Choi Minho secured the big, black sunglasses on his nose and put his favourite cap on. He buried his face in a big, warm, grey scarf, checking if he was unrecognizable enough and then opened the car-door, swiftly taking a look around, discretely enough not to appear suspicious. Everything was clear.

He slammed the door shut, pressed the green button on his car-keys, the vehicle before him beeping softly, its lamps enlightening one last short time.

He tugged on his jacket, threw his backpack over his shoulder and quickly, but in no way rushed, as he walked over to the big apartment complex.

 

He entered through big glass doors, a security man nodding at him as he passed him and walked over to the elevators.

The doors opened with a soft ‘bing’ and he entered, the red walls and mirrors decorated elevator. He pressed the button for the 9^th floor; leaning against one of the mirror-walls, trying his best to ignore his reflection and to surpass the urge to fix a strand of hair that was not where it belonged. Without tons of make-up on his face, the traces of stress and sleep deprivation were visible. He felt his phone vibrating in his pants pockets and took it out, sighing when he saw the number blinking on the display, but answering the call anyway.

“How does Korea’s greatest idol feel today?” the voice chimed happily and loudly, Minhoholding the mobile away.

“Hyung don’t be so loud! I’m fine. How are you?”

“Doing great. I just finished writing another song. We’ll discuss the whole thing in a month, use that time to rest Minho, you sound tired.”

“Hm I’ll do that Jjong, you too. I’m already really excited what kind of masterpiece you composed now, see ya.” He ended the call, snapping his phone shut and growled. Another song. That meant weeks of practicing, months of hard work, sleepless nights, crazy fans and everything a new single brought along with it.

The elevator’s door opened with a ‘bing’ and Minhostepped out, taking off his cap and the sunglasses, feeling at ease in the suave hallways of the overly guarded apartment-complex.

He rubbed his sleep deprived eyes and fished the keys out of his pocket.

He walked through the long empty hallway towards his apartment but stopped in his tracks when he saw something near his door.

 

A boy wearing bib overalls and a patterned shirt was sitting right in front of his door.

He was thin and lanky, light brown hair covering his face. He seemed to be sleeping, soft evened breaths leaving his mouth, his chest heaving lightly. He half leaned against Minho’s door and half against an old, blue bag lying next to him.

 

Minhostood there, staring at the boy in awe. He should have been shocked or scared, considering that he was Korea’s most beloved man and this boy could be some creepy stalker, but he wasn’t; he was admiring the way the boy managed to look so peaceful, at ease, innocent, even a little bit angelic as he only sat there sleeping right in front of a stranger’s door.

Minhokneeled down, supporting his weak body with one hand as he continued staring at the boy. He could now see the boy’s face a little bit clearer. He had smooth, pale skin, full lips and a small nose, his eyes were mostly covered with bangs, but Minho would bet his life on them being, round and sparkling. The boy was beautiful, cute and if Minhohadn’t had a clear look of the boy’s body before, he could have mistaken him for a girl.

 

Minhocaught himself fantasizing about how soft the boy’s skin would feel and he felt a sudden itch to touch his face. But he didn’t do it and instead coughed loudly, hoping that it would be enough to wake the small figure up. But it wasn’t, and Minhosighed, placing his backpack on the ground and using both hands to softly shake the boy awake.

“Hey! Wake up!” he whispered, feeling the boy’s thin shoulders fragile and cold under his big hands. The boy frowned, grumbling something before cracking his eyes open, slowly looking at Minhoand Minhohad been right about the boy’s eyes. They were brown and big and curious and had a certain naïve, pure sparkle to them.

The boy rubbed his eyes, yawning loudly before blinking at the man standing in front of him. He then stood up, stretching himself. He looked at Minhoand smiled, a smile that was bright and nice and sincere, a smile Minhohad long ago forgotten how to do.

“Are you Choi Minho?” he asked, his voice as light and refreshing as his whole appearance, and Minhojust nodded dumbly. “Good, I have something for you.” He said, taking his bag and rummaging through it, pouting when he didn’t find what he was looking for and immediately brightening up again when he seemed to remember where he had put the item. He stuck his hands deep into his overalls’ pocket, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he tried his best to get it out of the seemingly small pocket.

When he finally managed to fish a small piece of paper out, he grinned and handed it to Minho, who had been watching the boy with a smile playing on his lips.

Minhotook the letter, opening it and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the familiar handwriting. He quickly scanned the words written on the piece of paper and looked up again, his expression blank, the boy nervously biting on his lips, blinking at him.

“You are Lee Taemin?”

 

***

 

Lee Taemin, the always smiling, happy, innocent, young, lively, pure and annoyingly curious boy -- according to Minho’s first impression of him, was Minho’s dead sister’s adoptive son. Minhohad been informed about his sister’s death a few days ago.

He hadn’t seen her in ages, though she had been his only family left. He was drowning in work and they never had been close, growing up in two different households. He didn’t shed a single tear when he heard about her death, neither did he attend her funeral or could say that he cared about the whole incident. He shrugged it off and continued living his life.

It was not like he hated her or something, no, he even considered her to be a really nice person with a hart-warming smile and a big heart; it was just that he didn’t have anything to do with her. She had been eleven years older than him and he hadn’t seen her for at least six years but as far as he could remember, she was the kind of woman that would pick a kid from the road up and adopt it without having a second thought about it, and so the fact that she in fact had adopted someone was not surprising.
It had been her last wish for Minhoto take care of Taemin, since he was the only ‘family’ left.

Minhowouldn’t have had a problem with this if he had been properly informed about the situation and if he weren’t Korea’s most popular and therefore most busy idol.
So, Minhohad a problem with the situation, because honestly he himself was still a kid, and taking care of someone of whom he would presume could set the whole apartment, if not the whole building on fire, trying to find out what those funnily red shining knobs on Minho’s stove were was just too much to ask of him.
He had a problem with Taemin being extremely clingy and with him being so curious and with himself feeling a dangerous amount of attraction towards the beautiful boy. Still, as much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t bring it over his heart to throw the boy out.

 

Taemin entered the apartment, nearly jumping in excitement, squealing like all those fangirls always did. Minhowas still a bit out of it, because honestly, who would have expected the boy to suddenly hug him tightly when he allowed him to enter the apartment?
Anyway, Taemin was already running through the apartment, touching everything, asking random questions about everything and giggling like a love struck teenage girl. His eyes were sparkling, sometimes wide in wonder and sometimes formed to half-moons, as he was smiling this wonderfully bright smile of his.
He seemed to be amazed by Minho’s –admittedly- great apartment.
When Minhosnapped back to reality, forcing himself to forget the warmness of that hug, Taemin was, like the elder had expected him to, fiddling with the stove’s knobs, chuckling at the strange sounds coming from the machine. Minhoran into the kitchen, stopping the boy from turning the forth plate on and turning the others off and he glared at the boy who seemed to be oblivious to Minho’s tiredness and bad mood. Taemin ran away again and Minhocursed under his breath, running after him. He grabbed him by his wrists, stopping the boy from drowning the bathroom in toilet water.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hissed, ignoring the way Taemin’s eyes widened in shock.

“Don’t you have any manners? I’ll give you some things to sleep and five minutes in this bathroom and then you go to sleep and I don’t want to hear a single sound coming from you for the next twelve hours. Okay?!”

Taemin nodded, his eyes a little bit watery. Minhowas too tired to care about the pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach and lead Taemin to his guestroom, giving him towels, pyjamas, toothbrush and everything else someone needed for sleeping before turning around and walking away. He slammed his bedroom’s door shut and sighed.

 

Of course he saw the big, shining tears falling out of the boy’s eyes and heard Taemin’s sobs, but he was just so tired, too ing tired to care about anything.

 

***

 

Minhowoke up, surrounded by the calming smell of candies and a comforting warmth on his back. He let out a sound of appreciation, snuggling closer to the warmth. He turned around, rubbing his eyes and yawning only to be faced with Taemin grinning at him as soon as he opened his eyes. Minhonearly fell out of his bed, cursing loudly as he climbed out, walking around and calming his nerves.

He had completely forgotten about Taemin, and a flood of worries drowned his brain. Should he hide Taemin? How can he take care of him? Does Taemin go to school? Will he ever have peace when he has this…this kid around? He cursed once again, throwing a pillow around, his face red with rage.

