x.

You are training children to fight a grown man's war.

Was there really any other possible outcome to this game you are playing?

x.           

There's a mixture of excitement and anxiety in the air as Wooyoung walks into the dormitory.

They all stand there. Anxious and eager, and it dawns on him that he is not much older than they are, a year give or take, but it is to him they will be looking for guidance now. At one point they were eager kids, wanting nothing more than to make it into Battle School.  Innocent, naïve and ignorant to the gravity of the situation.

At one point, Wooyoung had been just like them.

There's one launchie in particular that gets his attention. He stands in the front, bed closest to the door, and unlike the rest, whose eyes are fixed straight ahead, scare less out of their minds, this one is watching Wooyoung attentively. Hanging on to every word that leaves the captain’s mouth.

There’s a glimmer in his eyes, a curiosity and eagerness that Wooyoung recognizes. He’s seen it plenty of times before. When he stands in front of a mirror and looks right into his own eyes.

Wooyoung hesitates, the tag on his suit reads Lee, and Wooyoung goes over the list of names he has memorized. Junho Lee. The name has been mentioned once or twice. Handpicked by the colonel. Wooyoung knew he would be coming.

The higher ups have high hopes for this one, but Wooyoung decides is best not to single him out. Not yet. There would be plenty of time for that later on.

Instead, he tells them all to get a good night's sleep.

They would need it for what’s ahead.

x.

Do you understand the implications behind what you are asking them to do? Do you understand the weight they carried on their shoulders?

Do you even get them at all?

I didn’t think so.

x.

Junho excels above them all, and uses every opportunity he gets to show it.

Wooyoung is not surprise.

He's driven, and calculating. Meticulous, decisive, and fearless. Everything they need him to be. Everything they expected him to be. 

Junho excels above them all, but he’s not someone others would willingly follow.

The responsibility to train him falls on Wooyoung. He doesn’t want it, but the colonel doesn’t make suggestions. He shares his expectations. And he’s expecting Wooyoung to make a man out of this boy.

Wooyoung refrains from mentioning that he’s still a boy himself.

Instead, he orders Junho to meet him in the practice room during free time. The boy would rather spend the time as it is meant to be, doing something of his liking, but Wooyoung’s words are law. So Junho follows. No questions ask.

x.

The fate of the world lies in our hands. You may not think is ethical, but is the only chance we have.

We have to be prepared, for what’s to come.

x.

Junho lacks humility.

Wooyoung is more than happy to teach it.

Junho is good at one on one combat, but Wooyoung’s better. He’s been training longer and easily manhandles the other. Junho is on his knees, arm bent in an uncomfortable position and held in place by an unyielding Wooyoung.

They have been doing this for days now. Each time with the same outcome.

“You are too rash. Stop. Think. Get to know your opponent. Then used that knowledge to take him down.”

He lets him go, and Junho is fuming. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, and gets up, holding on to the bit of pride he still has.

“Again.”

On Wooyoung’s command Junho attacks. He gets a hit in this time, grabs Wooyoung in a headlock and forces him to his knees. It is supposed to be simple training. Basic tactics. But Junho has been taking a beating for way too long now. His knee connects with Wooyoung’s chin, and there’s blood.

He comes to his senses, but is too late. Wooyoung spits on the floor, a mixture of blood and saliva.

“What’s the point of this?” His voice is a pitch higher than usual. He’s conflicted. Upset.

“We’ll never fight those buggers one on one, knowing how to fight won’t get me into Command school any faster, so what’s the point of making me do this?!”

“Before you can become someone others follow,” Wooyoung says, head throbbing and moving almost imperceptibly closer to Junho. "You need to learn what it feels like to fall.”

Junho wasn’t expecting the blow. Nor for it to hurt so much. Wooyoung puts his all into it, and Junho stumbles backwards, loses his footing, and falls to the mat. Wooyoung stands over him, tall and proud. Menacing and regal.

But for a second.

For just a second.

What Wooyoung sees when he looks into those half-moon eyes is not the same arrogance and confidence he remembers from that first day. Is not gone, but there’s something there. A different glow. Junho looks up at him with reverence and is that humility Wooyoung senses?

But the second pass as quickly as it comes, as if it had never existed in the first place, and Junho’s brow furrow.

 He’s upset.

Wooyoung can’t help but find it amusing.

Still, he’s supposed to be teaching a lesson.

“It doesn’t matter if you can beat them all, if at the end of the day they don’t respect you enough to see you as a leader. This is a fight you can’t win alone, Lee Junho. You’ll do good to remember that.”

x.

The fate of the world lies in our hands?

