Unusual coldness prickled my skin and made my heart shiver.  I threw a glance outside the car’s window. Only the sound of the car’s engine and the music playing in the radio could be heard. There were no conversations between us, at all. Between me and my dad.

It was probably because I had lived separately from him for these past six years so it’s awkward between us.  My parents divorced when I was 12. That day was the worst day of my life. My life was like Hell ever since they divorced. Yet  they don’t know that. My parents don’t have the slightest clue about how affected I was after they separated.

I lived with my mom after that. Going to school five times a week, talking about un-important stuffs  and living like nothing had happened. But of course, there is no such thing as normal in my life. I had been going in and out of the Psychological Centre for 4 years after my Mom knew about how I was cutting my arm with a knife. I was depressed that time and Mom blamed my homeroom teacher for that matter. Mr. Kang is a strict teacher who always burdens his student’s brain with tons of homework and projects. But, I wasn’t planning to kill myself because of a small thing. It was because… it was because of another thing.

"You want a drink?”

I snapped out of my thoughts and took a glance at the mid-aged man who was driving calmly in his driving seat. My dad. His green eyes which were passed on to me, his tanned skin and well-built figure that made him looked like a police officer even though he did not. He worked as a private bodyguard for a VIP. Neither I nor other people don’t know who he was working for.

“No.” I uttered silently.

“Oh, o-okay.”

I gave him a small smile before looking outside of the car’s window again. We were going to his house. I will have to start living with him, from now on. My mom is a workaholic woman and because of my unstable emotions, they decided to give much attention to me. It’s the reason why Mom sent me away to live with Dad because she was afraid I might try to hurt myself again while I stayed alone at home. I just agreed with their decision. They always decide on something without considering my feelings so I guess I was used to it.

“We’re here! What do you think? Nice?”

I nodded. The house wasn’t too big nor was it too small. I pushed Dad’s hand lightly, stopping him from lifting my luggage. I only brought one luggage, though so it wasn’t a big deal for me to lift it up by myself. I could see the shock expression on my dad’s face but I ignored it. He will get used to my attitude, one day.

I walked behind him and stepped into his house. Living room is the first place that I saw. My eyes wandered to every inch of the house. The blue-painted wall, one set of small sofa which matched the wall’s colour, one LCD TV, and some pictures hanged on the wall near the kitchen. My eyes stopped, right at one picture with small girl, smile widely and had eyes full of happiness. I know who that girl is. But I guessed that smile and sparkling eyes had gone now. I knew, because the girl WAS me.

“Your bedroom is upstairs, right at the corner. I have asked Auntie Jue for… s-some help regarding the room’s renovation. I’m not really good in designing girl’s room.” Dad gave a wide grin before scratching his head. I chuckled.

“It’s okay. I’m fine with anything. As long as the room has bed.”

Like always, I’m just okay with everything. You can call me an ‘okay’ girl. I’m okay with that name. Dad’s laughed hearing my answer. I guessed he also had same thought as me. Knowing that his daughter is an ‘okay’ girl probably made him relieved a bit. Or not.

Carefully, I’m lifting my luggage, holding it tightly with my right hands and walked up the stairs. I followed Dad’s instruction and going straight to room which located at the corner. To my bedroom. That room is so…cute, maybe for other girls, but it just looked plain to me. I don’t know why. Don’t blame me. I’m not a normal girl that you have met before. I’m just…different. That’s why I don’t have any friend or even a girl friend who will let me borrowed her pencil. People looked at me as a plain girl. Plain girl who did not had charisma on her face, a plain girl who did not had body like an hour-glass shape. Yeah, that is me. A plain girl.

“Is everything will be okay?”

I sighed before threw my light body onto the single-size bed Dad bought for me. New neighborhood, new school and new life.

“You will get used to it…maybe.” I mumbled silently, tried to console my own heart.

Changes. That thing happened to me, so many times until I’m already immune to it. Well, sick was the better word but immune seems more polite. Being the only child in incomplete family totally knocked my sanity down. It was, undeniably, one of the factors that made me turned into cold and stone-hearted person.

»»»

I sat on my bedroom’s floor while busy unpacking all my stuff. I heaved a heavy sigh before found myself an old picture that covered by gold-plastic frame. It was a picture taken when I was 9. I was in a third grade that time. Dad and Mom gave me a special gift, a trip to Jeju Island after me getting first place in class. My mouth carving a smile, without me knowing. A sudden vibrate sound knock the silence. I reached for my mobile phone and answer the call without hesitation after saw the caller’s name on the screen. I missed her. I really do.

“Hi, honey! How’s my daughter? You fine, darling? Have you eaten dinner?”

I chuckled a bit. Mom was an over-worried person, so I’m not surprised when see her acting like that. Sometimes, I was feeling guilty for making her worried about me. I knew I’m always burdening her with my problems.

“Mom, calm down! I’m okay and I ate just now…with Dad. “I heard her mumbling something unclear on the phone but I am very sure she’s not talking to me. Was she busy?

“Oh, yeah? What do you said, just now, honey?”

“I said I’m okay and I had dinner just now with Dad.”

“Oh! I’m glad you have good relationship with him. I hope you can cope up in the new environment, honey. So, how about your room? Is your dad giving you a nice place to sleep? Because if not, I will go there, and kick him right on the .”

I take a glimpse on the old picture I held since five minutes ago, and gave out a small laugh. “He prepares a very nice room for me, Mom. He’s so kind.” I told her my honest word.

