“She accepted me! We’re officially a couple!” That was the first thing you said that day when you came to see me.

I froze at that statement and quickly snap back at reality. I congratulate you coz I know how much you like that girl.

I knew that someday that day will come..The day that you’ll say that you’re now seeing her. I don’t know how to react to that, but of course I congratulate you and we even went out to celebrate it.

I knew that day will come coz your eyes were always looking at her direction that you don’t even realize the sincere eyes of mine that were only looking at you.

How I wish it was me you’re looking at.

You were smiling blissfully that you can’t see the pain inside my eyes.

How I wish that it was me that making you smile.

I thought I’m always ready when this happened, but why does my heart feels like it is going to explode?

Few days later, you asked for my help.

You asked me to go together to your first date with her as you said both of you were still new with each other and if I’m around, it will be less awkward.

You don’t know how my fist turns red as I clenched it tightly under the table as I tried to hold my tears when you and that girl were having a date.

The looks in your eyes are so loving and I’ve never seen your face shine so brightly when you were with her.

You asked me why I only ate a little that day.

I replied, saying that I’ve eaten before but of course it was a total lie. Obviously, I’ve lost my appetite.

You don’t know how I felt when you drove the car with the love of your life sits beside you while I’m sitting at the back seat.

You don’t know my heart was in so much pain that I actually shed tears at the back seat while pretending to be asleep.

You thanked me at the end of the day for my willingness to help you, and being the fool again, I said, “No problem oppa, you can ask for my help anytime.” And gave you my cheerful smile.

As usual, I managed to trick you again with my joyful act.           

I cried so hard that night to the point I was wailing. I did not know that a human could cry as hard as that.

I cried myself to sleep and I refuse to see you the next day because I don’t want you to see my puffy red eyes.

As time goes by, your relationship with her is getting stronger and so does the pain inside me.

I love you so much to the extent that it is overflowing and it is starting to kill me inside.

“What should I do to make this heartache vanish?”

“What should I do to make this feeling disappear?”

“Am I being selfish if I said I wanted you by my side?”

“Am I being greedy if I wanted you to look only at me and acknowledge my tender heart?”

I asked these questions everyday but still my sad plead will never be heard as I cried every night.

Dear GOD..please stop my love for him, because my fragile heart can’t take it anymore.

Please make it stop..please…

You’re so near to me yet you are so far.

I cannot lie to my heart anymore, so I made my decision to further my study overseas.

When I told you about my decision and I said I’ll be leaving, you stop me.

I was happy at first, thinking that you actually love me too. It gave me a hope even it was just a slightest one.

“You’re like my own younger sister, how can I let you go.” That was what you said to me.

My heart scattered again when you said those words. The faint hope that I felt was quickly blown away.

“Yes, you do love me, but only as a sister. I love you more than that.” I can only say those words inside my heart.

When you send me at the airport, I gave you the most cheerful face I can while I can see your sad face.

I know that the sad face was just because you’re sad to let go of your SISTER.

Eventhough I was so used in making a happy face in front of you, I still find it hard to do it that day.

But still, like a professional actor, I manage to do it.

You gave me all these words about taking care of myself, but it was almost useless as my heart was in so much pain.

That girl gave me a hug and made me promised to always keep in touch with her. She is nice and perfect for you and I’m relieved that she’ll always be there for you, Kevin Oppa.

I promised myself that I won’t cry at the airport and when you gave me a hug for one last time, I still manage to control it.

I bid my last farewell to them and walk away from the painful scene.

I thought all my tears are dried out due to the constant crying every single night, but I guess I was wrong.

Eventually, the tears are forming and rolling down my cheek.

I tighten my grip at my bag as I walk away from them.

I will not turn back because I’m afraid that I’ll change my mind and most importantly I don’t want them to see my tears.

I still remember that once I cried because something came up and you said that you hate to see me cry because it makes him sad too.

From then. I knew that I felt in love with you.

Since that day, I never cry.

At least.. not in front of you. Up until now, you don’t know you’re the one making me cry every night.

I hope that you will always take care of your health as you’re the one that were always so busy taking care of the others that you forgot about your own health.

I don’t want to see you get sick anymore because it breaks my heart.

Wait…you already have someone else that will take care of you and I won’t be seeing you get sick as there is someone else that will always stand by your side when I’m gone.

Thinking about that makes me feels that someone had stab my chest.

I’m leaving with all these pain inside my heart.

I’m leaving with all the unconditional love I had for you.

Kevin Oppa..I’ll say this once again.

I LOVE YOU..

And will always love you.

Now, after one year, I received your email saying that you’ll get married in three months time. Of course with that girl.

I am happy for you.

Really..It’s the truth..

I constantly said that I’m okay..I’ll be okay, and that time will heal.

I thought I have move on.

But why does these tears keep on flowing?

How can I be okay when you’re not beside me?

THE END

My one-shot angst. I just need to write this. Hope you guys like it. I really love sad stories, it's like I can almost feel the pain when I'm reading sad stories..

Comment if u don't mind so that I can improve. *love*