“Minhohyung?” the boy interrupted Minhoin his fit of anger, looking at the older man with curious eyes, no hint of fear evident in them.

“What?” Minhoshouted, clenching his fists.

“Uhm, why do people snore?”

Minhogroaned out loudly; he wanted to hit his head against a wall or something, but he didn’t and instead he let himself fall back to bed, burying his head in a pillow. He screamed into it for about as long as he could and then faced Taemin again. The boy was patiently waiting for an answer, not questioning Minho’s weird behaviour.

“I don’t really know, it has something to do with breathing and the palatal I think.” He answered honestly, surprised with himself. The boy nodded, his eyes wide and he looked as if he was a little kid that had been told the world’s secrets. “Why do you ask?”

Taemin shrugged. “You snored and it made me curious.”

Minhostared at the boy in shock before squeaking: “I do not snore!”

Taemin giggled and stood up, his brown hair shining in the light of the morning. “You’re funny Minhohyung.” He said, smiling brightly. “And you don’t have to worry, everything will be alright okay?” he rubbed his eyes and bit his lip. Minhogroaned and buried his face in the pillow. They spent a few minutes in silence, Minholistening to the silence and Taemin watching Minhointensely.

“Uhm, Minho-hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Can I sleep next to you?” Minholooked up, raising an eyebrow at the boy who was nervously fumbling with his shirt.

“I-I can’t sleep when I’m alone and I’m tired now because I didn’t sleep this night and I don’t want to be a bother but-“ Minho sighed and shuffled to the side, making place for Taemin in his bed. “It’s okay, just be quiet and sleep.” The boy looked relieved, nodding, his hair bouncing with the movement and climbed back into the bed.

“What time is it anyway?” Minhomumbled.

“Uhm around 6 am.” And Minhogroaned again, deciding that he needed some more sleep and turning to his side, his back facing Taemin who shuffled closer to him.

Minhowas once again surrounded by the sweet smell of candies and Taemin’s calming warmth on his back made him quickly float to his land of dreams.

 

***

 

Taemin was a strange kid.

It was not his extremely childish and naïve behaviour that Minhofound strange. It was not the fact that he was all happy going at day and would secretly cry his heart out at night that Minhofound strange. It was not the fact that he seemed to know nothing, absolutely nothing about real life, about machinery and about society. It was that absent, dark and knowing look he would sometimes get, in a moment of silence or when he woke up in the morning that made him strange. When he had this look in his eyes, Minhowould always get the shivers because it was creepy, extremely creepy. It was as if Taemin was someone else, a different person, the complete opposite of his usual self. But Minhodidn’t question it, his situation or the boy. He was too tired, too absorbed in his work and too uninterested to do so.

 

As much as Taemin was a strange kid, Minholiked him, he did. Okay, the boy was annoying and too curious for his own good and a little bit too happy for a normal human, but Minholiked him. He liked the way Taemin would ask questions over question, eager to learn, he liked the way how the boy’s eyes sparkled whenever he would do something right or when Minho would praise him; he liked the way Taemin always seemed to know what Minho needed, what he was worrying about, and how he would always cheer the man up. He liked the way he was so innocent, so untainted.

It had only been two days but Minhofelt as if he knew Taemin for much longer, and he appreciated the boy’s presence, he really did.

 

Taemin was sitting on his sofa, watching TV with an amusing expression of wonder when Minhoentered the apartment. “I’m home.” He said, taking place beside the boy who seemed to be watching ‘boys over flowers’, a series Minhohad done a title song for.

“Taemin?” Minhoasked, irritated by the way the younger boy was ignoring him.

“Tae?” no answer.

“Lee Taemin!” Minhoshouted into the boy’s right ear, earning a low cry from him.

“Ow! Minhothat hurt!” Minholaughed it off, taking his shoes off. He looked up, meeting Taemin’s expectant gaze.

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, Tae.” The boy nodded, before fumbling with one of his brown locks.

“Uhm…. Why do people kiss, hyung?” he mumbled and Minhosighed, rubbing the back of his neck and biting his lip.

 

“Kissing…. Kissing is something to express your feelings with. When you like someone a lot or when you love that person you kiss him or her. It is something you do with just one special person. You kiss to tell this person that you like him or her without having to use words.”

Minhowas not really sure if his explanation was right, but he tried his best and Taemin nodded in understanding, while his mouth formed an ‘O’.

Minhostood up and walked to the kitchen, taking out a glass and filling it with water.

“Tae do you want to drink something?” he shouted and nearly let the glass fall to the ground when he found Taemin standing beside him. He was looking at him and he looked at him in that strange, dark and absent way again and Minhocouldn’t help the goose bumps.

“So if I have someone special I can kiss that person?” Taemin asked, his head slightly tilting to the right. Minhonodded, gulping the tight knot down. Taemin looked at him for a while longer and then smiled sweetly, his eyes forming into half-moons. “I don’t want to drink anything, thanks.” He said and walked to his own bedroom.

 

***

 

Minhonoticed that Taemin was a little bit more fragile and a little bit weaker than normal teenagers are. He was thin and pale and sometimes he would just lose his balance and fall to the ground.Luckily, Minhocould prevent that from happening most times, but still, it was worrisome. Taemin dismissed Minho’s questioning with a shrug and avoided it at any cost. Minhofelt as if Taemin’s happy, innocent attitude was hiding something, that it was a mask, covering something deep and important up and he felt betrayed, since the other didn’t trust him enough to tell him about it. But Minho ignored this thought and the feeling of hurt sticking to his heart like a noisy , because if he didn’t, it would lead to Minho being grumpy and that would lead to Taemin being frustrated and that would lead to a bad atmosphere and that was not what Minho wanted.

Minhowanted to get along with the boy, wanted to enjoy his happiness that seemed to affect Minho’s mood too and he wanted to enjoy the feeling of being young again; because he was young, he could just never enjoy it because of his work.

 

They were doing one of their movie nights, that they, to be honest, did every night and they sat on Minho’s big couch, enjoying the movie in comfortable silence when Taemin decided to ask something he wanted to ask for a while now.

“Minho?”

“Hm?”

“What does the ocean look like?” he looked at Minho, curiously biting his lips.

“You don’t know?” Minhoraised an eyebrow. Taemin might not know a lot, but Minhowould have expected everyone to know how the ocean looks, even if it was only through TV.

“Hm, it is big and blue, but sometimes also greenish. There many different types of oceans and beaches and it can be ugly and disgusting but also unbelievingly beautiful. It’s hard to describe.” Taemin nodded, but didn’t do his usual ‘O’, instead he looked on the TV but obviously not watching the commercial, his gaze dark, absent and strange again. Minhocould have sworn that he saw some kind of sadness.

 

The next day, Minhopulled the white blanket off Taemin, the boy groaning loudly in disapproval. “Wake up sleepy head, I have something for you.” And in a few seconds, Taemin was up, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Minholaughed. “Put some clothes on and let’s go.” He said, grinning wildly at the boy who looked mildly confused, but complied.

 

A few minutes later, Taemin was wearing a shirt pants and a t-shirt, sandals and sunglasses that Minhorecognized as his own. He stood in the doorway expectantly looking at Minho, who was just grinning at him. “Close your eyes.” Taemin obeyed, frowning as he did.

When he put the black cloth over the boy’s eyes, Taemin flinched a little, but relaxed when Minhoreassured him that it was just a cloth, because he didn’t want him to see his surprise yet. Taemin smiled, grabbing Minho’s hand as the elder lead him out of the apartment, down to his car. Taemin was trembling with anticipation Minhoassumed, and he gently led Teamin into his car, shutting the door behind him before entering on the other side.

“It will take a while, but don’t be scared, try to sleep or something.” Minhosaid, squeezing Taemin’s small hand. The other nodded, but he looked nervous, frightened.

“What’s wrong?” Minho’s voice echoed through the car.

“N-nothing I’m just scared of the dark.” He whispered, his voice trembling as cold sweat ran down his neck. No, he was not just scared of the dark, he was obviously frightened and Minhowas quick to pull the cloth of, rubbing the boy’s back to comfort him.

“I’m sorry Tae, I didn’t know. I didn’t want to scare you okay?” Taemin nodded, his eyes still wide with fear. “It’s okay hyung, I’ll just close my eyes okay?” Minhonodded.

 

They arrived exactly one hour and forty-three minutes later and Minhoshook Taemin lightly, the sleeping boy muttering some not understandable words before cracking his eyes open.

