So this is the second chapter of my daebae-fanfic~ I hope you like it! Enjoy~

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Kang Daesung

What else can be done, than just continue things as they are? I sigh, as I wake up in the morning, shortly looking at the other bed, to see that you’re still sleeping.

That means that I am supposed to wake you up which ended awkward last time. You had pulled me into a hug once I poked you while leaning in, whispering your name and that you had to wake up. Once you hugged me, our bodies came very close. The feeling of your body against mine, sent warmth through my body, and I blushed. You moved under me in the next moment, and as I felt your knee move up along my inner thigh, my breath hitched. I need to get away from here, I thought, as I felt the blood rush in a southern direction. My eyes widened in panic.

My panicky attempts to break free, however, woke you up. As you did, I completely froze, pondering like a crazy if you had noticed anything. Once you realized what happened, you shrieked in surprise and released me from your grip which resulted me on the edge of the bed where I fought not to fall off the bed. Not yet fully awake, you pushed me away and I ended up on the floor with a loud bumping sound, and the back of my head slammed into the wooden floor, once I made contact with the floor, releasing a huge pain in both my neck and my head. I had whined, and my eyes started watering, before you finally realized what you had done.

“Oh… Good morning…” You smile sheepishly as you looked out from the bed.

“ you.” I whimpered, slowly sitting up.

Once thinking about it I lean out of the bed, reaching for my slipper. I look at it and turn it in my hand, considering if it is soft enough or will hurt him. Then I shrug and aim before I throw it at him. A moment later, I hear a groan, afterwards seeing the covers move as he turns around in bed, rubbing his back head with a pout.

Yes, I’ve gotten better at throwing stuff at people. Choi Seunghyun complains about it too, when I try to wake him up, no one daring to get too close to him in the mornings.

“You know, I didn’t mean to throw you out of bed…” He whines, and I chuckle. 

“It’s still not safe to get close to you in the mornings, I’ve concluded.” I say, stepping out of bed.

“Waking up the rest, huh?” He asks me and I nod as I head out of the room, while I run a hand through my hair.

“You’ll need a slipper for both Jiyong and Big Seunghyun

~” In the next moment, a pair of slippers is thrown mildly into my back and I turn around to glare at you, but fail to, as you meet me with an eye smile. I sigh, before picking up the slippers and turn out of the room.

*~*

“Ya, Daesung! That’s the last time you ever throw a slipper on me!” Choi Seunghyun whines as he appears in the kitchen where I have started making food.

“Got it – next time will be the remote for your stereo.” I say with a smirk, and I see him pout when I turn around to place some of the food on the table.

“YA!”

I turn around to cut some tomatoes, and I hear the sound of a chair being pulled out, right before he sits down. What I don’t hear, whatsoever, is a certain person who sneaks up on me from behind, to nick a slice of tomato. For a short moment, I feel your front against my back, a feeling which I can’t deny that I have missed – and your arm grazes mine as you snatch a tomato from the cutting board. The burning sensation that the touch leaves makes me lose my concentration on the knife that I am holding, as I look at him to find you smiling.

“Auch-“ I whine, as I feel pain in one of my fingers and realize that I have cut myself. Before I can do anything, however, you take my hand and pull me towards the other counter where you take out a first aid box.

“Hyung, you don’t have to-“ I try pulling away from you but you won’t let go of my hand.

“When you cut something, can’t you at least look at what you’re doing?” You hiss at me while you put a plaster on it.

“Sorry…” I pout, flashing you a shy smile.

“Dongsaeng, why are you blushing?” Seunghyuns deep voice pulls me back to reality and I panic slightly once I look at him.

“I am blushing? Must be the blood- I mean, I don’t like to see blood-“ I blabber nervously, putting one  hand on my cheek while I try to laugh it off.

“You would normally get pale in such situations…” Jiyong appears in the kitchen and he hasn’t even cared to open his eyes yet.

“Call YG and tell him that Daesung is sick… He’s acting weird…” Seunghyun mumbles with a smirk, continuing to eat his breakfast, looking away from me. I let out a relieved sigh and smile. Until I find you looking at me with a confused expression.

You saw it all. My eyes widen and then I hurry out of the room, while mentally slapping myself. I don’t want to lose you, and I know that what I feel, is wrong. Completely wrong. What wouldn’t you-

I hate this. Why is it this hard to hide my feelings?

*~*

“Come on, get the up, you can’t just throw a slipper at me and then go back to sleep, you brat!” Jiyong yells outside the room as I have retreated to my room in embarrassment.

“I’m not feeling well!” I try to tell him to make him go away.

“You’re not feeling- BULL, you’re not calling in sick today! We need to record!” He yells the moment after, and I sigh, briefly considering to kill myself with my pillow.

 “Going to get dressed.” I yell, and then I slowly creep out of bed, heading for the closet.

Ever the persistent er, ne, Kwon Jiyong?

Once I stepped out of the room, he beamed and patted my back shortly before pushing me to the entrance.

