1- Final
Mad World
I stared blankly out of the condensed, snowy window; Shivering at the icy tears which always seemed to stain my cheeks. You never liked winter, did you? You always used to complain on how the snow would get your trousers wet, and how easy it was for you to get a cold. You repeated the same complaints over and over again, but I would never stop listening. Ever.
It's your birthday in a few weeks. I'll visit you, again. I hope you liked the flowers a brought you today. What am I saying? Of course you liked them. Although, I wish I had gotten you something that had lasted longer. Maybe something that would actually come in use. Anything in particular?
How have you been then? I've been well, but Kyu, I miss you. I know it's been a while since you left, but I still can't get you out of my head. People have told me to move on, but I can't. It's impossible to find someone even remotely like you. I need you back.
Do you remember how we met, Kyuhyun? I do. That tiny little coffee shop on the south side of town, right? We both ordered the exact same thing. I still remember the exact second I laid eyes on you. You were one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I immediately wanted to get to know you, to talk to you. I was over the moon when you asked to sit with me.
Work hasn't been going well for me though. My boss is pressuring me like there's no tomorrow. He doesn't understand all the pain and unbelievable sorrow I've been going through. I don't want him to know either, so promise not to tell? You promise? I remember you secretly told me you were good at keeping promises. I don't want anyone to know about you; I'm sick of all the familiar faces confronting me, trying to share their fake sympathy. I don't want their sympathy, Kyu. I just want to be alone, with you.
I've been trying to find a reason to live. I'd get up on a Saturday, and make myself look nice. I'd spend hours perfecting my eyeliner, and making my hair pretty, just like how I used to whenever you came over. However, I don't do anything after that anymore. I can't. I can't face the world without you, I don't want to.
I've tried turning to alcohol. I just want to drown all of that sorrow out of the way. It's impossible. Whenever I stare into the glass, I just see you. I know you didn't like it when I drank so much, but I couldn't help it. If you were there to help me, then I wouldn't be going through all of this.
If you were there, then things would be normal again.
Do you remember all the nightmares I used to have? All the times I would call you at silly o'clock in the morning, just to tell you about the night terror I had just had? No matter what time it was, you always came over to check if I was okay. No matter how much I told you to go back to sleep, you always came over. You'd hold me, Kyuhyun. You'd make sure these dreams would never come back to haunt me. You were always there to keep them away.
But now that you're gone, they've just gotten worse.
It's funny, really. I would always have this certain nightmare, where I was being dragged through a huge field of needles, being impaled by each and every one of them. It was completely agonizing, but for some reason whenever I tried to turn and face who or what was dragging me, I would always immediately be turned back. What really got me though, was that every time I had that dream, I would die in the end. When you were still here, I would be so relieved to wake up; To know that the dream was just a sick and twisted nightmare. Though now that you're gone, I feel like the real world is much worse. I feel like I'm just waking up to an even longer, agonizing death. Which I am.
It's a mad world, Kyu; But now that you're gone, I feel like the only one left. I was really looking forward to living in this mad world with you.
Together.
I would do anything to relive our days together, Kyuhyun. I would do anything to spend even another minute with you. When they lowered you into the ground, I sobbed there and then for hours. You didn't deserve to be put there. You didn't deserve you live such a short life. How is it, that bad people can live a full life, yet good people like you live such short and lonely lives? It's not fair.
As soon as I met you, you made me feel confident. You made me feel beautiful, like an actual person. You pulled me out of my shell and I pulled you out of yours. We were like a pair of scales, really. We needed each other to remain even. If one of us was taken away, the other would change. That's what happened to me after you were taken away, Kyu, I've changed. Not for the better either. I don't feel confident anymore. I'm scared to go outside, I'm scared to face the world without you.
And so, here I am, Cho Kyuhyun.
Standing on that little wooden stool, staring through the loop of rope, perfect enough to fit around my neck. I can't take this type of thing anymore, I need to be with you again. We can live a life of eternity together, a perfect, eternal life together. Doesn't that sound great, Kyu? It's only been a few months, but I can't wait to see you again!
I've tightened the rope around my neck now. It's pretty uncomfortable, but that should end pretty quickly. This is the best way I could think of. At first I considered overdosing on sleeping pills, but I don't want to be trapped in an eternal nightmare. I want to be trapped with you.
I can hear you calling for me now, I'm sure of it. You tell me to get down, but I can't. I can't bring myself to live anymore, I can't bring myself to live without you. I'll never find someone as amazing as you, Kyuhyun.
I'm about to tip the stool now. I wonder if anyone will find me after I'm gone? I think my boss would send out a few people to go and see why I'm not at work, so they should find me. I don't really care though. My body doesn't matter anymore.
Well, I should be going now, but I'll see you soon! I promise, it wont be long. Oh please Kyu, don't cry. You need to know that this will be better for us both. We'll be together again, okay?
Okay.
Here I go.
I love you, Kyuhyun.
"Minji."
What was that voice? It was a lovely voice. Silky, soft. Not at all like the voice I would hear in my nightmares. This voice was strange, yet familiar.
"Minji, wake up."
The voice knew my name, and was now ordering me around? I was unsure of that to do. My eyes were apparently closed. I could feel softness around me, like a bed.
Our bed.
I mumbled, cracking my eyes open. I saw a slight flash of a brown mess, before my heavy lids closed again. Oh no, I wasn't going to let this happen. Slowly, I reopened my eyes.
And then I saw you.
Your beautiful lips. Your large coffee eyes. Your long, beautiful eyelashes, soft to touch. Your messy, chocolate hair, perfect, just like your voice. And lastly, your skin. Your beautiful, milky skin.
"K-Kyu..." I smiled, reaching over to the brunette, who was laying opposite me.
"You're such a brat...Why did you do that?" You whispered in reply, pulling me close. Your voice was suddenly husky, as if you were about to cry. I smiled even more, nuzzling your soft neck.
"I wanted to be with my Kyu again..." I mumbled against your skin. I felt a damp droplet dance down my cheek. Was that mine? No. It was yours.
"Why are you crying, Kyu?"
"...I'm so happy to have you back." You admitted. When I looked up, you were crying. Multiple droplets, racing down your porcelain cheeks. "Welcome home, Minji."
I smiled. "I'm glad to be home, Kyuhyun."
-Serenity
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