A excited 5 year old ran up to the front of the store, is breath fogging up the window.

 

 Snow swirls around him and he stares longingly at the shiny piano.

 

 "Mum!" he shouts at the woman who is struggling to catch up to him.

 

"I want to play! Can I play it?" he eagerly says, bouncing up and down.

 

His mother sighs and looks at her watch.

 

She has to pick up his older brother from soccer soon but Baekhyun looks so happy about the idea of playing the piano that she can't resist.

 

They walk inside the music store and the tinkle of a small bell rings as they cross the threshold.

 

When they approach the piano there is already another child is there playing on the piano. Their fingers dance up and down the keys and a bright melody pours out of the instrument.

 

Baekhyun fidgets while he waits for the other child to finish playing. Though finally the child stands up and shuffles away and he quickly scrambles up sit at the seat.

 

 He takes a deep breath, preparing for his moment, he will be amazing and his mother will be stunned. He raises his hands dramatically.

 

And brings them down with a loud "CRASH!". He follows this with another crash, then a bang, and finishes with another "THWACK" to the keys before the store owner comes running up telling him off.

 

His mother sighs again and takes Baekhyun away from the piano and out the store to appease the music store owner. At first she doesn't notice it but she then turns to Baekhyun and sees his bottom lp wobbling.

 

 "Baby what's wrong?" she crouches down, bringer her face closer to his.

He then bursts into tears and starts wailing. Throwing himself onto her and clinging onto her and sobbing into her neck. It doesn't take too long to calm him down enough to talk.

 

In between hiccups he manages to force out, "I can't play the piano, the man said I was bad," and then burst into tears again.

 

Desperate to try and calm him down because people are looking and she REALLY needs to go pick up his older brother now.

 

"What about this? Do you want me to get you piano lessons? Then you will be able to play!"

 

He stops sniffling and looks at her with big wet eyes filled with hope.

 

"Really?"

 

"Really really, now let's go get your brother."

 

--------------------------------------

 

"Hot cross bunsssss" baekhyun sings playing those three notes over and over again.

 

 His brother stuff his  earphones in and his father groans turning to his wife.

 

"What is the point of these lessons anyway?" he asks

 

"That is all he has played every day for the last 3 weeks!"

 

"Just deal with it honey, he really wanted them and he willl eventually learn more as time goes by" his wife explains again.

"Well I hope that eventually comes soon" his father grumbles.

 

"These lessons will be good for his future, just trust me.

 

------------------------------------------

 

Every Friday afternoon Baekhyun would excitedly run from kindergarten to room 113 and stand on his toes rapping on the doorframe and entering in.

 

 After half an hour he would be out again with a new sheet filled with musical notes. He soon progressed into Year 1 and met Jongdae.

 

They spent every afternoon at each other's houses, pretending to be robots or robbers letting their imagination's run wild. But on Friday afternoons Baekhyun would always disappear before Jongdae would be able to find him.

 

 Baekhyun's  whereabouts remained a mystery to Jongdae. Whenever he would ask, Baekhyun would blush and clutch tighter to himself the folder of sheets he carried around with him which he never showed anyone.

 

 Frustrated, their next year during their 2nd grade of primary school he decided to follow him one Friday afternoon.

 

That day when Baekhyun skipped out after his lesson he stopped in his tracks when he saw Jongdae waiting for him.

 

"What are you doing here?" he stuttered.

 

Jongdae ignores him. "Why did you hide from me that you were playing the piano?"

Baekhyun sighed when he realised that his secret was found out and hung his head.

 

"I thought you would laugh at me and not want to be my friend anymore."

 

"Why do you think I would do that?"

 

"Because that’s what Yifan did."

 

Yifan was the another boy in their class. He knew they had been friends before he came in year 1 but he hadn't known why they stopped hanging out.

 

He pulled him into a hug. "Stupid, I would never do that!" and Baekhyun sniffles into his neck.

 

They walk back to their homes, their arms linked. Baekhyun bids him farewell at the door and Jongdae runs across the road to where his own house stands.

 

 He turns around and see's Baekhyun's still standing there watching him. He waves his arm over his head and Baekhyun smiles back and waves and then turns back entering his house.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

They progress through school together and pick up more friends throughout the way. Yifan even eventually joins them again. But even though they have their own miniature group that they hang out with everyone knows that Baekhyun and Jongdae have a deep connection that no one else can come close to.

 

One day during their 6th grade Jongdae turns to Baekhyun with a very serious expression.

 

"Were best friends right?" he asks.

 

"Of course" he scoffs. "What do you want this time?"

