Title: The Hardships of being a Trainee

Challenge: 100 Super Junior Fics Challenge

Theme: 091. Stars 

Pairing: Yesung/Kangin

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Unbeta’d, Mild Swearing

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior, just the plot and some OCs. Any similarities to other works and real life situations are just plain coincidence. This work is just a figment of my imagination and is not meant to offend anyone.

Summary: Before they became superstars as part of Super Junior, Yesung and Kangin were once just mere trainees.

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Super Junior is practically a living legend.

In the age wherein Western music is continuously dominating the industry, they had managed to challenge that hierarchy and stand out in contrast to their western counter-parts. They are one of the first and main setters of the Hallyu Wave, along with DBSK and SS501; without them, the Korean Music Industry probably wouldn’t be as famous as it is internationally, today.

Nowadays, Super Junior is known globally for their trendy and catchy tunes, extravagant concerts being held left and right, and for their quirky personalities that charms the massive fandom that they had acquired during the many years of being in the business that are, apparently, officially called ELFs.

However the ride towards super stardom wasn’t all bright and dandy as many of the members of the said boy band faced the hardships of being a trainee, struggling everyday to train and further develop their talents just for a chance to debut.

Many trainees sacrificed their education and family time to be a fulltime trainee even without any guarantees that they will even debut; that they will even reach their dreams.

Forever wondering if they’ll even make their mark.

Some just quit as they see no hope and just continue their studies in hopes of being successful in another career, while some suffers from depression; the feeling that all the years of hard work all went for naught. As sad as it may be, these situations are fairly common as many of the younger generation strives to be an idol; it’s a very cold industry.

Every month, SM trainees go to the main building in order to have their monthly evaluation; whether they improved drastically or not, all that matters is that they improved more than the others, or at least more than the last performance that they’ve shown in order not to be cut off by SM.

But of course, doing so would not be enough for a debut.

Friends that had been made slowly turned into rivals, education became the last priority, sleepless nights and injuries would have to be endured; Trainees would have to literally shed tears, sweat and blood to compete for the grand prize- making their debut.

Yes, Super Junior endured all of those, it may even be worse back in their time; but yes, they had survived.

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March 2003

SM Training Center, 9:48 pm

“Ahh! Finally were done!”

“Don’t get your hopes too high, Jongwoon hyung!” a guy with small beady eyes and anchovy-like features said, wiping a bead of sweat run down from his forehead “They’ll probably train us twice as hard tomorrow for letting us out early tonight.”

“Oh come on, Hyukjae-ah!” Jongwoon replied, while fixing his stuffs, preparing to go home “Live a little! Am I right, Jungsu hyung?”

“Well, it’s good to be always optimistic.” Jungsu responded, chugging his bottle water afterwards “But Hyukie’s probably right.”

“HA! TOLD YA!” Hyukjae retorted back, crossing his arms like a kid while sporting a dry smirk on his face for his little victory. “Even hyung agrees with me!”

“Why are they letting us early tonight, anyway?” Jongwoon asked, raising his eyebrows in a quizzical manner “They usually let us out at around 11pm or so.”

“It’s probably the electricity problems the city’s been experiencing since this morning.” Jungsu informed them; stretching his legs, trying to feel his feet again. Too much dance practice can do wonders to your nerves. “Our dorms barely had any electricity to turn on the lights. I bet this building is running on generators alone, probably why they want us out of the building immediately to turn off those darn things.”

“Hmm… seems legit enough.” Hyukjae said, changing his sweat-drenched clothes into dry ones “Generators don’t exactly last forever.”

Youngwoon plopped down the floor heaving, trying to catch his breath. He let them ramble on; he’s too tired to even care. Soon they’re ramblings turned into blurred murmurs as his eyelids become heavier and heavier each second.

“Ya Hyukjae, is he dead?”

“I don’t think so, hyung. He’s still breathing, but he looks like half-way there already.”

“Yah! You two!” Jungsu nagged, hitting the two boys on the head hard with a damp towel “Show respects to your elders!”

“Hyung! I’m older than him! This conversation only applies to Hyukjae!”

“The way you’re acting says otherwise!” Jungsu scolded, continuing his lectures to his dongsaengs. He went towards Youngwoon and lightly shook him to consciousness. “Yongwoon-ah…”

“Hmm…” Youngwoon tiredly open his sleep deprived eyes, vision still blurred from the little power nap he had “Wake up now, we’re about to leave anyways. We don’t want to leave you here when you’re obviously exhausted.” Jungsu laughed softly as he helped the younger man to get up.

Youngwoon could practically feel his bones cracking from being overused. He felt embarrassed; he just fell asleep in front of his sunbaes after practice! ‘They probably think I’m weak loser now.’ He reddened a bit as sunbae helped him up but he could just excuse his blush as being flushed from exhaustion.