“We arrived.” He whispered, observing Taemin’s face closely.

At first he was confused, looking around, frowning. Then realization hit him and his eyes brightened up, and he looked at Minhoand then back to the big blue ocean before him. He bit his lip and smiled and then he curled his lip and smiled again. His eyes watered and soon, big round tears were falling out of them, sounds of sobs and laughter leaving his lips as his body shook with excitement, happiness and something else. It was not the reaction Minhohad expected, and he was moved by the way Taemin was just overflowed with feelings, real feelings, and Minho’s heart swelled; he was smiling brightly at the boy, patting his back. He knew that there was something, that it wasn’t normal to react this way even if it was your first time seeing the sea, but he didn’t question it; he just accepted it, letting the boy slowly open up to him.

 

Taemin stepped out of the car, the cool ocean breeze hitting his face, drying his tears off. He smiled; he looked peaceful and sincerely happy, and Minhotook his hand, guiding him to the beach.

“Aaahh- it feels so nice~” Taemin was jumping through the beach, the feeling of sand on his bare feet new and so great. He was spinning around, laughing, singing, dancing and the sight was endearing, heart warming and beautiful, Taemin’s pale skin shining in the hot sunrays. Finally, he let himself slump to the ground, panting and giggling at the same time. He looked up at Minhowho was smiling at him and giggled again, rolling through the sand, not caring about getting dirty, just enjoying the moment, the feeling.

Minhostood up, picking the light boy up and dusting the dirt away before grinning at the smaller boy.

“I have something else to show you.” He said and took Taemin’s hands again, the warmness of the touch having something extremely addicting.

Minhoguided Taemin through leaves and bushes, over rocks and dusted paths and the younger boy was a panting mess when they finally arrived at the desired spot.

 

Taemin was standing there, the wind making his hair flutter and he just stood there, watching the sky watching the ocean. And then he extended his arms, raising his head to the sky and letting out a sharp breath. “Thank you.” He whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheeks. “Thank you.” And Minhoknew that those words had a deep meaning; he knew that Taemin was not only thanking him for this trip and Minhosmiled, taking in the sight in front of him, remembering it forever.

 

***

 

Taemin liked asking questions.

Questions from ‘why are bananas crooked’ to ‘what is music’, he wanted to know everything and wouldn’t let go until he got his answers. It were those kind of questions 4 year olds asked, but not an eighteen year old boy, though they were not easy to answer. The fact that he asked those questions out of pure curiosity and because he honestly didn’t know, was something that strangely matched with his whole character. It was the way he seemed so young, so innocent and so naïve, indeed like a four year old, that made Minhofeel so extremely attached to him. It was annoying and irritating, but Minhostill always tried his best to answer the questions because he just couldn’t help it. But sometimes Taemin’s questions really threw the elder off.

 

It was the first night Minhodecided to cook something for Taemin. He had been too tired and stressed to do so before and so they had been ending up with ordering pizza or noodles or some other food from restaurants for a whole week. He finally felt relaxed enough to spend his time on other things than sleeping, watching TV or answering Taemin’s questions and he really, really had tried his best, but still he ended up giving Taemin burned meat and hart potatoes as dinner. They sat on the dinning table, Taemin was unusually quiet, playing with his food and eating a lot less than normally, but he didn’t complain. “You don’t have to eat this. I know it tastes like .” Minhoadmitted, forcing a dry piece of meat down his throat. Taemin smiled at him. “It’s okay, I’m used to it. Mom was also bad at cooking.” He mumbled, talking more to the food than to Minho. “Mom…” Minhorepeated. “What was she like? My sister. I haven’t seen her in ages.” Taemin looked up, his usually cheery self suddenly a lot quieter. “Protective.” He said, his eyes not meeting Minho’s. The elder nodded; he understood that it was a sensitive topic and that Taemin would have preferred not to talk about it. 

Silence stretched and it was the first time Minhofelt a little bit uncomfortable around Taemin.

“Hyung?”

“Hm?”

“What is death?” Taemin asked.

 

Minholooked up and was met by Taemin’s stare, his cold and absent stare.

“Uhm. It’s what people call it when someone doesn’t live anymore. It’s when life stopped for them.” Taemin nodded. “So Mom didn’t go on a trip?” he said, his eyes looking curious but still so knowing. “Is that what people told you?” Taemin nodded again. “A trip to heaven.” And Minhoreally felt the urge to roll his eyes, but didn’t. “When people die, when theeir life ends, they will never return. We humans try to reassure ourselves that everything is alright by saying that they’ll go to heaven and have a better life there. Whether you want to believe that or not is up to you.”

“Hm I’d like to believe in it, so I can believe that I won’t forget everything when I die. I won’t forget you and Mom didn’t forget me. And I’ll be able to meet her.” Minhonodded, smiling slightly. “Believe in that, Taeminnie.”

They spent a few moments in silence and when Taemin suddenly stood up, Minhoflinched a little. “I’ll go sleep now. I’m tired.” he muttered, facing the ground as he walked to his own room. Minhosighed, before also standing up, the food forgotten as he made his way towards Taemin’s room.

He knocked. Once, twice and after the third time he just screwed all manners and barked into the room, blinking a little bit because of the sudden blackness and then making his way towards the big bed. In the low moonlight he could barely see the small body on the bed, wrapped in thick blankets. But he saw it and slowly made his way towards it, the bed shifting at his weight when he sat down on it, slowly crawling to the blanket-hill laying on it. He laid a hand on something that seemed to be Taemin’s shoulder, drawing circles on it as he carefully listened to the quiet sobbing coming from underneath. He tugged on the blanket on an end that seemed to be near Taemin’s head, slowly exposing his tousled hair, his neck and his shoulders. Taemin’s face was hidden behind his bangs, his sobs muffled by a pillow he was pressing against him. Minhosighed, his fingers gently brushing over the mess of hair and under it over the boy’s cheeks. They were wet and warm and smooth and Minho’s heart skipped a few beats as he was the crying boy’s skin to sooth him.

“Sshh, Tae calm down. What’s wrong? Ssh.” He whispered near Taemin’s ear, hot breath tickling against it. Taemin’s thin body was shaking with sobs, small whimpers echoing through the dark room. Suddenly Taemin turned around, clutching Minho’s t-shirt and crying out loud into the elder’s chest, his tears soaking the cloth, but neither one cared and Minhojust soothingly rubbed the boy’s back, whispering sweet nothings. “Mom. I miss her so much. I miss her so much and you, you are just so alike, the way you hug me the way you both are so calm...just everything! I miss her, MinhoI want her back.” Taemin said between sobs.

Minhowas shushing him and Taemin cried his heart out and seconds, minutes an hour passed and when Minhowas on the verge of falling asleep, Taemin finally stopped, his body relaxing into the warmth of Minho’s hug, his eyes hurting because of tears.

‘Thank you hyung.’ was the last thing Taemin whispered before he fell asleep. Minhojoined him in dreamland a few seconds later.

 

The next day, Minhotook Taemin to his sister’s grave. When they arrived on the empty graveyard, Minhoshuddered; it was cold and lonely and he felt as if the wind was whispering in his ears. Taemin lead the way to a simple, square tombstone. A wave of guilt washed over Minhoas he looked at the simple stone, decorated with flowers and candles and letters. He bowed in respect and Taemin kneeled down, kissing the grave softly. He whispered a few things to the grave, as if talking to his mother. He thanked her, said he loves her and whispered something that wouldn’t leave Minho’s mind for the rest of the day:
“See you soon.”

When they walked back to Minho’s car, the elder let out a deep sigh, pushing a few strands of hair back.
“Seems like she was loved.” He said when they were sitting in the car and Taemin nodded as Minhostarted the engine.
“She was really kind and whole-hearted, many people loved her for that.” He whispered, his eyes fixed on the road.
Minhowas randomly tapping rhythms on the steering wheel humming a sad melody and Taemin was just staring out of the window, probably lost in thought.
“You were not really close were you?” Taemin’s voice startled Minhoa little and he stiffened for a moment, but quickly relaxed.
“We didn’t grow up together. When our parents divorced my father took me with him to Seoulwhile she stayed with my mother in our hometown. I was six and she was seventeen that time. After that we saw each other a few times, but we grew apart.”
Taemin looked at Minho, and the latter began feeling uncomfortable under the stare, shifting slightly.
“I wish you could have kept the contact, then I would have met you earlier.” The boy said, and his bright smile was back, the tense atmosphere suddenly gone.

