Jiyoon was sitting alone in her house, she was waiting for Gayoon, but the girl forgot their dinner tonight, she was too busy with work. Jiyoon looked at the table, at the delicious food that took her hours to make and the beautiful table decoration she made for tonight.

She sighed. But deep inside she knew… she knew Gayoon would be late and forget her, like always…

Jiyoon put the food on the fridge and lay on her couch. Thinking about Gayoon. She wanted to cry. Being with Gayoon could be magic sometimes, but it was tiring too. Jiyoon was doing her best for her lover and putting a lot of efforts in their relationship, but it feels like Gayoon didn’t understood her…

The first year were so perfect, the passion guided them into that relationship and made them two happy, but more time passed and more effort needed to be put into this to make their happiness least.

Jiyoon knew that love was painful, that she needed to make sacrifices for her love, and she did it, she did everything she could for her love with Gayoon but the girl changed so much… 

Gayoon was the kind of girl closed and even if she opened a little to Jiyoon she was still mysterious and didn’t talk a lot about her problems. She focused a lot on work and on what people may think about her. 

But recently it was worst, she wanted to control everything and her growing obsession for her work made her often forgot about the lovely girl that was waiting for her at home with a delicious meal.

Jiyoon wanted her to change a little to come back to the girl she was before, to be less perfectionist, less in control of everything, and to try to focus more in the others feelings, but Gayoon couldn’t. Jiyoon sighed again. Gayoon was always stressed and never let go of it, this was killing her from the inside just like this relationship was killing Jiyoon. Because Jiyoon was killing herself trying to make it work.

The next morning Jiyoon woke up from the couch, and find a blanket over herself. She smiled. On the coffee table was a hot chocolate and a note « I will be late tonight again. I love you. »

Jiyoon sat and looked around, it was late and Gayoon already left.

After drinking her hot chocolate and getting ready for her work Jiyoon left the house, on the walk, she thought about Gayoon, she knew the girl loved her and cared for her, but it wasn’t enough… the fire and the passion wasn’t here anymore.

At her office, the met Jihyun, her friend and co-worked who saw that since some months Jiyoon was troubled so during the lunch time, Jihyun took Jiyoon out to talk. They sat at a table in a nice restaurant, and while they were waiting for their food, Jihyun cleared . 

« Is everything fine for you? » She asked curious.

Jiyoon looked at her sadly. « Not really. » She said knowing she could talk to Jihyun. « It’s Gayoon, I feel like our couple need to much attention and I’m too tired and hurt to continue, but I love her and she loves me… so I don’t know what to do… »

Jihyun took Jiyoon hands. « Listen, every couple had this time in their relationship when they need to put more effort to be happy. »

« More effort? I’m already giving everything I have Jihyun. It’s not working for us anymore… » She said tears in the eyes. « I don’t want to loose her, but I’m suffering too much… »

« Did you talk to her about it? »

« I tried, like a billion times, but she’s not the talkative type… and she always run away when I try to have a serious talk… I’m sure she see it, but act like everything’s fine… » Explained Jiyoon. « But it’s not! I mean we don’t even talk anymore. When we’re eating I force myself to find some interesting subject, I try to ask her questions about her work but every time we talk for 2minutes and the dinner end up in silence again. » Jihyun swallowed hard. Jiyoon looked at her in the eyes. « Nothing come naturally anymore, I force myself hoping she would put as much effort as me but it hurt to live like this… »

« I understand, maybe for her having you here is enough… » Said Jihyun trying to understand what was wrong with those two girls who seemed to be perfect for each other. « I know Gayoon since a longtime and it’s hard for her to put herself in something that it’s not work. »

