The first morning Park Jimin goes to school alone, he is greeted with the news that his best friend Kim Taehyung is now dating next class’ Jeon Jungkook.

It is only then when he realizes that it’s not like Taehyung would never going to look at him that way; but Taehyung would never look at him at all.

Jimin couldn’t remember when he has started liking Taehyung; it seems like he has always been. Perhaps it was back in play school when Taehyung stole his crayon and ate it and Jimin burst into tears because he liked that colour, or maybe in primary three when they played snow ball fight and was in different teams but Taehyung hit one of his own team members for hitting Jimin, or probably it was more recent, like two years ago when they were in middle school and Taehyung worked his off just to be in the same class as Jimin because Jimin is a bit smarter and took school more seriously than Taehyung. But now that he comes to think about it, it could be just yesterday when Taehyung smiled and said “See you tomorrow.”

Jimin doesn’t know anything anymore.

It is stupid, he knows that, at least – because they are always there; the hints. Not on him liking Taehyung, no, that one is as clear as neon lights in the middle of the of the clear-sky night. The hints on Taehyung not looking at him, that’s it. The hints that Taehyung has never looked at him, even a tiny glance, and the sad fact of it.

Because it’s not that Jimin has never shown it; his feeling. It is just as he said; as clear as the neon light. Taehyung, no matter how stupid he is, should have realized that – how Jimin begged his mother to stop by little Tae-Tae house every evening after play school when Taehyung got sick for eating the crayon (thank God it’s toxic-free; Taehyung’s mother could stop thanking Jimin’s mother for the fortunate choice), how Jimin laughed and hugged the eliminated Taehyung during the snow ball fight, how Jimin lived off coffee a week straight to make him stay awake so that he could tutor Taehyung to the required grades, and how Jimin’s trembling hands gripped the gate so hard at Taehyung’s signature grin yesterday. Taehyung couldn’t be that dense, surely, he would have known – if only he would look at Jimin.

 It’s so cruel of Taehyung, one might think, that he has never noticed those things, but Jimin would rather believe that Taehyung did not notice them instead of him purposely ignoring them because Jimin could live by the former fact, but not the latter. His feelings for Taehyung are sacred to him, and he treasures Taehyung way too much to despise him even a little so he would stand by his belief.

~~~

 Even with that being said, Jimin breaks under the pressure within a week. It only takes a week, but it is no ordinary week either. It is a week consisting of him, Jimin, going to school and back home alone because Taehyung is going with Jungkook, because they are dating now. It is a week of Jimin joining the group of classmates he has never really talked with during lunch because Taehyung is having his in Jungkook’s class, since they are dating now. It is also a week of Jimin being frustrated because Taehyung would never listen when he talks because the latter is either texting Jungkook, thinking about Jungkook, or scribbling Jungkook’s name on his book, since they are dating now, and Taehyung doesn’t even bother to apologize.

Jimin tries, hell he tries, to let them all go; because he knows –believes –that Taehyung couldn’t help it, that Taehyung is not at fault but his next action is probably what one could call a feeble attempt of revenge.

It is nerve-wrecking but feels natural at the same time, when he mutters, “Hyung, would you date me?”

It catches the senior off guard; Min Yoongi, the third-year student assigned as his mentor. His hands, Yoongi’s, actually stop from marking Jimin’s algebra, leaving three questions unchecked. Jimin could see Yoongi’s relaxed expression changes to far from relaxed, but he is glad that there is no a trace of judging going on the look. It makes him remember that he doesn’t just pick Yoongi because he is convenient but because Yoongi always listens; he teases and gives somewhat mean remarks that offend Jimin sometimes, but Yoongi always listens to Jimin’s rambling, no matter how trivial they are. And he would always remember them, the next day Jimin could make references to them and Yoongi would still be able to relate as if they matter to him as well.

“What is this, Jiminnie?” Yoongi asks, his raspy voice –rapper’s voice as he would like to call it –drawls in the same way it would when he reprimands Jimin for a bad choice.

Jimin could feel his face burning up, and for once, he feels like running away, and wonders if Yoongi, and both of them, would forget this ever happens If he does that and realizes that it won’t. Yoongi would ask the next day, and the next, next day because he cares for Jimin like that and so Jimin knows running away would be stupid. He should just go on.

“I like you, hyung,” he says, convincing himself that he is not entirely lying – it’s because he likes Yoongi that he anticipates his mentoring sessions, unlike most people who hate it with passion, Taehyung included. “I like you, so would you date me?”

Yoongi leans back, his jaws set as if restraining himself from saying something. His sharp eyes are on Jimin, observing and analysing and of course, Jimin does everything but meeting his eyes. It is uncomfortable, Yoongi’s gaze, that Jimin wishes that Yoongi would just laugh the whole thing off and tells Jimin that he is stupid or something – and for once, Jimin would like if Yoongi doesn’t remember this the next day.

“Thought I’d be the one who does the asking.”

Jimin’s jaws drop at the very moment, actually everything of him feels like dropping –his heart, especially. This could not be happening –he didn’t know what did he expect when he decided to do this –but this couldn’t be happening; Yoongi, his Yoongi-hyung did not just –

But that happened, and thanks to a certain boy that goes by the name Jung Hoseok who has unfortunately walked into them with their lips interlocked, by the next day, everyone knows that first year Park Jimin and third year Min Yoongi is an item.

