She’s tired. Both physically and mentally tired.

Of faking smiles everyday when all she wants to do is to scream and curse. Of the amounts of she gave to little things. Of the number of fake friends she has. Of her severe trust issue problem. Basically, she’s tired of her life. All she wants to do is to die. Be it a painful one or a quiet one. She doesn’t have any reasons to life anymore, does she?

Look at how people accepted every “I’m alright,” coming from her lips. Look at how her (so called) best friends laugh behind her back. Look at her broken family. Look at the cuts on her wrist, remain hidden even until now. She used to be the ‘happy-virus’ of the class back then in middle school. Now she’s the one with gloomy aura and so-so brain; the forgotten one. Even so, Soojung still managed to smile. She can’t even count how many people have said that she must have a wonderful life, with nothing but happiness. With toothy smiles she flashed everyday, Soojung couldn’t blame those people. She doesn't want to let people know about her true self, she lets them see what they want to see.

It’s a bit ironic. The girl who is always giving encourage to her friends about the meaning of life, is actually someone who wants to die so badly. Soojung had written some ways to die. Jumping from the school’s rooftop, jumping in front of a train, crossing the road when the light is still green, hanging herself, drink 40 sleeping pills in one go, etc. Still, she couldn’t embrace the idea of dying. But she can’t deny the suicidal feeling that’s eating away her happiness. Sure, Soojung is still a sophomore. But the burden she has to carry on is even heavier than everyone in her age. Soojung would like to bet her life on it.

Sometimes Soojung wonders, is there anyone out there who really cares about her? Who will love her regardless her miserable life? She just needs someone to hug her, telling her that it’s alright. She is in need of a shoulder to cry on, and to help her through this.

“Soojungie, what do you think about shopping? Next week?” One of her friend, Jieun, said cheerfully. Earning nods and giggles from the other three. Soojung snaps back to reality; blinking her eyes for a quite few times.

With a quick nod and a thin smile, Soojung agrees.

She chooses to stir her frappuccino once again, back to her own world. Soojung closes her eyes, then says a pledge to herself; one or two more pressure, then I’m ready to bid a goodbye to this world.

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fin.

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This is my first published english fic and it's… absurd. Oh, my other 'name' is ravixxen so that should explain the 'ravixxen' in the poster.

I’ve written this piece long ago on my phone’s memopad–so yeah, kindly leave a comment, i know there’s a lot of grammar errors I’m calling you grammar nazi, i'm willing to learn since it's not my mother language.