With all due respect Sir… Don't ing flatter yourself.

The fate of the world lies in the hands of the kids been trained to commit genocide on a whole species.

Is not you who would carry that weight on your shoulders at the end.

Not everyone is willing to accept that faith.

Not everyone is willing to take on that responsibility.

x.

“Permission to speak freely, Sir.

“Granted.”

“Do you dislike me?”

“Whatever gave you that impression Junho?”

“Everyone says you didn’t want me to join your team.”

“Is that the gossip that’s going around nowadays?”

“The Colonel thinks I have the attitude to make it to command school.”

“You must be proud.”

“They also said, had I not shown up, it would be you the one been train for the position of Captain, Sir.”

“Really?... And What about you Junho? What do you think?”

“…”

“Speak freely boy.”

“I think you are the type of person that would not let anyone take anything from you, unless you wanted to give it up.”

“You are quiet the observant one, Junho.”

“I just pay attention to what I find fascinating, Sir. Can I ask an honest question?”

“You would ask it even if I refused.”

“Do you believe I can do what they want me to do? Do you believe I could command an entire fleet? Is what they want isn’t?”

“It is, but the question should be, do you want it?”

“Do you?”

“The fate of the world in the palm of my hands… do you want an honest answer Junho? It may shatter the image you have of me.”

“With all due respect Sir, that imagine would suffer greater damage, if you are anything but the straight forward man I have come to know.”

“You’re blunt.”

“I mean no disrespect.”

“The honest truth… I was too big a coward to take on a responsibility like that.  I don’t have the heart..”

x.

At the end of the night, Wooyoung sleeps alone.

He doesn’t bother emailing home. He knows the messages would never reach them.

They earn their privacy when they enter Battle School, the privilege to think what they want, in the privacy of their minds.

Isolation. No distractions. It was always the first step. A cold and lonely existence.

There’s a visitor at his door on this particular night, but he already knows who it is even before opening the door.

“What brings you here Junho?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“And your first thought is to come and disrupt me?” Wooyoung challenges, but is too late, and he’s too tired to keep up the façade.

“Am I a bother?” Junho asks, and Wooyoung considers the answer for a second longer than necessary. He means to tease.

“No. You are not.” 

The bed is barely big enough for one, but they manage to make it work.  Wooyoung doesn’t move closer to the wall like he did the first few times Junho joined him in his room. He stays put, taking in the warmth.

Is not a midnight chat that Junho seeks. Is not advice on his techniques, or suggestions for their next match in the battle room.  Junho comes searching for company. Wooyoung would never admit he craves for it as well.

He’s to big a coward to do so.

x.

Junho excels above them all.

His test scores are the highest in the class and the higher ups are impressed with the way he doesn’t take orders from Wooyoung, but commands along aside him.

Wooyoung is told to step down.

Junho is to lead the next battle room competition on his own.

Wooyoung believes he's as ready as he'll ever be.

Junho doesn’t like it. He hates it. And it takes a lot out of Wooyoung to convince him that this is what he has been training for. That he’s just one step closer to command school. This is a game. A simulation. All he has to do is get a player through his opponent’s gate. That simple. Wooyoung would be watching. There if Junho needs him.

Junho calms down, agrees to do it. If that’s what Wooyoung wants.

Junho takes charge.

Their squad loses a battle for the first time in a very long time.

x.

“Why did you do it?”

Junho does not say a word. He doesn't breath. He doesn't move, and the anger inside Wooyoung reaches a boiling point.

“Why did you compromise the mission? You could have won, you should have won, but you didn’t even try. Why?!”

He wants an explanation. Demands a reason. He doesn't get it. Couldn't explain it when the colonel grilled him not too long ago. Junho was more than capable.  Yet his behavior was that of an untrained launchie.

Nerves?

Not Junho.

Then why, why purposely fail? Why jeopardize his one sure way of getting out of this place?

“If I make it to command school…” Junho asks, a bit hesitant “Would you be there as well?”

Wooyoung doesn’t understand the reason for the question, why does it matter? But he answers all the same.

“No.”

“Why?” 

Junho counters and there’s hostility in his voice, his small eyes piercing through Wooyoung’s. Questioning. Demanding an answer, and Wooyoung cowers at the intensity in the stare.

“My job is here. In Battle School. I’m a trainer Junho, not a commander.”

“Why?”

Junho asks once more, this time a little softer, a little more defeated.

“Because this is my place, I’ve been where you are, I’ve made it as far as I can go.”

“Why?”

Junho ask again, and Wooyoung all but had it.

“Why, what?! Junho, what do you want me to say?!”

