The way his own calloused fingers trailed down the stem of the flower made a small smile fluttered on his lips with his eyes were forming crescents like they always had whenever he was working with flowers.

Because flowers had always defined Jongdae in a sense that no one will ever know.

Flowers need no word to be spoken to enunciate how beautiful and so does Jongdae.

Not that Jongdae thought he was beautiful (really he does not think that he is par with any beauty that could come par with his co-worker, Luhan) it was just the fact that he could be like flowers; they need no words to define their own stand (now Jongdae is not making any solid senses, is he?).

The scissors in his hand slowly moved to cut the thorns of the roses that he was instructed to make a bouquet of hundred red roses along with fifty white roses with the help of LuHan who stood silently beside him as the only noise they were making were the rustles of their hands

It was only then when his finger got pricked by a thorn had Jongdae’s body jerked so suddenly with his mouth parted to make a small yelp but nothing came out—it was almost forgotten by Jongdae that he was now mute. No sound truly came out from his throat but his hand had a faster reflex to abruptly toss the scissor away to the floor which had LuHan whipped to face Jongdae with panic settles in his eyes.

“Jongdae? -” the Chinese transfer had cursed under his breath when he took Jongdae’s hand under his scrutinizing eyes to look at the fresh wound that adorned Jongdae’s slightly tanned finger.

“Come, let’s get you a bandage,”

They resumed back to work soon after Jongdae had his ring finger bandaged with the help from LuHan who had cared so much even before and after Jongdae had his larynx removed due to his cancer that had became the catalyst of the negative gradient in his life.

He had immediately suspended his course in college to focus on getting his treatment with the support of his family and friends (which only consist of LuHan and Minseok) but he went through it with broad shoulders thanks to them.

Though he could not deny the fact that the cancer had truly pained him but it was to know that he had to lose his voice due to surgery was another level kind of torture.

Jongdae had loved singing.

He dreamed of becoming a singer who could enchant people who hears him singing even if he was a chemical engineering student. The only thing Jongdae took pride in this world was his voice and his grades placed second. His voice used to be one of his lifelines.

 As soon as he knew that he had the cancer, he buried the dreams alive without sparing it another glance. He slowly cowered away from the grave that had no lilies as symbol of sympathy. Along the way, he covered his face with nothing but pure grieve.

The bell had chimed, signaling a customer had walked into the shop. Both him and Luhan looked up to catch the look of their customer but the only sight that came into Jongdae’s eyes was the red scarf that was wrapped around the customer’s neck and also his black bangs that contrast his skin that was truly fair and it could rival Snow white’s.

“Welcome to Seroja!” Luhan’s chirpy voice had echoed the silent store accompanied by his usual dazzling smile that will charm any customer to stay longer in their shop which could be Jongdae’s great luck or biggest dismay (biggest dismay because he will be distracted from watching his old re-run of Gundam Seed, that anime is just legit ).

Instead of resuming his work like always and leaving Luhan to attend the customer, Jongdae had became a statue on his spot, staring at the man standing before him and Luhan with mouth was again, slightly parted. He wanted to say something like compliments or maybe the same greeting that Luhan had made but he could not- He-

Joonmyun-sunbae.

“Hi,” Oh dear lord, his voice had not yet changed like the last time Jongdae had seen him in that auditorium hall when it was the engineering week, the last week before Jongdae had suspended his chemical engineering course.

But he could not kicked off the fact that Joonmyun was now looking at him with eyebrows cocked and his smile had morphed into something else that had Jongdae’s knees shaking a little. He wanted to run and of course, he could not be standing like this in front of Joonmyun-sunbae that he had admired so-

“Ah you! You really are Jongdae aren’t you? The chem boy from the other day that gave that amazing speech in that auditorium, right?” Jongdae’s eyes had widened their sizes that resembled a parabolic satellite.

“God, I never thought of seeing you here! I had been sea--”

 Jongdae acted like he had not acknowledged the fact that Joonmyun had asked him something and ran straight towards the storage room at the back of the store with his heart thumping loudly until he could heard his own heartbeat in his ears.

This is what he least expected after months getting off hospital.