~~~

Jimin and Taehyung have fought before, if one would count Taehyung getting mad because Jimin didn’t get him ice cream, a fight. But Jimin has never seen Taehyung this mad before – he almost couldn’t recognize the boy he has called his best friend since forever.

“You’re being ridiculous, Tae,” Jimin says exasperatedly, when he finally manages to corner Taehyung one evening, at the next class where Jungkook is in. It was immediate – Taehyung threw him a look of deepest loathing in the morning at which the news about Jimin and Yoongi spread like a wildfire and that was the last time Taehyung had looked at him since.

He has come to term that Taehyung has never really looked at him, but Jimin couldn’t take it that Taehyung literally doesn’t look at him anymore, as if he is a sore sight, as if they haven’t stick to each other since these past eon years.

Taehyung drums his fingers into careless beats on Jungkook’s table – Jungkook who was called by the teacher and the one he is waiting for – his gaze thrown to the baseball field visible from the window. At one point, the drumming stops and he brings himself to look at Jimin’s desperate eyes for the first time since what he feels like forever.

“You never told me,” he says in his deep voice, accusation all over the tone.

“I told you,” Jimin rebuts, indignant. “I told you, after my first mentor session –“

“You told me you like your mentor!” Taehyung cuts off, his voice borderline a shout now. All the humour attributed to him is lost now his face is set to an expression that is mixed of anger and distress. “You like him –as a mentor! What the hell are you doing, Park Jimin?!”

Jimin’s fingers curl into a fist – this is not the first time he feels shaky before Taehyung, but it has never been out of anger before. Everyone could ask him the same thing and Jimin would gladly consider but not Kim Taehyung –he has no right, none at all, to ask such questions when –

“This is about me, right? Me hooking up with Kookie, you wanted revenge, is it? It’s stupid, Jimin, it’s –“

That is when Jimin explodes.

“Does everything have to be about you, Kim Taehyung?” Jimin bellows, tears threatening to spill but he’s giving his all to hold it in because there is no ing way he would cry in front of Taehyung, not ever in this lifetime. “My life doesn’t revolve you, if you would get that right. I don’t ing care what you do, I don’t ing care who you date – I DON’T ING CARE. Are you the only one who can date now? Can’t I do the same? Can’t I seek for some company, since my best friend is too busy dating now? Revenge? Why should I – I’ve never liked you; I’ve never, never, seen you that way before – GET THAT ING RIGHT!”

Jimin storms out after throwing the only thing within his reach – a red backpack that might be Jungkook’s considering the badges bearing the letters J J and K T attached at the front –on Taehyung’s dumbfounded face. He’s glad that Yoongi doesn’t ask anything when he throws himself into his arm, sobbing uncontrollably. He doesn’t even know what he is crying for; perhaps for the fact that he has just said the biggest lie of his life or for the fact that his best friend –the one he has been so much in love with all this while – has actually seen through his feelings all this while yet trampled them away like it doesn’t matter at all to him.

~~~

Jimin looks at the blooming cherry blossoms on the tree and the petals that are fluttering away – it’s so pretty that he takes his time appreciating the fleeting beauty; they are short-lived they might be gone the next day. He realizes that life isn’t that much different; it goes on without people noticing as well, the pages flips as readily as the fluttering petals.

He is a third year student now, and the fact reminds him of someone he has once held close to his side, someone who has held him close to his side. Min Yoongi is a college student now, two towns away, and a past. He had asked for a break-up, an amicable one, saying that it has been fun while it lasts, and thanked Jimin for giving him a happy memory of his high school. He also told Jimin to follow his heart this time around. Jimin was sad; Yoongi had been so good to him but he knew it wasn’t going to last, anyway. It wasn’t that kind of feeling; it wasn’t that kind of relationship.

Rumour has it that Taehyung and Jungkook are no longer, too, over the winter break. Jimin wouldn’t know and he tries not to care; because Kim Taehyung is no longer his best friend, or even a friend – things have changed that much since then.

He enters the class 3-1 after a deep breath, expecting to see faces of those new friends he has made at his study circle but much to his surprise, it is him that he sees first, in front of the class standing and animatedly chattering at the teacher podium, the merry face he has learned to forget but unsurprisingly familiar.

He ceases on laughing upon Jimin’s entrance and his change directs everyone’s gaze to Jimin who stays rooted at the entrance. The class falls silent as if on cue as Taehyung makes his way towards Jimin and Jimin doesn’t like this; it feels so scripted it feels like he is in those lame dramas acted by idols who can’t even act.

“My name is Kim Taehyung; you can call me Tae,” a hand is outstretched, and Jimin opts to ignore it and looks up, only to regret the decision for he comes to meet a pair of beautiful, glistening eyes he has missed so terribly, and the sincerity in them could have just thrown in him away into a sea of feels. “I was stupid – I am stupid, still but I would only be as stupid as you can handle me – I didn’t see you then but I do now and I promise I would see only you now – so can we start over?”

Jimin could feel everyone’s gaze is on them, and at the corner of the class, a different, more powerful gaze from a certain Jeon Jungkook but all he cares for now is the boy before him, with his hands still held up for him and his hopeful face and his sincere, beautiful eyes.

And Jimin smiles and feels like he hasn’t done so for a very long time – probably since that time Taehyung hugged him and said sorry for eating his crayon, or maybe since that time Jimin’s team won the snow ball fight, or perhaps since that time when they found Taehyung’s name in the same class as Jimin back in middle school, or since the yesterday that he remembers.