My love, there's only you in my life. The only thing that's bright.
My first love, you're every breath that I take. You're every step I make.

“Junnie!”

I turned around as I heard that voice. Of course in any time, I recognized that voice above all. It’s deep but cheerful, indicating either he is excited or actually just in a happy mood. Very good for him.

A pair of slim arms wrapped around my neck, his familiar vanilla scent lingers on me. I secretly admired it and have a moment for myself to cherish this simple moment. I know I’m being pathetic but this is the most I could get for being silently in love with my amazing best friend who has a boyfriend who is also my another best friend. This situation is so ed up; but only for me. As long as I’ll shut my mouth and leave them two happily, I can manage all of the s for the consequence of unrequited love. I can take all the hurt and pain and be the pathetic one just to see him with the one he truly loves. I know the feeling; and I would not do such a thing to take that away from him.

“Seungie, what makes you so giddy today?” I asked him while chuckling a little then wrapped my strong arms around his slender waist. At least, this hugging thing is very normal for us. This will not send him any sign that I am actually taking advantage and feel differently for him.

“It’s your birthday today, silly.” He said flashing a sweet smile and looking at me with those bright eyes that I adore so much.

“It is?” I asked sounding stupid. But I always get lost when I look into his eyes. I can’t help but be mesmerized with them and fell on a trance of pure bliss of raw emotion of fascination.

“As usual, you always forget it.” Now he said adding a cute pout in the end. I offered a small smile and let him do that since I enjoy watching him like that.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said shrugging a little. Hyunseung remained attached to me for a while before he let go and grabbed something from his panda backpack. Yes, we are in college and he still wears those stuffed toys bags. He also has his domo and pororo which he interchanges every two days.

“Here.” He took an obvious medium sized red paper bag which I guess is supposed to be a birthday present for me.

“Happy Birthday, Junnie!” He beamed happily again then shoves the paper bag on my chest. I look at it for a while then took it from him.

“It’s from me and Dujunie. Speaking of him, what took him so long? He’s supposed to be here already. He just parked the car and I ran ahead of him because I want to greet you first.” He looked around and scanned where his boyfriend could be.

Yeah, Dujun is his loving boyfriend and my best friend. The three of us shares this weird relationship since I remained the best friend for the two of them while they stayed as lovers. I’m always the third wheel but they didn’t mind though. I can clearly prove that because we were friends since elementary days and none of us felt awkward even though they started dating during our senior year in high school. And now we’re in our last year of college, I can say they are still going strong. Almost five years together and they could not be but more than in love with each other.

“You like it?”

I glanced at him for a moment and what caught me off guard were his awaiting bright doe eyes. He’s giving me that look again. That damn look that I somehow hate to look. Because I know I couldn’t resist that. He is like a little child waiting for his teacher to tell him he got an A+ again. He always do that when he is anticipating he did something wrong. And as if his look can help him, he will pull that ahead of time to tell him he did nothing but the right thing. He can be this manipulative if he wants to. Don’t be too deceived with his innocent look because Hyunseung is actually sneaky and controlling. The love for him is what I guessed what blinded Dujun and me since we almost give in to his requests.

“I haven’t checked it yet.” I held the paper bag which is still closed and shook it a little to state what I have said.

“Then look at it!” He demanded. I told you.

“Okay. Just calm down.” I said chuckling again sensing he is frantically not at ease at the moment.

I opened the paper bag and saw a small black box. I took the box then opened it and what I saw really caught me off guard. It was a golden rolex wristwatch which I am sure the one I checked last Friday at a mall. It was really what I wanted as a birthday gift. I am even planning on buying that for myself.

“You didn’t have to—“ I started still not believing what they have given me.

“But we did! So just shut and wear it now! Hurry!” Hyunseung cut me off before I finish what I’m trying to say. He took the watch from the box and held my left wrist and in an instant I am wearing that beautiful piece of plate already. Wow, shiny hot stuff.

“Thank you.” That’s all I managed to say after feeling suffocated with all the feels in me. I feel a mixture of emotions at this moment. I am thankful, happy, overwhelmed—I feel special. And I don’t know how to gratify them enough. I just couldn’t.