***

 

It was rainy and cold. The sky was grey, nearly black because of the thick clouds.

Minhowas sitting in his bedroom, a warm coffee in his hands as he read a book. Taemin was watching TV and the elder was happy to have some time for himself, though he didn’t have a lot of it because Taemin soon was bored, knocking on the bedroom door before entering. Minholooked up and smiled, Taemin answered the smile with his own.
“I don’t want to disturb you hyung, keep reading I’ll just sit down on the bed and read my own stuff.” Minhonodded, before concentrating back on his book.

Taemin shuffled looked through the big book-shelf and picked out a big fairy-tale book, grinnig stupidly as he walked towards the bed and laid down on it, propped up on his elbows, his feet in the air.
A comfortable silence filled the room, only sounds of pages being turned, the shuffling of bed sheets and the slurping sound Minho made when he drank is coffee occasionally echoing through it. Minhofelt at home, the feeling of not being alone making him feel warm from the inside.
Slurping his coffee, Minholooked up from his book when Taemin let out an exaggerated sigh, rolling on the bed. He chuckled and Taemin looked up to him, frowning.

“I don’t understand this book.” He grumbled, burying his face in the pillow below him.

“They always talk about love, but I don’t understand it. Hyung, what is love?” he asked, looking up at Minhoexpectantly as he waited for Minhoto answer.
Minhoscratched the back of his neck and laid his book down on his desk, standing up and sitting down next to Taemin on the comfortable bed.

“Uhm, it’s hard to explain, but I’ll try my best.” He started, and Taemin closed his book too, averting all his attention on Minho.

“There many different kinds of ‘love’, but basically it is the feeling you have for someone or something that is extremely important to you.” He explained, and Taemin, bit his lip, nodding. Minhocontinued.

“There is the kind of love you feel for your mother, the love you feel for family, the love you feel for a certain thing for example singing, or dancing, it’s some kind of passion for something that helps you being good at it, and there is the kind of love you feel towards another person that is not your family. It’s a kind of love that is linked with physical attraction, you want to touch and kiss that person and if this person is happy you are happy too. For the moment this love lasts it is one of best things a human can feel.” Minhosaid in a calm voice and Taemin nodded, his mouth forming the usual ‘O’.

Minhostood up again and walked towards his desk to get his coffee.

“And how do you know when you love someone?”  The boy asked.

“That’s hard to explain. You just know it. You think about that person all the time and you want to be with him or her and when you are with him or her you feel as if there are butterflies in your stomach.” Taemin giggled at the thought.

“It’s a great feeling, you feel all ticklish in your stomach and don’t want it to stop.” Minhosat back on the bed, coffee in his hands. Silence filled the room again and Minhoquietly sipped his coffee, while Taemin seemed to have something like a staring contest with the ceiling.

“Minho?”

Taemin asked and Minholooked at him, taking a sip from this coffee.

“I love you.”

Minhonearly choked on his coffee.

Taemin laughed at him, clutching his stomach as Minho’s face reddened, heavy coughs shaking his body.

“You’re like the big brother I always wanted to have.” The boy said, patting Minho’s back as the elder, calmed down. Minhowondered the rest of the day what this strange pain in his heart was ever since Taemin mentioned the brother part.

 

***

 

The first day Minhotook Taemin with him to go shopping was a few days before the work for Minhowould start again. Minhowas disguised with dark sunglasses, a hat and a face mask and Taemin was constantly grinning because he thought the elder looked really stupid.
They entered the loud supermarket and Minhotook his shopping list out, Readingthrough it before heading to the first aisle. Taemin was silently following, his eyes wide with excitement and amazement. Minhotook what they needed out of the shelves, showing a few items into Taemin’s hands because he couldn’t carry everything. They passed several other costumers and luckily, everyone seemed to be too engrossed in what they were doing to take a closer look at Minho.

Minhowas keeping his head down, rapidly walking through the store and ignoring the way Taemin was obviously itching to ask tons of questions and run around taking everything he could into his hands. They arrived in the last aisle and Minhotook a pack of chocolate out of a shelf full with sweets.

“That’s all we need.” He mumbled and Taemin nodded, following Minhowho was walking towards the cashiers.

When they passed a few more aisles, Taemin noticed a young woman, or rather, a girl with a kid on her hand. She was thin and small and her long curly hair covered her face as she was looking down at the crying boy next to her.If it weren’t for the hair hiding her face, Taemin would have seen the look of helplessness in it, and the way she was nearly crying too as the boy kept screaming ‘umma’ with tears running down his chubby cheeks.

He heard the faint pleading of the girl, and the boy’s cries going louder as he followed Minhoaround the corners. When they got out of the shop, Taemin tugged Minho’s sleeve lightly, making the other halt. “Minhohyung, -“

“Wait! Let’s first go to the car.” Minhointerrupted the younger, turning around again and stalking to the car. Taemin sighed and ran after him.

“It’s dangerous for me to run around in public places, people could recognize me.” Minhomumbled as Taemin slammed the car-door shut, sitting down beside him.

Taemin nodded and fastened the seatbelt around his waist before facing the elder again.

“Can I ask now?” Minhonodded.

“Why do people cry?” Taemin asked, his eyes wide as he looked at the elder. Minhosighed, running a hand through his hair, before starting the engine; he looked at the street before him, seemingly thinking hard about the question.

“Because their feelings overflow, so that they can’t take it anymore.” He finally answered and Taemin formed the ‘O’ with his mouth, nodding slightly before looking out of the window.
He followed the traces of raindrops flowing down the glass, humming lightly as he stared into space. Minhofound it hard to ignore the dark atmosphere or the wetness in the boy’s eyes, but he fixed his gaze on the road, not making a move to calm the younger down when he heard small hiccups coming from him. He did nothing because he knew that Taemin didn’t want him to react; he played dumb because he knew that Taemin didn’t want him to know, and Taemin was thankful for that.

 

***

 

It had been already a month since Taemin walked into Minho’s life and turned it upside down. Despite the few slightly weird moments he had experienced with him, Minhofound himself feeling more and more attached to the younger.

So when Minhoentered the conference room, bowing to every person stepping up to him before going up to Jonghyun who had big, dark bags under his eyes, he was sulking.

Time passed too quickly and it felt as if it had been just yesterday when Taemin appeared before his door and changed his life. But it was not a day but a lot more time that had passed, and his feelings for the boy, though he was still in denial, were different from the love an uncle, brother or father should feel. Taemin had become his life’s sunshine, brightening it and making it so much more exciting; the thought of having to go back to work was making Minhonauseous. As much as he loved singing, music, the thrill he felt whenever he was standing on stage, his fans and his co-workers, he hated the fact that he would have nearly no time for the young boy. Minhorubbed the back of his neck, nodding at Jonghyun who smiled tiredly at him.

“Working hard huh?” he said, hugging his best friend and co-worker.

“You don’t even wanna know. You seemed to have had a good month though. You look…. refreshed.” Jonghyun was emphasising his words with wide hand movements and big eyes, and it made Minholaugh. “It’s good to see you again, Jjong.”

“Yeah man, you too.” Jonghyun sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“You better pull this song off, or I’m gonna kill you.” He snorted, grinning at Minhowho smirked back at him. “You know I will.”

“Yeah, I do.”

The director called for them to sit down on the big, round conference table and the meeting started.

 

The new song was great, powerful and had a certain manly feeling to it. That required powerful vocals, strong performances and a complicated choreography and as much as he loved Jonghyun for his great skills, sometimes he felt like shooting the other’s head for making his work so much harder for him. Minhogrumbled some curses as he bit into his cheeseburger, Jonghyun pointedly ignoring him as he grinned at the frustrated singer.

 

“So… tell me.” The other’s loud voice brought the younger out of his thoughts and Minholooked up from his cheeseburger.

“What?” he asked.

“Who is it?” Jonghyun was grinning at him, wiggling his eyebrows and Minhonearly choked on his coffee.

“Who is what?” he asked, deciding to play dumb. Jonghyun rolled his eyes, taking a big bite from his cheeseburger before continuing. “Who is it that got you smiling like some love struck teenage girl?”

“Is it that obvious?” Minhomumbled, looking to the ground. Jonghyun smiled, nodding.