 

Jongdae grins. "Nothing, well…. Just meet me at my house tonight, can you do that?"

 

"I'll meet you there,"

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

A few hours later Baekhyun sat shivering up the tree in Jongdae's backyard. He was seriously reconsidering why he even came out here in the first place. He had tried  throwing some stones at Jongdae's bedroom window but he still hadn't come outside.

 

Just when he was about to get down from his branch Jongdae's head popped up startling him. He nearly let out a yelp but Jongdae grinning clapped a hand over his mouth. Baekhyun angrily hit his hand off, "Don't do that again!"

 

Jongdae just laughed and Baekhyun huffed.

 

"What took you so long anyway?" he asks.

 

"I was just trying to find this," and he holds up a safety pin.

 

"Why do you need that?" Baekhyun asks his curiosity sparked.

 

Jongdae stops grinning and turns serious again, "We are best friends right?"

 

"Yes I have already told you this today!"

 

"Well do you want to become my blood brother?" Jongdae then asks.

 

Baekhyun splutters. "You're what?"

"My blood brother" Jongdae continues. "Basically we commit to being brothers, and that we will always be brothers and will always protect each other."

 

Baekhyun sits quiet not saying anything, worried Jongdae starts to backtrack.

 

"You don't have to if you don't want to!"

 

Baekhyun interrupts. "No, I want to do it, it's just.."

 

"What?" Jongdae asks.

 

"Well, it's kind of awkward.."

 

"You can tell me anything!"

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath.

 

"I can't handle the sight of blood"

 

"What?!" Jongdae nearly shouts, a bark of laughter escaping his mouth.

 

"see!" Baekhyun said embarrassed, trying to quieten Jongdae down while covering his face with his hands. "Sorry, I shouldn't have laughed,"  he says while he still tries to compose himself.

 

"You can turn the other way if you want," Jongdae says.

 

Baekhyun nods and turns the other way, throwing is hand and thumb up. Jongdae takes the pin and pricks his finger and then proceeds to prick Baekhyun's exposed thumb. Baekhyun curses and then Jongdae is quickly puts his thumb up to mingle with the small trickle of blood that is flowing out of Baekhyun.

 

"Now we have to say an oath." Jongdae says.

 

"What am I supposed to say?" Baekhyun asks.

 

"Why don't I start?" Jongdae offers.

 

He clears his throat and searches his brain for something to say and then starts off.

 

"I Jongdae, pledge that me and Baekhyun-"

 

"Baekhyun and I," Baekhyun mutters.

 

Jongdae rolls his eyes and ignores him, "-me and Baekhyun will be blood brothers until we die, I pledge to always protect Baekhyun from harm and…. What else should I say Baekhyun?"

 

This time its Baekhyun's turn to roll his eyes, " I don't know, pledge to buy me chocolate?" he said sarcastically.

 

"-I pledge to always protect Baekhyun from harm and to always buy him chocolate on, hmm what day?"

 

"I was kidding!" Baekhyun protests still facing away not to see the blood that was trickling down his hand

.

"Thursday's" Jongdae continues.

Baekhyun sighs again.

 

"Now you say it," Jongdae encourages

 

" I Baekhyun, pledge that Jongdae and I will be blood brothers until we die, I pledge to always protect Baekhyun from harm."

 

"What no chocolates?" Jongdae pouts.

 

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Sunlight pours through the cracks between the blinds, falling on the keys as they were pressed down by Baekhyun's skilled fingers.

 

His fingers dance over the keys, soft but strong, coaxing out slow deep tones from the big instrument. Not just sound but passion flows out from his fingers. Through the notes he tries to convey a story. In his mind he imagines the sorrow of someone who has lost his love, never to come back from the grave. The deep pit of despair that would lie in their heart, the gaping space that used to be filled with love. Each note plays a part in telling this story.

 

He brings his piece to an end, drawing out the last notes. When the sound dies down he is brought back to reality by the sound of clapping behind him. He swivels around to face his music teacher.

 

"That was excellent Baekhyun! You basically know what you're doing, don't need much help from me, but try to focus on your dynamics, really bring more emotion in to your piece."

 

Baekhyun just nodded, happy with his performance for his teacher.

 

"Have you thought about my offer yet?" His teacher probed.

 

"Well I don't know. I've only really played the piano for fun, I don't know if entering competitions is what I want to do." he hesitantly said, not wanting to seem rude. "Also, Work at school is hard enough, adding on to having a to do 2 hours of piano everyday on top of school might be a too much for me."

