-Kikwang’s POV-

“All I ever wanted was a chance, a few more minutes to let you know just how madly, deeply in love I was with you. Why didn’t you give me that chance? Was I that horrible to make you walk away and forget?”

“CUT!” I heard the director yelled. I got up from where I was sitting and wiped my tears away. I bowed my head towards the staff as we wrapped up the shooting for my upcoming drama. A few people greeted how good my acting was but I felt like I was still lacking something.

“Wah, Kikwang you really are good. Where are you getting all these emotions from? Wow, I can’t say anymore.” One of the Hyungs commented as I leave for the change room.

“Aniya hyung, I’m still missing something.” I told him. He shook his head side by side then held my shoulders.

“You’re doing just great.” He said and walked away. I bowed my head in thankfulness even if he couldn’t see. I walked inside the change room right after. I dialed a number from my phone and waited for someone to answer but I must be crazy to hope that this time, someone will finally answer.

“The person you have called is currently unavailable. Please leave a message or just hang up” The operator said. Like every day, I left a message that came straight from the heart.

“Odiya? Are you coming back soon? I really miss you. I miss your smile, I miss your laugh and I miss the way we’d dance together and just be happy. Come back soon araso? Bogoshipo” I said and hang up.

“Hyung” I heard Dongwoon’s voice. I smiled at him and picked up my bag.

…

“I heard you did well on today’s shooting.” Doojoon commented. I nodded my head and closed my eyes. The boys picked me up on their way back home. Our schedules finished just about the same time. I wanted to just lie in bed and get over the scene I had to act today.

“Kikwang are you sure you’re feeling okay? Lately you’ve been quiet and just simply in your own little world.” I heard Yoseob asked.

“Ne, I guess I’m just tired.” I told them.

And with that they left me in peace.

…

“I’m heading to bed” I told the boys.

“Oh, wait; you have a letter from Sooyeon” Junhyung said. He handed me the letter and smiled. “Maybe this time it’s good news” he continued. I smiled back and headed for the room.

 I didn’t wait long to open the letter. I ripped the sides opened and pulled the letter out.

“Oppa-annyeong,

How are you coping? You don’t even remember to call your best friend anymore huh? You only call when you need me, I feel really hurt. Tsktsk T.T. Just kidding, oppa, Bogoshipo but that’s not why I wrote you a letter. I heard from a friend of mine from JYP that Min is flying back to Korea. She’ll be debuting here. I just thought I’d let you know, I know you’ve been waiting for years for her to return. Oppa, gwenchana? Call me when you get this letter okay? I want to know how you’re feeling. And by the way, Kibum’s being stubborn again, always forcing me to come see you, just because he wants to go to Seoul but we’re okay, still strong as ever. I’ll see you soon, hopefully. Bogoshipo Kikwang oppa. Saranghaeyo.  – Sooyeon-babyJ”

My heart couldn’t hold its excitement.

I read the letter over and over again just to prove to myself it isn’t a dream.  After reading it 50 times, I realised its real. Joy took over my whole system; the tiredness I was feeling disappeared in an instant. I was a happy bird ready to sing a beautiful song to the whole world.

I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Sooyeon.

“Oh, heaven’s what do I owe this pleasure to Mr. Lee Kikwang?” She answered straight away. I chuckled a little then answered “Bogoshipo, Sooyeon-ah.” Instead of getting a reply letting me know she misses me too, she just laughed out loud.

“You got my letter didn’t you?” She said.

“Hm. Do you know when she’ll be back?”

“Not too sure oppa, but my friend said that she’ll be debuting at JYP Entertainment, probably before your group debuts, just not too sure. But it is definite she’s coming back. Gwenchana?” She explained.

“Yes I’m fine, more than fine to be honest, thank you for always keeping me updated. I better head to bed. It’s been a long day. Thank you again, Sooyeon-ah, I really do miss you” I told her.

“I know, I know. You rest well and inform me if anything happens okay? I miss you too. Take care oppa. Saranghae. Bye Bye.” She said then hung up.

I flipped my phone close and lay in my bed.

“Good news?” Junhyung asked when he walked it.  I smiled at him then closed my eyes.

‘Soon we’ll be together again’. I thought to myself before I fell into a deep slumber.

. . . .

The next morning was just like any other day; I had tapings here and there. Shows with the boys, more shows with the boys. For someone like me every day is always a long day, sometimes I just want to collapse in bed and rest for a week or so but I can never do so.

We were headed for a conference meeting back at the company. Some artists from each entertainment are coming down for this conference. I was feeling uneasy about this meeting for some unknown reason. Not long passed and we arrived at the company again. The boys are being boys like always mocking around like little kids. Yoseob is always the same Yoseob, always acting cute. Hyunseung is still the ‘deep’ thinker guy who asks dumb questions. Dongwoon is still the caring maknae. Doojoon is well – Doojoon. Junhyung on the other hand is always so happy.