“It is. Tell me everything.”

“Uhm, there is nothing going on, so there is nothing to tell.” Again, Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

“Oh god! There must be something going on, I know you well enough to be able to tell that!” Minhosighed; there was no way in hell he could deny what Jonghyun had said.

 “We are not together or anything, I just like him. He means a lot to me.” Minhowas fiddling with his hair, not meeting Jonghyun’s eyes. The elder raised his eyebrows, swallowing the remains of his cheeseburger.

“So who is he?” Jonghyun asked further, emphasizing the word ‘he’ and frowning because he was annoyed by the fact that he had to ask for every little detail.

“He is younger…..” Minholooked anywhere but Jonghyun, playing with some hair-strands as he was looking for the right words to describe the situation he was in.

“And?”

“Maybe a little bit childish and innocent…” the younger continued, blushing lightly.

“So you fell in love with a kid?”

“Wha- no! He’s only eight years younger and he has his mature sides… I believe. But he is beautiful!” Jonghyun sighed, biting his lip. “So how did you get to know that… kid?” Minhoglared at him, but let it go.

“Uhm because of some… circumstances he has to live with me.” Minhomumbled, perfectly aware of the fact that letting someone live with him could cause a big scandal. Jonghyun’s mouth went slack, before he closed it again, face-palming himself.

“Dude, are you insane? You have someone living with you and don’t tell the management? If someone finds out, you’re dead! God! I can’t believe how stupid you are! And what kind of circumstances are those?! Don’t tell me you picked him up or something!” Jonghyun was hissing and glaring staggers at Minhoby now.

“What?! No! I’m not that stupid! He’s my dead sister’s adoptive son!”

“Ugh, that’s like .”

“Shut up.”

Jonghyun sighed, stuffing a fried potato into his mouth before running a hand through his hair.

“You …. You drive me crazy Minho. But I can’t say anything ‘cause you seriously seem happy. Just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid and that you’ll introduce me to this guy.” He winked at Minho, stuffing another fried potato into his mouth. Minhosmiled, focusing back on his food.

“I’ll do that hyung. Thanks.”

 

***

 

Suddenly, Minhowas much more aware of what he felt for the young boy.
He was also much more aware of the consequences and the dangers of keeping him in his apartment. The management found out when Taemin, in his eagerness to surprise Minhopleasantly, suddenly appeared in the company’s building, clinging onto him, hugging him and being loud all over, so that every single person present knew that they had some special kind of connection.
So his manager called him to an important talk, sighing, frowning and rubbing his temples as he looked at Minho, who was nervously fumbling with his hair.

“So he is your dead sister’s adoptive son.” He said, moving a pencil from one side to the other on his big wooden desk that separated the two men.

“This is a difficult situation Minho, you can’t throw him out, people would hate you if they found out, but they would also be shocked when they knew you had a boy, who is not exactly a blood-relative living with you.” His manager sighed again, burying his head in his big hands.

“You drive me crazy, this drives me crazy, but we can’t do anything about it just… keep him and be careful.” Minhonodded, mouthing a silent ‘thank you’ and bowing before standing up and walking towards the door. But before he could open it his manager added:
“and keep your hands off him, I know you well enough to be able to tell what those looks you are sending him mean.” Minhogulped.

From that day on, Jonghyun kept a close eye on him. It was not like Minhodidn’t know that his manager had assigned Jonghyun to do so, he just liked to ignore the fact that his best friend tried to spend as much time as possible because he had to.

Suddenly, Minhofound it not that horrible to have to spend most of his time on work; that he barely ever see Taemin. It made everything so much easier. Minhodidn’t have to lie when he told Jonghyun that nothing had happened between him and Taemin; his guilty conscience was reduced to a minimum, though Taemin sent him sad glances whenever they saw each other for a few minutes because of the terribly immense amount of hard work, training and stress piling up on Minho’s shoulder.

His manager was delighted, ecstatic to say the least, that he suddenly had such an hardworking idol to take care of. It was not until Minhohad some time to rest after having finished recording and rehearsing and everything else that he noticed that he had been working harder than normally, and that the fact that he had been absorbed into work created some kind of distant feeling towards Taemin.
It hit him like a rock, realising that he had unconsciously been avoiding the younger, and Taemin suddenly being colder, less affectionate, like a stranger. His heart clenched painfully when he woke up the first morning he spent at home again, finding Taemin cooking in the kitchen. It clenched even tighter when Taemin let a frying pan fall to the ground when the boy noticed Minhostanding in the kitchen. Taemin looked shocked and hurt and so much more as he almost inaudibly whispered: “why are you here?”

Minhoscratched the back of his head, eyes downcast. He mumbled something about having some free time for a few days and when Taemin started to cry, his heart shattered into pieces, sinking down to the pit of his stomach making him feel so bad, so sad and so guilty that he, without thinking about his decision to keep a distance to the boy, without thinking about his manager or Jonghyun or his career, he ran to him, holding him tightly in his arms, feeling the fragile body tremble as sobs ran through his body. Minhoshut his eyes and silently hated himself and the world and everything except Taemin at that moment.

 

***

 

Jonghyun visited Minhoon the last day of free time before promotion would start. Minho was trying to cook, Taemin was taking a shower, and Jonghyun just stepped into the apartment chiming a happy ‘hello’ through it as he ignored the way Minho stared at him in disbelief, motioning for him to go away. He sat on the couch, leaning back into it and sighing loudly.

“This couch is as comfortable as always.” He mumbled. Minhostood before him, glaring at him.

“Get out.” He said, collected but still his voice was clearly louder than normally, angered. But Jonghyun was not the least bit scared and just grinned smugly.

“So where is your sunny-boy?” he asked, looking around. Minhonarrowed his eyes, silence stretching in the room and Jonghyun shifted uncomfortably as he felt Minho’s stare burning on his skin.

“In the bathroom” Minhohissed, arms folded in front of his chest.

“Jonghyun, you are my best friend and I trust you.” He said, emphasising the word ‘trust’ as he plopped himself down on the couch. Jonghyun nodded, running a hand through his hair before turning to the other.

“I know that you know what your manager wants me do to. I also know that you are not that stupid and I know that this boy makes you happy and I know that you can trust me, I just want to know what he is like, I mean you are my best friend and you just keep so much from me.” Jonghyun sounded frustrated, desperate almost, as he looked at Minhowith his puppy eyes. Minhosighed.

“It’s okay hyung. I don’t think you would do anything to hurt me.” Jonghyun smiled, running a hand through Minho’s soft locks

“Thank you for trusting me.”

A few minutes in barely comfortable silence passed, and Minholet out a sharp breath when Taemin stepped out of the bathroom and into the big living room with only a small towel around his lithe waist. Jonghyun’s jaw dropped, Taemin blushed furiously and Minhowas kind of torn between clasping his hands over Jonghyun’s eyes and running up to Taemin to drag him to his room and molest him to his heart’s content. But instead, he just stared blankly until Taemin bowed slightly before quickly disappearing into his room to change.

“He’s pretty.” Was all Jonghyun said.

 

Introductions were made when Taemin had come out of his room, properly dressed. Jonghyun’s gaze on Taemin’s face lingered a little bit too long for Minho’s taste as they shook hands and he noticed the weird glances Jonghyun was giving him as they sat on the dining table.
All in all, the food was not as bad than  they all expected it to be, and the dinner was not as awkward either. Taemin and Jonghyun got along surprisingly well, and if the eldest was taken aback by Taemin’s abnormally innocent and childish behaviour, he didn’t show it.
He patiently answered all the questions about their work and about Minhoat work and what song writing was about and if he drove as bad as Minho, smiling and obviously enjoying himself. Minho was silently following the conversation, keeping his gaze on Taemin, how he laughed and smiled and how his eyes were twinkling in the light and how his hair looked so soft and-

“So how is it living with Minho?” Jonghyun asked Taemin and the mentioning of his name threw Minhooff his train of thoughts.

“What?”

Jonghyun gave him a weird look and repeated:
“I asked Taemin how it is living with an idiot like you.” Taemin snickered.

“I like it here hyung, Minho-hyung is nice and takes good care of me, when he didn’t have to work he always cooked for me and he even brought me to see the sea and-“ Taemin started talking about how great everything was and about how beautiful the sea was sparkling and how cute Minho looked when he was sleeping. Wait.

“What are you talking about Tae?”

