Nana isn't sure when it happens, but the realization of her gradual disconnection to the group leaves a heavy feeling in her chest. She’s never been one to stand out. Sure, to the public eye, she is the group’s visual, but having the position on a profile is as far as that goes. Nana isn't a main vocalist who hits all the high notes with grace; she’s not the lead actress in some popular drama; and she’s not the outspoken member who invokes laughter from everyone on variety shows. She thinks she’s hardly cut out to be an idol.

"When did all of this start?" She asks herself.

Maybe it’s always been like this—she thinks—her being a wallflower (it’s not that bad, it has its own benefits). At least hosts on television programs know better than to question her instead of the other members, and she can get through the whole ordeal without faking smiles and cameras shoved in her face.

Amidst it all, at least she finds some comfort in doing the one thing she’s confident at—modeling. With photoshoots and CFs in Japan, Nana at least gets a break from the overwhelming existential crisis in her head and just focus on what she does best. Busying herself with work alone in Japan makes her wonder if her absence with them in Korea is even noticeable.

Nana wonders if Kahi has ever felt like this (lost and isolated from the members) and makes a mental note to ask next time they meet.

—

"What?!" They’re talking over coffee when Nana brings up the topic, and the look Kahi gives her makes her feel like a child being sent to time-out.

"Unnie, calm down. People are starting to stare."

The request goes unheard by the former leader, "have you told anyone else about this?"

Nana looks down at the brown liquid swirling in her cup and sighs, "I don't see the point."

Kahi’s expression turns from an angry parent to a worried one, "you know they love you."

Nana mumbles, "yeah, I know," but wonders, is love ever enough?

—

It’s a Thursday morning after they've returned to Korea from promotions in Japan when Lizzy suggests they all go shopping. The unnies complain about being too tired and the maknaes make a beeline for their rooms before Lizzy could say a second word. After hours of pleading and aegyo, Nana reluctantly agrees, thinking she could use the chance to buy new winter clothes anyway.

They both end up buying nothing, because it turns out Lizzy’s shopping suggestion was more of a plan to trick the members into buying food for her (Nana didn't have the heart to say no).

—

After a full meal, they walk back to the dorm from Myeongdong. Nana chuckles at the déjà vu in the situation. It was years ago when just the two of them went out together after the older members went clubbing for the filming of Playgirlz School. She remembers how fiercely the two of them pleaded with the bouncer to let them inside, and the dejection they felt when he refused. It’s hard to believe so much time has passed, and it feels surreal she’s gotten to where she is now. Looking back though, Nana’s glad they were stuck together that day, and she’s glad she’s stuck with Lizzy now as well.

Although, Nana admits she hasn't always felt this way. When Lizzy first joined the group, a part of Nana was envious that she would have to surrender the maknae title to someone else. Though it didn't take long for Nana to find out that it’s difficult to keep a grudge against someone as cute and lovable as Lizzy. Not the overwhelmingly "cute" persona Lizzy portrays in front of cameras, but the sweet and caring "cute" side of her (like the way she makes coffee for the older girl when they have early schedules because Lizzy knows how much Nana detests mornings). It’s strange, Nana thinks, how it’s always Lizzy—only Lizzy—who makes her feel like this (this job, this life) could be worthwhile.

"Are you okay?" Lizzy asks as they walk side-by-side. The weather is cold outside and Nana sees her breath condensate in the air as Lizzy exhales.

Nana doesn't say a word and only hums in response.

"You seem distant these days. Is everything all right?" Lizzy continues.

Nana doesn't want to lie, but she’s also unsure of how to talk about her thoughts, "I don't know."

Nana thinks maybe Lizzy understands more than she lets on because the younger girl doesn't press for any more answers, and they walk in comfortable silence for nearly the rest of the way.

When they're five minutes away from the dorm, Lizzy abruptly stops in her tracks. Nana stops a few steps ahead before turning back to look quizzically at the shorter girl.

