I'm so sorry for not having this posted for entire two months. I was really busy but yeah, here it is now. Thank you so much for the patience :)

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I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me how's your family.

I haven't seen them in a while..

 

 

Every second that passes by seems to take longer than the usual. Although the sun is up, it's strange how the wind can offer coldness against his skin. Too bad he only has his thin denim jacket to warm him - though it does not exactly either. The clock's ticking and the leaves are falling. It's almost winter and the feeling brings him nostalgic memories. 

It brought him back to the past.

Back to when everything was still perfect and beyond.

Taemin can't help but keep on checking his watch wrist, 1:30. The person he's waiting for agreed to meet up around 12 and yet he hasn't arrived. His heart's rushing and suddenly there's a doubt that he felt.

Is he coming? He pondered. 

Afterall, why would he do so? He has every right to ignore this whole thing - just like how Taemin did. And Taemin knows he doesn't have any right to complain.

The strange weather has made the park unoccupied. It used to have old couples sitting by the bench, reminscing their younger days together; It used to have little kids running all over the place, oblivous to what they're about to face in this harsh realm. There'd be some pet owners who would walk alongside their bestrfriends and keep them company. 

Then, it used to have Taemin and him , lying together on a blanket that was shaded by a huge tree. Their tree. They would joke about their past, laughing at how their first meeting didn't turn out to be romantic, or whenever they tried to escape class, one of their teachers who knew them all too well would be waiting at the back of the school with an eyebrow raised, or how their playfulness brought them inside the principal's office because of pulling a prank to the old man. Then they'd also talk about their present, asking each other how their days went without the other. Or how the exam results turned out to be - arguing on which one got the highest score. And then they'd promise themeselves of a future together.

With their dream house.

Watching movies together.

Cooking food for each other.

Waking up the next day and being greeted with kisses and smiles.

But neither of those hopeful wishes and plans did come true. Because if so, then Taemin no longer had to stand beside their tree and wait aimlessly despite the weather.

Two hours have passed since their agreement and the man's yet nowhere to be seen. Taemin wanted to call, but too scared to bear it's possible consequences. He remembered how he selfishly hung up on him when all he asked for was an explanation. He remembered how he turned his phone off when the man kept on calling him. He was too self centered back then. He didn't consider his feelings. And now, he's regretting it.

He had no plans on giving up but Taemin thought, maybe this is all for the best? Maybe he deserves this. Maybe this is his payment for shattering his heart.

No. Scratch the word maybe.

And so, just as he's about to leave, the man he was waiting for suddenly appears with a nonchalant expression on his face. He doesn't seem so happy nor mad. He doesn't look excited nor worried as well. His face... says nothing. And it breaks Taemin's heart. Here he is, mixed with feeling that is all said above. Heck, if he could, he'd immediately run towards the man he haven't seen for a while just to show how much Taemin missed him. Misses him. But he knows he cant do that. 

Probably never even.

Taemin takes a silent deep breathe,  his heart's going wild and he can feel tears slowly building up. He bit his lip to maintain his composure so he wouldn't have to look pathetic but he still did when he only managed to utter, "h-hey.."

"Hey." The man flatly says, his hands are in his pockets and he still looks so damn gorgeous.

It is silent for a moment and so many questions are running within his head. Truthfully, Taemin doesn't know when to start or how to start. His thoughts are filled with so many things and he's yet to choose which one is better to ask.

"...how are you?" Taemin asks instead, "I haven't seen you and your family and i wonder how they're doing?"

Minho's family had truly treated him as if he was they're own. His (ex) boyfriend's mother would occassionally bake him pastries and his father show him Minho's pictures back to when he was still a kid. Minho's dad would proudly tell the stories behind each pictures and taemin could only laugh along with it. Then they'd afterwards and Minho's family would join them.

"We're fine."

 

You've been good, busier than ever

A small talk, work, and the weather

your guard is up and I know why..

 

 

Taemin brought him to a nearby cafe - one they used to visit to spend more quality time together. None of them brought it up though.

The other wants to forget,

while the other wishes to start again.

But maybe neither of them knows how because a year may have passed, the flowers have wilted and fall will soonly turn to winter, the birds have docked but are preparing to leave. Nothing stays the same. 