“You look cute when you sleep hyung.” Taemin said brightly, his eyes wide with sincerity as Minhoblushed and Jonghyun tried to cover his laughing by coughing loudly.
Taemin seemed oblivious to Minho’s uncomfortable shifting and coughs and continued, blabbering, laughing and telling stories while Jonghyun watched with a knowing smile, a smile that made Minhofeel even more uncomfortable than the rather embarrassing stories. The rest of the evening went by quickly, and Minhowas more than happy when Jonghyun finally left, mumbling something about his boyfriend wanting him to come home early. He accompanied the elder down, trying to ignore the awkward silence around them.

“So you like kids.” Jonghyun stated, chuckling lightly when Minhoblushed, looking shocked.

“N-no! I don’t – I like-“

“It’s okay pedo-bear, I can understand you. If I didn’t have Kibum, maybe I would-“

“Hyung!”

Jonghyun laughed loudly at Minho’s flustered face, his melodic voice echoing through the hallways as he threw his head back before he suddenly turned serious again.

“Just do me one favour and don’t grow too attached, you know about the management and so on, though I think it’s already too late.” Jonghyun rubbed the back of his neck and Minhosighed, eyes downcast. “I know, it’s just… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Just try keeping a safe distance. I’m sorry that it is like that for you, Minho.” Jonghyun whispered before giving the taller man a hug and walking away, waving his hand casually as he stepped into the already waiting cab. Minhostayed for another ten minutes before he went up again.

 

***

 

Promotion was hard. It was stressful and long and exhausting. People were running around, Minho was running around, make up was put on and removed, he went to this show and then the other, then he rehearsed and danced and sang and the fans were going crazy and his manager was going crazy and Jonghyun was going crazy and everything went by like a haze and suddenly Minho was back in his apartment, exhausted and tired, a dry throat and no voice, aching muscles and burning eyes and he let himself fall on his bed, closing his eyes and breathing out for the first time in weeks. Home sweet home, he thought, as his mind wandered off to sleep and barely registered a familiar warmth crawling into his bed.

 When he woke up, Taemin was hugging him tightly, evened breaths hitting the elder’s chest. Minhosmiled, shaking the boy softly. It took a few more minutes of, shaking, mumbling sweet nothings and tickling the boy until he woke up, slowly blinking his eyes open, yawning and then smiling at the other.

“Congratulations.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes in a way that Minhofound should not be allowed because it was too cute.

Minholaughed, his voice still husky from overuse and the fact that he just woke up.

“That was an unexpected thing to say.” He mumbled before running a hand through Taemin’s soft hair. The boy smiled, leaning into the touch. He shifted closer, inches away from Minho, whose breath hitched slightly.

“You were first place for five weeks. Congratulations.” The boy repeated and in that moment Minhofound himself trapped in those brown, round eyes. And unconsciously, he shifted closer too, breaths mingling and tension making the air buzz. Only when Taemin fluttered his eyes shut Minhorealized exactly what he was doing and he shifted away, stood up and muttered something about ‘shower’ before disappearing into the bathroom.

 He slammed the door shut, clenching his fist over his rapidly beating heart. , he thought. . 

He locked the door and splashed water onto his face, a lot of it, trying to cool down, to calm down. ‘Try keeping a distance’, yeah easier said than done, he thought bitterly. He took a deep breath, willing his heart to stop beating so fast as he let himself slump down to the ground. He let his hands slide through his slightly wet hair, letting out a sigh and closing his eyes. And then he saw images. Images of Taemin’s smile, images of his eyes, of his hair,  of his thin, graceful body, of his long legs, of his plush kissable lips, of his- Minho’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

“Minho? Are you alright?” Taemin asked loudly through the locked door.

Minhocursed under his breath, standing up again.

“Yes I’m alright Tae I just needed to cool off, it was hot in there.” He shouted back, before splashing another round of cold water into his face.

“Are you sure you don’t have a fever or something, cause it’s not really hot in there.” Taemin answered, knocking against the door once again.

“Let me in hyung, I wanna see if you are alright.” Minhotook a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, but failing miserably before opening the door with a soft ‘click’.

Taemin stood there, staring intensely at him. He walked in, pushing Minhoslightly backwards. He softly kicked the door closed, standing only inches away from Minhoand looking at his face, examining it. Minhowas not sure how to react, so he settled to looking at Taemin’s forehead, avoiding eye contact, but not obviously looking away.

“You know…. hyung. If you want to you can kiss me.” Taemin whispered, his lips and Minhowas not really sure if he did that on purpose in that moment. Minhostared at Taemin in utter shock and then looked away, fighting every cell in his body not to attack the beautiful being in front of him.

“Don’t look away. I know you want to and I’m not objecting, so do it, there is nothing wrong about it, about us, about this.” He whispered while stepping closer, too close, and Minhohadn’t noticed that he had backed away, not until he hit the wall behind him.

Minhogasped loudly and a few seconds later Taemin’s lips were on his, soft and desperate and careful, moving slowly over the others. Taemin pressed against Minho’s chest, his lips pressing deeper into the elder’s and Minho responded, his arms finding their way around Taemin’s slim waist as he pressed him closer, their mouths sliding together. It was a melting of mouths, desperate and hot and full with emotions both knew of, but neither one would say out loud. Minhoturned them around, pressing Taemin deep into the wall, ravaging his mouth, biting it, bruising it and suddenly he pulled away, Taemin whimpering at the loss of contact. But Minhokept pulling away, stepping back and shaking his head. He looked confused, unsure and afraid as he stared at Taemin, eyes wide.

“W-we can’t, don’t-… let’s not- I’m sorry.” And he turned around and left; ran away, out of the apartment, out of the building, out, somewhere where he could be alone. 

 

He stepped out of the building, the cold night-air hitting his face harshly, only noticing that he had nothing but a t-shirt when his body began shaking violently.
It was a bad idea, a really bad idea because honestly, Minhohad nowhere to go. People would recognize him without anything to hide his face. But there was no way in hell he could go back now; he needed to cool his head off, he needed that so badly and so he just decided to go to the park nearby, because who would be there in the middle of the night?

He sat down on a bench, the cold surface making him shudder as it met with the thin sweatpants that covered his skin. He leaned back; ignoring the goose bumps and closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. His thoughts wandered off.

They wandered off to himself, his life, his career and everything that he was about to risk. Then they wandered off to Taemin, the first day he just appeared in front of his apartment, the questions he asked, his smile, the brightness he bought Minho, how he made him feel alive again. He remembered the touches and the tears and everything that was strange about Taemin; Minhoshuddered.

Not because of the cold that was making his limps feel as if they didn’t exist, no, it was because of the fear. It was the fear of losing what he desired the most and the fear of losing what he already had. He felt the fear of disappointing people and of making Taemin’s smile fade away, the fear of the many tears his fans would shed and the fear of Taemin’s tears and he just felt lost and torn and indescribably sad.

It took him about one hour to calm down. Though his thoughts were not sorted yet, his body refused to let him sit in this cold any longer and his muscles ached so much that Minho had to force himself to go back home. He was not prepared at all to see Taemin and to make decisions, and as he slowly made his way back home, he tried to make up a good excuse to run away again.

 

***

What Minhodidn’t know was that Taemin had not been alone in his apartment while he had run off, what he didn’t know was that that the doorbell rang and when Taemin opened the door he was faced with two men clothed in black suits and Jonghyun smiling at hi.He didn’t know that they had told Taemn to leave Minhoalone, he didn’t know that they had told Taemin what kind of consequences it would have if the fans found out about him, he didn’t know that they blackmailed to the boy, saying that they knew something important about him. And he certainly didn’t know that Taemin, feeling shattered and scared and confused agreed, agreed to leave the elder, because it was the only thing he could do.

 

***

 

Minhoducked his head when he noticed that the sun was about to go up again and people were making their way to work or school. Being recognized now was something he would like to avoid. He decided to run, since it was the fastest and safest way to get back home.
He made it around the last corner when he bumped into a figure, the impact making him trip backwards and making the other fall to the ground.

“I’m sorry, I-“ Minholooked at the boy sitting on the ground.

“Taemin?” The boy looked at him, his expression unreadable. He stood up, sparing one last glance at the elder before looking to the ground and trying to pass Minho. But Minhograbbed him by the wrist turning his around and forced him to look him into his eyes.