« I know, and I respect that her work is very important, but we’re together since two years, and I saw the distance between us growing everyday. Being by her side is not enough for me, I want us to be like before… we didn’t laugh together since months, we didn’t go out either… I miss those moments together when we would watch a movie at home and fell asleep on the couch, I miss the moment when she would back hug me by surprise. » Said Jiyoon. « When we’re at home together I feel like a ghost, like she know I’m here, but didn’t pay any attention to me. So I try to go to her, but she kind of ignore me and it breaks my heart. »

« You two changed a lot since you meet, you matured and now you realize that you don’t expect the same things from life and from each others. » Said Jihyun. « Do you ever wonder how she felt about it? Maybe she expect something from you, something you don’t give her? »

« Are you kidding me? I try my best to be the best girlfriend ever and I’m the one who end up hurt every time. » Said Jiyoon angry.

« I’m not telling you you’re not a good girlfriend, I just try to understand. » Explained Jihyun seeing that she made her friend angry. « Listen, I just try to help, so calm down and think about what I told you. » Said Jihyun leaving Jiyoon alone at the table. Jiyoon sighed and stood up, she ran after Jihyun and caught her before she left the restaurant. Jiyoon took her back at the table and apologized. 

« I didn’t wanted to upset you earlier. » Said Jihyun.

« Me neither. » Answered Jiyoon. « I’m sorry, it’s a little difficult for me right now… »

« I understand, and you know if really it’s not working, maybe you should just break up… » Said Jihyun sincerely. 

Jiyoon looked down. « I thought about it already, but I don’t want to loose her… » 

« Yeah, but for now you’re suffering too much. »

Jiyoon nodded. « I will try to talk to her tonight and see what we will do. »

« Okay. » Said Jihyun taking her hand. « Call me if you need anything. » Jiyoon nodded again and they left the restaurant to go back to work.

All the afternoon, Jiyoon thought about what she would tell to Gayoon, and tried to imagine some answers Gayoon would gave her, every scenario played in her head, but she knew that probably none of them would happen tonight. 

Arriving home, Jiyoon took a shower and made diner, determinate to wait for Gayoon, but the time passed and Gayoon still wasn’t home. Jiyoon finally went to bed, choosing to report the talk to the next day.

 It was almost 2 in the morning when Gayoon came back home and went to bed. Thinking that Jiyoon was sleeping, Gayoon hugged her tightly when she entered the bed and hid under the hot blanket. Jiyoon who wasn’t asleep felt butterfly in her stomach, she hadn’t been hugged by Gayoon since months now and this feeling reminded her how much she loved the girl. Maybe they had a chance to go back to how they were before, Jiyoon smiled and hugged Gayoon back. Gayoon didn’t move until Jiyoon started kissing her neck and her check.

Before Jiyoon could kiss Gayoon lips, the older girl pushed her away.

« What are you doing? I thought you were sleeping. » Said Gayoon sitting in the bed and turning on the lights.

Jiyoon frowned. « What? I’m kissing you. I don’t have the right? » She asked confused. 

« Yes you can, but not now, I don’t feel good. » Said Gayoon standing up and leaving the room. 

Jiyoon hit the pillow with her fist in anger and decided to follow Gayoon, they really needed to talk and now.

Jiyoon find Gayoon sitting on the couch and sat beside her. « What’s going on? » Asked Jiyoon nicely. « You’ve been weird since months and I don’t know what to do. »

Gayoon looked at her before looking down.

« Don’t you love me anymore? » Continued Jiyoon. « I feel like you’re avoiding me, like you just want us to break apart… » Gayoon didn’t answered. « Am I disgusting you? Is that why you don’t want me to hug you or kiss you anymore? That’s why you act so distant? » Jiyoon sighed angrily seeing that Gayoon was not answering her. « Will you tell me?! » She shouted shaking Gayoon by the shoulders. « Tell me! » She said again. « You don’t love me? You want to break up?! »

Gayoon started crying. « I’m sorry Jiyoon. I tried too, but it’s not working anymore… » She said not looking at Jiyoon in the eyes.

