Byun Baekhyun was known for having long slender hands which seems to have quite an effect when he uses it during a performance. He would slowly slide it over half his face, during the of the song, and fist it tightly in the moment of tension. He would hold out his hand, giving an unrealistic hope to his listeners that he was within reach, just a few meters away. But we all know he wasn’t.

All in all, everyone would agree that he was great at performance gestures.

But there was one simple thing that he wanted in life.

It wasn’t fame, nor was it stardom, nor was it wealth or anything materialistic actually.

It was someone who would hold his hand.

The very same pair of hands that had gone through tough training in order to see a glimpse of the blinding spotlight

Baekhyun was quite picky as well. He had set conditions or you can even call them standards that an individual must fulfill to be able to obtain the heart of a stubborn famous solo singer. First, when he holds hands with a person, he must be comfortable in that person’s hold, and he must not lose warmth even if the cold would conquer their senses. His warmth must always linger on his palm so that he won’t forget. Most important of all, he must never let go, not without telling him properly anyway.

So when this famous solo singer goes into a small, quaint café located in the peaceful part of the city, he finds himself wanting to hold a certain barista’s hand.

It all started on that fateful day he walked into the smell of roasting coffee on the other side of the counter top. It was also the same day; his boyfriend broke up with him. Park Chanyeol said that he couldn’t be with him anymore, not when the whole world wants to pry in their secret relationship. It was hard enough that they were would sought-out artists of their industries, but reporters would always be swarming them before they couldn’t just sit on a bench peacefully to watch the stars at night.

Their relationship lasted for about a month before this day came.

Now Baekhyun was completely crushed because it was the day before their ‘supposed’ one month anniversary.

The bastard broke up with him the day before he could say that he wanted their relationship to last because he was truly falling in love despite the bleak future ahead of them. Now he knows that Chanyeol probably didn’t think the same way.

It was here in C. Antares did he try to find the comfort of good quality coffee in a silent environment, away from all the flashes, and away from any Park Chanyeol. The café had a very homey feel, from their choice of playlists, to the ceramic cups, they were all very comforting. Just the way Baekhyun likes it.

He walked inside the café wearing a snapback and a pair of shades to complete his disguise. He couldn’t risk anyone seeing him puffy-eyed because of all the crying he had just done over the phone.

Yes, Park ing Chanyeol broke up with him over the phone, his excuse was he had to go soon for an early morning schedule.

 He walked up to sit on the chair in front of the counter. He was about to just blurt out his order without a care in the world, when the barista in charge of today’s morning shift turned around to meet his gaze.

He just wanted to slap himself right now because how could there be someone who look as perfectly as this man he having indirect eye contact with.

“Good morning, sir? How may I help you?”

I don’t know what happened, but I think my brain was half a beat slower today, that’s why I answered like a speechless goldfish.

No offense to goldfishes.

“Uh”

“Um.. Are you okay, sir? I can just get back to you if you need more time to think about your order?” He titled his head oh-so-slightly, but for me it was enough to deem him the nickname, Cheshire kitty.  Boy, did I like felines.

“No! No, it’s okay. Stay”

Well that came out weirdly

“I-I mean uh, one macchiato, Grande”

His mouth curled up and he proceeded to turn his back on me.

“Coming right up!”

In duration of 5 minutes, I just sat there staring at the cute barista, working his way through the coffee machinery. His affectionate hands, carefully handled the ingredients, like he was handling a baby. I noticed his skinny but muscled structure and his well-poised position as he pours the liquid into a container. He came up to me with a lopsided smile, placing on the counter top my order.

With a gentle tap on the counter, the scent of my order filled my nose.

“Here’s your order sir! Enjoy your stay!”

For a few seconds, I sat like an obedient dog, just looking at the surface of the macchiato.

All that could enter my head was a painting of his face, plastered.

And you know how much of a that is to get out.

On that fateful day when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I walked out the café C. Antares smiling like an idiot not because I had forgotten my order on the counter, but because I had seen a glimpse of the paradise I was in a constant search for.

I was also able to get the name of the cute barista, who happens to be the owner of the café as well.

Kim Jongdae

Now that was a name I don’t think I’d forget.

~

The next day, my label decided to give me a two months break from all of the I’ve been experiencing. Nothing was going right these past few months, and I don’t think they’d want to waste money on someone who can’t do their work properly.

So I came face to face with the company president and the only words that had come out of his mouth were, and I quote,

“Go take a break, you look like ”

End of conversation. He sent me out as fast as he would to his lazy secretary.

I walked out of the company clueless on what to do next.

I had no work

And I had lived for work.

