Five years have passed since Kyungsoo left his hometown. Five long years of forgotten memories; hidden deep inside the vault of his past. He always wanted to know what it would be like when he finally comes back to the place he grew up. And now that he is back, it’s a little bittersweet. Despite everything remaining the same, it feels different somehow.

 

Kyungsoo dozes off during the car ride. He didn’t sleep much during the flight, staring at the clouds from his window seat view. Too many possibilities run through his head as the screen in front of him plays an old movie. He doesn’t put on his headset to listen. Instead, he questions himself for the millionth time. For what reason did he come back? The logical and rational aspect of him lists piles upon piles of arguments between the pros and cons. Was it the right decision? Was it a wrong one? The emotional aspect of him tells him it was inevitable. Thoughts plague his mind until he hears the seatbelt sign turn on, and the speaker overhead announces the plane’s near descent.

 

Kyungsoo is woken up by the taxi cab driver announcing their arrival. He stifles a yawn while handing over a couple of bills he had once known, but are now so foreign. He climbs out of the cab and steps out onto to the curb directly in front of his forgotten home. He bows to the driver as he helps him with his suitcase. He didn’t bring much. He figured he’d just go shopping at the mall he once use to go to back in the day.

 

He rings the doorbell as he fiddles with his phone nervously. He hasn’t talked to anyone from back home since he left. He hadn’t even contacted them about his arrival. He figured that they’d just be a bit surprised but would welcome him nonetheless. Or at least he hopes.

 

“Coming.” A deep voice calls out from the inside, making him feel even more nervous than he already is. Kyungsoo didn’t think his former best friend would still be living at his old apartment. He felt a pang of guilt, remembering how the news of his sudden decision to move to America had crushed his dear friend.

 

The door suddenly opens and a gasp comes out from the boy in front of him. “KYUNGSOO!” The boy hugs him tightly, making him drop his suitcase.

 

The boy lets go of Kyungsoo and holds him by his arms. “Hey, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo greets awkwardly, avoiding eye contact by staring at the gravel beneathhis tiny feet. He feels so small; now that they had both grown up. He didn’t even grow an inch taller since he left and yet his best friend is all tall as the door frame.

 

“C-come in.” Chanyeol stutters feeling the awkward tension between them.

 

“Thanks.” Kyungsoo replies as he takes off his shoes and places his suitcase near them.

 

Chanyeol leads the way to the kitchen pulling a chair for Kyungsoo to sit on. He excuses himself to get Kyungsoo something to drink. When he comes back, he hands the smaller boy a glass of water. “Sorry. We’re out of juice.” Chanyeol apologizes as he takes a seat adjacent to the smaller boy.

 

“It’s okay.” An awkward silence ensues as Kyungsoo drinks the last gulp of water from the glass. He didn’t expect to be that thirsty. Must be the instant coffee from the flight, he guesses.

 

 

“So.” Chanyeol finally speaks up. “How have you been? I haven’t heard from you since, well…, since you left.”

 

Kyungsoo swears he hears a sort of pain from the words that comes out of the taller boy. “I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I didn’t keep in touch.” Kyungsoo lies. He didn’t keep in touch because he didn’t want to remember. He wanted to forget.

 

He chuckles silently to himself realizing the irony of it all.

 

“So, are you here just for a visit?” Chanyeol asks breaking the silence that happens once more.

 

“I-I don’t know. Kyungsoo answers, unsure of himself. He doesn’t know if he’s still welcome so he doesn’t tell the taller boy that he’s staying for good.

 

Chanyeol notices the strain in his old friend’s voice. He grabs Kyungsoo’s hands and squeezes in reassuringly. “You’re always welcome to stay here if you want.”

 

Kyungsoo blinks, eyes wide burning holes into the other boy’s face. He sighs in relief. “Thanks.”

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon catching up. It’s been years since they last talked and so much has happened since then. Kyungsoo finds out that their other housemate, Jongdae, moved out a year ago to the city after graduating from university. Chanyeol has also graduated from university after four painstaking years of accounting. He’s still applying for a job at an accounting firm but has yet to be accepted. He currently works at a restaurant across the street from their apartment as a waiter during the day and a bartender at night when the restaurant turns in to a bar. Kyungsoo asks him why he works so much and realizes that it must be because of the rent since he’s living by himself.

