coffee in autumn

goodbye autumn

he didn't know when it started, how it started, even. he just knew what it felt like. cool and crisp air surrounded him and the next thing he knew was that a deep voice resounded, "careful!" as he tripped on his untied shoelaces. the owner of the voice- a tall, burnette, handsome boy, no, man, of no older than 24, with a chisled tanned face, and a kind smile- lept forward and caught the falling boy with right before he hit the cold, hard asphalt.

"are you alright there?" the tanned male questioned the other, his arms still gripping the other's firmly but gently.

the other boy, who was a rather pale, a little taller than the average male, with dark black hair and high cheekbones, let out a soft sigh, "i- i'm okay," he stuttered out, "thank you."

the tanned male gave the black-haired lad a soft smile, "careful now," he helped the other get back on his feet, "i'm minho, choi minho," he held out a hand, "and you are-?"

"key, but like, it's not like my real name, y'know?" he spoke with a soft tongue, and shook minho's extended hand, "my real name's kibum, by the way, it's up to  you what to call me though," he let go of the other's hand and waved it about the air, "whatever floats your boat, really," he continued, "oh yeah, and thanks for saving me, like right on time, do you wanna get coffee or something?"

minho emitted a small chuckle, and kibum slightly froze in his place because god dammit kibum way to ruin your chances god i ed up shi-

"okay, kibum. yeah, coffee would be nice. do you have a place in mind, or something?" the brunette spoke gently, and kibum realized he had a small lisp, too. and god that is so cute.

kibum lightly shook his head, "no, not really. but hey, we're in the middle of incheon. we're bound to find something, right?" the boy looked around.

the sound of people talking and heel's clicking on asphalt was slowing dispersing into the red-yellow leaves that were falling down from trees. some that stood high and mighty, whereas others, well, not so much. kibum didn't know why, but he liked the over-all feel of autumn. the feeling of the first crisp wind of autumn is kibum's favorite, and the first leave the fall down near is house is the one that he takes care not to step on his way to work hurriedly. he took a look around their surroundings- people rushing by, cars going through the streets swiftly, nearly everyone clad in a coat and some sort of yellow, brown or red scarf, shops and stalls built parallel to either sides of the road. he turned back to minho, only to see the other was already staring at him.

minho let out a small, surprised cough, "yeah, we're bound to find something. but i know this really good place and it's basically right around the corner. i kind of go there every other day or so, their coffee is heavenly." he ended with a soft smile.

"let's go there, then."

and they did. 

"so, minho, like.. talk." kibum spoke, bringing his cup of mocha latte to his lips, sipping lightly and wrapping both of his hands around the brown mug, setting it down on the wooden table, leaning forward in interest.

minho rose an eyebrow, tilting his head light, "i'm not sure what there is to tell you about me." he let out a sonorous chuckle, crinkling his eyes at the corners which was 'so ing cute oh my god me' according to kibum's train of thought.

"um. anything. anything at all." kibum shrugged, looking straight at the other with a goofy grin plastered on his face, "how about the basic stuff? like your birthday or something. oh! what colour do you like?"

after that, they talked, and talked, and talked. oh, and how lovely it felt to the both of them. they exchanged jokes, stories, and drowned their worries in coffee and each others laughs. hours flew by, and they didn't even take any notice of it. until a blonde lady dressed in the cafe's uniform, consisting of a pair of khaki jeans, a white shirt, and a peach coloured apron around her slim waist, approached the two.

"excuse me, there's a few customers waiting for a seat and all the others are occupied, and you've been here for quite some time, over three hours," she spoke with a gentle tone, "if it would be of no inconvenience, would you please..?"

kibum paused mid-sentenced, flustered and speechless. thankfully, minho filled the gap- "sure thing, no problem. sorry." he spoke, with a soft smile on his face, and the two stood up, picking up their drinks and other items.

they paid for their drinks and walked out of the cafe, slightly embarrassed.

"well, it's nearly seven. i should be going now." kibum sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, an apologetic smile on his face, "but let's do this again, yeah?"

"oh, sorry for keeping you here so long. do you have somewhere to go..?" minho questioned, quirking an eyebrow as he tilted his head to the side lightly.

"nah, just home," kibum nodded, "so i'll see you later, yeah?"

minho held his index finger up, and dug in his coat. he pulled out his phone, a white samsung s5, and gave it to kibum, "your number, please."

kibum let out a small chuckle, pulling out his phone, a white iphone s5, "and yours, too."

after that, they went their own separate ways. 

