~I still remember that words~

 

 

 

I was 5, you were 8, and I was playing with my friends, when they suddenly decided to play 'marry me'.

 

 

 

So I waited, waited for someone to 'propose' me, but it looks like no one wanted to 'marry' a chubby person like me.

 

 

 

I cried, and cried, and cried.

 

 

 

And you came.. with your knee knelt down, with a flower on your right hand, and a grass made ring on the other hand. I felt like I was reborn the moment you said ''Jagi.. your yeobo is here, dont cry.. they didnt chose you, cause they didnt deserve you. Just look at the way they proposed, ck.. such a newbie. Here, I brought u a flower, and a ring, so.. will you marry me?''

 

 

 

I smiled, and told you to get up.. But you wont budge.. I asked you why.. you said ''i cant move.. it hurts..'' ''why?'' ''Because the moment i knelt down, I didn’t realize there is a rock, and when i knelt down, and you see, it kinda stuck to my knee.. and its so painful I think I’ll just stay here for the night''  sangtae..

 

 

 

~I still remember that creepy smile~

 

i was 7, you were 10.. somebody said I was the most hideous girl he had ever met. i cried, and cried, and cried. you came, with a cute looking doll in your left hands, and a snack in your right hands. I smiled at your kindness. i held out both of my arm, but you pulled your hands back. i frowned. ''only one of it'', you said.. and i dont know what makes me do it, but i chose that petty looking plushie.. and you smiled, '' glad you chose that, its my plushie, and i like to smashed it, kick it or punch it when im mad.. i love it you know'', i was agape at your answer.. and you smiled.. not your billion dollar smile.. but your creepy smile.. you came closer to me, and tripped yourself on air. sangtae..

 

 

 

~i still remember that warm touch~

 

i was 15, you were 18.. i was auditioning for SM entertainment. you were already an artist, debuted with a song titled Replay.. you came to my house late at night because you were so busy in the morning.. you climbed up a tree and knock on my window ''yah ___, its me :D'' , and you gave me all the tips and encouragement. my nervousness was gone the moment you told me not to panic. instead, i cried,and cried, and cried.

 

 

 

What if they don’t want someone like me? What if I got rejected? No one is as perfect as you, oppa.

 

 

 

''aigoo ___, wae are u crying? oppa is here anya? tell me if the judges are mean to you, ill give em a piece of my mind.. hush, dont cry''.. and that was all it takes to blow my problems away.. you left through the window, and CRASH.. sangtae..

 

 

 

~I still remember your confession~

 

i was 18, you were 21.. ive debuted in a group called 'LIGHTee'. i was the happiest girl, with the best girls as my dongsaeng, and of course, you.. 

 

 ''___ ah, help oppa please'',

 

I’ve been avoiding you for the umpteenth times.. i don’t wanna help you.i CANT help you.. you fell for a girl, i know that. You frowned, and pushed me on the wall. you caged me, then you said '' ive been watching you since the first time i met you, i have had enough of sleepless night thinking about you, i have had enough of raging heart seeing you performing with other men, i have had enough of painful heart seeing you crying, i have had enough of suppressing my feelings. You have something that was mine, and i wont ask for it back, cause no matter how hard i tried, it wont came back, and it will be yours forever, till the day i died. that is my HEART.. Sa-..sara-.. saran-'' and then you lean closer to me..

 

i closed my eyes, will this be the day i have been waiting for?

 

Then i felt your head on my head.. you asked me,'' hows that ___ ah? oppa wanna confess to Minnie, but oppa s scared, she is so shy around oppa. will she loves me back? cause i loved her so much.. i cant live without her.'' my eyes went wide open. you chuckled. '' aha, it must have been good ey? i practiced a lot of times. but before i confessed to her, i want you to listen to it first. you are oppa's best dongsaeng anya?''

 

 

 

yes, you merely thought of me as your dongsaeng.

 

 

 

'' but i cant seem to say the last words to you, maybe its true that we can only say it to the person we are truly in love.. '' that words stabbed me right in my heart. i said '' it wasnt so hard oppa. just say it. SARANGHAE. I LOVE YOU. AIERU.'' Of course I can say it. It’s the truth Lee Jinki ah. How could you fail to realize that?

 

 you laughed again.. but no matter how hard you tried, you still cant say it to me. cause you are in love. you fell so bad for her. yes, her.. My Dongsaeng. i left with tears drooling, and i din bother to wipe it.

 

 

 

~I still remember the day you said dat WORDS~

 

i was 19, you were 22, and Min Ran was 17.. yes.. she has been in my count since you confessed to her. i was at the hospital on my bed. i was diagnosed with a stage 4 cancer. there was no hope for me. nobody knows bout it. Min Ran had took over my position as the leader tho she was the maknae. seems like the manager have trust on her, and the same goes to me. i love her.  i think of her as my sister. although she was tired from the heavy schedule, not once will she miss the chance to visit me in a day, eventho it means that she wouldnt get any sleep at all. ''unnie, feeling better?'', she said while resting her head on my tummy.. eventho it is prohibited, that didnt stop her from crawling onto my bed and laid herself down with me. she never know bout my illness, no one ever know.

