"So this is it?"

"yeah"

"ok...okay"

And so Kibum left, heading out the door with his packed bags, only leaving behind the shattered pieces of what they once had but will never again have.

-

it's two years later when they meet again.

Jonghyun is sitting at a table outside a tiny coffee place, coffe long cold and forgotten in front of him. He's scrolling through his phone with his right hand,reading something that he couldn't care less about, cigarette in his other when someone sits down on the chair opposite of him.

He looks up then and sees him, Kibum, and he's still as beautiful as he was when he left maybe even more so. 

Jonghyun wants to be mad at him, angry about everything he's done but he isn't, never was and probably never will be so instead of telling Kibum to off and finally let him be, he smiles and takes a long drag of his cigarette, inhaling the smoke and exhaling it in short puffs.

"So you smoke cigarettes now? That's new.", Kibum says and tries to swat away the smoke that's coming his way.

"Yeah, smoking cigarettes reminds me of you.", Jonghyun simply says and he almost wants to laugh at the look of confusion on Kibum's face. Almost.

"How? Smoking was never something I used to do."

"Cigarettes kill me, just like you did."

And with that Jonghyun gets up, places the money for his coffee on the table and leaves a speechless Kibum staring after him.

-

Jonghyun's lost count on how many cigarettes he smoked in the last 15 minutes but he doesn't particularly care as puts another one between his teeth and lights it up, enjoying the slight burn in his throat he's still got after two years.

He heads to the kitchen, taking a bottle of whiskey out of his fridge and the pack of pills he bought earlier that day and then slumps down on his couch placing everything on the little table in front of him.

He thinks about everything and nothing at all while listening to the faint sound of rain pouring outside, finishes his cigarette and and puts it down in the ashtray that's almost full again after emptying it only this morning.

The pills on the table seem to have some radiance around them that makes Jonghyun look at them every five seconds until he finally takes the pack and opens it, popping the little things out of their shelter and into his hand to get a better look at them. A small smile appears on Jonghyun's face as he lays them down on the table again and opens up the bottle of whiskey.

-

It starts when he drowns the first pill with the liquid, the second follows soon after and another one and another one and another one until there's no pills left and the bottle is almost half empty. 

He feels dizzy and kind of weird but the smile hasn't left Jonghyun's face as he lightens up another cigarettes between his teeth.

He doesn't finish it, it drops down to the floor before he can.

He dropped that cigarette the same way Kibum had dropped their love - fast without thinking. 
Kibum had left Jonghyun and he couldn't stand the pain, he took out the cigarettes to make him feel calm but he couldn't help thinking about Kibum and what he was doing and if he was happy now when he was anything but.
It all happened too fast, like the way Jonghyun dropped that cigarette - without thinking, without a word being said.