What made Jongdae wanted to shriek loudly the next day was that Joonmyun came into the shop again with the same red scarf (Jongdae really thought that Joonmyun really looked handsome (stunning, even) with that red scarf of his) and LuHan had reiterate the same greeting as yesterdays but it was quickly followed up by a big ‘Oh!’ and chuckle.

“Good you are on time!” LuHan had caught both Jongdae and Joonmyun’s attention.

“The yellow roses are on stock today, they arrived this morning and I figured you wanted to see for yourself?” LuHan walked off the counter as soon as he settled his scissor onto the surface.

Jongdae could not helped but to let his eyes met Joonmyun’s own briefly before the older boy was escorted away by Luhan to the front of the shop where freshly arrived flowers were aligned there in arranged manners (by courtesy of Jongdae).

Yellow roses? It means Joy, Gladness, and Freedom.

Who could possibly Joonmyun wanted to give the flowers too?

Joonmyun came to pick up his bouquet by four in the evening that day too.

Jongdae was busy covering his mouth to laugh at his re-run of Baka to Test even if there was no sound coming out and Luhan was out to grab coffees for both of them (taking his time to see the barista which was no other than Minseok).

 He frowned when he noticed a figure looming over the keyboard of his laptop, successfully dimmed the screen of his laptop. He looked up to see who it was.

Not expecting Joonmyun, Jongdae’s body had jerked involuntarily causing him almost to topple down from his round wooden chair harshly but to only to be saved by Joonmyun’s hand before his landed on the floor.

“Sorry,” Joonmyun quickly said as Jongdae was trying to stand up straight on his own without Joonmyun’s help.

When they eyes met, Jongdae raised his eyebrows with small blush painted his cheeks and looked at the older boy with silence interlaced the atmosphere.  Joonmyun too was looking back at him but with a confused face until he remembered why he was here in the first place.

“O-oh, urh my—order!” Joonmyun had said with slightly loud voice that had Jongae’s startled slightly at the volume.

Nodding quickly as a signal that he comprehended what Joonmyun was saying, he walked towards the side of the store where several orders had been immersed in water flask. He gingerly took the bouquet of roses that had post-it stick onto the wrapper which Joonmyun’s name was scribbled messily by Luhan’s writing.

He walked back to the counter and practicing the etiquette of worker, he gently handed the bouquet to Joonmyun.

“Thanks,” it almost sounded like it was a wheeze in Jongdae’s ears.

He expected Joonmyun to leave as soon as the bouquet was in his grasped, against his thought and to his surprise; Joonmyun was still standing there in front of him with his eyes boring deeply into Jongdae’s own. They said nothing when all they did was studying each other’s face like this was the first time that they had met.

Jongdae had seen Joonmyun in campus couple of times (lies, almost every day when he was still studying there). This senior of his was a well-known student all because he was an indeed excellent head student of the engineering department and he majored in civil engineering.  They had interlocked their eyes couple (a lot) of times whenever Jongdae spotted him in the library or when they were in the lecture halls. It was just maddening because all Jongdae could do was admiring on how perfect Joonmyun wass and at a point that admiration morphed into him falling for the senior.

Subtle brushes of shoulders had once drove Jongdae crazy.

Smiles that were exchanged resulted on his being to have sleepless nights.

“I was searching for you throughout the campus,” his chariness broke the silence between them.

Like it was on cue, Jongdae’s heart was thumping against his ribcage vehemently like he could shatter part of the axial skeleton into pieces and let them drop to the ground like useless ashes. He could saw that the tip of Joonmyun’s tongue had his lower lip to wet the chapped lips.

“I missed you and you went on disappearing like that—I asked the boys from your classes—they say you just went off like that because you had confidential issues—it had me like what? I planned things to do with you and I have something to tell you before I go off to Indiana--” What?

An unknown force was trying to push Jongdae down onto the floor and he wanted to grab Joonmyun’s hand and kiss his fingers in pure qualm to relish out all his influx feelings for the older man. But he could not; he did not know why his limbs had malfunctioned on him like how his throat had betrayed its existence on Jongdae.

“I love you,” Joonmyun’s sounded so solid in his words that made Jongdae stunned there.

I love you I love you I love you.

It had been playing in Jongdae’s mind copying how a broken radio will work and Jongdae wanted to say it too—

I love you too I love you too

But nothing came out because he had become mute! Mute person mute! He had become a boy who could not even say that he is hungry, who could not even express how hurt he was when a thorn pricked into skin and what worse was that he could even confess that he had been loving the person who was standing in front of him!

