(Listen to When I Was, When You Were while reading this)

 

As Chen watches Krystal looking beautiful in her white wedding dress with a familiar aching in his chest and walking to another man who isn't him, he can't help but remember.

 

~~

"Krystal!"  Chen yells while he throws nervous stares at the pouring rain outside. Krystal sprints towards Chen, huffing and looking worried. "Did you forget to get the clothes from outside?"

 

Krystal's mouth forms a perfect O and she soon covers with her hands. "I'm so sorry, I forgot!" she flails her arms with her eyes widened in horror. "I didn't mean to!" Krystal wails, looking extremely miserable at the fact Chen looked so angry.

 

"It's raining outside now! And all our clothes are soaked in dirty rain water!" his words burst out of him and Chen's eyebrows are creased together in annoyance.

 

Krystal's mouth forms a small pout and she stares at her feet looking oh so guilty. The sight of Krystal soon melts Chen's heart and a small smile slips on Chen's face as he stares at the girl he loves so much.

 

"Well I guess the clothes got washed again. And we didn't even have to pay for the water" Chen jokes lamely, feeling bad for blowing up at Krystal over a small trivial matter like such. Krystal's head snaps up at Chen's joking statement and she tilts her head adorably, considering his statement.

 

Krystal then visibly brightens and throws her arms around Chen's surprised body. "I am so sorry! I won't forget again Chen!" she apologises, her head buried in Chen's chest. Chen's shoulder relaxes and he sighs, caught between amusement and exasperation.  He pats Krystal in a slightly awkward manner before encircling his arms around her body, returning the hug.

 

While it was already 3 years since they had been together, their body contact sent butterflies fluttering madly in his stomach and a warm fuzzy feeling was settling in his chest.

 

They stay wrapped in each other's embrace for a few moments before Chen speaks up.

 

"Wait, the clothes are still out there…."

 

And despite that, the laugh Chen loves dearly is tumbling out of Krystal's mouth.

 

~~

 

It was a freezing cold winter day and beautiful snowflakes were swirling around outside. It was the perfect weather to be tucked in a warm bed and sipping hot chocolate but instead due to Krystal's constant pestering Chen was dragged along to an ice cream parlour.

 

"Isn't it cold?" Chen says loudly while Krystal her vanilla double scoop cone. Krystal gives Chen a very patient look before launching into an almost patronizing lecture.

 

"Chen, ice cream is meant to be enjoyed in its' natural environment." Krystal says, nodding, looking as if her words make perfect sense. Chen almost bangs his head onto the table at her words.

 

"No, ice cream is meant to be enjoyed when it's boiling hot so you can cool down your body!" Chen retorts back, hoping not to lose control. Krystal shakes her head and opens to reply but Chen doesn't even bother to argue with Krystal because he will never win. Instead, he leans in closer and kisses Krystal on the lips, hoping it will cause her to stop arguing.

 

"Wow that kiss was cold." Chen comments after they break apart. Krystal stares at Chen blankly before breaking into laughter, her eyes disappearing into crescents and tilted in an upturn.

 

 When Krystal stops laughing at Chen's unintentional pun, she mushes the vanilla ice cream into Chen's closed mouth and manages to succeed into making Chen eat a little of the ice cream.

 

~~

 

Both of them were currently feeling exhausted; Krystal had just returned from a long and tired day and Chen had returned from an audition he was sure he had failed.

 

"The house is filthy." Chen snaps at Krystal, his temper dangerously over the edge. "It was your job to tidy up the house remember?"

 

"Well it was your job to cook and I don't exactly see dinner on the table do I?" Krystal knows better to argue with Chen when he's feeling moody but she couldn't resist snapping back. Chen's face contorts in anger at her words and he glares at Krystal furiously.

 

"I just came back from home from a terrible audition! You could be a bit more considerate!" Chen growls, slamming his open hand onto the table. Krystal doesn't even flinch and she crosses her arms in reply.

 

"I should be more considerate? You're not the only one with a bay day! How selfish can you get?" Krystal asks in disgust and anger at Chen's words.

 

Chen clamps his mouth shut, feeling molten lava rise through him and instead of replying, he storms to the front door and throws it open before leaving their apartment.

 

~~

 

"I.… Chen hesitates slightly, struggling not to look at the girl next to her. "I don't think we can do this anymore." he says in a firm voice while his heart is shattering into a thousand pieces. He can feel Krystal next to him, suddenly freezing into a rigid state.

 

"What do you mean?" she says in a voice unlike hers. She sounds very calm; very careful compared to the turmoil inside Chen's heart.

 

"Our relationship" Chen replies, his voice very similar to Krystal's. "It just won't work out anymore. It's been four years, and we haven't even progressed at all. When was the last time we felt something for each other? When was the last time we hadn't argued for at least one day?" His question is met with silence from Krystal and both of them know that they can't answer the question.

 

Their relationship had turned downhill from the playful teasing and kisses full of love to relentless and bitter arguments occurring every day. Chen isn't ignorant to think it was all Krystal's fault but he knows they both can't fix the problem that was happening. The only solution was breaking up.