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

"What?" Nana looks at Lizzy like she’s a mad woman (which, Nana thinks, she really is most of the times).

"Do you want to build a snowman?" Lizzy repeats, her eyes gleaming with hope like a little girl waiting for presents on Christmas morning.

"No." Nana says promptly before turning around.

"Jinah," Lizzy wails as she catches up and links her arm with Nana’s, "the park is even empty right now too, c'mon." Lizzy points to the park, and even without looking, Nana knows the blonde is pouting.

"It’s cold." Nana simply states.

"So?"

"I don't like the cold."

The cold reminds her too much of herself.

Nana feels Lizzy’s hand making its way into her coat pocket to intertwine with her own hand.

She hears Lizzy sigh, "but I do."

—

Sundays are designated rest days. That is why Nana is more than aggravated when Lizzy cannonballs onto her bed, draping half her body on top of Nana’s at 5 o'clock in the morning.

"Let’s build a snowman!" Lizzy exclaims loudly.

Nana cracks open one eye only to see that the room still engulfed in darkness.

"Go away, Sooyoung. God, the sun isn't even up yet," Nana groans before pushing Lizzy off her. The room is quiet for a moment, and Nana is already drifting back into slumber when she feels arms wrap around her waist.

"Unnie," Lizzy whines as she presses her body against Nana’s back. Lizzy rarely ever refers to Nana as "unnie" or acknowledges her seniority in conversion, so Nana wishes she was less tired and sleepy to enjoy the triumphant moment more.

"Please," Lizzy begs, and even in pitch darkness, Nana could see the twinkle in her eyes.

Nana curses under her breath and hesitantly agrees in the end only so the younger girl would let go (and to soothe the burning sensation in her chest).

—

"What’s with you and snow?" Nana asks as they walk to the park. It’s 5:30 and Nana thinks this must be one of the craziest things she’s ever done with—for—Lizzy. Lizzy replies with only a shrug and smiles so bright Nana forgets the sun still has risen.

They reach the park in fifteen minutes, and Lizzy is already sprinting to the area with the most concentration of snow. Nana can only chuckle at how childish Lizzy is at times.

The two of them begin to pack snow in silence, and it’s not long before they each have three large balls of snow stacked on top of one another.
Nana scratches the back of her neck as she steps back to look at the two faceless and limbless snowmen.

"I guess I'll go look for some rocks and twigs," Nana suggests.

"Okay, thanks." Lizzy’s smiling with her hands behind her back before she leaves. Nana senses she’s up to something but temporarily pushes the thought to the back of her mind. She’s only taken a few steps when something cold and hard hits the back of her head. Nana turns around to see Lizzy on the ground, hand over stomach, laughing hysterically.

"Why you little—" Nana grumbles angrily. She’s quick to grab a handful of snow from the ground to form a perfect, round snowball. It’s a full minute later when Lizzy’s laughing fit finally subdues, and she sits up from the ground. Before she can get back on her feet, she sees a blur of whiteness hurled at her face. Lizzy is still for a moment but quickly springs to her feet. She makes a run for the playground with Nana trailing behind, a second snowball in hand.

"You can run but you can't hide, Park Sooyoung!" Nana yells as Lizzy runs behind a slide. Nana slightly crouches lower, hoping it would somehow improve her stealth (it’s what everyone in movies do, right?). She makes her way to the back of the slide as slowly and quietly as possible. Her efforts to stealth, however, go to waste when she hears an ear-piercing shriek, followed by a loud thud of Lizzy’s body tackling hers to the ground. Nana flinches from the pain of the impact. The worry from Lizzy’s face is apparent as she looks down on the older girl beneath her.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

Nana chuckles lightly as the pain starts to subside, "yes, but I think it’s mostly just my pride that’s injured."

Lizzy punches her jokingly in the arm, but the blush on her cheeks is visible to Nana’s eyes. Nana is certain her own are of a similar color as well.

