I didn't even know what I was doing here. My friends, as usual, told me to tag along to a blind date. 'If not for the girls, stay for the booze!' they said. It'll be fun they said... why do I ever listen to them? I don't find this fun at all. The girl across from me looks extremely bored, and has started to eye up Yoochun. Or Junsu. In fact anyone who was not me. I ddon't even care, she can look at anyone she wants. I didn't ask to be her date. Still. Points for effort as she did ask what I did, how old I was, what I was listening to etcetera, etcetera. But she just... didn't really interest me. She sure was pretty, no word of a lie. Dyed blonde hair with huge eyes, she could pass as a model anyday. And she was tall too, when she bowed to me, I almost felt like we could knock our foreheads together. But she just didn't . No girl has if I'm honest. 

 

 I think growing up I was just always by myself. It's a miracle I have friends because I don't go out, I don't go anywhere except university or the bookstore, and as far as I'm concerned, girls and- well, people in general... I just find them messy and complicated. Completely unlike my dog, Aoi. The first time I set eyes on him was when I was at the shelter volunteering, and this little puppy just staggered out of the closet with some blue paint on his nose. Then he looked at me like, 'What?! You got a problem human?!' but I ended up taking him home because he was just too darn cute. Anyway I prefer animals to humans. They don't talk, the main points in their life are food and watching TV (which coincidentally are my favourite hobbies too), and they are so completely devoid of human burdens. Like debt and heartbreak. Sometimes I want to be a dog, life is just so much simpler that way.

 

 But no. I have to be a twenty-something, stuck at a fixed date with some girl who was now advancing on Yoochun. I shrugged and excused myself, squeezing past Junsu and his date. I tried not to grimace at them each other, but alas. I sighed and washed my hands, preparing for a silent departure. I just wanted to go home and catch up to Game of Thrones. Oh God I love that show. It's so violent and so full of . Huzzah! 

 

 "Don't tell me you're backing out of this again!" I heard Jaejoong's voice call out. I turned and he smacked my forehead. After yelping and giving him a death stare, I shrugged. "Come ooooon bro! So many lovely honeys!"

 

 "I'm not interested in any of them!" I exclaimed, exhausted by his tireless efforts to set me up. "I don't want to date anyone! I just want to go home, and watch Daenerys fry some people with-"

 

 "De-ne-ris is a fictional woman! You have some real ones out-"

 

 "Don't you dare talk about Daenerys Targaryen in that way!" I yelled at him. "She is a beautiful, courageous young woman, and if she was here right now she'd definitely kill you!"

 

 Jaejoong sighed, rolling his eyes. "Sure, but can you touch her?"

 

 "I can in my dreams," I mumbled.

 

 "That's your problem! You have real living breathing girls out there, and you want ones that are fictional!" Jaejoong said, his arms whipping around everywhere like a windmill. He grabbed me by the shoulders. "You have got to stop being so pathetic."

 

 I do admit I was a little stung. I'm not pathetic, just anti-social. "I'm really not," I said, brushing him off. "Because I just got a bonus at work, and I would probably hit being a millionaire by next month."

 

 "Maybe so, but have fun spending all that money by yourself," he said in a bored voice. 

 

 "I will!" I huffed and walked out. No one even noticed me going, but I didn't care. As far as I'm concerned, everyone can cease to exist. I am happy by myself, and I quite like being alone. No one can bother me, tell me what to do, I have complete control over my life. I only have to worry about myself, and Aoi but he's easy to take care of. I hated having to look after people, and see how they're doing. I just didn't want that kind of life for myself. And if that means complete solitude, so be it. 

 

 

---

 

 There's a new girl moving in my block. I know this because instead of helping her out and taking her stuff, I walked right past her last night and slammed the door behind me. In retrospect, I knew I should've helped her. But I was too cross at everyone to be helping her, but I should've. I'm not rude, as I've probably made myself out to be but I'm just... I don't know I'm just a bit... easy to cross? Yeah that's it. I just don't want to be in anyone's business, that way I can mind my own. Still, she smelt nice when I walked past. I like that about girls, they always smell nice. 

 

 And so does this coffee shop. I love coming here, it smells awesome! I also get to people spot. You know when people do things completely unique to them and no one else? The coffee shop is the way to go. You can just chill and do whatever, but you can still look at other people and see how they behave. It's quite fascinating. And I have to top up this coffee.

 

 Problem is, as soon as I got up, I knocked into a person. 'Bollocks!' I said in my head, and helped the person pick up the items they dropped. "I'm so sorry, are you alright?" I asked as politely as I could, helping them pick up a book, an umbrella and some pencils. 