I was about to decide to go back to the dorm and prepare to go back to my grandmother’s place back in the province, when I passed by C. Antares on my journey back to my dorm.

I looked at the door for long time before gaining the balls to open a piece of glass that felt unbelievably heavier than it was yesterday.

Must be my imagination

“Good morning sir! How may I help you?”

The owner smiled at me the same way as he did yesterday.

“Uh”

And I replied the same way, how dumb is that?

“Aren’t you the one who ordered a macchiato yesterday but left it?”

I became flustered.

This was so embarrassing, grandmother help me.

I think I just heard her voice right now, saying something like ‘Grow a pair, Baek. I didn’t raise you to be a wimp’

“Maybe….”

He clasped his hands together.

“Then I’ll just have to remake it for you! On the house! Because our macchiato is actually one of our house specialties, you must absolutely try it.”

He runs back into the kitchen and comes out with a freshly made drink.

“T-thanks, I’ll drink it well”

“You better! You’re wasting good effort there if you won’t”

With a nervous laugh, I took a sip of the substance, and wow

Like… really… wow

“So…..?”

“This is delicious! How can you make something so close to perfection?”

His mouth twitched slightly.

“Haha, nobody’s made that kind of comment about my macchiato before. Good thing I took the time to prepare that early!”

I stopped sipping, if I had continued, I would have spitted it out.

“Y-you prepared it early? You knew I was c-coming?”

“Yep! I somehow had a feeling you would be coming back. You looked  like you wanted to tell me something yesterday. Also, you left your order, so I thought, why not remake it for my valued customer again!”

“Va-valued customer?”

He considered me to be of value?

“Of course! Each and every person who comes through those doors is of value! Each person has their own story which I know they carry, whether they share it to me or not. They have their own uniqueness, which I can detect through the type of drink they order.”

“T-then how about me? Can you tell what kind of a person I am?

A ty one, is what I think

He fixed his gaze on me for a while before smiling widely at me

“I don’t know yet. I don’t want to assume.”

“Then how are you able to tell the others?”

He held out his hand in front of me

And being the goldfish I am, stared dumbly at it as if it was fish food.

He got tired and just grabbed my hand.

Kaboom

I think I just fell in love.

“Will you tell me your story, then?”

“Baekhyun. My name is Byun Baekhyun”

“Hello Baekhyun-shi, I am Kim Jongdae, call me Jongdae. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The day after my fateful experience, I had another one.

I officially became friends with Kim Jongdae, the man whose warmth lingered on my hand he had touched earlier

Condition three: His warmth must always linger on his palm so that I won’t forget.

Check

After that day, I found myself constantly being welcomed by Jongdae, every single morning. I spend of most of my time there, just sitting and ordering the same thing again and again. One time, I had asked Jongdae if I shouldn’t spend too much time because I might be interrupting his work and taking up unnecessary space but the benign man just shook his head and assured me that it was fine.

We spent about a week just making small conversations until eventually, on my eighth visit, he asks me,

“What’s your dream?”

That got me thinking.

What was my dream?

To become a famous singer?

To earn a lot of money?

To be able to take grandmother on a date in Seoul?

No

“My dream… it’s to find someone to hold my hand and never let go”

I carelessly blurted out the secret, that even to Chanyeol I had refused to tell.

“Uh, sorry.. my dream is really weird”

I expected him to laugh out loud, but instead, he just sat there with his forever smile on his face.

Come to think, I’ve never seen him without a smile.

“I think it’s a great dream! Even I would want to fulfill that kind of dream!”

I was completely dumb-founded.

This man…

He was either incredibly nice or just plain… crazy..

Did he not find my dream to girly or anything along those lines?

“You’re not… weirded out or anything?”

“Nope, not at all. Why?” He just tilted his head

“Most men, who find it funny that my dream was to find someone who would hold my hand”

He just chuckled.

“I think my dream is weirder than yours”

“Then, what your dream?”

“To become someone special in your life”

What

What

Did

He

Just

Say

?

my life, did he just say he liked me?

“E-excuse me?”

“Baekhyun, with that statement, most people who have known what I had just implied”

“But Jongdae, I’m not everybody, I have part of a goldfish’s brain”

“I like you Baekhyun, will you go out with me?”

“But you just met me? Aren’t you too hasty?”

“Life is too short, Baek. Making a choice a second too late just hinders you from makes tons and tons of memories.”

We sat there in silence

“Then, can you promise? Can you promise to hold my hand? To never let go? It’s a big promise, Dae”

“Then I’ll be the one to fulfill it”

That day,  Jongdae closed the shop early and we spent the whole afternoon holding hands and telling stories about ourselves to each other.

I told him how I liked his lips because of the curls at the end.