And here they are, unmoving. Trying to figure out what to be done next.

The approaching waiter saves them from the trouble though. He walks towards their seat and in his hands are a pair of menu list. The waiter flashes them a comforting smile , much to their relief, seeing as how the eerie silence makes things awkward between the two. The waiter handles them the booklet and said, "I thought you guys don't have any plans to go back here as two."

The last two words poke Taemin's curiousity for a brief moment. He looks up and stares at the man. Just then, realization comes into his mind when he recognized the familiar face of Jinki (or how his name tag says). They never really bothered talking to the waiter before but they would occassionally ask him favors like 'extra sugars' or 'add-ons'. 

"I haven't seen you back here for ages!" Jinki says to Taemin as if they were close friends. "It's always this mister who goes back here every now and then."

-- Minho immediately shuts the booklet close. It is loud enough for them to turn their attention back to him. He returns the menu back to Jinki and said, "Black coffee"

Taemin eyes him, the Minho he knew would never act like this. Between the two of them, Minho was definitely the sweeter, nicer person. If someone smiled at him, he'd smile back. He'd listen to every strangers' stories and even tell them his. He'd pat kids' heads and ask them them to study well. Then he would also hug his friends if they were crying just so to comfort them.

The Minho he knew... was never this cold. 

"..mocha frappe"  Taemin brushed his thoughts away. For the few minutes of them being together, Minho never really asked him questions. And it somehow irked him that the other seemed uninterested at all.

but could he blame him though?

Minho has his attention outside the cafe.  His chin's propped onto his palm and his eyes are darting blankly over the window's plain view. There are kids outside and couples walking hand in hand. Few cars are passing by and the horizon's now filled with vastness of orange and red.

Taemin smiles. This Minho still exists then. The Minho he has fallen in love with. The Minho who appreciates things regardless of what it looked like because for him, everything's worth a shot under his camera's lense. 

"Why don't you.. take a picture of it?" Taemin suggests.

If anything, he knew that the Minho back then would have pulled his camera out, take a shot of the scenery so it would last in his memory forever.

But Minho makes no move.

"I sold it." He says instead, averting his gaze down to his freshly served coffee.

"You... what.!?" Taemin can't believe what he just heard. His eyes widens in disbelief as if the impossible has taken it's turn to happen. The world has turned mute for a moment. Taemin's wating for an answer and Minho is never the one to give, but as much as the older hates explaining himself, he knows Taemin will not settle with just that.

"I had to stop photography that's why I sold it"

"Why!? That camera is precious to you! Why did you have to sell it!" Taemin asks, Minho used to say that he had obtained the camera through his hardwork. He had to study by morning and work at night just to save money for it , And that was just the camera alone. The lenses and other instruments for photography were also another issue.. that is why Taemin can't believe what Minho did, "Didn't you say photography is important to you?"

Minho pauses, they stare at each other and Taemin felt that Minho has so many things that he wanted to say... but he ends up saying , "Everything changes Taemin. Didn't you say so yourself?"

There was an accusing tone in his voice. Taemin can't ponder how to respond. Afterall, Minho's right. He did say that. He said that when he had nothing else to reason. Speaking those words was the easiest way to get off the conversation.

Those words were his escape. And now it's Minho's turn to use it.

 

And then the cold came, 

The dark days when fear crept into my mind.

You gave me all your love

and all I gave you was, goodbye.

 

Every seconds start to get suffocating. The air's no longer breathable. The oxygen seems gone, and his heart's ripping in two. If those aren't enough, then what more of knowing that the person he loves is just there, sitting right in front of him. He could easily hold his hand, peck his lips - but no. This is a different person. The man he loved, is neverthless gone.

Taemin knows why.

He knows he's at fault.

Back then he thought he was invulnerable. He prioritized himself more than anyone else. He loved himself more than he had loved him. Minho never complained. Taemin wanted to be someone and he felt that he couldn't be if he continued to stay by his side. Being with Minho was like being stucked onto the ground. It was as if he was surrounded by metal bars, caging him inside, limiting him with the things that he could do.

Taemin knew he could do more. 

And so he craved for space. He seeked for freedom.

Taemin left without a word. He put a halt on their relationship, moved away, and never came back.

All of a sudden he was gone.