 

 "Yes, I'm fine," said a feminine voice. "I'm sorry too." 

 

 "That's alright," I handed her stuff to her and smiled stiffly. "I hope I didn't spill your drink."

 

 She smiled brightly and held it up. "Nope! Not a drop wasted!"

 

 "Oh good, because-"

 

 "SUNNY-AH! Are you alright?! Oh my gosh!" another feminine voice yelled out, this time at a very high voice. I was knocked to one side and found myself back in my seat, unable to process what just happened. "I saw you go down, and I thought for sure you were going to scald yourself!"

 

 "I'm fine Sooyoungie, I didn't even spill anything!" the first girl now identified as Sunny smiled. "Besides, I'm sure it was an accident!"

 

 "Oh I see he helped you get your things," the other girl turned, and gave me a decidedly cold look. "I didn't know he could do that."

 

 "I-I... what?!" I asked in complete bewilderment. "Why wouldn't I help her? She needed some help picking up her-"

 

 "Oh sure, start helping people out now!" she said with her voice dripping in sarcasm. Her loud voice was starting to attract onlookers. "Didn't bother you at all when I was struggling up the stairs last night!"

 

 My mind then gave me a helpful flashback of what had occurred last night, and my ungentleman-like behaviour. Then I winced when I realised it was her. I stood up, noticing she was also tall and stopped just below my nose. "You're the new neighbour then? Look, my apologises but I was-"

 

 "You're a swine, that's what!" she declared, loud enough to let the whole coffee shop know. "All I wanted was a little help to get up those stairs, but no! You were too busy being a jerk to help me! Do you even know how heavy that freakin box was?!"

 

"Look! I was having a bad day, and I had to get home because my dog-"

 

 "Who cares about that, I needed help!"

 

 "GUYS! Please!" the girl Sunny burst in. We both stared at her. "Let's not fight in the middle of a coffee shop, yes?" We then noticed that everyone had stopped moving and was very obviously staring. Then someone cleared their throat and everyone suddenly had something to do. Sunny smiled at us, then patted my arm. "It's OK, I wasn't hurt or anything. Excuse Sooyoung she's a little hot-headed-"

 

 "I am not! OK?! I'm just simply trying to tell him he needs to clean up his act!"

 

"Clean up my act?! Why don't you follow your own advice?!" I yelled back, getting really cross. "At least I don't yell at strangers I know nothing about in front of a whole-"

 

 "GUYS!" Sunny once again yelled. I stopped talking, but I was glaring straight at her and she at me. "We don't have to do this right now, OK? OK?" she tugged on Sooyoung's arm. "Come on Sooyoung, let's get some coffee. Mister um... well..."

 

 "I'm going to leave," I said coolly. I got my things and walked out, not even sparing the demon lady a second glance. As soon as I got home, I sank to the floor and sighed. Because I just remembered who she was.

 

Choi Sooyoung. The resident bad girl of the whole school. Back when I was in high school, she was the chick that always hung around the bad guys. I could always see her hanging around with the older guys, leaning against their motorbikes smoking joints or Marlboro reds. I used to dislike her and her group, but then I caught her feeding homeless kittens behind the school once. And then I did a stupid thing like start to really like her. Without even talking to her. I knew I didn't have a chance with her anyway, so there really was no point in doing anything. 

 

 Even so...

 

 She was just so pretty. Like in a weird kind of way. She had a harsh kind of prettiness, where her stare was cold and there was nothing feminine about her at all. Except there was; she had the kindest smile when I saw her with the kittens. And she always had nice hair, even when she was dressed in leather and black. She just had that kind of appeal. And of all the girls in the world, I had to choose her to like. Like, like like. Christ. I was in now, because the only reason I stopped liking her was because I graduated and I never saw her again. Plus I reasoned it was stupid to like someone when they've never had a proper conversation with them. So yeah, stupid. Stupid and dumb and completely messy. 

 

 So why did I want to catch a glimpse of her again? 

 

---

 

 Turns out she absolutely hates my guts. Just from that one tiny encounter. Ugh. Women! WHY ARE THEY SO COMPLICATED?! IT'S LIKE THEY WANT YOU TO BREAK DOWN FROM STRESS INDUCED ANXIETY! Which I won't, because I don't know her much. But it's just really bad because Aoi really likes her. Like... he loves her. If I take him out for walks and he sniffs her scent (which I admit I also like, damn her), he'd race off and I'd find him assaulting her while his tail wagged up a storm. And then when she's done saying a friendly hello to him, she'd give me a really dirty look and stalk off. 