Out of nowhere, he pecks me on the lips and told me how he liked how my mouth tasted like his special macchiato blend. And all I could do was think about how comfortable and safe I felt while holding his perfectly fit hands into mine.

Condition one: When he holds hands with a person, he must be comfortable in that person’s hold

Check

On my eighth visit to C. Antares, I had experienced something life changing.

On my eight visit to C. Antares, I had gotten over Park Chanyeol and moved on.

On my eighth visit to C. Antares, I became the boyfriend of Kim Jongdae.

We started going out on dates the day after Jongdae had confessed to me. He went to different cake shops and cafes, tasting different specialties. All throughout the journey, our hands were tightly entwined, that some people kept giving us the looks. I told Jongdae that we should probably hide our hands so that people won’t stare, but he only replied that it was want he had promised me, so why think of what others thought about it. When I was happy, he deemed himself happy as well.

On an especially hot day, he decides to bring me to the seaside.

Normal, wasn’t it?

But I wasn’t finish yet.

He decides to bring me to the seaside, on his black motorbike.

“You own a motorbike?” I gazed at the vehicle resting in front of me in disbelief.

He owned a motorbike?! And a very cool one at that?!

“When did you even buy this?”

“I had it before I even met you. Am I not allowed to own one now?”

“, Jongdae you never told you owned one” I looked at him with bursting eyes.

He just shrugged.

“Well you never asked. Just get on Baek, we need to hit the road if want to get there.” He wore his leather jacket and helmet before tossing me one

God this was so manly

3 brownie points for Kim Biker Jongdae

“Hop on”

I swung my left leg over the ride as he demonstrated earlier, hugging his waist tightly, as if I was going to fall

He just laughed out loud at my misery

“In my defense, I’ve never ridden a motorbike before, ”

“Haha just maintain your grip on me and you’ll be okay. Trust me, Baek”

He started the engine, and before I knew it we were traveling at lightning speed.  That’s how I felt anyway but apparently, my manly boyfriend was used to this speed.

“Slow Down! You’ll get us killed!”

“Relax! This is normal speed!”

“This isn’t normal for me!”

“Then get used to it!”

As he slightly shouted his response for me to hear it, he increases the speed.

The er

“I’ll get you for thisss~~~~~”

When I got off that retched vehicle, I was about to barf my dinner last night, that was supposed to be chime by now.

“I really… hate you right now…”

“You’ll be fine, Baek! Come quick!”

He pulled me to a cliff with a perfectly safe distance from the water.

We pulled unto his lap as he sat on the grass first.

I looked at the wonderful scenery before me in awe. This was a really rare site. I’ve never been to the sea that much since I grew up in the mountains mostly, and I’ve never been on a vacation since I’ve debuted a year ago.

“It’s beautiful…”

“Told you, you would enjoy it!” I felt his breath tickle my ears.

“Thank for bringing me here, Dae… I love it” My eyes closed themselves automatically to feel the full effect of the sea. I smelled the fresh air and felt it on my face. All the stress… it's fading….

Now that I think about it… it’s been a month and a half when everything started.

I felt so safe and secured now, compared to a month ago.

I think this break really did well on me.

“Hey, Baek?”

I kept my eyes closed

“Hmm?”

“You know its pretty easy to grab and take hold of someone’s hand.”

I peeked from the corner of my eye as he entwines his hands with mine. He whispered his next sentence. His hand was surprisingly colder than usual, just less warm to the touch, but nevertheless, warm

“But it’s hard to let go of, especially if you know that you’ll miss it. But in the end, it’s all a memory; a feeling that can be forgotten over time.”

“Why are you telling me this?” At this point, my eyes were fully set on him yet he was still not looking at me. It was so unlike him.

“Because I want you to remember what it feels like”

“T-to what?”

I trembled. Something was not right. His smile… it wasn’t playful… it was… sad.. like.. he’s about to…

“To hold my hands, so that when I go, you can let go of me properly.” He suddenly collapsed on my shoulder.

His breathing was heavy and suffocated.

He was sick

As in really sick…

I carried his head on my lap, shouting words to comfort him

“It’s gonna be okay. Dae! Come on! I know you’re stronger than this! Fight it!”

“W-will.. it b-be r-really, B-baek?”

“O-of course, you ! Anybody! Please help me! My friend just collapsed!”

“S-sorry Baek…” I looked at him with tears shamelessly pouring from eyes. He lifted his trembling hands to wipe them away and smiled at me weakly.

“You better be! You were sick! Yet you didn’t tell me!”

“I c-couldn’t tell the g-guy I l-liked that I had a w-weak heart, now did I?”

“ Kim Jongdae! You can’t just let go! You promised!”