« You tried? How much? Because I scarified so much and I gave everything to make this relationship works! » Shouted Jiyoon. « I have been suffering for months because of your attitude and that‘s all you have to say?! » Gayoon stayed silent. 

Jiyoon didn‘t know what to do, she looked at Gayoon crying silently. « Do you meet someone else? » Asked Jiyoon calming down.

Gayoon looked at her and shook her head no. « I would never do that to you. » 

« So what?! Why are you so strange?! Why are you like this?! I feel like I don’t know you anymore. » Explained Jiyoon. « You know I love you with all my heart, but I can’t continue like this Gayoon… »

« I’m sorry… » 

« Don’t be, maybe we weren’t mean to stay together after all. » Said Jiyoon looking down sadly. « It breaks my heart to let you go, but staying with you like this is killing me everyday. » 

Gayoon looked at Jiyoon and hugged her tightly. Jiyoon cried in her arms. « I hope you will find someone better than me, someone who deserve you Jiyoon. I’m sorry. » Said Gayoon while hugging Jiyoon like her life depended on it.

The next morning Jiyoon woke up alone on the couch, she looked around and went in the room but Gayoon wasn’t here anymore. Jiyoon looked around, some of Gayoon’s stuffs were missing.

« She’s gone? She’s gone for real? » Asked Jiyoon kneeling on the floor and crying.

Two months later, Jiyoon walked in the park close to the hospital and smiled seeing a couple laughing together on a bench. Gayoon and her came often here when they were together. They used to play on the swings and eat ice cream in the late nights of summer.  

Jiyoon was smiling, she felt good now, she learned to change the missing moments in memories, in happy memories, and now her relationship with Gayoon was still part of her, but an happy part of her that she was glad to live. Some things around her would always remind her of Gayoon, but it was now in a good way.

She didn’t suffered anymore, and felt less pressure on her, she was living her life, hoping to meet someone would make her happy like Gayoon had in the past.

Jiyoon was walking slowly, today she needed to see her grandma at the hospital and decided to not take her car, it was so long since the last time she walked in the city and especially in the park she loved so much.

While the walked thought the parking lot, Jiyoon heard a familiar voice, she turned and saw Hyuna on the phone, three cars away. Jiyoon smiled.

« I’m waiting for you on the parking lot. Yeah okay. » Said Hyuna before hanging up.

Jiyoon was about to get closer and greet Hyuna when she saw her waving at someone, looking on the other side of the parking lot, Jiyoon saw Gayoon who walked to Hyuna. Jiyoon quickly hide between two cars. It was the first time since the break up that she saw Gayoon again, and she wasn’t ready to face her.

Gayoon came closer to Hyuna and hugged her, her eyes were all red, like she cried a lot. Jiyoon observed them. Why were they at the hospital? She asked herself. Did Gayoon visited a sick friend or a coworker? Jiyoon realized she didn’t know if Gayoon had close friends… Jiyoon didn’t know a lot about Gayoon’s life. Just that her parents were dead in a car accident when she was 4 and get raised by her aunt, Hyuna’s mother…

Jiyoon hided until the girls left and finally went to visit her grandmother. 
All day Jiyoon thought about Gayoon, and the reason she was at the hospital. The questions maintained her awake all night so in the morning Jiyoon took her phone and called Hyuna.

« Hello? » Answered Hyuna.

« Hyuna? » Asked Jiyoon shyly. « It’s Jiyoon. »

« What do you want? » Asked Hyuna confused. 

« It’s about Gayoon, I saw you two at the hospital yesterday and Gayoon didn’t seemed fine, I just wanted to know how she was? »

Hyuna laughed. « It’s late to worry about her, you guys aren’t together anymore »

Jiyoon frowned. « You know I still love her and I will always care about her even if we‘re not together. » Said Jiyoon angry.

« Anyway. » Said Hyuna coughing  « What she was doing in the hospital in not your business. » She added. « She had the right to visit whoever she want. »

« Oh » Said Jiyoon reassured. « So she was here to visit a friend? » 

« Euh yeah. » Hesitated Hyuna.