“Where are you going?” he hissed, and it sounded a lot angrier than it should. Taemin was biting his lip, though his gaze was hard and cold.

“I’m going to leave. Let me go.” he said; it was barely a whisper, but Minhounderstood every single word as if it was burned into his mind.

“Where do you want to go? You have nowhere to run to. Stay.” Taemin shook his head, his hair brushing Minho’s face as he did.

“You have no right to force me to stay with you.” He said, his voice clear and loud before he wriggled his arm out of Minho’s grasp and turned around.

“Wai-“ Minhowanted to grip for Taemin, but a sudden noise behind him made him stop in his tracks.

“Oh my god! It’s Choi Minho!” a shrill voice echoed through the streets and in a few seconds, it was filled with murmurs and noises from people Minhodidn’t want to see at the moment.

Taemin smiled, it was not a beautiful or bright smile. It was sad and small, his eyes not forming into half-moons.

“See hyung, that is where you belong, not with me. Your manager was right. I’m just getting in the way.” He whispered and it was barely audible through the nearing squeals and screams.

“Taemin? Where are you going? Stay! Don’t leave me, don’t run away!” Minhoscreamed, his hands gripping for the boy, missing his thin wrist as a crowd of fans and photographers and reporters was pushing him back. 
Taemin stood there, a hood barely covering his face and Minhocould see the hurt, he could see the eyes filled with tears and the frustration and he wanted to fight for him, wanted to push his fans away, and to run to the one thing he truly treasures. But still he didn’t do it; he let himself be swept away by the crowd, his body weak, his eyes staring at Taemin who stared back until he disappeared behind a few screaming girls’ faces.

Minho didn’t fight the crowd anymore, the fear of the consequences of what he has done making him freeze, freeze where he was, not reacting to the people pulling or pushing him, asking him questions and screaming his name, hugging him and taking photographs of him. And then he saw Jonghyun and the pushes und pulls stopped and he was dragged somewhere, but he was too paralyzed to notice where to. Taemin is not here. He thought, a strange kind of emptiness filling him from deep inside. He is not here anymore. 

 

***

 

Minhowas a mess. It had been exactly three days after Taemin ran away and despite the fact that Minhohad mobilized about 50 percent of Seoul’s policemen to find him, there was no trace of the young boy. Adding to the emotional mess he was, came the mess his reputation and his career were in. The media and his fans interpreted Taemin running away in many strange ways, and there were rumours from him molesting a child, to secretly having a son going through the media and Minho had to chuckle despite himself, because this was so extremely ridiculous.

Minhosat in his bed, absently watching the raindrops fall against the big window and slowly sliding down, only to be replaced by new ones. His brain refused to think about anything else other than Taemin, and it made Minho’s heart ache. In the past weeks he had gotten so close to the boy, he had been so used to him being around, that he nearly forgot how it was to be alone. This time it felt even worse than normal. He felt emptier and more tired and lost, more than he ever had. Maybe it was because he finally knew what it was like to have a family.

He sighed, forcing himself out of the warmth of his bed sheets. He walked towards the kitchen, but stopped in front of the door to Taemin’s room. Since Taemin had run away, he never dared to enter it, but when he wanted to find the boy he had to start somehow didn’t he?

He opened the door carefully, though he didn’t know why, tiptoeing through the room as he breathed Taemin’s scent in. It was barely audible, but Minhostill felt like drowning in it, when he let himself slump down on the soft mattress of the small bed in the middle of the room. He rolled around on the bed, memories flooding his mind, and for a moment he pretended that he was waiting for Taemin to finish showering. He snuggled his head into one of the pillows, grunting when he felt something hard and uncomfortable under it. He reached a hand under the pillow, taking out a small plastic box. Minhoturned it around in his hand and began reading what stood on it.

He let the box fall to the ground, his hands suddenly losing all power to hold anything. .

He stared onto space before fumbling his mobile out of his pants pockets. He dialled the familiar number, impatiently waiting for the person to pick up.

“Hey.”

“Jjong, we need to find Taemin.” Minhowhispered, his voice trembling as he fought to hold his tears back.

“I know that and we are already looking for him Minho.” Jonghyun sighed.

“N-no you don’t know anything, please Jjong we need to find him. NOW!” he screamed before running out of the apartment, not caring if there was anyone who could recognize him or that it was raining and he was only wearing a dress shirt. He ran for dear life, with no real goal, just knowing that he had to find Taemin. He had to, fast.

 

***

The next few hours went by like a blur. I

t was running through rain, helpless screaming for a boy that seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth, panting as the burning feeling of air refusing to rush through his lungs regularly surged through his body, hot tears that mixed with the cold drops of the crying sky, dizziness, pain, shock, desperation.

Minhofelt as if the world was crumbling together around him, as if everything that had mattered disappeared, leaving only the painful thoughts of one particularly beautiful boy in his mind, paining him, making him shudder and gasp as his body refused to work anymore. Taemin.

He fell to the ground, clutching his hair tightly, as if the pain could help him, as if it would make him feel better, make him forget. He let out a desperate cry, his throat hurting, his eyes burning and his feet feeling as if they could fall off anytime. But he didn’t care, he didn’t feel.

All he could feel was the pain of hundreds, thousands of needles piercing his heart, the pain of the possibility losing someone that probably meant more than his own life. And as more and more needles made his heart ache, a cloud of blackness began surrounding it, numbness overtaking his heart first, then his whole chest, his body, his limbs, as he struggled to stay conscious, not to let the blackness blurring on the edges of his vision take completely over.

He gasped, clutched his chest, panted and whimpered, whispers of the boy’s name leaving his mouth and small, silent ‘no’s . But he kept fighting, kept fighting until the darkness surrendered and only the paining numbness of his overly exhausted body was left, until Minho was able to think again, to cry again, to realize what exactly was that had him so broken, so desperate. And as the numbness was nearly completely gone and the sounds he hadn’t noticed were gone came back he flinched in surprise as the loud ring of his mobile pierced through the quietness of the empty streets. His hands were shaking when he fumbled the phone out of his pockets and his voice was too when he answered Jonhyun’s call, who apparently had been trying to call him for the fifth time now.

“Oh God! You finally answer!” Jonghyun sounded beyond relieved and it made Minhofeel guilty, though it was not really his fault wasn’t it?

“I didn’t hear the phone.” He mumbled, his voice hoarse and broken, so unlike him.

“Minho, we found him.”

 

***

 

Hospitals were something Minhodreaded. They were too bright and too full and there was this suffocating smell and grumpy nurses and crying families and sick, old, exhausted people. They were full of sadness, pain and suffering, and Minho’s heart sank to the ground when he entered the big building. He was trembling and trying his best to keep his tears in his eyes as he walked through the cold corridors of the 2^nd floor. He ignored the small gasps coming from nurses, who seemed to have recognized him, and also the way the nurse he had asked about Lee Taemin’s room had blushed.

“At the moment no one is allowed to enter his room, but as far as I know his doctor, Dr. Lee wants to talk to you so if you come with me please.” She said, in a voice that was too bright for him to bear. He nodded and followed her into the back of the hallway to a small office.
The nurse knocked two times and a few seconds later a ‘Please come in’ followed, she opened the door and entered the room, Minhoclosing the door behind him when he stepped inside.

“This is Choi Minho, the one responsible for Taemin. You wanted to talk to him.” The doctor, a man slightly older than him, handsome, with brown eyes and a wide smile, stood up, nodded at the nurse and walked towards Minho.

“Lee Jinki, I am the doctor responsible for Taemin.” Minhoshook hands with the man, nodding and then took a seat on the chair the doctor had motioned for him to sit down. Mr. Lee smiled at, him though his smile was not really reassuring, it was sad. Minhogulped.

“Where is Taemin?” he asked, staring the doctor into the eyes.

“Mr. Choi. I think there are a few things you don’t know, that Taemin didn’t tell you and since he is not in the condition to be able to tell you that I am going to do it so listen closely.” Dr. Lee said, rubbing his temples, his smile fading away. ”Taemin has been my patient ever since he was adopted by your sister.” Minhoblinked at him. “What do you mean?” 

“Your sister took part in a program for adopting children coming from contaminated areas. When she adopted Taemin there was a chance of 80 percent that he would be sick. Dead sick. Your sister took the risk and adopted him. We discovered his acute lymphocytic leukaemia when he was four.”

“A-acute lymphocytic leukaemia?”

