was written, not by the amount of tears but the amount of pain in the words. Jiyong vowed to himself that he would show them to Seunghyun one day.

Slowly Jiyong managed to pull Seunghyun back to the surface, but he stilled feared Seunghyun leaving him for some unknown reason. Fearing that it had all been too much for Seunghyun and he no longer loved Jiyong or wanted Jiyong around anymore. The flower was releasing its grip but sometimes it decided to play mind tricks on Jiyong and tighten its grip, showing him where Seunghyun would be if he had been dealing with it all alone. Some nights Jiyong didn’t sleep at all, those nights when Seunghyun was out or locked up in the office because he needed time to be alone.

It wasn’t until later that Seunghyun told Jiyong that he didn’t needed to be alone back then, but he was so scared of his own thoughts he couldn’t even look Jiyong in the eyes, fearing what his eyes would reveal. Jiyong had hugged him so tightly that day, that Seunghyun had feared letting go because it felt so unreal. Both promised that no matter what they wouldn’t do that to each other again, since it had been breaking both at that time.   

The day they got to hear Seunghyun’s laughter again Jiyong looked so relieved, he even kissed Seungri on the cheek because he had been the one to make Seunghyun laugh. Seunghyun had looked so adorably confused Jiyong had pecked him on the lips. Seunghyun had smiled his famous dimpled smiled, pulled Jiyong up into his lap and when Jiyong snuggled into Seunghyun’s chest, Seunghyun had placed a small kiss on his hair and then placed his chin on top of it. The rest of the members didn’t say anything but they all smiled because this was a sure sign that their hyung was coming back, maybe that he already was back.

Even though it had been a good sign everybody still held their breathes. Waited and watched – fearing what could be or would be. Jiyong was the luckiest in that period, because he saw the small changes at home He experienced them, when Seunghyun all of the sudden would come up with a silly idea or asked if Jiyong wanted to join him to get ice cream. Seunghyun started to relax - started to be more alive around people. What Jiyong also noticed was that Seunghyun seemed to step back every time he was left alone for too long, when he had the time to think too much about everything.

Normally the members knew that Seunghyun being deep could be a good thing, because he wrote and produced damn well like that at times, but they also knew that he surrounded himself with music when he was in one of those moods to cheer himself up. Normally Jiyong would be around, this was one of the main reasons why GD&TOP vol. 1 even became a thing, Seunghyun had been buried in lyrics and Jiyong had just stumbled into the studio thinking about working on some lyrics himself. Sometimes Seungri was around, not because he was much help with the lyrics but he helped with cheering Seunghyun up, and Seungri did enjoy it, enjoyed watching his hyung work. Seungri would never admit it to anybody, but he treasured their song A Good Man because it was Seunghyun’s feelings and thoughts about something he rarely talked about. 

The day Seunghyun announced he was going to head into the studio; Jiyong looked at him with big eyes and forgot everything about what he was doing mere minutes before the announcement. For some reason Seunghyun refused Jiyong any access to the studio while he was working. Curiosity nearly killed Jiyong and some of the trainees probably started to wonder if G-Dragon had lost his mind, because of the evil glares that he would give a damn door. Jiyong even tried to persuade YG to let him listen to it, because maybe he could add something to the song, but of course Seunghyun had given clear instructions that if he needed help he would ask people himself, so YG said no. When Seunghyun dragged Jiyong to the studio, it was clear he was nervous, what for Jiyong didn’t know nor understood. Jiyong couldn’t help looking confused during the first few seconds, because this was different, but a good different. It wasn’t long before he began swaying to it, but when Mass Media started he ended up with a slack jaw and just looking at Seunghyun with big eyes. The gleeful smile that showed itself on Seunghyun’s face, had Jiyong rushing out of his chair, straddling Seunghyun down to his and a passionate kiss in the making, if it hadn’t been for non-other than the maknae showing up being the most annoying on earth. And if it hadn’t been for Seunghyun’s arms, people would have had to attend Lee Seunghyun’s funeral later that week.

There was something Jiyong had noticed during filming, Seunghyun rarely texted or called back. Yes Jiyong understood it was a tight schedule, so Seunghyun wouldn’t have time to call, but a text every once in a while would have been nice. Only much later did Jiyong remember how there always would be some kind of breakfast left for him, because Seunghyun had to get up earlier then him. He also remembered the notes Seunghyun would leave when he got up excessively early to even make breakfast for himself that apologized, because Seunghyun knew that Jiyong was used to him making breakfast. After the filming Seunghyun always answered Jiyong, but had a tendency to not answer other people. The members was in the more lucky category during that time to, but not always. Sure Jiyong should have felt special, but he was so worried that he barely noticed his so-called special treatment, or how when the members wanted to ask their hyung out with them, he was always the one to call because at least then, it would be answered.

Things had finally turned back to normal, or as normal as they could be. Sometimes Jiyong would fly to high, Seunghyun would carefully pull him back to earth, sometimes Seunghyun would swim to deep, and Jiyong would carefully pull him back to the surface. One night where both was lying awake since they couldn’t sleep three words made Jiyong cry tears of joy, and wonder why he had ever been nervous about losing Seunghyun. Jiyong should have known that Seunghyun would notice what he had done to pull him back this time around, because Seunghyun always knew and always made sure to show it, maybe not at the time being but later on, when he was better.

The words only meant for the darkness of the night and Jiyong’s ears to be heard, might have meant nothing for you and me but for Jiyong the words: “Thank you, Jiyong.” Would always be a part of his heart.

***

A/N: So my second GTop fic, what did you guys think? To depressing or angsty? To weird?

I know I got something wrong with the way filming the movie and the tour but I found out about that after I wrote this, and I'm to lazy to change it and I'm happy with how it is right now so please don't beat me up to much over it.

Once again a beta writer would be cherised a lot since I at grammar.