All that we see or seem

is but a dream within a dream.

-Edgar Allen Poe

~

Perhaps it was meant to be.

Maybe, just maybe, if I close my eyes, this will all just be a dream.

~

I cannot shake off the feeling that she is watching my every move, judging every movement that my body makes. It hurts that I turned out not to be the one she needed, it was someone else. Without her, I am nothing. Not the Lee Kiseop I once knew.

Who will want me now?

I am alone, nothing but alone. I feel resentment; I feel used. It hurts to be cold to her, to ignore her. I heard her cry in her room after I yelled at her the other night. It doesn’t only hurt for her, it hurts for me too.

She looks so beautiful on the battlefield, I catch glimpses of her as she bravely battles on for the rest of the wolves. Although she is smudged with dirt, she is the most beautiful wolf in the battlefield, and it pains me to know that she no longer belongs to me. It pains me that I cannot protect her as I once did, and that I will not be able to bring her back from the dead once again. I have used up my one chance.

If this is fate, I’d like to ask whatever person is up in the heavens why this is happening. If here is a God, I wish you would give her back to me.

~

I haven’t seen her in such a long time, a lump wells up in my throat whenever I catch slight glimpses of her in the battlefield. I’ve avoided her before she left Dal’s, and after she left, the entire building was so empty; it was nothing with her.

I am nothing without her.

I hate with a passion the many barriers we have between us, that I fear may never be breached. We are in two separate worlds now, I must remind myself, all I can do is diminish the feelings I have once had for her.

And the only way I diminish them is to pretend that I do not know her.

She is a mere person of the past, nothing of significance that I must care for. When she stepped forward, I could already see the new layers of muscle rippling through her body, her structure lean and tall, her face hardened by the stress of time and violence.

I heard the words come out of my mouth, introducing myself, but the surprise on her face makes my stomach drop to my toes, and she masked her emotions quickly, pretending that she did not know me either.

I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from asking questions threatening to spill out.

Are you still dating Kiseop?

Do you love Kiseop?

Did you ever love me?

Did you think of me at all?

Are you alright?

Do you need my help?

Can I kiss you?

But of course, all I could say was that my name is Dongho.

~

~

Someone’s POV

My breath hitches when I see the wolves suddenly rush out from the bunches of trees, towards her. I want to call her name, but I cannot. Hyun Jae’s high pitched scream pierces the murky night, shaking me all the way to the core. My feet are stuck to the ground, unable to move as I see her cry out into the night. It takes me what seems like an eternity to finally detach my feet from the ground and begin sprinting to her.

Too slow, too slow.

Why am I running so slowly?

It seems as if I am out of breath, out of stamina. How many days has it been since I have slept? Should I not be filled with adrenaline now, running to save the girl I love, the knight in shining armour? Should I not protect her at all costs, even if it costs me everything - even my life?

I can’t get to her on time… she’s too far. Why is she so far away? I can only keep running, blocking out her heart-wrenching cries for mercy.

I’m coming, I think, hoping she hears me. I’m coming to save you, your knight in shining armour. I pick up my pace and everything is a blur as I feel myself morph, growling as I must get to her. I want her to always be by my side…. I don’t want her to only live in my memories. She has to be here physically.

What am I without her?

I morph back and I run to her side, and the wolves disperse as I growl and snap at them. Other wolves from our side attack them and their howls are quickly drowned out. I do not even realize that I am sobbing, choking on my own tears.

I am too late.

My knees have given out and I am limp. I do not realize that I have dropped to my knees and my bloody hands are now clutching hopelessly at the moist, bloody earth. I must hold her, I must revive her, I must.

But I cannot. My hands are clenching and unclenching, smeared with dirt, carving half-moon crescents into my palm. A sharp pain bites at my palm, but I ignore it. If only I could trade this pain with her life. She cannot be healed again. She’s forever gone from me.

I am so numb that I can barely hear the howls of the other enemy wolves as they are chased and taken down by our own team of wolves.

I don’t care about them.

I don’t care about me.

I don’t care about anyone but her.

~

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to to forget her or completely let go. The only thing I can do is try my best to soothe this pain inside of me.

~

comments? (suggest new fanfics?)

~keyz_locket