The afternoon sun shone brightly through the window and flooded the living room. It was accompanied by a cool breeze which blew the curtains lightly.

He lay silently, stretched across the couch. His eyes were bloodshot red and were unknowingly staring at the off-white ceiling. He was lost in his own thoughts, scolding himself for everything that has happened.

Yoongi had been like this for hours now, only getting up to take a piss. He didn’t know what time it was, but he figured that the boys were still at practice. He would’ve been there as well—in fact, he wanted to be there just to take his mind off things—but their manager insisted on giving him time alone to grieve.

It has been two days since he got back from Thailand, and two and a half days since the incident. It was a real Shakespearean tragedy.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. With knots tying in his throat and stomach, he heaved himself off of the sofa and headed for the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him with all his might and the sink faucet, gripping the sides of the counter and hanging his head low.

The anger that built up inside of him wasn’t for anyone else but himself. He clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on the sink.

He splashed the icy cold water in his face a couple of times before shutting off the water and placing his hands back on the sides of the counter. He slowly looked up into the mirror and stared himself down.

“How did I let this happen?” He growled to himself.

A tear escaped one of his eyes, but it was hard to tell because his face was still dripping.

“HOW?!” Yoongi exploded, punching the wall beside the mirror.

He let out a sigh before drying himself off and exiting. He dragged his feet, sluggishly making his way to the bedroom.

He paused once he was at the door. He scanned the room as if it was all new to him, but it was exactly how he had left it; exactly how she had left it.

After a moment, he walked in and placed himself at the corner of her side of the bed.

He sat there for a while, reminiscing about the times he spent with her.

He was about to leave when something caught his eye. He picked up what seemed to be a notebook from the dresser. Sitting back down, the pale boy examined the black hardback then flipped to the first page, which caught him off guard.

It was her diary.

A Polaroid picture was taped to the first page. It was a picture of himself with his arms around his girlfriend’s waist and hers around his neck as they shared a kiss. The caption at the bottom of the picture read: The love of my life.

He hesitated before continuing to the next page. It was a diary entry:

January 11, 2013 10:58 PM

            Today is truly the best day of my life. It was so magical, like it was a dream too good to be true. I don’t even have enough words to express the way I’m feeling right now.

It seemed like the most ordinary day when I woke up this morning. I went to the internet café like I do every day and ordered the usual. I sat at the counter and casually sipped my cup. Then someone took a seat beside me and ordered a caramel macchiato. I was surprised because I had never heard of one before. I stared at the porcelain mug as the waitress served it to him and he noticed. He told me “Did you want some?” and chuckled. This sparked a pretty entertaining conversation and before I knew it, we exchanged numbers and then he left.

His name was Min Yoongi but he insisted that I call him Suga. He was really cute and pale-skinned. Plus, he had the most adorable eye smile. Oh, everything about him was perfect. I can’t get the image of him out of my head. Who knew a guy could ever make me feel like this?

Suga smiled with every word he read, thinking back to that time when they first met; the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He read through the later entries, and with each one, he felt a lump form in his throat.

August 03, 2013 9:20 PM

            He did it. He actually asked me. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I mean, I’ve had these feelings for him for a while now, but I never suspected that he’d feel the same way. I can still feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach and the fireworks going off in my head as I write this.

            The Bangtan Boys and I were having an outing at the beach. Later during the day, he pulled me aside which went unnoticed by the others. I ‘tagged’ him and told him to try and catch me. It wasn’t long before he caught up and back-hugged me. I squealed, losing my balance and I landed on top of him, chest against chest.

            “Gotcha,” he whispered to me, grinning. I blushed. I was about to get up, but he tightened his arms around my waist, refusing to let go.

            He brushed a couple of loose strands of hair behind my ear and asked, “Will you go out with me?”

            We all know how I answered that question. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest as I said yes. Then our lips met each other halfway, sealing our newfound love with a kiss.

The overwhelming feeling in his gut grew stronger.

He flipped a handful of pages.

November 29, 2013 5:13 PM

            Yoongi just came visit me at the hospital. I didn’t think that he would come since his schedule was filled, but he did. He really surprised me today. He showed up with a bouquet of balloons, a rose, and a ‘Get Well Soon’ card. I was about to open the card, but he stopped me and said to read it after he left because it was cheesy. Thirty minutes past and he had to leave. He kissed my forehead and then my lips, then left.