 

 Oh God. I just want to see her kind smile. That's all. Maybe it'll get rid of this stupid crush. Because I don't want it anymore. I don't want the weird tingling feeling I get when I anticipate her presence anywhere, or that weird vibe I get when I know she'll look at me. Christ. Get a hold of yourself Shim. She's just a woman. And on top of that she hates you. But your dog loves her. And she likes the dog more than you! Officially the unluckiest guy in the universe. 

 

So... I'm here again. In this stupid date thing. Why do I even bother?! It's so pointless and I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I actually talk to the girl. Hah. I have to admire Jaejoong's persuasion skills, I reckon he can literally make me do anything. Stupid .

 

 "Changmin-ah! Here's your date for the night!" Jaejoong said, and from his voice I can already tell he's grinning.  

 

 I sighed and gestured to the seat in front, checking my phone for emails. "Just seat yourself and try and have fun, I guess."

 

 "Well damn, if I knew you were going to be like this, why did I even bother coming?" oh . My attention snapped up and there she was. Ohhh nooooooo! She looked so good! I HATE THIS GIRL. Why does she have to look so cute and pretty, and so utterly feminine?! Where was her leather?! I swallowed and got up, sheepishly smiling at her and bowing. 

 

 "I'm sorry," I mumbled. Great, I mumbled. I should at least get my act together. I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye, then cast my gaze slightly lower because she looked too damn good. "I just don't interact with people well."

 

 "You're right about that," she replied, sitting down on the seat next to me. I looked at Jaejoong for some help, but he only winked at me and walked away. I slumped back to my seat and poured some soju, pushing a glass towards her and keeping one for myself. After finishing my glass I poured myself another, trying to ignore the ongoing silence between us. I tapped the table and tried to think of interesting topics. So how are your tampons holding up? I hear the chocolate market rises significantly during parts of the month, is that true? What do you think of Lee Seung Gi, he's pretty dreamy huh? I cleared my throat, deciding to go for the tampon one. "Is the table so interesting that you can't look me in the eye?"

 

 "Wha?" I said intelligently.

 

 She smiled. "I said, is the table more interesting than me?"

 

 "I-W-Well I... " I stumbled for words. I am the king of smooth. "N-No? I mean..." I cleared my throat again, feeling my ears get warmer as she stared at me. "I'm just not used to going on blind dates."

 

 "Jaejoong tells me you go to every one of his blind dates," she responded quizzically, propping her chin on her folded hands.

 

 Trying to ignore that she looked adorable, I pressed on. "Well yes, but... I don't actually get past 'Hello'. Most of the time I leave because I get too uncomfortable."

 

 "You should've just brought your dog," she said lightly.

 

 "He would've been better I know," I smiled slightly, the image of Aoi sitting in front of a girl with a bow tie on amusing me. "Maybe he could take you out for a walk."

 

 "Hah! Imagine that!" she snorted loudly. I looked up and saw that she's already finished her second bottle of soju. I raise my eyebrows at her.

 

 "Are you... drunk?"

 

 "Me?! Noooooo~" she said, giggling. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked a lot more unsteady than she was before. "I'm just drinking some soju! I'm just so-ooooo thirsty you know?! Lacking water does that to a girl! Euehehehe!"

 

 I gaped. I then stood up and walked to her side, taking the bottle from her. "Sooyoung-sshi, you're drunk," I said. She resisted well, and I found out how strong her grip actually was. For a skinny girl, she had a lot of muscle power. "Please, let me take you home."

 

 "This is the worst date ever!" she proclaimed loudly. "I have been here not even five minutes!" she her palm in the air in front of my face, with a disappointed frown on her face. "And I'm already being offered to be taken home! I mean... hell yeah if it meant !" To that the whole room cheered, leaving me with a really red face. She continued to giggle loudly, swishing her soju bottle in the air. I decided she shouldn't embarass herself like this, and hoisted her on her feet. She loudly protested but I resisted, pulling her towards the door. 

 

 The whole room cheered once again. "Love her good Min!" Jaejoong called after me. I flipped him the finger, before walking out of the bar. I looked back and saw she was swaying pretty badly. So I just... I don't know, I kinda scooped her up and carried her. She wasn't heavy, and she sure smelt nice. If she smelt slightly of soju. Then I waited by the road like this, with Sooyoung growing weirdly quiet. 

