This is in Donghae's view point, as the chapter title would suggest.

My feelings…If I had to sum up all my feelings for him into one sentence, I don’t think I could do it. I know it sounds cheesy, all the fairy tale like mumbo jumbo; but it’s really true. I can’t help but to get this dreamy sparkle in my eyes whenever I stare at his perfect features. I just can’t contain all of my feelings for him.

That’s why I’m scared. I’m afraid that one day he’ll find out, see behind my mask and peer into my soul. All of my friends say it’s obvious, the way I look at him, as if I’m longing for him from the bottom of my heart. He’s clueless, to not be able to see how I pour my heart out at him. Filling his glass to the top with my heart.

It’s a good thing he doesn’t know though. If he knew how I felt, how would he react? He’d be disgusted, push me away, hate me, and we would never be able to be friends again. I’ve fallen so deeply, if I were rejected, I couldn’t swim out of this sea. I’d be trapped in the never ending fate, helplessly swimming to the top, but always being pulled down by his large hands that I yearn for.

I’m fine with admiring him from afar. Always looking, never touching, like the china dolls in antique stores that my parents always tell me to stay away from. Every time he looks at me with his gummy smile, my heart flutters and I want more. Although I don’t deserve him, I still want him, I want everything about him, but I will never be able to get close enough to feel it. I have to back away from the tempting dessert that I can’t taste.

Every time I look at him, every time I touch him, every time he calls my name, my heart races. I can never stop watching him, I cannot let go of the small part I play in his life. My feelings will always be there, no matter what. Even if I grow older and marry, have children and a new family, I hope that he’ll still be there, maybe with his own family to spend time with. I will always be by his side, silently wishing that he could return my feelings; that he would sweep down and look into my eyes, and tell me the words I want to hear.

My feelings are much more than a high school crush, or some stupid infatuation. It’s not my hormones nor the need for a relationship, which drew me to this conclusion. Over the years that I’ve known him, since I was introduced to him. When I shook his hand and introduced myself, or when he would push me forward with his hands on my back, or when I accidentally tripped and fell on him. I’ll always remember the time that he was sleeping on the soft grass under a tree, one summer day, and I pressed my soft lips against his own.

A hopeful dream that can never come true; a fantasy that will always be fantasy. I know now, after years of longing, that I was in love with him. I loved him with all my heart, and I still love him. I don’t think there will be a day where my love runs dry, because he will always be here with me. Even if he moves to a different city, or across the world, I will have him in my heart for all eternity.

I may not want to keep my feelings contained, shouting to the world that I love him would be my dream. However, if I want to keep him around, this is what I have to do, if I want him to like me and never look at me with disappointment, then maybe I’ll be fine living like this.

I can never have him, never hold him in my arms, but I’ll know. I’ll know that I love him, and I can’t stop loving him, I’ll never stop loving him. Even if he will never love me back.