Minho did everything to see him again. He asked his parents but they pushed him away, he asked his friends but they ignored him. Minho was at loss. What did he do? Where was he wrong? He tried to call him, speak to him, begged for even just a minute. A few seconds even. He only wanted to know why.

What happened.

But Taemin never gave him a reason. An enough and acceptable reason. And he was hurt. He lost everything one by one. He was pulled out of the team, failed his grades, and became miserable. 

When finally he had decided to move on, forget everything and start a new life.. why?

Why did he have to come back?

 

The clock strikes six and Minho's getting irritated. He could no longer hide his frown and disappointment. He has been checking his phone periodically as if waiting for someone's message. He gazes at the hanging clock on the wall behind him and turns his head towards the younger. 

"What exactly is the reason why you wanted to see me?"

His tone sounds a bit rude for Taemin's liking and yet, he's right. Hours passed and his reason for seeking him hasn't been laid. 

"A-are you busy?" Taemin stutters. Minho's cup is now fully emptied. He had offered the man to order something again and it'd be his treat but the other declined.

Minho pinches the bridge of his nose as he takes a deep sigh. It's not that he doesn't want to see him - it's not that he does want to either. Things are just so complicated at the moment. Afterall, how could you spend a time with someone you've adored and cherished for so long but in the end that exact same person left you - destroyed you after everything you've been through? 

"Taemin," he starts. "I'm busy. I've got so many things to do and I bet you do have yours too so just tell me wh-"

"okay then perhaps we can meet again?" There's a slight pinch of hope in his voice. Maybe there's still a chance? Maybe he can still fix this? Maybe it'll start better if Minho agrees to meet him again?

Taemin sees how Minho's stone-cold face softened at his request. He probably sounded like a little kid asking for santa's return when in truth, the phoenamenal old man doesn't exist along with his little companions and reindeers. He's nothing but merely a folk that serves to make little kids believe to something unreal, to make them do good deeds for a short while. 

To let them hope.

To make them believe.

But isn't that way so much better? Because the old man's existence has brought chaste smiles and precious laughter among the children. Their innocence about the world they're living in and the things around them made them naive and yet made them even braver, made them satisfied with a simple gift and treasure its wonders. Adults will never know that. Because its not 'what the adults know that kids will never understand' ; it's the other way around.

It's what the kids know that adults will never understand

Happiness.

Satisfaction.

Love.

Taemin wished, he had realized this before he left the person who loved him too hard. Taemin wished he was happy and satisfied with what he had. 

He wished he loved him enough - more than enough.

 

 

I missed your tanned skin, your sweet smile

so good to me, so right

and how you held me in your arms that September night

the first time you ever saw me cry.

 

 

The scar's still there. 

It is a small scratch that still remains on Minho's face just below his eyes. Somehow, it serves as a reminder for a rather pleasant memory. It could have ruined the man's beautiful features but Taemin knows more than that. Because Minho loved him for who he was and he did the same by requiting his love. Along those lines were the whispered sweet nothings and kisses planted on his lips, neck, and back.

When the held each other. When they played each other's hands with their fingers intertwined. When Minho breathed in his scent. When he traced his finger on the older's toned chest. When they smiled at each other's quirkiness. When they sealed the gaps that seperate them. It was perfect.

Almost.

But of course, nothing's perfect. Just like with the fact that nothing lasts. Metals rust. Woods turn to ashes. Pictures fade. Memories will be forgotten and even the world underneath your feet will soonly change. 

Nothing lasts. Because if it were true, why would they have to go through this?

"No." Minho has shut his heart.

It only took one simple rejection. Minho is on verge of standing up when Taemin immediately reaches for his hand, firmly. All the worries and fear start to crawl its way back to him again and he's shaking. His mind keeps on telling him to let go but his heart states otherwise.

But he's reached this far. Why quit now?

 

 

"P-please let's talk?" Taemin begs desperately while holding onto Minho's hands. It is no longer as warm as it used to be and yet he wants to hold it a little longer, for Minho to stay by his side 'til forever. But maybe Minho has truly built the wall that separates them. Because just then,  no matter how strong Taemin's grip was, Minho still managed to pull his hand out of the younger's grasp and proceeded on leaving.  He strides out of the door and although Taemin's calling echoes within his ears, he ignores it. Painfully.