“Happy Birthday, buddy.” An also familiar deep voice said then I looked up and saw my best pal Dujun. He hugged me and I returned but not for a while. He looked at my wrist and smiled widely.

“I can see Seungie already gave you your birthday gift. He was so excited to give you that he didn’t stop bugging me on how you’ll feel about it.” Dujun said then hugged his boyfriend from behind. I am so used seeing them like that but I can’t help not to cringe inside and feel hurt. I hate myself so much. I’m not supposed to feel this; they didn’t deserve this kind of betrayal I possess.

 “Yeah. Thanks man, really. I appreciate it so much. This is exactly what I wanted.” I said to them smiling.

“Can I join the hug?”

“Of course!” It’s Hyunseung who answered. I stepped closer to them then enveloped my arms around them.

“Thank you guys, so much.” And I mean for everything. For being such great friends. They are in deed the best.

“You know pretty well what does this mean right?”

I raised my eyebrow and acted innocently as if I don’t know what Hyunseung is talking about.

“We’ll be picking you up at seven.” Dujun seconded his loving boyfriend of course. What else can I do? It’s two against one. Later that night though we ended up in a bar and partied ourselves hard literally celebrating the day I was born.

And I, I want to share all my love with you.
No one else will do.

Five Years Before

“Is it today?” I asked my best pal again for the nth time. Obviously he is not the only one nervous. I am too. And terrified. Because even though he is my best friend and I want nothing but the best for him, still a little inch of selfishness is flowing in me. He is still my competitor. I do not want to happen what he is dying to wished for. Because we both wanted the same thing—the same person. And I am the unfortunate one being the loser in our challenge as who is going to confess to Hyunseung first; and the one that has to wait whether there is still a chance left or I should just go and cry around a corner because Hyunseung accepted him already.

“This is really is it.” He said looking at me sternly. I can also feel his anxiety is also high.

“Good luck, man.” I still wished him but not completely.

“Really? You wish me that?” Dujun shook his head while laughing a little before standing up and extended his arms to me.

I took it for a shake and he mouthed a thanks man before walking out. I was left inside the café thinking about all the possibilities and about how complicated things will be after. I guess. I never thought we will end up like this. In this twisted love triangle that I thought only happens in books or movies.

I happened to remember when Dujun pointed out that I am having a crush on our pretty best friend. He laughed about it and told me how pathetic we are because we both feel the same way towards our friend. I was honestly shocked because I never thought of him to be gay. There is just no string attached to him telling he is swaying for the other team too, not that I am obviously gay, but who could not love Jang Hyunseung? I couldn’t blame him. It is hard I know because I myself never find any other guy attractive except for him. We’re just unfortunately trapped helpless with his charm and sweetness.

And since then we started on trying our best to get Hyunseung’s attention all the time. For weeks we did that and just last Friday night we ended in a silly match as to who would confess to Hyunseung first. We put our fate in a silly arm wrestling. How manly of us, I know. And how stupid of me for agreeing knowing how athletic Dujun is. Damn, that was such a huge mistake. I should have challenged him in a Mario Kart game instead. I could win in that or at least had a fifty-fifty chance with him.

I didn’t notice how long I stayed in that café but I am sure it was long enough since the sky is starting to show its darkness and the chilly wind outside is coming in from the constant re-opening of the café’s door. What the hell is taking Dujun so long? We agreed that if the other had no luck or unfortunately, fortunately got lucky—will immediately inform the waiting one, which sadly happened to be me for the nth time.

I cannot keep calm anymore and the two cups of iced coffee I finished earlier didn’t help at all. I’m starting to get agitated when I felt my phone vibrating from my jean’s pocket. Dujun’s name was on the screen and this is the thing I had been waiting for. I’m dying to know what happened yet inside me I cannot deny that feeling of hurt if ever he succeeded. But nonetheless I need to man up and face this. It’s now or never.

I exhaled a deep breath before answering my waiting best frien