« Why are you not sure about it? Hyuna what is it? » Asked Jiyoon frowning.

« Okay bye. » Said Hyuna before hanging up. Jiyoon looked at her phone confused. Hyuna was acting so weird too. The girls went along very well, Jiyoon had always been good friend with Hyuna, and this conversation was too weird.

Jiyoon hesitated to call Hyuna again, but when she tried she went straight on the voice mail, Hyuna wasn’t answering her calls anymore.

In the afternoon, Jiyoon got a call from Hyuna, she quickly answered.

« What is it? » She asked worried. « What happened this morning? » Asked Jiyoon quickly.

Hyuna sighed on the phone. « Gayoon was with me so I couldn’t talk to you. »

« I see. » Said Jiyoon sadly. « Will you tell me why Gayoon was at the hospital, I start thinking that she may be sick… »

« And that’s only now that you think about it? » Asked Hyuna a little angry. « Didn’t you see she wasn’t fine? » She asked again. « You were with her everyday and you saw nothing! »

« Seeing what?! » Said Jiyoon angry too. « She was always at work, we rarely slept in the same bed and the rest of the time she was avoiding me! »

Hyuna sighed again. « She’s sick, it’s a rare illness, she lost hope months ago when the doctor told her she was very low on the donor list. »

Jiyoon let herself fell against the wall until she sat on the floor. « That’s why she was acting so distant? »

« Probably, you know how she is, she always want to get ride of her problem alone, and she probably wanted you to forget her before you lost her… »

« Why she didn’t tell me sooner? » Asked Jiyoon crying. « I thought she didn’t loved me anymore. I thought she was loving someone else… I’m so stupid… Why did she choose to be alone in this? … I mean, she‘s not alone, she have you, but…»

« I know what you mean. » Said Hyuna. « It’s Gayoon. She rather make you believe that you didn’t belong together than to make you suffer because she’s sick and can die if she didn’t get cured soon… » Jiyoon didn’t answered. « I passed the test, I can’t be a donor for her… We’re not compatible, we tried to look around at family and friend but we didn’t find anybody. The donor had risk of complications, but- »

« I will pass the test! » Said Jiyoon. « Take me to the doctor. »

« I can’t… »

« Why?! » Asked Jiyoon. « There is a chance, we need to try! »

Hyuna stayed silent some seconds. « Gayoon didn’t wanted you to know and she wasn’t okay with me being a donor because of the risks so she will never allow you to be a donor… »

« She won’t know. » Said simply Jiyoon. « We won’t tell her. »

« But- »

« Please. » Cut Jiyoon. « I won’t stay here and wait. If you love her as much as I love her, help me…»

The next week, when Gayoon received a letter telling her a anonymous donor was ready for her operation, she jumped all around the room before falling on the bed and crying. She couldn’t believe it. She waited for months with a doctor telling her it would be hard a very long before they get her a donor but there it was. She could be cured, she wouldn’t die, she could live again.

When Hyuna entered the room, she saw Gayoon hugging the hospital letter and smiled, she hadn‘t see her cousin that happy since a long time and it made her cry to see Gayoon believing in life again.

Just before the operation, when they get Gayoon, she girl took the doctor arm and thanked him. « Please take care of that donor. I know the risk, but I don’t want this person to suffer for me. »

The doctor nodded. « Don’t worry, this person is ready for it. »

Gayoon looked at him in the eyes. « Why did this person choose me on the list? » She asked confused. « There were probably other compatible people before me… »

The doctor smiled. « Fate send this anonymous donor to you. So now relax, I will take care of the two of you. » He said taking her in the operating bloc.

After the operation, when Jiyoon opened her eyes, Hyuna was beside her.

« Is she okay? » Asked Jiyoon.