I griped his hand tightly, I won’t let go.

Not when I know I finally found the person who would make my dreams come true.

“I heard someone call for help! I already called the ambulance and its arrived already! Let’s get him to the hospital quick!”

A stranger suddenly came running towards him with medics following quickly.

The medics transferred him carefully on the stretcher and told me to come with them.

Throughout the ride, I kept a tight hold on Jongdae’s hand like it depended on my life. Well it did though… If I were to lose him now, I don’t know what I’d do.

Before the last turn to the left before we arrive at the steps of the hospital, he felt his hands losing warmth, but still trying to sustain it.

When we rushed to the emergency room, I let go of his hands unwillingly. The last feeling I got from them was complete warmth fading into icy cold temperature…

Like I had stolen the last of his body heat.

I howled in the corridor, crying my eyes out and gripping my eyes as I wait for the unknown amount of time my beloved had to spend inside that cursed room.

Condition two: He must not lose warmth even if the cold would conquer their senses.

Check

After about three hours of hell, the doctor finally came out.

I rushed in front of him, snot running down my nose. I coundn’t careless right now. Not when my boyfriend is dying.

“H-how is he doctor?”

“Are you Kim Jongdae’s  relative?”

“No…I’m his.. boyfriend”

The expression of the doctor became grim

No…

Oh hell no…

“I regret to inform you….”

Don’t say it

Don’t say it please!

“He’s dead”

Anger overtook my body.

I gripped his shirt tightly, my eyes wide in rage

“WHY DIDN’T YOU SAVE HIM?! GO BACK IN THERE AND SAVE HIM!” The doctor just took my rage and just stood there unmoving.

“Why didn’t you save him?... Please bring him back…..” My eyes softened. In an instant my grip on the doctor’s collar loosened and I lost the strength to stand. I collapse on the floor, with a fixed expression of disbelief and tears still running down my cheeks.

I felt a severe pain overcome my body, I out.

Before everything was gone and faded, I heard a faint familiar voice.

“I love you so much, Byun Baekhyun”

I woke up in a unfamiliar room. One I knew was the hospital’s. I tried to sit up, but a unfamiliar voice stopped me. I looked to the source of the voice and saw a young-looking woman who looks uncannily like Jongdae.

Ah

Jongdae

He was dead

I was about to cry again when the woman opened .

“Byun Baekhyun… I’ve heard a lot about you from my son, Jongdae… You’re his boyfriend, right?”

The woman smiled kindly, having the same curls at the ends as Jongdae. That made me choke a bit.

“Yes… I was…”

“I’m Jongdae’s mother. It’s a pleasure to finally nice to meet the man who has made my son experience even a little happiness before he passed” she took my hand carefully

“You know, he told me all kinds of stories about you! He told me that you loved his special blend of macchiato! You liked playing the piano inside the store! And that you were even a famous solo singer!”

I never told him I was a singer….

He knew….

“He told me something special as well,” I looked at her expectantly, “He told me that when he finally gets better of his disease, he wants to manage the café his father built for him with you” Her eyes were now filled with pearls of sadness. She pulled my weak body towards her.

“He loved you very much, Baekhyun. He wanted to be with you, but its seems time was cruel enough to take him away from all of us.”

The tears I was holding back, started to fall.

“True… time.. was too cruel…”

We poured our hearts out for a whole ten minutes before we finally calmed down.

Jongdae’s mom was kind enough to tuck me into bed once again before leaving to arrange Jongdae’s funeral.

“Be free to call me when you need me, dear”

“Thank you  Mrs. Kim”

“Call me mom, dear”

“…Mom..”

“Much better” she smiled before she went out the door, locking it.

I felt the sleep overcoming my body once again.

Before the ticks and tocks of the clock could lull me to sleep, a scene flashed before my eyes.

“Hey, Baek?”

I kept my eyes closed

“Hmm?”

“You know its pretty easy to grab and take hold of someone’s hand.”

He entwines his hands with mine as he whispered his next sentence. His hand was surprisingly colder than usual, just sit warm to the touch.

“But it’s hard to let go of, especially if you know that you’ll miss it. But in the end, it’s all a memory; a feeling that can be forgotten over time.”

“Why are you telling me this?” At this point, my eyes were fully set on him yet he was still not looking at me. It was so unlike him.

“Because I want you to remember what it feels like”

“T-to what?”

“To hold my hands, so that when I go, you can let go of me properly.”

Condition four: Most important of all, he must never let go, not without telling him properly anyway.

error error error

What have I done?

Forgive me because I did this in practically one sitting and I haven't doubled checked.

Mercy

Longest I've done in my life.

Ruined by Baekchen as well

~Snowyspring