Kim Taehyung was the centre of Yerin’s universe.

He had always been—ever since he had managed to effortlessly capture her heart and waltz into her world perpetually.

And he would always be.

But the thing was: he wasn’t hers and she wasn’t his. They had never dated, gone out together or sent cheesy texts to each other.

They had never really done anything together.

And they didn’t belong to each other either. Despite that, her heart belonged to a boy, a boy she didn’t know much about, a boy who—she knew—couldn’t and wouldn’t be hers.

Yerin’s heart belonged to Taehyung and it continued like that for years.

♥

Taehyung was a boy with a voice like honey, eyes that twinkled like the starry night and a smile so bright and warm like the summer sun. He was a lovely boy, and a popular one Yerin must add.

She was proud to say that her first love was the captain of the school’s Volleyball’s team. He was well-built, lean and tall. He was beautiful in every aspect that Yerin saw him.

Everyone liked him. Boys wanted to befriend him and girls admired him. But he would just give a meek smile to the females, amiable as always.

He never paid attention to girls. He only paid attention to a particular girl and nobody knew why.

He had interest in Yerin.

And, she was sure of that. Yerin remembered that he would look at her when he thought she wasn’t looking.

(There had been so many times she had caught him looking at her when she turned to look at him. He would jerked at the mere eye-contact and look away immediately, cheeks in a shade of pink. But Yerin liked it.)

He would also purposely walk past her in the hallways and sit near her table during lunch. And of course, his friends would make a scene and loudly whenever she was around.

But Taehyung never confessed.

Yerin waited. And maybe, she thought, she had waited for too long… because she started to lose bits and pieces of him and he too began to lose sight of her.

Because they were never together. They never really talked. They had nothing much to start with.

There was something that Yerin didn’t like about Taehyung. He was too shy and even though shy boys were cute and attractive, it could be frustrating many a times. And because of his shyness and his logic of waiting for a better time, he had lost Yerin.

They had lost each other after parting ways. He went on with his life and so did she. They didn’t communicate but Yerin remembered the short letter he had given him on the last day of school. Their teacher had told the class to write a short letter to each classmate.

Dear Yerin,

This is my first letter to you.

All the best for your future.

I’ll remember and miss you forever.

Love, Taehyung

Even though they had lost each other, she still kept the idea of him close to her heart.

All of her loved all of him.

But she wasn’t sure about how he felt. Did he like her? Did he not like her? He never once said anything.

“Were you too shy? Or did you not like me?” Yerin often pondered but she found no answer. Only he held the answer but it wasn’t possible to talk to him.

She didn’t get to see him. After they parted ways, it seemed like fate wasn’t on her side. Their lines never intersected.

But imagine how forlorn it would be, to pass by each other without realizing; to walk past your first love without knowing; to finally cross paths with the person you’ve been looking for so badly without catching him; and to miss the only chance.

The only time she could meet him was in her dreams. Yerin had many dreams of him, too many to be counted with her fingers and too many to be remembered. Thus, she made it a point to type them down so she could re-read them whenever she missed him.

Her dreams that consisted of him were always bizarre and they would always make her so happy that she would wake up smiling too brightly, wanting to go back to sleep.

♥

/ 3 June 7:21am /

Dear diary, I had a dream of him again. This time, I woke up with a pang in my heart—I felt bittersweet nostalgia. 

I miss Taehyung. I miss school. I miss seeing him in class. I miss stealing looks at him. I miss his smiles and how cute he can be. I miss what we could have almost been.

I miss us.

I was at his house, at his housewarming party. I don’t know why I was there. It was so weird. I was dressed casually and he was wearing his usual Volleyball attire, looking as dashing as ever.

It was no wonder why many girls like him. But it was always a wonder why he had liked me. And aside from that, it would always be a wonder how Taehyung had thought of me.

We were seated by the dining table. He wasn't opposite me. Thank god he wasn't because that would just be awkward.

Imagine us sitting opposite each other. I can imagine us looking so odd together. He’s really shy and nonchalant. I’m bashful with flustered cheeks. I look like a goblin next to him.

Anyways, I felt out of place. I didn't exactly know why I was there. My family was there. My younger brother was playing with Taehyung. They were sprawled on the floor, playing with toy cars. I know it’s weird but… Taehyung was Taehyung, all right.

He smiled fondly at my brother, laughing when the latter tried attacking his deck of cars. The both of them looked cute. I remember smiling at them, filling all fuzzy inside.

I had wished that I could interact with him like that because all I was capable of was to look at him. I have always looked at him with so much yearning and desperation. It’s crazy, I know.

I have so many things I wanted him to know, to tell him and to ing spit at his face. I have been hiding so many thoughts and it’s sad that he knows nothing about it. I can’t help but feel mad at him. Because he doesn’t know anything; he doesn’t know about how I feel. And he doesn’t reciprocate how I feel.

He returned to the table and gave me a glance and I felt my blood rushing to my cheeks. As cheesy as it sounded, my heart skipped a beat.

That feeling.

You know that feeling?

The feeling from looking at your crush and thinking he’s so beautiful. The feeling of happiness but beyond that?

I have missed that feeling. I began to feel that way soon after I started to fall deeply for him.

When I looked