 

"But Baekhyun!" his teacher persists. "You have so much talent! Let the world see what you've got!"

Baekhyun sighed.

"Fine I'll do it."

 

His teacher claps in excitement.

"I'm so glad you've agreed!"

 

Baekhyun hides his distaste behind a mask and puts on a smile.

 

They finish off their lesson and Baekhyun walks out the door. As soon the door closes behind him he scowls. He walks out the front of the school doors and Jongdae is there waiting for him.

 

"What's got you in such a huff?" he asks.

"I agreed to enter the National competitions" he says.

Jongdae raises his eyebrows. "I thought you didn't want to do those?"

 

"I don't really mind that much, I kind of want too, but I've got so many things going on right now,"

 

"Well just tell your teacher that you don't want too!" Jongdae replies as if the solution is so simple. He takes one look at his friends face and realises that he won't do it though.

 

"Listen Baekhyun," He grabs him by the shoulders and turns him around to face him, " You ned to learn to say no for once in your life to others, you can't do everything that everyone wants you to do."

 

But Baekhyun just shrugs him off.

"I'm sorry, I need to go practice." And he turns around and breaks into a run leaving Jongdae alone in the falling snow.

 

---------------------------------

 

Baekhyun crashes his head down onto the keys groaning in frustration.

 

 He cranes his neck up to look at the clock on the wall.

 

The hands point to 1:30 and he groans again.

 

 In a few hours he will have to wake up to go to school.

 

Below the clock lies the long forgotten study book. He picks it up meekly and flips through its pages.

 

He was supposed to be studying for his end of year exam that was due this afternoon, but the finals of the piano nationals are only next week.

 

 Piano is more important though he reminds himself, especially now, he could not get distracted at such a crucial time. Next week was his chance to put to use what he had been learning for the last 11 years.

 

 As time drew close to the time of the competitions his days had come to revolve around Piano. He would pass through school, slowly counting down the hours, and then the minutes until the bell would ring. He would fly out the door and race back home till he was seated on his stool with his hands posed above the keys. As his fingers pressed down he could feel the tension flowing out of his body through his fingertips. He would spend the next few hours seated there until his mother dragged him to the dinner table.

 

Baekhyun suddenly awakes from his slumber when he hears the soft padding of his mother's footsteps.

 

He wipes the small line of drool from his mouth and checks the clock again. He sighs in relief when he realises that only half an hour has passed from when he unexpectantly took a nap.

 

"Did you fall asleep at the piano again?" she asks as she approaches him.

 

She takes his silence as a yes and she groans.

 

"That’s the third time this week Baekhyun! You are too obsessed with this. If I had known you would be like this when I first signed you up all those years ago I would have stopped lessons straight away." she raises her voice, getting more and more worked up. "When was the last time you hanged out with your friends? What about Jongdae?"

 

"But mum, the piano finals are only just a bit away!" he whined in protest.

 

"Well as soon as your finals are over you are banned from touching that piano for a fortnight"

 

"Mum you can't!"

 

"watch me. Now get to bed." and she left him there sitting in the stool.

 

---------------------------

 

Baekhyun's fingers flittered nervously over the side of his desk, tappinging a jittery melody into the old wood.

 

Jongdae thwacked his hand with his work book.

 

"Seriously I can't work with you doing that! "Jongdae snapped.

 

"What's gotten you so jittery anyway? You won the Finals! You don't need to worry anymore." he said with a bit softer.

 

"My mum said I'm to obsessed with the piano and that I need to take a break from it for a while," he gruffed. Being without the piano for so long has made him extra grouchier.

 

"That sounds like a really good-" Jongdae starts but shuts up at the glare Baekhyun throws at him.

 

"I don't know what to do anymore without piano!" Baekhyun groans again.

 

Jongdae sits up in his seat. This is something he can help with.

 

"Come over to my place this afternoon, we can hang out." Jongdae said excitedly. It had been ages since Baekhyun had hanged out with him after school. With Baekhyun's absence in his life Jongdae had discovered something that he was eager to show him.

 

Baekhyun nodded and smiled when Jongdae nearly bouncing up and down in his seat at the prospect of them hanging out together again. And then suddenly he felt a wave of guilt crash down on him. He could hardly remember when they had last spent an afternoon together. He suddenly became determined to try and make it up to Jongdae today.

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak again but was silenced with a cough from the teacher.

 

"Mr Byun and Mr Kim, unless you want to continue your conversation during detention I suggest you stay silent for the rest of the lesson."

 

Baekhyun saw Jongdae's cheeks flush red and they both replied with "Yes miss." before returning to their workbooks.