 

Chanyeol immediately explains that he works a lot to pass the time. He doesn’t like being jobless especially when he finally has a degree under his belt.

 

Kyungsoo tells the other about his life abroad. How he met so many interesting people and made so many friends in the span of a mere five years. He tells him about his apartment with a killer view of the Hollywood sign. He tells him about all the different jobs he’s taken, whilst taking a class or two at the near university in Los Angeles. As he starts to talk about his friends, Chanyeol suddenly asks, interrupting him.

 

“Did you find someone while you where there?”

 

Kyungsoo hesitates. He had hoped he wouldn’t need to tell him about his non-existent love life. If Kyungsoo could have his way, he would admit being single and even blame the taller boy for it. But he decides to reverse the question back to the other.

 

“What about you? Have you met anyone?” Kyungsoo asks to avoid having to answer the question himself.

 

Chanyeol grunts as he declares how unfair it was since he asked first.

 

Kyungsoo notices the way Chanyeol’s eye twitches when he laughs and how his soft lips scrunch as he pouts. Kyungsoo regards him with sincere eyes, finally getting the courage to tell him the reason why he’d left in the first place and why he’s finally returned.

 

“Chanyeol. I…” He fidgets with his fingers full of calluses from working at a doll factory in Chinatown.

 

“What is it Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks curiously, never leaving the other boy’s gaze.

 

“I-I’ve missed you.” Kyungsoo looks down, face flushed into a bright color red while sweat glistens on his forehead.

 

“Oh.” Chanyeol replies, a look of disbelief plastered on his face but is quickly changed into a sad one.

 

 

Kyungsoo expects Chanyeol to tell him that he’s moved on. It’s been five and a half years since Chanyeol had confessed to the smaller boy. Kyungsoo remembers that fateful day when they were about to graduate from high school. Jongdae was out with his boyfriend Joonmyeon and the two were left at the apartment with nothing to do since classes were technically over. The two spent the day feeling like chickens running around with their heads cut off; finishing the final touches on their personal statements for their college applications, searching for more scholarship opportunities, and filling up the federal grant forms even though it was way past the submission deadline. After about two hours of procrastination at its finest, the two take a break and sit next to each other on the living room couch and watch TV. As Kyungsoo was flipping through channels, Chanyeol speaks up from beside him.

 

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating.”

 

“I know right.” Kyungsoo agrees, not really paying attention to what his best friend was saying. Suddenly, Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo by the arm, stopping him from changing the channel. Looking rather confused, Kyungsoo asks what was wrong. Chanyeol takes a huge breath. “Kyungsoo, I-I like you.” Chanyeol stutters as he confesses to the now wide-eyed boy. Chanyeol continues. “Since we’re finally going to university and, and we might move out of this apartment to dorm, I figured I should tell you before it’s too late.” Chanyeol’s face heats up and his huge ears turn the color of freshly picked strawberries. Kyungsoo doesn’t blink for a couple of seconds, staring at his best friend who had just confessed to him.

 

As the moment sinks in, Kyungsoo panics. Chanyeol is his best friend. And he likes him of all people. He didn’t know how he felt about him. He hadn’t thought about him that way. He wasn’t sure what to tell him. Memories from his past come flooding back. From his parents’ divorce to him being abandoned by both, he decided at the very young age of 13 to never be in a relationship because he knew nothing lasted forever. They’d all eventually leave. So he decides to do the leaving instead. Kyungsoo stands up from the couch, breaking free from Chanyeol’s sweaty grip. “I-I need to think.” Kyungsoo stumbles upon his words and runs out of the room and out of the apartment leaving a defeated looking Chanyeol.

 

The next couple of months were spent with awkward silences and simple conversations. They were best friends. Even Jongdae tried to do something but it was no use, Kyungsoo kept pushing them away. And during those few months came the offer from a university abroad. With all that was happening, he rashly decided to accept it. He broke the news to the two a few days before he left for America. On the day of his flight, he bid farewell to Jongdae and hugged him, and exchanged awkward half-hearted goodbyes to the tired looking Chanyeol.