“We’ve all tried it, DaeDae – It will work out, wait and see~” Hearing this from the leader, my hyung, my eyes widen. Did he know? How could he possibly do? I don’t understand anything, and I turn to look at him in the same instance. Does he know?

“What do you mean by that?” I say, completely horrified, not even sure if I want to hear the answer. He laughs, flashing me a sheepish smile, running his hand through his hair.

“Well, I’ve got a girlfriend, you see. When you’re in love, you do crazy stuff…” His statement makes me drop the shoe I’ve picked up from the floor, and I stare at him in surprise.

A girlfriend?!

“Ya… Don’t look at me like that… And don’t tell anybody yet… But you should definitely meet her someday, I know you would like her~” He beams, and I pick up the shoe again.

The leader has a girlfriend!

Who would have thought?

About time, though.

“Stay strong, Dae, I am sure your girl likes you~” I nod with a sheepish smile towards him. If only he knew…

“Come on – the others are waiting~” He then says, leading the way down the stairs.

Good thing he doesn’t know that ‘my girl’ is you, Youngbae. What wouldn’t he think? Would he even understand? What if he hated me? Wouldn’t he?

*~*

Once at the studio, Jiyong instructs us that we will have to record some old songs in order to practice. He tells Big Seunghyun to go first and rap his song, Acting Like Nothing Happened. Even if I have wait for my turn, it’s nice to hang out with the guys like this.

Only problem is that I have a hard time concentrating on anything with you around. Guess that’s love, but god, how I wish it wasn’t. A love like this, can’t be other than one-sided, can’t be other than painful. I smirk when I think of Jiyongs song from the One of a Kind-album, In the End, and it hits me, just how true his words are. This love is painful, maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be, but then I would rather be without it…

“Love is painful, all the love is painful...
Repeating like a fool. That’s what I always do…
But pain is beautiful. It’s the same as you…”

And you are truly beautiful. Maybe not in the same way beautiful to others as you are to me, but beautiful. I never get tired of watching you, never get tired of your smile, even if it’s the same as always.

I force myself back to reality, refusing to drown in the thoughts of you, right at this moment, even if it’s hard not to. They are always in the back of my head and even if I wanted to deny them, I couldn’t. It makes me crazy… You make me crazy.

I realize that Seunghyun is in the middle of his song, Acting Like Nothing Happened, and I almost want to laugh at the coincidence. Acting… That’s exactly what I do.

“… What's so great about my crooked pride…
I want to run to you but still…
It's so hard, but I try to act cool, as if nothing's wrong…
If I could get rid of this affection, if I could get rid of this hatred…

And in the midst of it all, in the midst of listening to the song that Seunghyun is rapping, I can’t help but let out a snorting sound. Everything would go back to normal, everything would be exactly like they were, if I didn’t… always think about you, think about how your body feels against mine – that single time, I actually tried it accidently, completely did the trick, didn’t it.

Just one single kiss, just-

“You seem so distant, what are you thinking on, Daesung?” You poke me in my side, and once more, I get back to reality. And I am absolutely horrified, because I don’t know what to tell you, how to get out of this one.

“I…” I try to think about an explanation but none seems to come to me, as words fails me completely. Jiyong beats me to it, the moment after.

“It’s rather who he is thinking on, right, Daesung?” Jiyong grins as I look at him with an expression that seems to be mixed with both confusion and shock, as he seconds later feels the need to explain himself.

, , -

“Yearh, Daesung is in love~” He teases, and at the moment, I just can’t stand it. I can’t tell anyone about this, I can’t let out my frustrations and it’s getting to me, really getting to me at the point.

“Ya!” I let out before I think, and more aggressive than I originally wanted to. He laughs, and turns his attention towards the control board again, as Seunghyun is almost done with the song, mentioning something about the whole thing being a joke which I think was meant to make me relax but doesn’t. I let out a loud sigh, as I lean back in the couch, and find you staring at me.

Trying to ignore your confused stare, I close my eyes, and pretend that I am tired and am trying to sleep.

It doesn’t make the trick, I guess.

“In love with whom?” He whispers, right in my ear, his breath tickling my earlobe and I open my eyes in panic, shivering involuntarily.

I’m in love with you, absolutely mad about you, and only you.

“N-Noone…” I stutter, as I stand up, smacking Jiyong mildly on the back of his head before mumbling that I need some fresh air.

“Wow, what has gotten in to him?” I hear Seungri whisper on my way out. Damn, can’t they see that I am still in here?!

“I told you – Love makes one crazy~” I hear Jiyong say before I close the door, a little too hard, the slamming sound a little too loud.

Love makes one crazy, that’s completely right, Jiyong.

And I, who thought that I was one of the clever guys…

Once I come back, Seungri is in the recording room, you have gone to buy coffee for us all, so I sit down in the couch beside Seunghyun hyung. He greets me shortly with a genuine smile, before turning his attention to the song again.

Or so I thought he did.

“So, what’s troubling you?” He asks me, and this time, Jiyong doesn’t intervene, but has his unshared attention on Seungri, and the song. Everything is troubling me, hyung.

