“When you’re ready to tell me, come find me.”

He remembered it as if it was just yesterday when she said those words. He remembered it crystal clear. Every action lead with every word, he remembered them all. But he knew it wasn’t yesterday that it all took place.

He knew it has been said many years ago. Too long for him to remember but too short for him to forget.

He wanted to find her when he made up his mind. It’s time, he had said. It’s time to tell her the truth. But when he went to find her, they said she was gone.

She had left him.

She didn’t give him a chance.

She just left him without telling him anything. A letter would have been nice. But no, she hadn’t left him anything on her whereabouts.

But he knew it wasn’t her fault. It was his for he had dwelled too long on his decision.

It’s been ten years. Of course she has moved on. He convinced himself under the dark gloomy sky. It looked like it was about to rain but it didn’t. The rain didn’t come.

He waited until it came.

But it didn’t.

Just like her, the rain didn’t come.

“Do you know where she might have moved to?” He asked her neighbour.

“No. I’m not close to her.” The grumpy old man next to her apartment said and shooed him away. He slammed the door in his face.

“Sorry for the inconvenience.” He bowed, paying his respect to the senior behind those closed doors.

He had never used to do that. She changed his vices and he appreciated her for that.

“There are so many things I want to tell you that I don’t know where to begin.” He stared at the murky sky above him.

“I got into S.M. Entertainment for one. The training was harsh and I lost a lot of weight from the tight schedules. On the other hand I met eleven dorks who all shares the same interests as me. They’re my band mates. The twelve of us are in a group called EXO. There are two sub-divisions promoting in both China and Korea and I’m in the Korean group. We’re called EXO-K and the other six members are in EXO-M which M stands for mandarin. I’m the second youngest in the group of twelve. The youngest is Oh Sehun. I think you’d like him. He does pretty good aegyos, just like you.” He stopped to reminisce those times you manipulated him to do something for her by pretending to be cute. It always had an effect on him.

A heavy sigh escaped his mouth. “The oldest in the band is Kim Minseok also known as Xiumin. He’s in the M group but he’s Korean. It’s the same with Chen whose real name is Jongdae. He is such a troll. Then there’s the six of us in the K group. I already mentioned Sehun. Suho is our leader. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are always together no matter where they are and what they do. Then there’s Kyungsoo. He’s a really great cook. Don’t tell him this but I think your cooking is still the best.”

He wanted to taste her cooking again. Those burnt cookies she baked for him on Valentine’s Day. She said that chocolate was too predictable on a special day like so. She wanted to surprise him with something memorable, something delicious and mouth-watering. Like French vanilla cookies. He missed that taste. Even though it was burnt, it tasted delicious to him.

“I mentioned eight of us already. Xiumin is the oldest out of all of us. I think I’ve said that before. But what I didn’t tell you is that Luhan is the second oldest in EXO. Now don’t let his looks deceive you. He may look young and all but he’s not the youngest. Then comes Kris. He’s the leader of EXO-M. He’s tall and handsome but no one can be as handsome as me, right? The fans call him all sorts of nicknames. There’s Krease and Krissy. Oh and there’s BenBen. He looks like the red angry bird character and has a stuffed alpaca called Ace. It was a gift from his fans. I kind of envy him a little.” He stopped to take a breath then continued.

Lay, not as in the food, is one of our groups amazing and talented dancer, just like me. He’s incredible and I love dancing alongside him. He’s so quiet and sometimes he can become forgetful. He’s always smiling which just reminds me of you who always smiled at me. And last but not least we can’t forget our other aegyo master. He resembles a panda with those dark eye circles. I think you’d like him too. You two are pretty similar now that I think about it. Manipulative with your cuteness. His name is Tao. He’s tall too and knows wushu. He’s really talented and cool.

That’s the twelve of us right there. You obviously know me, Kim Jongin. I go by Kai now. But only special people like my family and close friends, and you are allowed to call me Jongin.”

He smiled, chuckling even. “I look like an idiot talking to myself in front of your tomb.”

He checked his wristwatch. “It’s getting late. I better go back to S.M. Headquarters or else our manager will scold us. We actually escaped out here without letting him know. The six of us. But don’t let him know. Escaping and breaking the rules are the only way I can talk to you.” He got up from sitting on the grass and dusted his pants. “I’ll visit you another time when I’m not so busy with promotions. When that time comes, I’ll tell you everything you’ll need to know. No secrets, I promise.”

He crouched down to touch the smiling face on the tombstone and then fixed his cap and sunglasses. “It won’t take long.”

With a smile, he left her grave.

Ten years have passed, Jongin realized. Ten years have been hard on him without her by his side. But ten years of knowing she was watching over him, supporting him, and encouraging him, had made him feel like these ten years were worth the wait.

Even though he was ten years too late, it was worth the wait.

Because she never left him. Even after ten years, she was with him everywhere he went.

“I love you.”

Just like her, the rain didn’t come. But with his confession came the rain.

It wasn’t just rain. It was her tears of joy.

“When you’re ready, come find me. I’ll be waiting for you however long it takes. I’ll always be with you no matter where you are because I love you.”

She will always be watching over him. That was her promise.

And he will keep his promise as well.

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