 

 

 

she thought i was having a fever.

 

 

 

i pushed her head, hard. she fell onto the floor, and her head was bleeding. ''unnie?'' she asked, with a timid voice. ''get outta here! i hate you!'' i said, holding back my tears. '' unnie? what have i done? mian.. unnie dont hate me please!'', she begged me.. i tried my best not to hug her and wipe her tears away. and then you came, not cause of me, but because you are always with Min Ran nowadays.. your eyes are only filled with her image, your mind are only filled with her existence.

 

 

 

That, for me, is no longer a surprise.

 

 

 

You glared at me, and this time i cant hold my tears any longer.

 

Those eyes that had been looking at me so lovingly and caringly as I grew up, are now looking at me like I’m just another person that you are starting to regret.

 

 

 

''I hate both of you! I hate you Min Ran! All this time i was pretending that i love you as my sister when the truth is, I’m sick of you! you and your spoiled attitude! you and your hypocrite cocky self! -'' 

 

 

 

then i felt pain on my cheek. you slapped me, hard. You have never hit a girl, not even boys. I have only seen you hit a person who hurt Min Ran, but i never thought you could have hit me. Your most loved dongsaneg

 

'' the hell is wrong with you ___? you hate her? Well well well. Looks like you’ve shown your true colour! I wished I’ve never cared for someone as foul as you''..

 

 

 

You are not lying, i saw it in your eyes. i saw Min Ran with a horror in her eyes. She was hurt by what i had said, I’m sure, but I’m hurt too seeing her like that. She had always been like a sister to me, and i didn’t mean what i just said. but now its time to make her hate me too. I turn to look at you.

 

 

 

" ahh, finally i can say it since You have just said that you hate me. i hate you too! With your stupid sangtae, and your stupid smile! Do you think someone like me would really be hanging out with you, Jinki sshi? I’m only using you as a tool for me to rise in to fame. And since I’m also an idol too, like you, I don’t need you anymore'',

 

 

 

Please. Don’t cry. Please. Wait for them to leave. Act like it doesn’t hurt.

 

 

 

Act like you are the antagonist here.

 

 

 

Act like you are not a victim.

 

 

 

Min Ran stands up and she glared at me. ''i dont know what has got into you unnie, but you have changed! And i wont forgive You for what you have said bout Jinki oppa! guess what? You got your wish. We’ll never bother you with our affection anymore. You never deserve it anyway!'', and I can only watch as you pulled her hands and stomped off the room. thats it. the two persons i loved the most had grown their hatred for me.. guess now i can leave the world with ease. right?

 

 

 

~~~

 

i had stopped ageing, you were 25, Min Ran was 20

 

SHINee had a new song.. you sing it well, as always.

 

Your traces that my heart is filled with
Makes me able to breathe
When the long night is colored by the moonlight
Will the inescapable wait all end?
I wish for a miracle and ask and answer myself

 

Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds
I love you, in the end, this painful confession
That lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears

 

This arrow that’s reached my heart
Feels like a part of my body now
Even though it hurts to death
I can’t remove you, who’s stuck in my heart
Because it’s love
Because for me, it’s love

 

Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything

 

I stay up for so many nights
When the starlight becomes rain
That doesn’t stop like my tears
Remember that I loved you

 

It’s not tough, oh no
Because you have to be mine
In order for you to be you
Even if it hurts
Even if you make me cry
I love you

 

 

 

you cried while singing this song.. why? was it because u knew i was the one who wrote this, for you?

 

''oppa, wae gurae?'' Min Ran asked while wiping your tears away, and she cried too. Is it possible that she shared the same emotion as you? Something that I never had the privilege to own? And when the sight of her came to you, you will always feel better. like all your probs had been thrown away, never to come back. or perhaps it is because u didnt want her to cry with you? is it because you cant see her cry?

 

 

 

I wish I was her.

 

 

 

Why cant life be fair? Why must I be the girl who needs to be forgotten?

 

 

 

Why cant I love without being hated in return?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 you smiled, and said, '' aniya minnie ah.. I don’t know why, but I feel sad for the girl who wrote this song.'', you her hair lovingly. ''does oppa know who wrote this song?'', she asked childishly.'' ani, manager hyung said he found it in his mailbox, with a letter asking for him to make this as a song for us.'' then you kissed her with love.

 

 

 

~~

 

I stopped ageing, you were 32, Min Ran was 27

 

 

 

I watched as both of you had a wonderful, blissful marriage life. seems like you guys have forgotten about me. It’s ironic how you can forget someone who had been so close with you after it has been said said that they hate the one you loves the most. I will always be watching over you.

 

 

 

 

 

And if I am to be reborn, oppa, I hope I’ll never walk through this same cruel fate that life had given me.

 

 

 

 

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https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/699859/kept-a-slave-love-jonghyun-minho-onew-shinee-taemin