Bang Yongguk takes off his shoes before entering the dorm. It takes him few minutes to do that since he's too tired. Suddenly he feels a pair of hand on his foot.

Kim Himchan is down there, helping him to take off his shoes.

"Channie I can do this" He said, trying to stop the man down there.

"Yeah, sure" Himchan said after succeed with one shoes, hit Yongguk's other leg, signaling him to lift it a bit. The leader just do as he told.

Yongguk drag himself to his room and throw himself to the bed.

"I know you're dead tired but change your clothes first, Bbang" Himchan sit beside him, pulling his arm trying to make the leader sit.

Yongguk groans. He just need some sleep now. He doesn't care about anything, but he comply anyway. With eyes shut he ed his shirt.

Yongguk's POV

"Who the hell have the idea to made me wear shirt while you guys had those t-shirt" I said grumbling. When the shirt off my body I can feel the pair of hands slipping a wifebeater on my head and help my arms too.

"I feel like a baby everytime you do that, Channie" I told him.

"Then you should sleep with bare chest and get sick because I won't let you to turn off the aircon before I fall asleep" He said while chuckling.

I tried my best to open my eyes, and I will never regret it cos the first thing I see is Kim Himchan's smile.

"Thank you ba--" He puts one finger on my lips before I could finish my words.

"The door still open" He gets up and close the door but he doesn't come back to my side. He walks to the cupboard instead.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, still forcing my eyes to open.

"Get my clothes, I need to shower. Sweaty and sticky" He made a disgusted look.

"Sleep now, Gukkie. Don't wait for me cos I think I heard someone on the kitchen. Maybe that food monster needs to be feed again" He pushed me gently and when my head touch the pillow, my eyes automaticly shut.

"Goodnight Gukkie" I heard him say, followed by the sound from the door being shut. And I drift off to my dream land.

My eyes open widely. I'm awake. What time is it? I lift my right hand tried to reach my phone from the bedside. It's 4 a.m and I'm awake but I feel so tired. I turned to my left side and saw Kim Himchan sleeping peacefully. His right arm wraps on my body. I shift a little to fit him into my embrace. I hug him and gently rub his back in a circular motion. I rest my cheek on his head, letting his soft hair tickles my face.

Kim Himchan smells so good. It's not because of the soap or the body lotion or the perfume. It's Kim Himchan's natural scent.

This is the best moment in my everyday life. Having Kim Himchan on my arms, with no worries.

I'm in love with my bandmate, Kim Himchan, for all these time. And he loves me back.

But life isn't a fairy tale. It's not like a story that your mom read for you every night before you go to bed. This life, the one that we're going through now, isn't fond to a relationship between men. Both of us understand that very well. Not to mention that we're idols. So we decided not to show our feeling in front of the others, and we agree not to enggaged in any relationship. It's more than enough for us to know that we love each other. It hurts, but that's life.

I don't remember when I fall asleep but I heard Himchan's voice speaking softly on my ears.

"Gukkie wake up. We have schedule on 9. Get ready, I'll wake up the kids" then a soft kiss landed on my cheek. I open my eyes and he's still there, lying beside me.

"Let me go, please?" He said while smiling. I lift my hand and he gets up. That's the end of my sweet dream for today.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"It's not that way. Yongguk, you have to look at her into the eyes. Give some emotion on it" PD-nim holds my shoulder. "Let's give it one more try. I know you can do it, Yongguk"

I let out a sigh and nod to him. We are filming new MV for our next album and only gods know why the label suddenly cast a female artist this time. And yes, I'm the main role now. And yes again, we're doing the kiss scene now.

I take a deep breath and give the ok sign to the crew.

I hold her hands, closing my eyes for a while, and then staring into her eyes. It's pretty actually. She has big bright eyes that everyone will like. I want this come to an end really soon so I can't have any NG cut.

I force myself to get closer to her, my heart beats faster not because I like it but because I'm thinking of someone instead of her. I imagine Kim Himchan was standing on her place. I close my eyes a bit before touch her lips with mine.

And finally the director give the cue. "Cut! That's it Yongguk. Good job" He's smiling widely, clapping his hands.

I bows to him and to the crews. "Thank you for your hard work" and runs to the waiting room. But I stop on my track when I saw him. Kim Himchan sitting there, not far from the set. My heart ache seeing him like this. He's the last person I wish to be on the set when I'm filming it. I step closer to him but he suddenly stand up, smiling at me as if nothing happen. But I can clearly see that his eyes are glistening.

"Good Job, Bbang. My turn now. Go get some rest" He pats my shoulder and walk to the set, leaving me alone. One of the coordi noona drag me to the waiting room.

It's hard to be an idol. It's even harder to be a gay.

Make up noona is fixing my make up.

"You look so real back then. She's so pretty, don't you get nervous when you kissed her?" she's asking me. I just gave her a big smile.

"She said she's so nervous having the scene with you. She's your fan and she can't believe she's so lucky get the chance to kiss you. Yet she's afraid about your fans' reaction"

"Babys are the best fans. They will understand it's just an act" I told her still smiling from the mirror, then I saw him again. Kim Himchan is back.

"Oh you're so fast, Channie" I asked him.

"I'm better than you when it comes to acting, Bbang" he smirks.

Back on the dorm, himchan closes the door of our room and locks it.

"How does it feel?" He asked me, still standing behind the door.

"Hmm? What are you talking about?" I was near the table, unload my bag. I turned to see him.

"How does it feel kissing her in front of everyone?" he said with that look, watery eyes.

I take big steps to him and pulled him into my arms, hugging him tightly.

"I feel nothing. I feel numb. I feel so wrong. I'm sorry" I told him, caressing his back. And it brings him into tears. He's crying so hard. I almost forgot, no matter how strong Himchan looks on the outside, he's so fragile.

"I'm sorry Channie" I whisper on his ear. He pulls away from the hug and shakes his head.

"It's not your fault, Gukkie. I'm sorry I shouldn't be like this" he wipes his tears away.

I cup his face and press my lips against him. I have to kiss him. I need to feel his lips to erase the girl's lips on mine. And he understand it. He kissed me back.

After he calm down, we lay down on our bed, staring into the ceilings.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"shhh...it's alright"

"I just can't help it. I tried to be strong. I tried to be okay in front of the other. But when I'm with you I feel so weak. I feel so...jealous. She's so lucky cos she got the chance to kiss you in front of the others, even being watched by our fans. I...can't...." he stop, fans himself with his hand. I know he's about to cry again so I caress his cheek.

"I'm sorry. I have no choice. I tried to get it done quickly. I even think that it was you who's standing in front of me, not her. But it's not yours that I kissed"

Another tears rolls down his face.

"Don't you feel tired, Gukkie?"

"About what?" I asked him not sure where his qustion is going to.

"Sometimes, specially at times like this, I feel so tired. I'm tired hiding my own feeling. I'm tired to keep a secret from the kids. I'm tired of living a life like this. I'm tired of loving you in secret"

I'm speechless after hearing his thought. I never feel tired of loving him, even though I have to keep it as secret for the rest of my life. For me to know that he loves me is more than enough.

"What are you trying to say, Channie?" I asked him while praying that he's not thinking about something that I hate the most.

Kim Himchan is crying, his tears won't stop falling and my heart skips a beat when I heard him whisper that words.

"I want to stop loving you, Gukkie"