 

 "This is nice," she slurred, resting her head on my shoulder. It was then that I got increasingly aware of her figure, her long legs dangling over my left arm and her warm breath on my neck. I could feel her eyelashes flickering against my skin and... oh Christ, I can feel her s pressing against me. I took a deep breath and tried to relax, willing a taxi to pull up magically in front of me. I started to walk towards the main road, hoping a taxi would appear. I can't hold her like this much longer, it won't do well for my sanity. 

 

 "Say... what was your name again?"

 

 "Changmin." I replied shortly, well aware of the heat gathering around my crotch area.

 

 "Weren't you... weren't you in the same high school as me?" 

 

 I almost tripped when she asked me that. I fumbled for words. "W-Well yes, b-but I know you from what other people say about you a-and..."

 

 "Ah," she said softly. I glanced at her, with her face crestfallen. My brows knitted together, but I carried on walking. "You heard rumours about me."

 

 I shrugged. "Well sure, but I never really believe them. It's not logical to conclude rumours are true, because most of the time they're not."

 

 She was quiet for a while, and we reached the main road. I stood, still holding her and still very much aware of my . Pleaaaaase, send a taxi my way! I'll be so grateful... "So you don't believe in rumours?"

 

 "No." I replied, willing myself not to cave into her. She was starting to do some serious damage to my long-supressed libido. She is wreaking absolute havoc, and she wasn't even doing anything. I'm so weak it's embarassing. 

 

 "That's good," she said softly. I glanced at her, which was a huge mistake. She had a soft smile on her lips, with her eyelids half closed and her long milky white neck exposed. I goraned inwardly, my grip tightening slightly as I forced myself to focus. WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE TAXIS?! "Put me down."

 

 I did so, somewhat ungracefully because her feet landed on the ground with a slight thud. I then pulled the pockets of my long coat over my crotch, and stared the other way. "Changmin-ssi," she said.

 

 "Yeah?"

 

 "Do you... think I'm somewhat attractive?"

 

 I whipped around and stared at her. She was looking at her feet with the most curious expression. I frowned, "Somewhat attractive? You must know that you're very attractive."

 

 

 

 She looked up at me and giggled, her cheeks still flushed from the alcohol. She was still intoxicated, I told myself. You have to stop her from doing anything stupid. She then started towards me, her hips swinging from side to side, her eyes adopting the come-hither look that was oh so attractive. "Do you... want me?"

 

 "I'd be lying if I said I didn't," I replied. Where the did that come from?! What happened to stop her from doing anything stupid?! He shook his head, but couldn't stop staring at her. She was now leaning on him, her body touching his ever so lightly. But he felt his skin grow hotter, and somehow the air was filled with sparks between them. He held his breath as she leaned in towards his face, her eyes hooded and her lips curved in a seductive smile. 

 

 "Why are you so open about your feelings?" she asked, her right forefinger tracing lazy circles on my chest. 

 

 I gulped. Ah, I don't care anymore. To hell with keeping everything back. She's not going to remember this anyway. "Because I know that, like back then, I don't stand a chance anyway. There's no point lying. And... I've never been a great liar anyway."

 

 She cocked her head to one side, pouting slightly. I really want to bite those lips. "What if I told you..." she prodded me gently. "That you stand a very good chance with me?"

 

 I let out a whoosh of air as a chuckle. Christ. "I'd ask to take you home," I gently took her hands and put them by her sides. I wrapped her coat more tightly around her, then run my hand through her hair. Just because. "Because you deserve to wake up in your own bed not regretting last night."

 

 She wouldn't listen to me, damn her, because she then wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a long kiss on the lips. I couldn't move, couldn't even kiss her back or push her away just... stood there until she pulled back and smiled. "Or I could wake up in yours, not regretting last night."

 

 I swallowed. She was too good. Way too good for someone like me. I just know she could be great with someone, someone who will make her smile and laugh and go on weird dates with. But I... I couldn't even muster up the strength to kiss her back just then. So I hailed a passing cab and shoved her inside, slamming the door behind her. I told the driver where to go, and before she could open the door and stomp on my foot, the taxi sped away. I stood watching it leave, seeing her face through the back of the taxi... looking so disappointed. I took a deep breath and sighed, starting to walk towards home. It was better like this. Because she's just so out of my league, it's rude to think we'd actually get anywhere. And maybe she was just so drunk she'd actually consider me. No, that won't do. She deserves someone better, someone who'd actually look like be was meant to be standing next to her. 

 

 And I just won't do at all.