 

kibum couldn't really do anything after that without a grin on his face for the rest of the day, or without expectantly staring at his phone. he knew he was definitely meeting up with the other male soon. 

- - ; - -

 

first chapter is complete.
the next one is due within a few days.

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DarkaNoir
#1
(Uh, another thing I forgot to tell you! If I can give you a suggestion about the layout, maybe you could make the font size a bit bigger? This one is very little and makes it a bit hard to read^^" As I've said, just a suggestion! I'll shut up now, I promise lol)
DarkaNoir
#2
Chapter 1: (Oh, one thing though! I gotta say I love the use of many coordination when the character's thoughts seep into the narration; let's say it is some sort of very simplified version of the stream of consciousness, that I appreciate a lot though, because I think it serves the purpose very well)

Also, leaving the structure matter aside, I must say your style gets kind of poetic at times: you make use of certain expressions that just rapture my attention and sweep me away; I really like this about they way you write and describe things. It is a quality I appreciate very much in the fics I read and I want to really congratulate you on this. It's really nice!
(I'd make some examples but I see that I can't copy the sentences and I admit I'm pretty much a lazy . Don't hate me ;; )

Aaaand I think that would be it.
I deeply apologize for this train-wreck of a comment because it was just awful and I really hope you haven't misunderstood anything I said and that I didn't sound offensive in any way orz
I'm looking forward to the next chapters, because I'm really curious to see how you'll develop this story :3
Have a great day <3
Ps: I'm sorry I had to split the comment ; ;
DarkaNoir
#3
Chapter 1: Going on to your writing style, you tend to do something I usually don't appreciate that much, and that would be making a great use of coordination over all.
People who prefer coordinates over subordinate clauses usually tend to make rather short and sharp periods (another thing I don't like too much, most of the time), but that was not your case; on the contrary you tend to make very long sentences (where readers can easily lose their focus - at least that was my case) and to use lots of commas to help them "take a breath" during the sentence.
(sometimes though they feel to be a bit too much)
As I've said, I admit I'm not very fond of this type of narration because I easily lose my focus while I read the period and end up feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the clauses put together with no real stop in between. But this is more of a personal opinion. What I mean is that me liking this about how you write or not shouldn't matter that much to you, since it's only a deal of personal tastes and what matters in the end is your opinion as the author: it's your style, key word being "your". It's only yours, it's your distinction and you should be the one who likes it. (Idk if I explained myself well^^" I wanted to tell you what I thought about it for the sake of sharing with you my whole opinion about this chapter. But writing style is really something too personal and readers' tastes have no say in it, so I didn't want to imply you have to change your style or anything like that! Damn...I'm really awful at this lol)
So, putting aside the sentence structure, the only thing I can actually suggest you is to reduce the commas a tiny bit (because some of them are grammatically unnecessary and thus become counterproductive during the reading).
DarkaNoir
#4
Chapter 1: Hello there! :)
I'm honestly wondering how the hell I managed not to notice you write stories, considering how many you post (and how many involve Key; I'm such a er for key pairings orz). But...it's always later than never, right?
So here I am, stopping by to leave you a little comment on this fic, before going to explore your other ones. I must apologize in advance: I a big time at commenting - I'm really messy and often don't have relevant things to say and...yeah, I'm awful lol

Rambling aside, let's start with saying I'm definitely attracted to this story: I have been looking for a multipairing and key-centric fic for a long time (it feels like I've almost read them all), thus I'm definitely happy I found yours! This first chapter didn't let out much about how you'll introduce the other pairings and I admit I can't help but feel intrigued by all of this: I still can't forsee how you intend to structure the plot and I'm so curious about it :3 I'm honestly looking forward the future developments :)

I also like the whole atmosphere and the fact that you decided to reconnect all of this with Autumn: you didn't insist that much on this point in this first chapter, but still I evinced from the foreword (that was btw really enticing**) that this season will have a key role in your fic and I am kind of excited. I have a particular fascination with autumn - I find it magical -, and I like how you seem to intend on playing with the contrast between autumn and winter :) I find it wonderful!
Plot-wise, this first chapter was rather simple but still it played a cute scenario (a bit cliched but always very much appreciated**) and it has been enjoyable to read^^ For this reason though I don't have much to say about the plot yet, I'm afraid^^"
I'll wait for the next chapters to make any comment about it
GdNee43v32 #5
Can't wait...
Ddeokuwanbokki
#6
Update soon author nun I'll be waiting^^