Eh. It's a little erted. But not too bad?

CHO KYUHYUN: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have recently purchased your very own CHO KYUHYUN unit. To avoid crying yourself to sleep every night, we have provided you with this manual.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Cho Kyuhyun. Will respond to “Kyu,” “Evil Maknae,” “Genius,” and “Supreme Overlord”

Age: 25

Place of Manufacture: Seoul, South Korea

Height: 180 cm

Length: Pure evil.

Your CHO KYUHYUN Unit Comes with the Following:

Two (2) stage outfits (random)

Six (6) toy microphones

One (1) laptop (with Starcraft already downloaded)

One (1) How to Stop Evil Maknaes from Pranking You book

Programming:

Your CHO KYUHYUN unit comes with the following traits:

Lawyer: Got a court case coming up for something you totally did not do? The CHO KYUHYUN has a very quick tongue and can weasel his way out of anything. He’ll do the same for you and any other paying clients.

CEO: CHO KYUHYUN is one smart cookie and will easily make his way to the top of any company he enters. Give him a couple weeks, and somehow he’ll have talked his way into being the head honcho. We can’t guarantee how he’ll do this and are not responsible for any lawsuits he causes.

Professional Gamer: The CHO KYUHYUN unit has an unhealthy obsession with video games. Given a job where he gets to play them all day, he’ll be raking in the cash.

Math Teacher: CHO KYUHYUN won several awards in his youth for outstanding performance in mathematics. Assuming he can put up with obnoxious high-schoolers, he would make a great Algebra teacher!

Removal of your CHO KYUHYUN from Packaging:

This unit is fairly weak in terms of physical strength, but can insult someone without even meeting them. In order for your self esteem to remain (somewhat) intact, we have provided these fail-safe ways to wake your unit up.

1. Start singing. It doesn’t matter how good you think you are, CHO KYUHYUN will find something wrong and will immediately begin to critique you. If you’re not fond of “constructive criticism,” we suggest you reprogram him ASAP.

2. Locate a SHIM CHANGMIN unit who will promptly say something witty and insulting to CHO KYUHYUN, who will reply back with something equally witty and insulting. If you don’t want World War III to start, we suggest you reprogram CHO KYUHYUN immediately.

3. Start up Starcraft on a nearby computer and stand back. Far back. CHO KYUHYUN will burst out of the box and rush to find his beloved game. He will play this for hours until you reprogram him.

4. Or you could just try to open this box like normal. This is not recommended as the CHO KYUHYUN unit may be grumpy. However, you might get lucky… Maybe.

Reprogramming

After removing your CHO KYUHYUN unit from his packaging, you may reprogram him to one of the following modes:

Evil Genius (default)

GameKyu

AngelKyu

Dancing Machine (locked)

Innocent (locked)

CHO KYUHYUN’s default mode is Evil Genius, and there will always be a trace of this mode no matter what other modes are unlocked. In the Evil Genius mode, CHO KYUHYUN will be smarter and sassier than you. Accept it. He will also be really good at your math homework, but you’ll probably have to become his slave if you want his help.

GameKyu is such a common mode it should almost be default as well. CHO KYUHYUN’s real passion is games, and he has mastered many. We are pretty sure he won’t die until he has mastered them all, so we hope you have really good wifi in your house.

AngelKyu may throw you off the first time you experience it. Please don’t panic, it happens occasionally. Rarely, CHO KYUHYUN will suddenly show affection for those closest to him. He may do their Math homework for them or sing them to sleep. This mode will not last long, so don’t get too comfortable.

CHO KYUHYUN’s Dancing Machine mode is locked for the sole purpose that his dancing is atrocious. He thinks he’s amazing and will ignore you if you tell him otherwise. However, in reality, his dancing . He takes forever to learn and simply isn’t as smooth as other units. Try not to play too much party music and you shouldn’t have a problem.

The Innocent mode is also locked because it’s a total lie. In this mode, CHO KYUHYUN is anything but innocent. He will continuously make dirty jokes and take hundreds of half- selcas on your phone. At the moment, there is no known way to get him out of this mode. PARK JUNGSU or LEE SUNGMIN are the only units who can tell him what to do, but even then, it doesn’t always work.

Relationships with Other Units

CHO KYUHYUN is a difficult unit to get along with, however, there are a few who have earned his trust. These units are very tough indeed…

PARK JUNGSU: While these two had a rough start, they’ve developed a close maknae-leader relationship. CHO KYUHYUN looks up to PARK JUNGSU as a leader first and foremost, but a romance can be achieved with a little prodding.

LEE SUNGMIN: These two are extremely close, and as such, a romantic relationship practically forms itself. Just sit back and enjoy (and maybe set up a few cameras to make a little extra cash).

ZHOU MI: CHO KYUHYUN adores ZHOU MI and will cling to him very often. Somehow, ZHOU MI can put up with him for long periods of time. If you want a night to yourself, simply shut these two in a room together and you’ll be alone till morning.

SHIM CHANGMIN: These two units are the best of friends. Both are extremely evil, so it’s best not to have them together for too long, or you might end up in the panic room. If you want a romance, it can be achieved easily enough.

Cleaning

While CHO KYUHYUN can bathe himself, he likely won’t want to, especially if he’s busy playing games. Threaten to take away his laptops and he’ll bolt right in. We also don’t suggest bathing with him if you enjoy breathing.

Feeding

CHO KYUHYUN will eat whatever the hell he wants whenever the hell he wants, no matter what you tell him. Just don’t let him cook. We beg you.

Rest

CHO KYUHYUN will also sleep and wake whenever he feels like it. Don’t worry when you see him hunched over a laptop at 3:00 am. He’ll fall asleep eventually. Just don’t try to wake him up early.

FAQ

Q: My unit has insulted all my friends and now they won’t talk to me! How do I make him stop being so rude?

A: You don’t. You might want to apologize to your friends and bake them cupcakes. Oh, and don’t have them at your house again…

Q: My unit is very docile and quiet. Is he sick or something?

A: Congratulations! You’ve unlocked your unit’s hidden BabyKyu mode! In this mode he has reverted back to the time he just joined Super Junior. Show him the video of Suju’s first win, and he’ll cry a little then go back to normal.

Troubleshooting

Problem: My unit is constantly singing songs and pretending he’s in a musical. I can’t figure out how to make it stop.

Answer: Oopsie! We’ve accidentally sent you our special addition Catch Me If You Can! CHO KYUHYUN. If you prefer the unit that doesn’t sing about his daily life, just send him back and we’ll send you a new one.

End Notes

With plenty of patience and a book of insults, CHO KYUHYUN will prove to be an interesting companion at least. We wish you luck with your new unit. You’ll need it.

How was it? I take requests! :D