Yoongi turned the page and found that same greeting card taped onto the page. He opened the card:

Baby,

            I hope you are feeling better. As soon as I heard about your extremely high fever I dropped everything to come and see you. You have no idea how worried I was. Please don’t scare me like that ever again, okay? Even the boys were so worried about you.

Anyways, please get well soon because I miss you. I love you with all my heart, baby.

The tears in his eyes started to well up as he continued the diary entry:

            I’m so sorry I scared you, Suga baby. I promise you it won’t happen again. And you’re right, your card was cheesy, but I loved it. I love you.

Suga tried to fight back the tears. But you scared me again. You promised me, he thought. His fists balled up.

And a tear finally fell. And then another.

He skipped to the very last entry she wrote and hesitated to read it.

Instead, his mind flashed back to when he first heard the terrible news from a few days ago.

“Suga-hyung, your phone is ringing~!” Jungkook said, tossing it over.

Looking up from his notebook, he swiftly caught it and slid the button which read ‘Answer’ across the screen. Pressing it against his ear, he listened intently to the person on the other side. His eyes grew wider with every word.

“I am very sorry,” was the last sentence she spoke before he let his phone fall out of his hand, his mouth slightly agape.

The maknae took notice of this, asking “What’s wrong, hyung?”

Completely unaware of his question, Suga grabbed his backpack and bolted out of the room in search of their manager. It took him a while, but once he found him, he blurted an absurd request.

“I need to get back to Korea. Now,” the rapper demanded.

“What? What are you talking about? You have performances to do,” the manager replied, dazed with confusion.

“You don’t understand. I have to go back. I-,”

“Min Yoongi, you have-,”

Suga huffed as he ran past the manager before he got to finish his sentence.

“Yah! Where do you think you’re going?” the manager called out, but was completely ignored.

He kept on running, even pushing past the other Bangtan Boys, leaving them puzzled at his actions.

All the confused people Suga left behind headed into the room where Jungkook remained and asked him what happened.

He simply held out the cell phone Suga had dropped, telling one of them to redial the number that lit up the screen, seeming as though he already heard it himself.

Rap Monster took it and did as the maknae said. After a few rings, a woman answered the phone. He put her on speaker.

“Hello? Who is this?” he asked.

“I’m Dr. Jang. May I ask who is speaking?” she casually replied.

“I’m one of Suga – I mean Min Yoongi’s friends. What did you call him about earlier?”

“I’m sorry, that is confidential-,”

“Please, Miss. He’s run away.”

She sighed. “I called to tell him that his girlfriend has been in an accident. She was on an airplane when something went wrong and the plane was forced to crash land. She’s currently in critical condition.”

The boys looked up at each other, exchanging glances of worry and shock.

“We’ve got to find him.”

Suga took a taxi cab to the airport and purchased the fastest flight back to Korea.

After about five agonizing hours on the plane, he quickly waved down another cab and headed to the hospital she was placed in.

He asked for Dr. Jang and soon after, she appeared.

“Where’s my girlfriend?!” he begged frantically.

She hesitated at first, looking down at the floor. “You can’t see her.”

“What? What not?” Suga’s eyes grew bigger with anxiousness.

“She’s…,” the doctor paused, sighing, “…she’s gone. She passed away about an hour ago. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

He shook his head side to side as if it would help him forget, stopping the flashback. His face was drenched in the tears he couldn’t hold back any longer, but he didn’t care.

His breathing became disheveled and his sniffles interrupted each sentence as he forced himself to read her last entry.

February 01, 2014 8:02 AM

            This is going to be my last entry before I head off to Thailand! Woohoo! I’m going to surprise Suga and the boys at one of their performances there. It’s going to be so much fun! Well, I don’t want my plane to leave without me! Bye for now, Korea!

He bit his bottom lip to suppress his sobs, shutting his eyes as tightly as his fists were.

She was on her way to see me. She died because she wanted to see me, he thought.

For me, he kept repeating in his head. For me. For me. No, because of me. She died… because of me.