"Minho!!" Taemin yells once again, chasing the other's quick steps. Those who are out the streets set their eyes on them but Taemin no longer cares. He continues on running after the man. "Minho I beg you! Please hear me out!"

But he didn't look.

"Please!!"

and still not.

".... Just this once..." 

He would have given up.. but who is he to do so? Just then, Minho stops on his tracks. They reach the far end of the street and there stands proudly, a ten feet lamp post. The moon's nowhere in sight and the cold air's swinging lightly.

"Speak." was the only thing Minho has said. He didn't turn to face him and Taemin accepted it. Taemin knows that he has no right to see his face nor look at his eyes. And probably Minho doesn't want him to either. He hates him. Too bad.

"I'm sorry" he's been dying to tell those words to him, to ask for his forgiveness for what he did. He was never fair. He took him for granted. All Minho ever did was loving him and yet he replaced his smiles with tears, turned his happiness to sadness, and broke his ever loving heart. He was never fair.

There's no response but Taemin still continues, "Please.. come back to me."

 

 

Maybe this is wishful thinking

probably mindless dreaming

 

 

The cold air gushes against Taemin's skin but he could care less than knowing what Minho's answer will be. Taemin sees how Minho's back arches slightly as he scoffs, "come back to you..? Weren't you the one who left me in the first place?" There's an accusing tone in his voice and Minho pays no attention to look at him,

Maybe out of habit, Taemin bites his lower lip. What is he supposed to say? He knows words aren't enough to show how much sorry he truly is. 

"I-i'm really sorry Minho, Please let's fix this? I swear, if you love me again, i swear i'd love you right. If I could, i'd even go back and change everything-"

"But you cant."

 

so if the chain is on your door

I understand...

 

Finally, Minho turns to face him and there reveals the pain he's been hiding all along. Unstoppable tears grimaces his face just like a child who lost his most precious toy - his everything. When Taemin left, Minho lost the world. Not the things that surrounded him nor the labels they called him. Minho lost everything because he lost his world.  Taemin left along with his heart. And he left him with nothing. "-You cant Taemin"

He's been trying so hard to hide his tears, to control his emotion. Minho had wanted to spat mean things towards the younger. He'd wanted him to feel his anger physically and emotionally. 

But he hadn't.

Taemin doesn't deserve it.

He deserves worse.

 

Silence once again engulfs them. A few meters apart seems to take miles away. Taemin nods lightly. His vision blurs and tears start to roll down from his eyes. 

"I waited. I begged! I just wanted to know your reason and yet the selfish you are - you left me hanging with nothing! Do you know how painful that is!?"

I know.

Minho's words are filled with anger and sadness and anything in between. 

"You ruined me Lee Taemin !"  He immediately reaches the lamp post and put his frustration onto it because he cant - he knows he cant bear to hurt the other after all he's done. Minho kicks it, punches it ; draining his strength. Taemin jolts briefly at the sound of metal bar hitting Minho's leg. 

"You ruined me!! You ruined me!" He continously says. 

Taemin wanted to hug him and stop the man from hurting himself. But what could he do? what should he say? When the best way to let go, is to feel the pain? He just stood on the brick ground and waited. Just like what Minho did. 

When pain and exhaution lingered, Minho only managed to weakly kick the lamp post. He leans helplessly on the metal and hides his face with his hands. "Why..?"

This time, his voice is much softier but the tense hasn't gone low.

"Minho I-"  Taemin paused. Sorry can not fix everything. "I love you."

 

 

It turns out freedom ain't nothing 

but missing you

wishing I realized what I had 

when you were mine

 

 

But Minho won't believe. He stands up and gathers himself. 

"Even just once, say something real."

He turns his back but then suddenly, timid arms tightly wrap itself around his torso. Taemin's chest is against his back and he refuses to let go.

For a moment, they just stand there without doing anything. If only his heart learns to believe again, he'd have faced the younger and say everything's gonna be alright. But it will no longer be.

Minho silently frees himself from those arms that were once securedly wrapped around him. This time, he didn't turn. He continues on walking away.

Taemin doesn't call him again.

 

 

Nothing lasts.

Everything changes.

And so did they.

 

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Too bitter for our liking?? XD