“Oh, it’s good then. Just take care of yourself, okay? And, about school, try to make some new friends, darling.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Mom. I will.”

My ears were not on Mom’s word anymore after catching a familiar voice from the other side. I clenched my teeth before cutting my mom’s words.

“Hey, Mom. You alone?”

“Hurm.. What are you talking about, honey?”

“I heard his voice. You with Joey right now?” I looked at the old picture again, but this time with not-a-good feeling.

“Well, kind of….and, don’t called him Joey, honey. He’s older than you. “

I tried to open my mouth but Mom’s words slipped out before me. “I’m just saying. Just in case you forgot to use ‘uncle’ in front of his name.” Mom’s voice sounds a bit slow this time. I could not found the right words to express my feelings right now. It just…there were so many things I wanted to tell her, but my throat forbids me.

“Oh, really? Or you just want me to call him with one word instead? Like, ‘Dad’ ?” I tried to control my voice from piercing through the entire room.

“H-Honey, it’s not like that. You …”

“If it wasn't like that, so what is it, Mom? Probably he was the reason you kicked me out from the house!”

I stood up before clenched my fist tightly. Beads of sweat trickling down from my forehead. I wiped them with my backhand. No. I have to keep relaxed. I said to myself. Dr. Seo, my counselor has told me to not easily get controlled by my own emotions. It was bad for my health. I could felt pair of my ears and cheek blushed because of an awkward heat. The room filled with air of silence. Maybe Mom was too shocked to say anything, or…she just did not want to raise my anger.

“ I will call you later, honey. Have a tight sleep.”

“No, Mom! No! Why did you run away from this conversation? You are not even explaining to me what has going on between you and that guy!”

“Honey, it was heartbreaking at first, but…you will get used to it.”

As I expected, Mom do has ‘something’ special with that guy. I was too dumb to not realize it on the first day Joey visit me in the hospital. It was easy for my mom to say it, but she did not know how hard I had to face all this. Tears rolled down my cheek as I threw my phone, strongly at the wall. The cracked sound and fractured pieces of my phone on the floor telling me to bid my phone goodbye.

I could hear sudden footsteps rushed into my bedroom as I sat blankly on the floor. Worry had filled Dad’s entire face as he saw me in that condition. I sobbed hard like a little child while Dad hugged me tightly, tried to console me.

“What’s wrong, honey? Did you hurt anywhere? I heard you talking to your mom just now. Why? What did she say to you?”

I just crying and did not pay attention to his ramblings. I did not want to talk about anything right now. Mom should think deeply before having relationship with that guy. I didn’t want both of my parents to create a new family and made me stuck in their ‘wonderful’ world. I hate it. I hate it so much that I’m willing to let myself vanish, ran away from the debilitating reality.

“I need to be alone.”

My words were barely out of my throat. Dad gave me a frowned look. He seems disagree but at the same time stood up, gave me space to calm myself. I wiped away my tears before gulp the lump forming in my throat.

“I will get out from your room, but don’t do anything stupid, okay? You know I love you.”

I tilted my head up, and give him a promising face. My eyes gazed his figure until he was out from my room. With eyes closed, I took a deep breath and let it out. It was one of way to calmed myself that Dr. Seo taught me. I stood hastily and opened my purse before took out a small-pink bottle which had my medication pills on it.

I was too drowned in my own mind and did not realize a guitar plucking sound, played outside our house. Seems like the sound coming from a balcony next to our house. The sound was …fascinating to me. I’m not really into music and songs, but the melody that I heard now was able to make my shattered heart in bliss. I leaned my ear on the sliding door just to catch the melody clearly. A beautiful , soothing voice suddenly filled the melody, make it more amusing. My lips curving a smile. It was a miracle for me to smile in a time like this.

Summer after high school, when we first met,

We’d make out in your Mustang to Radiohead,

And on my 18^th birthday, we got matching tattoos.

In another life, I would be your boy,

We’d keep all our promises,

Be us against the world.

“What have you done, Hae Na! You know she’s still unstable! Why would you tell her that ridiculous thing? Are you insane or what! ...no, I’m not trying to interfere but this is about her, I don’t even care about you and that guy. I just want my daughter’s  happiness!”

I covered both ears with my hands as Dad’s frustrated voice reached my room. He fought with Mom, again. The situation was same like before, but now a bit different as they were already divorced. Seeing them shouting to each other like before, make my heart ache.

“Please…d-don’t stop.” I uttered silently, as the beautiful song has stopped. I tried hard to prevent my tears falling down. I hate crying. I hate it as crying made me looked like a crazy girl.

The guitar plucking sound appeared again. I bit my lower lip, pretending like I did not hear Dad’s high-pitched voice. I closed both of my eyes, gave full attention to the slow yet melodious song that the person sings . Hoping the person could sings all the night long so I can sleep peacefully without worrying anything.

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain,

We jumped never asking why,

We kissed, I fell under your spell,

A love no one could deny.

I came in like a wrecking ball,

I never hit so hard in love,

All I wanted was to break your walls,

All you ever did was wreck me,

Yeah, you wreck me.

Without me realized, I unintentionally sleep on the hard and cold floor, drunken by the beautiful sounds.

First chapter is up ! I'm so happy as I already get 11 subbies before updating the first chapter. Thank you so much to FLASH_shi, _shadow_, reydahadirah, MSINFINITY, JiaJaebum, bears2wOo, INFINITYandBEYOND313, WhoNeedsANormalLife, nlyh_, ineedahug, and Nerd-and-Fangirl.

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Violet