Hyuna nodded. « And you? How you feeling. »

« Fine I guess. Why aren’t you with her? »

Hyuna laughed. « She’s sleeping right now. And I will let you rest too. » She said smiling at her friend. « Thank you for saving my cousin… »

« Thank you for helping me. » Said Jiyoon smiling at her.

Two days later, Hyuna came to see Jiyoon again.

« You didn’t told her? » Asked Jiyoon to Hyuna afraid the girl told Gayoon about everything.

Hyuna shook her head. « Do you want me convince her to call you? I’m sure she want you back… »

« I don’t know… » Said Jiyoon. « Our relationship wasn’t working very well, I love her, but I think we’re better when we’re not together… »

« Are you kidding me? » Asked Hyuna shocked to heard that from her friend’s mouth. « It didn’t work because of Gayoon illness. »

« It’s not only that… She should have told me… she didn’t trusted me, and send me away from her, she hurts me so much, I’m not sure I’m ready to start again for now… » Explained Jiyoon.

Hyuna didn’t know what to said. She looked at Jiyoon sadly. « You’re the only one that can make her happy, and I know she made you happy before… » Jiyoon nodded. « You saved her life just now, why would you do this if you don’t want to be with her? »

« I told you, I love her and will always be, but… » Jiyoon started crying. « It’ not working… she… »

The door opened showing Gayoon walking slowly a package of candy on the hand. « Oh sorry I- » But she cut herself seeing Hyuna and Jiyoon.

She looked closely at them. « I thought I was in the wrong room, but I think I’m in the right one. » She said frowning.

Hyuna stood up. « Why did you left the bed, the doctor told you to rest. »

« I was hungry. » Said Gayoon before looking over Hyuna’s shoulder to see Jiyoon wiping her tears away.

Gayoon looked back at Hyuna and frowned. « You told her? » She asked. Hyuna looked down. « Is she the donor? » She asked again before looking at Jiyoon. « Are you the donor? »

None of the girls looked at Gayoon. « I trusted you. » She said to Hyuna before slapping her and leaving the room.

Jiyoon stood up and followed Gayoon in her room closing the door behind them. 

« It’s not Hyuna’s fault, I insisted, she was just honest, unlike you! » Said Jiyoon.

« Why did you do this to me? » Asked Gayoon.

« How could YOU do this to me?! » Asked Jiyoon angry.

Gayoon sat on the bed, she was tired. « You are so stupid to risk your life for the girl who breaks your heart… »

« You are so stupid to not believe in the girl who loves you. » Answered Jiyoon frowning.

« I did this because I love you, it was the right thing to do. » Said Gayoon.

« No it wasn’t! » Shouted Jiyoon. « We could have cure you sooner if you had told me! »

« Yeah but what if you couldn’t save me?! Would you have watch me die?! » Asked Gayoon standing up. « I couldn’t let you being the prisoner of my illness! »

« You can’t choose for me… » Said Jiyoon. « Why if I want to stay by your side even knowing you will die? »

« That’s because I knew you would, that I did this even if it was killing me to treat you like this… » Answered Gayoon. « I know you would care for me until the end and end up broken… » She said. « I love you so much… I’m sorry for hurting you, but I won’t regret my choice… »

Jiyoon smiled. « And I won’t regret mine either. » She said coming closer to Gayoon. « Even if I regret not seeing your distress sooner… » She added looking down. But Gayoon took her in her arms.

« What you did was stupid, but I will never be thankful enough for it… » Confessed Gayoon hugging Jiyoon tightly. « Would you give us an another chance? » She asked shyly. « This two months without you were the worst in my whole life… »

Jiyoon looked at her and kissed her. « I will if you promise me to always be honest with me and to apologize to Hyuna… » Said Jiyoon smiling.

Gayoon nodded and kissed Jiyoon again. « I missed this so much. »

« I missed it more. » Said Jiyoon kissing Gayoon again. « I will never let you go again… »

FIN