“Yah, Junhyung why are you so happy nowadays?” I asked when there’s nothing I could do while we’re waiting outside the conference room.

“Nothing, can’t I be happy and smile for a change.” He said seriously. I laughed at how serious his face looked. I just nodded my head and continued smiling.

“I’ll be back, I’ll just grab something to drink” I told them.

.

As I inserted the coin for my drink I heard a few mumbling coming from a distance.

“Fei, you should have seen your face” One girl commented.

“Yah, yah, it was scary and weird okay. You and Min got to stop dong it okay?”  Another replied.

“It’s okay Fei, we so love you too.” A voice said – a voice I know I can never forget in a million years. I quickly turned to my left and then ran towards the voices. It wasn’t far like I said it was from a distance, I saw a few girls walking towards the conference room.

My heart was thumping a thousand times faster than usual. It was hopeful; hopeful that maybe she’s actually back.

“Excuse me” I started.

. . . .

-Min’s POV-

“Excuse me” we all heard. My heart started thumping a thousand times faster than usual. I clenched onto my chest while everyone starts to turn around. I was praying to whoever Buddha is out there that is it not who I think it is.

“OMO, Kikwang-sunbae?!” Suzy exclaimed.

“Min unnie it’s Kikwang sunbae” She said to me while turning me around. The girls all bowed their heads before leaving me and Kikwang alone and then entered the conference room.

I bowed my head, smiled then tried to walk away. Before I could get far he was already holding hand. It hasn’t changed one bit, it was still warm and I still feel the kindness he has deep inside him. 

“We better go, everyone’s waiting.” I told him and released myself from his grip. I walked away from him just like before and just like before he followed me.

We sat on the opposite ends of the table. I could feel him staring at me non-stop; he was making me feel uncomfortable. I really didn’t want to see him – not yet. I wasn’t ready to exchange words with him, to communicate with him for that matter. I was gone for 6 years, left with nothing but “I Promise”. I didn’t even give him any promise, all I said was “I Promise” but I promise what? – Nothing exactly.

The meeting went on for like forever. It was the talks about ‘maybe’ having collaboration with other companies and some of their newly launched artist to have some ‘Concert’ for their fans. Everyone seems to be agreeing with the whole idea and the whole time slot to prepare. I wasn’t sure why we were there in the first place, I mean after we were introduced basically all the managers/directors etc. just started talking without paying any attention to us. I couldn’t handle being stared at anymore; I got up from my seat and excused myself. I don’t think anyone realised besides Kikwang of course.

I walked out to go to the vending machine for some refreshment, and to-not-my-surprise Kikwang was right behind me.

“Min-ah, please talk to me.” He started.

I couldn’t look at him straight; in fact I didn’t want to look at him straight. Trying to put Kikwang in the back of my mind for 6 years was hard. Every day I didn’t go on living my day without thinking if he was doing well without me. If he was exercising everyday to keep fit before entering the same path as me. Every day I’d think if he survived without me always guiding him. I cared about him; I still do – a lot.

“Now is not the right time Ki. I’ve got plenty things to focus on and you getting in the way is not really ideal for someone like me. You’ve made it this far already, I’m just going to debut. I don’t want any distractions. Focus is all I need.” I answered to him. I turned my back from him and took a deep breath before walking away. As I suspected he held onto me once again.

“Please, I’m begging you, just let it go. Whatever it is I said in the past, just let it go.” I told him and shook his hand off my wrist and continued walking.

“Let whatever you said in the past go? Is that what you want? Min, how could I let something you said go when you didn’t even say anything. I never knew what I meant to you. Yes, we were best friends almost sibling-like, but that’s not really what I wanted to hear. We did everything together. Min you didn’t call me where you disappeared to. Your relatives didn’t know where you were as well. Next thing I know, someone told me you’re in America and then the next thing you’re coming back and debuting. Do you know how hard life was without you? Do you know how hard I tried to tell myself for months that when I wake up tomorrow morning you’ll be back to my side… but years passed and you never came back? And now you stand here before me telling me to let everything you said go? Which one Min? The two little words you left me with, the “I promise”?” He replied almost not breathing in between his sentences.

I wish I could turn around and face this reality right now, but I can’t – I won’t. I’m just not ready for this yet.

I took another deep breath then started running…

Running is my only way out.

.

I finally stopped running, to my amazement he didn’t chase after me. I wanted to turn around and tell him just how much I was missing him, just how much I needed him to be by my side. I wanted to tell him what he really was to me but like before I still didn’t have the guts to tell my best friend is the guy whom I want to become my lover.

I didn’t want to confess, why?