Frustration transformed into fear when it was bright as sunshine on how Joonmyun looked flabbergasted for a moment that Jongdae was not saying anything. Slowly and achingly, that look on his face was immediately plastered with the feelings of disappointment like he had expected this all along.

“I—I , forget it,” It was all too sudden too the way that Joonmyun had left the shop, leaving Jongdae to dwell in his own grief once more and knowing that it is all because he could not speak. He could not speak to tell Joonmyun how much he had loved the head student so much with all his heart.

It was because Jongdae could not speak that the boy had left him behind.

Why just why that life is is so cruel?

He wept silently into his calloused palms and wished that he was better off dead than removing his larynx as childish as it may sound for the first time in his life.

Flowers had blossomed and wilted again and again as the seasons when by and only then Jongdae realized it has been two years good since the last time Jongdae had seen Joonmyun. Though, it was not enough for the view of the latter leaving abruptly with his shoulder slumped down in disappoint to be discarded away from Jongdae’s mind.

Though it had been two years good, Jongdae could not just forget how the flowers had smelt on that day and how vivid the color of Joonmyun’s scarf on that day too but foremost of them all--- he could not burn the image away of the corners of Joonmyun’s lips that had a negative gradient that Jongdae wanted to wipe until this day.

Walking into Seroja with backpack on, Jongdae waved at Luhan with a big smile on his face as he walked towards the counter carefully depositing his bag that contained thick textbooks of his physical and organic chemistry that had him grumbling inwardly. A smile blazed his face when he felt Luhan’s fingers ruffling his hair and the dose of his smile just amplified.

His hand was holding his green apron was when he could hear Luhan cleared his throat.  The loop of the apron went through his head and the apron now only needed someone to tie it up.

“Oh, Jongdae,” He raised his eyebrows at Luhan, showing the boy to go on with his words.

He was on all ears to listen to what the latter had to say.

Slowly he turned his back so Luhan could tie the apron up for him (he does not know why he still could not tie the apron with his own strength).

“A customer dropped by this morning and made an order of five light pink roses, ten yellow roses, fifteen white roses, twenty purple roses and fifty red roses,” Jongdae cocked his eyebrows and wondered who the bloody hell went off to place this kind of orders (not that he never received ambiguous orders from customers but he was not forward onto doing one today)

“Buuuuuuuuuut!” The way Luhan had sang-song his words made Jongdae cocked his head to the side eventually turning his body to face Luhan.

The boy was grinning—it is either bad or good—it is always that--

“I had done it with the help of Minseok since he got nothing to do than just laying around at home,” Jongdae nodded his head maybe it was just nothing.

So Jongdae had walked out from the counter leaving Luhan startled in his own stand. The older boy had held on Jongdae’s hand to prevent the boy from taking another step of his own. Right there and then, the said bouquet had been shoved into Jongdae’s face.

Jongdae first was frowning and his forehead had unattractive creases on it. Is this a delivery? Today was a lazy day for Jongdae and all he wanted was to—

“Look at the card Jongdae,” The elder man had taken a step back so he could show Jongdae the aforementioned card with the bright smile still dancing on his face. Jongdae was now looking at the way Luhan smiled, it has to be a good thing.

A love poem that Luhan had read from a customer’s and had fell in love with it?

“If you think it is those cards that I liked to peek on, you are wrong! Just read it! hurry!”

Still with the frown and curiosity permeated into Jongdae’s being, Jongdae flipped the card to read the content of it. It was like a glass shattering and lightning, his heart itself had begun to thump viciously.

 It was the first time in forever—he felt his body thoroughly worked up—

Dinner with me? It has been awhile and I missed you so dearly.

Kim Joonmyun.

-Heliopolis, 8PM.

The beautiful cursive handwriting that he knew belonged to Joonmyun had him blushing but the message of the card made him his breath hitched and all forms of thought running through his mind, indeed; he was going to crazy at eight pm tonight.

Why not? Said his mind.

“The question in your head is obvious Jongdae,” Joonmyun had said with that thousand watt smile of his.

Two years had passed but the energy of his smile still retained, Jongdae wanted to melt on the spot ultimately letting him be embarrassed by his own being.