Youngwoon is a confident young man; he was boisterous, loud, manly and overall- confident about himself, but for the past few months of being an SM Trainee, he felt his spirits and confidence dwindle into nothingness. He obviously doesn’t belong here; all he’s sunbaes are all really talented. Like Jungsu hyung, while not a very talented dancer is a fairly good singer, rapper, song writer and has exceptional leadership and hosting skills; he’s a social butterfly and would most-likely make it far once he debuted.

The two -monkeys, Jongwoon hyung and Hyukjae, while idiotic most of the time, are outstanding in their respective field of interests. Hyukjae is a prodigal dancing machine with crisp and fluid-like movements, always gracefully dancing along with the rhythm while Jongwoon hyung is a powerhouse voice belter; when he sings, angels freaking harmonizes with him, he’s simply just that good. I sound like a dying frog next to him.

Both of them have the perfect skills sets to be an idol. They got into SM because of pure talent; they went through auditions and competed with several others just to be here while him? I just won a freaking beauty pageant; I got in with my looks.

And come to think of it, they’re all fairly handsome too… damn it! That does wonders to my self-esteem! Insert sarcasm here.

Sometimes Youngwoon feels that he doesn’t deserve to be here; that someone deserves his spot better than he did. He’s not fairly talented or extra-ordinary like Jongwoon hyung or Hyukjae, unless of course kick-boxing and swimming can be used somehow as an idol, cause damn he was darn good at those, but he highly doubted that those skills are going to be needed in this career he decided to take.

He doesn’t even know why he agreed to be a trainee. He was offered a spot after he won first place in Best Outward Appearance during the SM Youth Best Contest; he just thought, why the hell not? He was offered a once in a lifetime chance to be a trainee in SM, where legends like H.O.T. and Shinhwa all came from, when other have to go to rigorous and highly competitive auditions just to get in.

He thought he was darn lucky to be scouted that day but now he kind of regretted it. Everyone here is madly talented and he felt insignificant next to them. I should have pursued an athletic career or something…

“Jongwoon-ah! Help Yongwoonie here with his things, so he could go home back to the dorms and rest. Accompany him as well, just to make sure he’s safe and not faint on the way.” Jungsu ordered his leader side showing at full force. “While you, monkey…” he continued now pointing towards Hyukjae’s position “You’re going to help me clean this studio!”

“Ehhh! Why me?”

“Because I said so!”

Youngwoon was too busy being embarrassed, because they’re de facto leader has to assign another sunbae to walk him home when he is already a full-grown adult, that he didn’t notice Jongwoon running towards him at full speed. He grabbed the younger male’s arms and whispered hurriedly “Come on! Before leader-hyung change his mind and make me clean this studio!”

The older male tugged the younger one and yelled a short “Annyeong!”

“YAH HYUNG! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!”

“Go home immediately! Don’t talk to suspicious strangers and most importantly, Jongwoon, don’t get side tracked! We’ll have a big practice tomorrow so you’ll need plenty of rests!!”

“Ne, umma!”

Next thing Youngwoon knew, he was running alongside his hyung at full speed (even though his bones are screeching in complaint) and out of the building. 

‘Truth to be told, I’m really jealous of them.’

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“That was so fun!”

Youngwoon is clearly questioning this hyung’s sanity. They’ve just run a good kilo meter or so, right after rigorous 4 hour dance training; it was not a fun experience! Youngwoon heaved, supporting his weight by leaning on a lamp post while wiping the beads of sweat dripping down his forehead with his free arm. Jongwoon was not winded as much as Youngwoon, probably because of his good stamina and great breathing techniques; he would not have been a powerhouse vocalist if he does not know such techniques.

“WAHHH! LOOK IT’S A PLAYGROUND!”

‘Okay, this hyung has ADHD and short attention span, no doubt about it.’ Youngwoon thought to himself, getting irritated. He was dead tired, sleep deprived, hungry and most of all- in need of a good bath. He seriously needs one; he was sticky and itchy from the sweat and his hair is practically glued on his forehead from being drenched with sweat and it’s making him really uncomfortable.

The older male immediately threw his training bag to the ground and run towards the swing set “Youngwoon-ah! Come and ride this with me!”

“Aish, this hyung!” Youngwoon sighed irritably, picking up the discarded bag and going towards the direction of the swing “Jungsu-hyung told us to go directly to the dorms!”

“Oh come on! What he doesn’t know wouldn’t kill him!” He retorted smiling his signature mischievous smile, his eyes twinkling with childish glint “Come and join me in this swing.” He continued while gesturing at the swing seat next to him. “Besides, I want to appreciate the stars before going home. You rarely get to see them here in Seoul.”