 Because our lives are more complicated than it was before, he and I are idols. Idols who needs to keep an image for the public to always love. I wish it was easy; easy to profess thy love for him. It can never be easy anymore. I wish I told him 6 years ago but it’s too late now.

…

-Few Months Later-

-Kikwang’s POV-

“I still can’t believe you; you actually scold her when you could have confessed your feelings to her. Yah, are you really crazy? You waited years for her to come back, left her messages on her ‘phone’ every single day of those years, wrote her love letters every day, and for what? So you can scold her when you finally see her again?” Sooyeon said frustrated.

“I just… I don’t know what came to me okay. She was right there and my mouth just started saying foul things, I’m sorry” I replied.

“Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to her. Oppa, be a man and tell her everything you feel. You and she will never be happy if you two don’t start admitting whatever it is you two feel for each other. Stop being stubborn and just get it over with, araso?” She advised.

“Ara, you act like you’re older than me” I teased.

“More experienced when it comes to this. Speaking of experience, I better get going or else that boy will murder me for being late again.” She joked. I smiled then gave her a peck on the forehead.  We waved goodbyes and I was left all by myself again.

.

“Oh, you’re back. These came for you today” Yoseob said and handed me a box sealed beautifully. It was addressed for me obviously but there was no return address at all. I was guessing it was from my fans but it has ‘URGENT!’ written in bold and capital letters. I didn’t wait any longer and walked inside the room. I sat on my bed and started opening the box quickly yet nicely.

It was a polka-dot box which kind of reminded me of Min. I opened the lid and inside “I’m Sorry” greeted me. I chuckled a little realising who it’s from.

“Min” I whispered to myself.

I open the folded paper that had “I’m Sorry” written all over it.

“Oppa, if you didn’t think I never thought about you, well you’re wrong, so wrong. I tried placing you in the back of my mind every day but I never can. These are proofs of how much I’ve missed you. How much I’ve missed your laugh, your smile, your lame jokes that makes me laugh, your dancing and your caring/lovely personality. I hope with these you realise what/who you are in this life of mine. Cheongmal miane. Bogoshipo” It read. I felt my eyes forming tears.

“Be strong!” I told myself then went through the box full of pink envelopes. I guess she wrote to me every day, just like I did.

…

I was on the last letter she ever wrote to me.

“Oppa, Bogoshipo. I’m almost home, I’m almost there. But I’m not ready to see you yet. Hope my letters get to you though – if I do send them. I have so much I want to tell you, haha, which I already have. But what I really wanted to say was... I love you. I really do, more than just a friend. You mean the world to me, almost everything is about you. Breathing, surviving, laughing, smiling and working hard – it’s all for you. But when I officially become an artist under JYP everything for us will be hard, so please understand that for now, I can’t be with you. When the right time comes, I will. And this right here is the confessions of a friend who wants to be your lover.” It read. My tears were streaming not because I was sad but because I was happy.

‘I promise’ two little words people often leaves us with when they decided to walk away. Just like everybody else, I held onto those two little words. It wasn’t the first time but I told myself this time it’ll be different. I haven’t told her how I feel nor did I tell her how special our bonding has been. Do you know how hard it is for someone like me, a friend, to confess my feelings to someone I don’t ever want to lose? Understand that behind every friendship lies a very deep and meaningful love. It is a love that would break through not only time but also space – a love a strong.

And there goes my answer, she answered my question.

I picked up my phone and dialed the number Sooyeon gave me so I can contact Min.

“Yoboseyo?” her sweet angelic voice answered.

“Min-ah, its oppa. Don’t hang up just listen to me please” I told her without pausing.

“Araso, go on”

“I received all your letters today; they cheered me up especially the last one. We really are the same huh? We’ve always done the same thing; I have heaps of letters written for you. When the right time comes come and get it okay? But I called to ask you if we could make this work. I love you Min, I always have and always will. We don’t have to see each other until the right time comes but I want this to work.” I confessed to her.

“And how exactly will this work, through the phone, through e-mails? Are you being serious Kikwang?” she countered attack.

“I’ll write letters every day and send it. You can write back too. We’ll call every night and yeah maybe exchange e-mails. And when the time is right for the both of us we’ll see where we are. Please let’s just give it a try.”

“Because I love you and I believe in this, we’ll do it” She replied.

The happiness deep within my heart was unexplainable.

“I love you” “I love you” we suddenly said in chorused. We laughed a little then repeated ourselves.

“Min-ah, the closest thing I have to real and true… has always been you.” I told her.

“We’ll be together soon, oppa” she said before hanging up.

. . .

OHMYGOODNESS this ending huh? It’s like not an ending haha. Anyways, last and not least is Dongwoon. Then I can start on my B2ST story featuring Junhyung and Hyuna. 

19/8/2011 ; 2:08PM