 

He never contacted them after that. Kyungsoo struggled during his first year. Since the school never bothered to pay for the rent they promised, he was stuck with juggling school and two jobs in order to pay expensive LA rent. He missed home. And that’s when he realized that he actually did like his best friend as well. All he thought about was coming back home in to his arms.

 

Five years later and his feelings haven’t changed a bit. He’s finally graduated from university and is ready to go back home. Even though he expected Chanyeol to have moved on, he still had the smallest of hope that he waited for him all this time.

 

 

Chanyeol’s expression suddenly turns sad. “Kyungsoo. I…” The sound of the door unlocking from the outside interrupts him.

 

Kyungsoo looks curiously at Chanyeol whose face turned from sadness to panic. A voice comes from the hall. “Yeollie, whose shoes and suitcase are these?”

 

A petit young brunette appears from the hallway and stares at the two. “Uhm. Hi. You’re Kyungsoo right? I’ve seen tons of pictures of you all over the house.” The brunette smiles and reaches his hand out for Kyungsoo to shake.

 

Kyungsoo reluctantly accepts the gesture and politely greets back. “Hello. Yes, I-I’m Kyungsoo.”

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. My name is Baekhyun.” The brunette introduces himself as he walks toward Chanyeol giving him a kiss on the cheek.

 

Kyungsoo’s gaze drops and his heart feels like it’s been punched. So he did move on. He’s such an idiot for thinking otherwise.

 

Realizing that tears were starting to form in his eyes, he stands up and bows politely to the two. “It was very nice meeting you Baekhyun. I-It was nice seeing you too Chanyeol. I sh-should go. I just came by to visit.”

 

Kyungsoo bows once more, keeping his tears at bay as he rushes towards the hallway, ignoring Chanyeol’s calls from behind. He puts on his shoes and grabs his suitcase as he opens the door. He closes the door behind him, finally letting the tears run down his cheeks. All those times when he thought about giving up only to be encouraged by the silly image of a boy with a twitch in his eye when he smiles and those gigantic ears. Those moments were where he found the courage to keep moving forward by thinking of finally coming back and apologizing to Chanyeol for leaving. Moments that made him give a chance to fall in love with someone. It was all for nothing.

 

He doesn’t know why he’s experiencing so much pain. He’s always considered his best friend moving on to someone else. It was always in the back of his mind but he managed to shrug the idea off with the teeny tiny bit of hope he had that they could still be together.

 

 

After hours of crying his feelings away while eating ice cream at the nearest 7/11 joint, he decides to walk around the city, reminiscing of his past. It was around 9 in the evening when he stumbled upon the bar that he and his friends used to go to that secretly allowed underage students in for the sole purpose of getting more money. He sets down his suitcase on a stool at the bar and props himself up another struggling to reach the counter since he wasn’t as tall as he’d like to be.

 

 

For a moment, he makes conversation with the bartender, and then the next thing he knows, he’s back at the apartment waking up in the familiarity of his old room. He registers it’s already morning. The sunlight streaming from the window curtain blinds his eyes. He wonders for a moment whether all of it was just a dream and that he’s back five years ago before everything started falling apart.

 

He blinks several times before he pushes himself to sit up, feeling the massive headache and the nauseated feeling from the back of his throat. He notices that nothing has changed in his old room. Everything from his Pororo dolls to his favorite Prince of Tennis Manga collection. His housemates never bothered to take out his stuff, he guesses. Then suddenly, the door creaks open and Chanyeol appears from the other side. Kyungsoo realizes that he must be the one who brought him home.

 

“Can I come in?” Chanyeol asks, a little hesitant.

 

“Y-yeah.” Kyungsoo answers back, feeling guilty for acting so immaturely the day before.

 

Chanyeol closes the door behind him and sits on the corner of Kyungsoo’s rumpled bed. Kyungsoo fights back a sob as he covers his eyes with his hands.

 

“I-I’m sor…oof.” Kyungsoo groans as he gets crushed by the weight of Chanyeol hugging him tightly. “I missed you too Kyungiee.”