“Yes in short it is called ALL. A form that is not rare among kids, so it was not really a surprise. We succeeded in helping Taemin live 5 years longer than he should have. But in his case the sickness is extremely strong, up to now we could only force the leukaemia into something like a slumber. It was clear that it would break out again and it only happened a little bit earlier because he didn’t take his medicine. He has to undergo chemotherapy if he wants to survive for more than a few days more.”

“Then what are you waiting for, just ing start with the chemotherapy.” Minhohissed. Lee Jinki sighed, taking his glasses off.

“Of course, I as a doctor will try everything to keep my patient alive, but the problem with Taemin is that he… well he is tired. We know that this chemotherapy will keep him alive for about three months longer when he is lucky and he knows it too, since it is my duty to tell him as a doctor. I don’t have the right to decide what to do with my patients just like that and after I told him our results Taemin decided to stop now.” he said, sighing.

 “What does that mean?” Minhowas glaring at the doctor, though he knew it was not this man’s fault, but he needed something or someone to direct his anger at.

 “Minho, Taemin decided to not undergo the chemotherapy. That means he has about one, two maybe three days more to live. He said that it is not worth it. I guess you are familiar with the fact that chemotherapy is painful and it causes a lot of emotional stress for the sick person but also for those around him.”

“And what if I say he has to undergo it?”

Dr.Lee nodded.

“Yes that is what I wanted to talk to you about. The problem is that Taemin is of full age, so he has the right to decide and when he doesn’t back off I can’t do anything. So this is where you play your part. Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t want to lose him, not if I can still do something. For doctors, losing a patient is the worst, so I want you to talk to him. You are the person he has the strongest personal bond to, and I think that you could maybe convince him to fight on.”

Minhostood up, slamming his hands on the desk. “I am not going to let Taemin give up. There is no way. “

“I guess that we have come to an agreement then.”

Minhogulped, but nodded as he stood up as the doctor did, and shook hands with him before going out of the small office. It was kind of hard to hold back the tears.

 

***

 

Taemin’s weak breathing was accompanied by slow beeping sounds coming from a machine standing next to his bed.
Minhowas over the boy’s pale cheeks as he was fighting to contain his tears.
The room was bright and white and everything but comfortable. The smell of hospital was suffocatingly strong and with every breath, Minhowas reminded of where he was.

Taemin was sleeping, probably because of the immense amount of pain-killers they had given him, but at least he looked peaceful and at ease. His skin seemed even paler in the bright light, and he had terrible bags under his eyes, making the boy look sicker than Minholiked him to look.

Taemin was slowly breathing in and out, small huffs leaving his mouth and Minho’s heart clenched because it seemed as if the younger one was fighting for every breath. Minhowas trailing the tip of his fingers over the soft skin on Taemin’s face, over the small nose, the cheekbones, down his cheeks and over the slightly chapped lips before letting go and sinking back into his chair, burying his head in his hands, elbows propped on his knees.

“Don’t stop.” Taemin whispered and Minho’s heart skipped a few beats, shooting up to lay his hands back on the boy’s face.

“You’re awake.” Taemin managed a nod, fluttering his eyes open. They were showing everything Minhodidn’t want to know: shame, anger, fear, gratitude, relief and love.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Minhosaid, his voice barely above a whisper. For some reason, he was afraid to break the silence.

“I’m sorry.” Taemin closed his eyes and a big round tear rolled down his cheek.

“Don’t be Taeminnie, it’s not your fault, I should be the one apologizing. I was a douche bag and I shouldn’t have pushed you away, you are too important and I’m just gonna make it all up to you when you-“

“I’m not going to leave that hospital ever again you know that, right?” Taemin interrupted and Minhojust stared at him blankly, sighing. “Taemin don’t be like that, you just have to fight for-“

“Hyung, I’m not going to do the therapy.” Taemin was whispering, too weak to speak normally but still his voice sounded determined.

“Tae, what are you talking about? You don’t-”

“I am perfectly aware of what I am doing. Minho, please.” He whimpered, as Minhodesperately began clutching his hand. “No Taemin I don’t want you to go.” Minho’s voice was rising unconsciously and Taemin flinched a little, but kept his gaze determined.

“MinhoI spent my whole life in a hospital or locked in a safety room at home, because my mother was always worried I’d die and I am tired of it. You let me experience how it is to live and to love and I thank you so much, but please… let me go. I’m tired.”

The way Taemin looked at Minho, the way his eyes told stories, of pain, sadness, loss and mostly exhaustion was so desperate, so certain of what he wanted that Minhocould do nothing but kiss the boy’s fingers tenderly as he silently prayed for god to keep this beautiful angel alive.

 

***

 

A few hours later, Minho explained to Lee Jinki that there was no way to convince Taemin anymore, though Minho could not understand how Taemin, his Taemin that had always been so lively and so desperate to get to know things, that had loved life like little things did would give it up so easily.
Jonghyun patted Minhoon the back, handing him a cup of hot coffee when he found the young idol sitting in a corner of the long hospital hallways, tears flowing down his cheeks as he stared on the wall in front of him. It looked quite pathetic in Jonghyun’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything, just sat down beside his best friend sighing loudly.

“Why is he giving up?” Was what Minhowhispered, and Jonghyun nudged the younger gently.

“Did you ever think about the possibility that he doesn’t want you to go through this?”

“What?” Minhoaverted his eyes from the wall to Jonghyun’s face.

“When Taemin would do the therapy, do you know what that would do to you and your life and your career?”

“.” Minhomumbled, looking down to let and endless flow of tears fall down.

 

***

 

When it was time, when the doctors knew that Taemins heart was steadily beating slower, that his body was getting weaker that he nearly couldn’t talk anymore they left the room and Minhowas alone with the boy, tracing his fingers along the cold skin in his face.

 “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Taemin whispered, his eyes sparkling in the bright light of the hospital room.

“D-don’t be, you didn’t do anything. Don’t be sorry it’ll be alright okay? It’ll be alright.” Minhotook the boy’s weak and cold hands between his, kissing them softly as he mumbled sweet nothings, the words meant for himself to calm down. “Just don’t give up, don’t let go.”

Taemin smiled weakly; he looked pale and tired.

“I’m sorry Minho, I shouldn’t have been so stupid, I shouldn’t have run away and I shouldn’t have left you. I should have told you of this sickness, I should have warned you, I shouldn’t have gotten close to you, I shouldn’t have brought you so much trouble and I shouldn’t leave now I know, but please let me leave, I’m tired, so tired.” He whispered, his breathing more like gasping because he had barely the strength left to talk.

His eyes slowly fell shut, before opening again. Minhowas crying, though he had thought that his eyes, after crying so much, much more than he ever had in his whole life, would not let a single tear fall out for the next week he was crying, the tears silently escaping his eyes, without him having the power to stop them. He gripped Taemin’s thin fingers hard, as if they were the last thing to hold on to.

“Please don’t go, please don’t leave me, please don’t.” he pleaded, the boy’s face softly.

Taemin leaned into the touch, his eyelids feeling heavy. “Goodbye.” He whispered before tugging lightly on Minho’s hands, motioning for him to lean down. Minhocomplied, leaning his ear against Taemin’s chapped lips, savouring every word the boy whispered to him.

Taemin gave the elder one last smile, slowly closing his eyes and one last time he strengthened his grip on Minho’s hand before leaving, leaving forever.

Minhocried out loud, sobs shaking his body, Taemin’s words echoing in his mind over and over again.

 

“We’ll see each other in heaven right?”

 

***

 

Taemin’s grave was small, but beautiful. It was placed next to his mothers and decorated with the most beautiful flowers Minhocould find. Pictures, letters and candles were placed around it and Minhohad to smile. Most of those letters were from fans, he really loved them sometimes.
He had needed a pause after all this drama and now that had come back, his fans were still loyal and supporting, the strange rumours having died down immediately. He chuckled; it was funny how they said that when he sang, he was so much more emotional than before, though he felt so much emptier.

He didn’t cry anymore, his tears having dried six months ago, when Taemin was carried out of the hospital, Jonghyun’s reassuring hand on his shoulders and the whispers and screams of fans and paparazzi in the background. Taemin’s question had been haunting him ever since, the hoarseness of his once sweet voice and the chapped lips on his ears.

Yes, he thought, we’ll see each other in heaven. And he placed a soft kiss on the gravestone before leaving.