This meeting will not be categorized as a dreadful one because the atmosphere In Heliopolis spoke otherwise with its instrumental songs were played in the background and the surrounding for both of them were calm because the patrons were quietly talking among themselves. The only thing that was dreading and already close to combust was Jongdae, just Jongdae.

He could not decode why after all these years; he was still a nervous man like a dramatic tizzy in front of Joonmyun. Now, the memories of Joonmyun leaving with his shoulders slumped were rewinding the scenario vividly in his mind. It suffocated him.

“I---I am sorry, I didn’t know,” Jongdae looked appalled by the man’s sudden apology. He cocked his head to the side because truly, actions speak louder than words. He rested his cutleries onto his still yet to finish sphagetti meatball plate and looked at Joonmyun with undivided attention.

“I mean--- I didn't know you lost… the ability to speak,” Jongdae folded his lips inwardly in swift motion his eyes were looking elsewhere but not Joonmyun.

“I was there, in the auditorium hall today—I saw you, I thought you were going to make a speech on chemical engineering like before but--- you didn’t… I get slightly confused and I asked Mr. Kim, why did you not make a speech--- he told me--- you had throat cancer and you lost-” He was cut by the sound of Jongdae’s chair scraped the floor.

Joonmyun looked up like deer on the headlights and he could saw the somber adorning Jongdae’s face when the younger boy shook his head as if he was telling Joonmyun “It’s okay, you didn’t know, why are you saying sorry?”

“But that’s not the case Jongdae, the day, the day I left for America and I confessed to you right?” All the memories of that day replayed in Jongdae’s head still but this time with more brighter colors and his mind became acute now to perceive what Joonmyun was about to say.

“I thought you right awfully rejected me,” the older boy had spoke in gruff-like voice with regret running through the veins of his eyes and Jongdae wished he had the courage to take Joonmyun’s hand into his own to say that he was wrong. I could never ever reject you down, Kim Joonmyun.

“You didn’t say anything and the only thing that was widened was your eyes and I thought you were surprised and scared that I confess to you which ultimately dawned to me that you did not even liked me so I just-I just became a coward and I left just like that, I did not know why you wouldn’t say any word until today,” He soughed loudly bringing along his shoulders to slump and Jongdae hated that.

Sighing Joonmyun and shoulders slumped Joonmyun did not defined the real identity of who Joonmyun as.

Jongdae reached out his hand to hold the smooth hand that belonged to no one else but Joonmyun. His touch was attentive lacing with full of cautious, he could not wiped out the way Joonmyun’s body somehow tensed under his touch until he brought up the latter’s hand closer to his lips.

His lips brushed against the fair-skinned of Joonmyun’s finger with a smile on his face. Noting that the tensed body of the elder man had relaxed now, Jongdae took the opportunity to place a chaste-innocent kiss onto the back of the latter’s hand.

“I love you,” he mouthed out those three words silently.

Joonmyun thought, he need no more confirmation than this. A silent I love you too was relayed back to Jongdae through pair of eyes that was filled with nothing but pure adoration and love for that younger boy.

Seasons passed, the way the flowers wilted and blossomed had been something Jongdae had been watching over again and again but this time he is not going to wilt and blossom. Joonmyun is there for him, to support him from the ground and nurtures Jongdae with the love and care that the boy bored within him that Jongdae craved for more and more.

The way that Jongdae’s fingers fervently skidded down from Joonmyun’s chest to his abdomen was something that Jongdae did not want to forget. The way that the man had pounded into Jongdae’s slicked hole was something that Jongdae wanted to keep forever.

Their needs for each other’s warmth and love were insatiable.

Even if Jongdae could not moan all he want to convey for Joonmyun to know how much his body was reacting towards Joonmyun sweated skin slapped against his but the way his breath hitched and labored deep sighs were adequate enough for Joonmyun to penetrate deeper into Jongdae.

It was no flaw that Joonmyun could notice the way that Jongdae was nearing to his on the way the younger boy’s body tensed. It took him once last for enough both of them to come in delirium; chest heaving up and down in agile manner and breathless chuckle filled the air between them.

The way Jongdae looked into Joonmyun’s eyes made him reminded something that was no foreign into him now.

Love needs no words to express how strong it is, fleeting touch already suffice the existence of it