Youngwoon sat at the extra swing, looked up and was surprised to see the stars lightening up the moonless skies of the city. He hadn’t really noticed it since he was busy being tired and embarrassed and he was a Seoul born and bred Korean, he had never seen this many stars in Seoul because of all the light pollution.

“You know, Youngwoon-ah, back in my hometown, Cheonan, you’ll see stars every night; more than the lot that you are seeing right now.” Hyung told his dongsaeng, reminiscing his memories with his family and friends “It kind of makes me miss my family back in the province...”

"I remember always looking at the stars from my bedroom window, wondering if I'll ever be a singer. If I'll even get to shine as bright as them..."

Youngwoon gawked at him, looking at him with wide surprised eyes. It was really new sight for him; he had never seen his hyung to be this sentimental… and mature. He was always an imbecile to him… well him and Hyukjae anyway. He’s always dubbed them as the ‘dumb and dumber’ duo.

He composed himself immediately when he realized he had been gawking for quite some time ‘Great! Humiliated yet again.’ He cleared his throat before replying “We can probably see them because of the energy shortage. There’s barely enough lights to illuminate these streets…”

“Hmm…”

Silence engulfed them, mostly Youngwoon not wanting to disturb Jongwoon trips in to the past, though it was not awkward as he had expected. It was quite a comfortable kind of silence, it made him feel relaxed and his coiled and strained muscles start to relax a bit.

Until, Jongwoon broke the silence.

“Youngwoon-ah, if there’s something troubling you, you know you can just tell us hyungs, right?”

Youngwoon immediately tensed “It’s really nothing hyung. I’m just stressed out from all the trainings and lack of rest and sleep.”

“Really?” He replied, raising his eyebrows in a teasing manner, giving him that all-knowing look “You know you can tell hyung anything.” He continues, pushing on his swing lightly childishly, making him look even more irritating in Youngwoon’s eyes.

“Aish…” He quietly muttered to himself in which Jongwoon only replied with an audible snicker. His hyung pushed himself a little higher on the swings, curving his lips into his ever-present grins. He continued playing with the swings and no matter how much Youngwoon wanted to just go home, he just can’t since he’s afraid he’ll ask the same question.

Even with his damaged self-esteem, he still doesn’t want to admit to this… creature about his confidence about himself, or lack thereof. He still has his pride as Kim Youngwoon, the number one handsome guy of Korea, no matter how miniscule it has become in the past few months.

He was like a coiled spring, any moment now he’ll burst from the pregnant silence surrounding them; like an unspoken truce between the two parties at war.

Until yet again, Jongwoon dropped another bomb.

“I was just like Youngwoonie, when I first started as a trainee” Jongwoon said, breaking the silence between them with an atomic bomb confession. Youngwoon immediately transferred his eyes from the ground towards the direction of an easy going Jongwoon, gawking at him as if he’s a newly discovered specie.

“How can that be, hyung?! You are so good! You sing like an angel, you can hit high notes effortlessly! Like it was easy as breathing! You dance perfectly in synch with the rest, you can-”

“Yes, I know I’m amazing.” He cut him, sporting that god-forsaken smile of his again. The younger male immediately stopped, blushing a good tomato color. Youngwoon could literally feel the heat steaming out his head. ‘Oh Shisus! I just indirectly admitted that I have self-esteem issues!’

“There’s really no need to be shy about this topic, plenty of trainees experience this during their first months.” Jongwoon said, yet again having a blast from the past “When I was new trainee, I didn’t know anyone here. Some already know each other since they auditioned together, some already had cliques, some easily get along with others since they both lived in the same cities; I was just some simple guy who came all the way from the province just to take a shot at superstardom.”

“I didn’t even expect to pass since I didn’t prepare anything.” He laughed, looking at me, fondness glinting at his eyes. “My mother tricked me into taking an audition. So I just went there on the stage, sang my heart out to my favorite song and surprisingly I got in.”

He stopped swinging highly by now and was just gently moving back and forth. “For the first months, I was depressed. I missed my family and friends back in Cheonan, I have no friends because of the competition and rivalry going on between the trainees, and I was having rough time coping up with trainee life.”

“I admit that I am very proficient in singing” He said, smirking to himself giving the younger male a side glance. ‘That ing troll, I knew he’ll just rub that on my face-’ “BUT, I was at dancing.”

“You were?!”

“Yes.” He replied, laughing at the shocked expression the other was sporting “Yes, I was.”

“But how-”

“I was just about to go there.” For the umpteenth time, he interrupted Youngwoons incessant ramblings “I was fortunate enough to meet that stupid monkey.”

“Hyukjae?”

“Who else?”

“As hard it is to admit, Hyukjae saved me from depression. I was at the point of wanting to give up my dream because I just can’t handle the isolation and stress anymore. Hyukjae turned out to be my new roommate and he has the same problem as me, except the opposite. He’s a very superior dancer while his vocal ability skills are next to non-existent.”