 

"We can try working this out." Krystal's response is weak and half-hearted and Chen suspects perhaps Krystal feels the same way; relieved to be out of this poisonous relationship but unhappy to discard the four years of bittersweet memories.

 

"You and I both know that can't happen." Chen murmurs, staring upwards at the bright sky above both of them. Krystal lets out a small whisper Chen can't quite catch.

 

"Alright." Krystal uttered louder with a sense of finality.

 

Chen is struck painfully in the chest with the reality that that was the last word Krystal would ever say to him in a long time.

 

~~

 

It has been one year since Chen and Krystal ended their relationship and Chen was very careful to avoid her, wishing to avoid any heartbreak or drama to his life. Instead, he was keeping busy with his dream of becoming a singer, singing frequently at bars and cafes for free or sometimes for a small pay if he was lucky.

Of course, it wasn't easy for Chen. While at that time he believed it was easier for him if he broke up with Krystal, sometimes at night, when he wakes up on his bed without someone next to him, he begins to question his decision and even regret it.

 

Today was a Friday and he had just finished singing at the café he normally sung at; the day was grey, cloudy and bitterly cold. He was just about to leave the café and fight through the weather before he bumps into someone he had spent avoiding for the past year.

 

Both of them slams into each other as Krystal hurriedly walks into the café and Chen leaves. When both of them recognises each other, both of them can’t hide their surprise and shock either.

 

"Oh hi!" Krystal says, looking heavily bemused and shocked at seeing Chen. Chen forces a small smile at Krystal but he doubts Krystal believes it.

 

"Hi, how have you been?" Chen feels the need to continue the conversation to be polite but his words are distant and only mildly friendly, his words sounding as if he was speaking to an acquaintance. Krystal's eyes flashes and Chen stares at her, trying to read the emotions that were going through her.

 

"I'm fine thank you." Krystal replies stiffly and Chen's heart throbs. "I'm doing well actually." she adds, her words slowly warming up.

 

"That's good to hear." Chen says but inside, all he thinks is what a liar Krystal was. Although we don't know everything about each other, I know you're lying, Chen thinks but he allows a small frozen smile on his face.

 

"Well, I'll see you around." Krystal makes a firm attempt to be positive but Chen easily sees through her pathetic lie. Both of them knew they wouldn't see each other again after this encounter. Krystal then stalks off quickly and Chen takes a small step outside of the café.

 

Chen then looks back at Krystal and catches a sight of Krystal sitting with a blonde hair boy.

 

~~

 

Chen thoughts are interrupted when Krystal finally arrives at the altar, beaming at the blonde hair boy, standing there, looking bright and happy in a tuxedo. The sight of the couple sends a new wave of pain and sadness washing over him but Chen doesn't show it, determined to look happy for Krystal.

 

"Do you, Krystal Jung, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the priest asks, looking at the dazzling bride.

 

Chen's body freezes and his mind is screaming at him to stand up and run down the aisle. His mind is screaming at him to sweep Krystal into his arms and tell her he still loves her from the bottom of his heart and that he wants her back.

 

"I do."

 

Despite Chen already knowing her answer, he feels his heart being ripped out of his chest and being stomped over and over again. He stares downwards at his hands and shuts his mouth; afraid he might accidentally let a whimper or cry escape from his mouth.

 

"Do you, Oh Sehun, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

 

Chen's fists are balled up, praying and wishing to God that Sehun would miraculously refuse to marry Krystal at the last minute and Krystal would come running back to Chen.

 

"I do." his words are sincere and genuine.

 

All the air from Chen's body escapes from him and he struggles to make short, ragged gasps.

 

The rest of the wedding ceremony feels like agony for Chen and he cannot even look at Krystal or Sehun, staring at his sweaty palms instead. But before he knows it, the rest of the ceremony passes in a blink of an eye and Chen is ushered to the newly wedded groom and bride to congratulate them for a few moments.

 

"Congratulations." Chen looks at Sehun and Krystal, thankfully able to meet them in the eye. Sehun smiles and nods in acknowledgement to Chen's words.

 

"Thank you." Sehun thanks Chen and shakes his hand warmly. Chen grasps Sehun's hand firmly but he cannot bring himself to hate Sehun at all despite being a reason for his unhappiness. How could he hate someone that made the girl he loved so happy?

 

Krystal remains silent which is a first for Chen and instead contents herself with giving Chen a half smile on her beautiful face.

 

Chen walks away after a few minutes and was about to leave when Krystal's voice suddenly stops him. "Wait Chen, I want to talk to you about something." Krystal walks quickly towards him and Chen turns to face her, a small flash of hope shooting through him. "For me, it was good. How we used to care for each other." Krystal whispers and Chen feels a deaden feeling spreading through him. "But I've moved on; you should too, you definitely deserve something better and someone who makes you feel happy. For me; I found Sehun and I think you should find someone else as well."

 

Chen blinks and considers her statement. "Of course." he says calmly, his blank face showing no hint of the suffering inside of him.

 

He walks away from Krystal without even a goodbye. He feels nothing now; not even sadness, not even anger and not even regret. All he feels is numbness.

 

For me, it’ll be painful

Even when the seasons endlessly change

But it’s alright, but it’s alright