“Nothing, hyung…” I say and look away in agony, a second later turning around again to give him a smile. A smile that I know that the oldest member in BIGBANG doesn’t buy. He knows me too well. But you can always hope, right?

“Don’t pull that on me, dongsaeng… If nothing was troubling you, you wouldn’t even think before you flashed a smile… Your laughter has changed too…” He says, and I don’t know what to tell him that will soothe his worry, because he won’t believe me if I lie. But I don’t want him to worry. He beats me to it, before I find anything meaningful to say, anything that would actually make sense. As nothing seems to do in the moment.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine, but… try to fix it… It hurts me to see you like this. Remember Youngbae trying to explain how we need your smile, Daesung? It’s the energy source of BIGBANG.” Of course he ends it with a joke, and I can’t help but chuckle at it. I still remember your outburst, Youngbae. I find it cute, when I think about it now.

“Hi guys! I am back! Coffee?” you beam, stepping inside the studio along with the refreshing smell of newly made black coffee. You place the board on the table where Jiyong is sitting who instantly takes one and begins to drink it, while you on the other hand, begin to hand the others out. Seungri comes out of the recording studio just in time to get his café latte, Seunghyun gets his iced coffee, and I my black coffee with two sugar cubes. You linger at me for a moment, flashing me a short smile.

“Everything is going to be alright, dongsaeng~” I smile nervously, meeting your gaze. If only you knew, Youngbae… Then I am sure, nothing is going to be alright. I quickly look down again, focusing on my coffee with a silent sigh.

“So, anyone up for singing now? Daesung, what about you?” Jiyong asks me with a sincere smile, but I raise the cup of coffee in my hand, showing him that I don’t have time, preoccupied the time being.

“Let me~ I finished my coffee on the way up here~” You say with a cheerful smile, and Jiyong nods agreeing.

“Alright, what do you plan on singing?”

“Well… I still haven’t perfected the high notes in You’re My...” you say, scratching the back of your head with a sheepish smile.

“Right. We’ll try that one then…” Jiyong says, clasping his hands together, gesturing for you to go into the studio.

I love your voice, Youngbae, I love to hear you sing, I love your expression when you sing, all into the song, concentrating with closed eyes, oh your beautiful face, your features-

Just stop already, Kang Daesung! Where did that train of thoughts go?! I run a hand through my hair, while I try to calm myself, but I can’t help but sit more straight in the couch, once you give a thumb of approval, giving your sign to begin, as you turn the pages in your folder, to find the right lyrics. My eyes follow you as you take a deep breath and close your eyes. I bite my lip, my gaze following your chest, as it moves up and down, along with your breathing.

Once your voice hits me, I can’t help but smile. In this room, it feels like there’s only you and me, me and you. I allow myself to swell in this happy moment, when I hear your voice raise higher and higher. How would it be to be the one to make you let out those sounds, by exploring that handsome body of yours with my hands, while leaving a trail of kisses along your neck? I close my eyes, only listening to the song, while I feel a giddy feeling in my chest. Feel myself longing for you.

Woah, woah, woah, Kang Daesung, get out of this, before-

I open my eyes, to meet his through the mirror and somehow I know I have been caught, caught being elsewhere in my mind, caught by you, of all people. At some point, I feel that it doesn’t matter, not in this instant, and I can’t bring myself to look away, thereby ruining the moment, the silent conversation between us. In this very moment, it feels as if I am exposing everything for you. The magical moment that I have wished for, dreamed for, but never imagined to be true, not ever. It feels so right. It feels like you look straight into my soul, like you want to tell me something, tell me something that you’ve meaning to say, wanting to say – or is it just my imagination? Is it just my imagination? I want it to be, don’t want it to be, I can’t even decide. I shouldn’t feel this way, it’s going end up hurting me-

You’re my chocolate, my sweetest chocolate, I really wanna have you~

I can’t help but smile a little wider for each word that flows out of your mouth. It feels like a confession, and I love it, you look so sincere at this moment, looking at me. With our gazes locked, it feels like we’re in another world, our own little world.

In this moment, I feel freer, than I have felt in months.

So that you'll be able to lean on me
So that you can feel a nice happiness
I'll give you my everything

I only need you. I only crave you. I can feel it through my whole body, and this instant, this moment of weakness, I don’t even try to deny it.

I allow myself, for the first time, to wish. To wish for you.

And somehow, I feel like I know that you feel that exact feeling too. I can hear the life in your voice, the pureness of it, the sincerity. The way you look at me. No words are needed, yet they come with the song.

To you, who is looking at me
I'll sing a song just for you

It’s you, and it has always been you, even when I tried to deny it. I see your genuine smile through the window, your lovely eye smile, and I can’t help but respond with a similar one.

You and I, we will make it together.

I really wanna kiss you
I really wanna love you

I love you too, Youngbae. Only forever, you’re stuck with my love.

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Aw, would you look at that. 

Completely in love (so cheesy, lol). Tell me, did you like it? Please leave a comment below or follow me! Love you all ~