They stand there, no one saying a word, Junho’s eyes no longer fix on Wooyoung’s but on his hands. He flexes his fingers, once, twice. He still wears the battle suit. It fits his slim body like a glove, and Wooyoung notices the tense muscles that the thin material of the suit does absolutely nothing to hide.

“Why you chose to make this your final stop?” Junho finally says after what seems like an eternity of silence.

“Why do you insist I go on to a place that you try your hardest to stay out of?”

There it is. That fire. That passion that made him stand out above the rest. Wooyoung sees it directed at him and he’s momentarily stunned. Unsure of how to proceed.

“Why do you want me to take on a responsibility YOU chose to not take yourself?”

Wooyoung has nothing to say.

x.

The decision has been made.

Junho would be transferred to a different team.

Wooyoung has no say in the matter. 

It is out of his hands.

He should feel relief.

The burden has been lifted.

He locks himself in his room and trashes everything in sight.

x.

There’s a knock on his door.

Wooyoung is wide awake. Sleep refuses to come. Still pretending to be asleep is an easier task than dealing with whomever has decided to impose their presence on him this late at night.

But the person is insistent and Wooyoung’s patience reaches its limits fast.

“I’m quitting.”

The words leave Junho’s mouth as soon as the door is open.

He rushes in, and Wooyoung shuts the door behind him.

“They won’t allow it?”

“It’s my will.”

“You gave up on your will the second you set foot in this place, is that so hard to understand Junho?”

“What do you suggest I do then?”

Rhetorical question. Junho’s mind is already made up. The only thing he’s seeking for is approval. Wooyoung knows this, and despite the consequences such actions may bring, Wooyoung would not be the one to stop him.

He was wrong. Junho and him where nothing alike. Junho was courage and determination. Courage that Wooyoung has been lacking for sometime now.

But right now there is not time for self pity, what he wants to do is reach out..

He wants to put his hands on those trembling shoulders and calm him down. Perhaps a hug. It’s been a while since he’s felt the warmth of an embrace.

And perhaps…

Maybe is just his imagination, the lack of sleep playing tricks on his mind, but he gets the feeling approval is not the only thing Junho has come searching for.

“It’s been an honor.”

Junho’s words are a whisper. A contradiction to the usual confident and firm form of speech.

“And I’m sorry for the trouble my actions may have caused you.”

Junho waits. He would not be the one to make a move. Is up to Wooyoung to take the step.

“So this is goodbye.”

“I’m afraid so Sir.”

He takes a step, reaches out, and Junho’s eyes brighten, but Wooyoung hesitates at the last second and the outstretched arms become an extended hand.

He can see it.

The disappointment in the younger’s eyes, yet he still chooses to do nothing about it.

Junho leaves.

Wooyoung watched him ago.

x.

“They found him. A boy named Wigging. He’s all the colonel can seem to talk about.”

“And why is this my concern?”

“He wants you to take him.”

“Then that is his first mistake.”

“No one is more capable than you Jang.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You need to get pass this. Ever since that boy Lee-“

“If the Colonel wants this boy Wiggin to succeed, he needs to send him to someone the boy would not want to follow. Show him someone he would want to surpass, not someone he would look up to.”

“Then who do you suggest? Bonzo?”

“Why not?”

“That man would drive anyone to quit.”

“Or he would push the boy to rise to the occasion and become the leader the colonel wants him to be.”

x.

Wooyoung doesn’t stick around to find out how things turn out.

Truth be told he doesn’t care.

He’s heart wasn’t in it.

Not anymore.

Or perhaps he never did care.

Not since Junho left.

Requesting a leave of absence since like the right thing to do. Standing in front of Junho’s door a decision that had been made even before he had realized it himself.  

Wooyoung knocks.

Junho answers the door, and Wooyoung’s resolution to be compose dissolves.  

“Captain?”

The boy in front of him is no longer a boy. Sometime has passed since he had laid eyes on him, and it seem like time had treated him well.

“I’m quitting.”

Wooyoung says, and Junho is momentarily startle, but it doesn’t last long. Junho has always been quick, smart. And Wooyoung is please to find that time  has not extinguish the fire and intelligence in those eyes.

“They won’t allow it.”

Junho’s answer is calculated. Premeditated. And Wooyoung can’t help but smile at the insolence of the cadet.

“It’s my will.”

“You gave up on your will the minute you step foot in that place.”

“What do you suggest I do then?”

Junho shrugs, and the door is open wider. He stands to the side, but doesn’t make the invitation. Is up to Wooyoung to take the next step. He reaches out and Junho’s eyes brighten.

This time Wooyoung does not hesitate.