 

Kyungsoo buries his head on the crook of Chanyeol’s neck and cries his heart out. A few minutes pass when he realizes that he’s shaking when Chanyeol circles his palms on his back.

 

They finally let go of each other’s embrace when Kyungsoo calms down, with Kyungsoo already missing the warmth of the taller boy’s body.

 

“How are you feeling?” Chanyeol asks, looking a little shaken from the sudden outburst of Kyungsoo’s pent up feelings.

 

“I-I’m okay. Just a little hungover. I’m sorry. I acted so stupidly. I’m sorry I made you worry.” Kyungsoo apologizes one after another, wiping his tear stained cheek looking down at his lap.

 

“Kyungsoo. I’m sorry. For making you feel this way. I-I don’t want to see you hurting because of me.”

 

“No.” Kyungsoo chokes down a sob. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I left you. I ran away. And the irony of it all was that I did run. I ran away from my own feelings. And here I am running back to you like a hopeless child.”

 

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo by the hand and they stare at each other for a second before Chanyeol speaks up. “I-I don’t know how to say this to you but…”

 

Kyungsoo slowly smiles and nods understandingly. “You don’t have to. It’s okay. Baekhyun-ssi is a very lucky guy.”

 

They stare at each other for a couple more seconds. Chanyeol then places a kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead and hugs him gently.

 

“Come on. Breakfast is ready.” Chanyeol says, standing up and pulling Kyungsoo by the hands.

 

 

“Good morning Kyungsoo-ssi. Would you like some OJ or Milk perhaps?” Baekhyun asks from the kitchen counter as Kyungsoo plops down unto a chair at the dining table.

 

“Just water please, thank you.” Kyungsoo requests sheepishly. He feels bad about the night before. However, he can’t shake the feeling of the sun shining so brightly from the brunette’s smiling face. No wonder Chanyeol fell for him.

 

 

“Here’s your plate. Baekhyun cooked it for you.” Chanyeol places a plate full of eggs and bacon strips. Baekhyun gives him his glass of water and sits down beside Chanyeol.

 

“Thank you Baekhyun-ssi. For the breakfast. And also, I’m sorry for acting the way I did yesterday.”

 

“Call me Baekhyun. Chanyeol told me you were born early 1993? That means we’re all the same age so no need for formalities.” Kyungsoo smiles making Baekhyun beam at him with his million dollar smile. “You don’t have to worry about anything. You’re Yeollie’s best friend. If anything, I should be the one apologizing from intruding.”

 

“No. No. You’re not. Intruding. I’m just happy Chanyeol as someone like you.”

 

 

They eat breakfast talking about the past, embarrassing Chanyeol on more than one occasion. 9 am comes along and Baekhyun has to go to work and Chanyeol as well soon after. The two leave together waving goodbye to Kyungsoo as they close the front door behind them.

 

 

Still feeling the effects of the hangover, Kyungsoo decides to go to a coffee shop at the mall he used to go to a long time ago. He opens the café doors and settles his jacket on a chair to save the spot for himself while he waits in line. He orders Hazelnut Macchiato with Hazelnut syrup instead of Vanilla, a new addition to the cafes menu. He pays at the register and settles down at his table waiting for his coffee to arrive.

 

 

A couple of minutes later, one of the baristas approach him at his table carrying his order. “Here you go. Hazel Macchiato with Hazelnut syrup.”

 

“Thank you.” Kyungsoo says as he looks up from his phone. His eyes widen realizing that the barista looks so familiar. As he takes the cup, he asks the man. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

 

The barista gives him a slight smirk for a second before he smiles genuinely. Kyungsoo feels like the wind was knocked out of him. “Yesterday. You were at the bar. I was the bartender.”

 

 

“Oh.” Kyungsoo looks down embarrassed from what might have happened the night before

 

 

“You have good taste in coffee by the way.” The barista says smiling as he walks back towards the counter.

 

 

Kyungsoo blinks. Staring at the name tag pinned to the barista’s jeans.

 

 

 

 

Jongin.

 

 

 

 

 

He comes back the next day.