“We befriended each other and ended up coaching one another and as time went on our skills improved and so is our relationship as we became friends and comrades. I don’t know what I did in my other life but it looks like my luck has yet to expire since I was rounded on the same group as him, Jungsu hyung and of course, later on, you. Jungsu hyung may not be the best singer or dancer out there but his leadership skills is top-notch, he always made sure that all of us are well taken care of.”

“So as you can see, it’s not really that bad to ask for help because sometimes, asking help can help you meet the greatest people you’ll ever met.”” He told Youngwoon reassuringly. “Especially when you really need it.”

“Yah, hyung! Are you insulting me!” Youngwoon said, standing up threateningly infront of Jongwoon, killer intent was released with the promise of revenge.”Are you saying I’m needy?!”

“A-ani!” Jongwoon stuttered, staring at Yougwoon threatening figure above him “I-I was just giving you advice!”

Then Youngwoon laughed like a maniac on . He was laughing so hard that he clutching his stomach until he collapsed back into his swing seat “PWUAHAHAH! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOU FACE HYUNG!”

He continued laughing much to Jongwoon’s disgruntled glare at him “Now it’s my turn to laugh at you!”

“Yah! Stop laughing! You really scared me back there!!”

“Am I really that scary?” He asked, still laughing, face flushed with amusement.

“Your body’s bigger than mine! You could have punched me to death for all I know!”

Youngwoon continued laughing; he was really amused as Jongwoon’s a hard person to put off-guard. He was just so easy going that he reacts to all things calmly and good naturedly, call this petty but this was Youngwoon’s version of revenge. Unbeknownst to the still laughing maniac, Jongwoon was smiling fondly at his direction. It was a first for him to see Youngwoon so carefree and happy; he prefers this version compared to his usual aloof, insecure, and serious self.

He smiled contently and continued staring at the starry skies of Soeul, when Youngwoon finally finished his laughing fit he saw his hyung looking serenely into the skies, strangely glowing from happiness?... star-light? He’s not really sure but and during that moment, Youngwoon finally let go of his misdirected hate towards his hyungs.

It’s not their fault that they’re more talented than him in every single way he can think of. It’s not like they earned it over night; they probably sweated their off to be as good as they right now. He made a silent pact to himself to that he would practice and train thrice harder in order to catch up to them.

And maybe he’ll take Jongwoon hyung’s advice.

In the near future, maybe? He’s ego is still battered after all.

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Fin?

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“Aren’t the stars, beautiful tonight, Youngwoon-ah?” Jongwoon suddenly stated, breaking the tranquil silence that enveloped them.

“I wouldn’t really know; this is actually my first time to see this many stars” He replied back, scratching his head in shame.

“Really?” Hyung looked at him, surprise evidently written across his face then, he suddenly broke out into a grin “Then I’ll take you home with me someday, so you’ll see the beauty of the stars more!”

“I’ll take you on that, hyung.”

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Fin?

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And then Jongwoon dropped another bomb.

“I’ve eavesdropped accidentally on the reps talking and it seems like SM’s planning to debut another boy band next year.”

“BWO?! CHINCHA?!”

“Yes, really” He curved that lips of his into another crooked grin, amused by his reaction “I passed it to hyung, that’s why Jungsu-hyung has been working us overtime and really hard this past few weeks, so that we’ll be considered, and if lucky, picked to be part of that idol group.”

“Don’t tell this to anyone! Only our group knows about this one, so we’ll have our advantage! They have to see us as really dedicated and we have to show how much we improved next evaluation so that we’ll impressed and reps and if we’re lucky, we’ll debut together in the same group.”

“That’s why Youngwoon-ah, let’s do our best and train the hardest!” Jongwoon said, pumped up from the declaration “You see that star up there?”

“There’s plenty of them...”

“We’re going to shine brighter than all of those stars combined!” He continued “One day, we’re going to perform under the spotlight and on the same stage as one. That’s why we need to work hard Youngwoon-ah!”

Jongwoon grinned at him  cheekily and Youngwoon just can’t help but to smile back.

‘Despite this being weirdest I’ve ever heard, hyung’s surprisingly making sense.’

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Fin.

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I just have to add that last bit cause I was laughing so hard while writing that. I've enjoyed writing this very much but I hope you guys enjoyed reading this piece of I made in my spare time. ^.^

This was loosely inspired by Lady Gaga's song "Marry the Night", which is basically about Gaga's experience as a trainee and her hardships in finding a record label.

As you can see (or read) this one shot has many point endings because I just can't decide on how to end this so I just separated it bit by bit and you can stop on your preferred ending.

Ciao,

Ihartkimchi