"Hey, the sun is rising," Lizzy points. Both girls turn their heads to witness the sun’s gradual rise as its rays graze the horizon in front of them. The two exchange no words during those few minutes. While Lizzy is still admiring the sight, Nana steals a glance at the younger girl. She notices the close proximity of their faces and it’s enough to make her heart race so fast she can hear it thumping in her head.

When they're done, Lizzy rolls off Nana and pulls the taller girl up so that they’re sitting face-to-face. Nana moves to rise to her feet when Lizzy suddenly grips onto her wrist, holding her in place. She looks at Lizzy in confusion, expecting the blonde to say something. Lizzy fidgets with her fingers and looks at anywhere but Nana’s eyes. If she didn't know any better, Nana would guess the always-brave Lizzy is actually nervous for once.

"I don't know what you’ve been going through lately," Lizzy starts slowly, seemingly careful of the territory she’s treading on, "or how you're feeling…"

Lizzy’s gaze finally meets with Nana and she can't shake the guilt when she sees sadness in the shorter girl’s eyes, "but I want you to know you’re not alone anymore. You won't be alone ever again. You have the members…" Lizzy trails off and looks away again.

She slightly tugs on Nana’s scarf with one hand and whispers resolutely, "you have me."

"Okay?" Lizzy asks, her lips pressing into a straight line as she looks to Nana anxiously.

Nana nods. She notices the closing gap between them and internally curses at how soft Lizzy’s pink lips look.

"Good." Lizzy whispers when their noses are touching.

Lizzy’s smirk is the last thing Nana sees before their lips collide and she’s pushed to the ground yet again.

It’s cold outside but Nana's never felt warmer.

—

It’s nearly 7 o'clock when Nana and Lizzy return to the dorm. They're both cold and dripping wet when they walk through the front door.

E-young and Kaeun are on the couch with horrified looks plastered on their faces.

Jooyeon walks by when they gather towels to clean up the wet mess on the floor. She stares at them with a raised eyebrow before shaking her head and walking back to her room mumbling, "I don't even want to know."

—

Nana eventually tells Lizzy everything when they’re cuddling in the latter’s bed one night. She half expects Lizzy to get mad, like Kahi, and half expects her to lecture her like Jungah would if she ever found out.

Instead, Lizzy does neither and just stares at Nana with an unreadable expression. When she remains silent moments later, Nana begins to regret disclosing her feelings. She feels herself pulling away, but the dreadful feeling is short-lived when Lizzy reaches out to pull her back.

Wordlessly, Lizzy kisses her as if Nana’s breath is the last source for oxygen in the room. She kisses and her way through every fear, every doubt, every concern, until she's memorized every nook and cranny of Nana's mouth. Everything unsaid is understood through hungry lips and lingering touches.

Nana sighs when they finally pull apart for air and wonders why she was unhappy to begin with.

—

Days later when they’re at a press conference for their reality show, Nana feels complete.

The members are lining up, preparing to pose for their solo shots. Nana is barely paying any attention to the commotion of lenses shuttering and chatter amongst the staff. She feels her mind wandering off but instantaneously returns to reality when she feels a grip on her crossed arms.

“It’s cold,” Lizzy groans, sleepiness heavy in her voice, as she buries her face into the crook of Nana’s neck. The taller girl grins at the white lie. They're inside and with the conference room’s heating system on, cold is far from what the temperature is. Regardless, Nana goes along with it and wrap her arms around the girl’s back.

"Aren't I cold?" Nana asks in jest.

"No way, you're too hot." Nana blushes and Lizzy giggles, knowing full well the effect of her words.

Raina goes up first in front of the flashing cameras, and Nana watches from the side with an attached Lizzy and the rest of the members.

Lizzy is so still and quiet for a moment, Nana isn't sure if she’s still even awake. She decides to double-check.

“Hey, I love you.” Nana whispers softly.

She feels lips curve upwards against her skin and arms tighten around her waist.

“I love you too.”