 

----------------------------

 

When Baekhyun arrives at Jongdae's house he finds him out the back up the tree. When he climbs up to the top he is handed a box of chocolates.

 

"I don't know where you get the money from to feed me every Thursday," he grins as he takes the box.

 

He unwraps it and takes a small chocolate out popping it out onto his tongue, as soon as it's enveloped in the warm of his mouth it melts. Filling his mouth with the rich chocolaty flavour. He hums in approval to Jongdae, who was currently stealing one any way. After they had finally finished the box, discarded wrappers littering the ground below them, Jongdae decided to speak up.

 

"While you have been busy with your piano for the last 8 months…"

 

Eight months? Baekhyun wonders. Has it really been that long? And once again he feels guilty. Jongdae had been counting the time they were separated while Baekhyun had hardly even realised that time had passed at all.

 

Baekhyun wakes himself up from his thoughts to listen to what Jongdae is actually saying.

 

"I've been taking my own lessons." Jongdae continues.

 

"What?!" Baekhyun asks in surprise. "You doing piano?" he asks again in disbelief.

 

"No," Jongdae laughs, seeing the shocked expression on his friends face.

 

"Singing lessons," and with that he starts to sing.

 

Lying beside you

Here in the dark

Feeling your heart close to mine….

 

Baekhyun smiles, Jongdae's voice is sweet like honey but ever so clear like glass. His voice feels warm and comforting. He lies back and feels like falling asleep to his voice. He nearly does at that too. Right now for once he can forget that he is banned from the piano, his fingers can stop ghosting over imaginary keys desperate for just some more time to practice.

 

He is brought back again to reality when Jongdae finish's, holding out the last note. Baekhyun breaks out into applause and Jongdae blushes again.

 

"So was I good?" he asks shyly.

 

"Have you not heard yourself?" Baekhyun says in disbelief." You are amazing!"

 

"Thanks," Jongdae says, his blush a even deeper red.

 

They spend the rest of the evening laughing and joking around. Baekhyun even manages to forget for that whole time about the abandoned piano sitting at home.

 

But unfortunately he is reminded again.

 

"You should give up piano permanently if it means that we can spend our days like this," Jongdae says, unaware of how Baekhyun stiffens up across from him. Baekhyun tries to laugh it off.

 

"Nah, piano is more important." he says.

 

Jongdae turns to him. He knows he's entering dangerous territory, he's never asked Baekhyun about this before.

 

"Do you honestly like the piano more than me?" he says, he tries to steel himself up, knowing that the answer will probably hurt.

 

Baekhyun stutters, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.  Jongdae sighs, he guess he always knew, but even then he feels hurt, but at the same time really really mad.

 

"After all we've done that instrument is more important than our friendship? Do you even remember when we swore to each other to be blood brothers?!" Jongdae exploded, his voice rising in frustration.

 

But Baekhyun felt his own anger bubble up inside of himself.

 

"Of course I remember! But what's so wrong with me caring about the piano so much anyway?! That piano is my only joy in my life, it's always there for me when I need it." he says trying to defend himself.

 

"There for you?! I could have been there for you if only you would let me! But you were never there for me! All those months were you abandoned me for your ever so precious piano!" Jongdae ranted. "How did you think I felt? Do you even know how many times I tried to go for you for support but you just brushed me off so you could go play more? I tried to be supportive anyway though. I thought that if this was what made you happy then that should be good enough for me but it isn't!"

 

"Well maybe we shouldn't be friends then!" Baekhyun shouted, but he instantly regretted his words when he saw the look on Jongdae's face. Jongdae started blinking furiously, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down.

 

"I should go," Jongdae says with a wavering voice. He shuffles around on the branch turning the other way preparing to leave when he hears Baekhyun behind him.

 

"Wait Jongdae, I don't mean that!" he tries to say but Jongdae is past that and hits Baekhyun's hand away when he reaches for his shoulder. He doesn't realise his strength though and he hears  scream rip from Baekhyun's voice.

 

He whips around just in time to see Baekhyun wobble before falling head first off the branch and tumbling to the ground below and landing with a sickening thud.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I lie in the bed and watched a fly walk across the roof. It walks around in circles before buzzing off and out the slightly open window.

 

It leaves me with only the steady beep of the machine as the only sound that could be heard throughout the room.

 

I curse the machine in my head. That stupid machine that was the only thing that was keeping me alive.

 

What type of life was this anyway?

 

Completely paralyzed. Not able to move except for my eyelids and one of the fingers on my left hand.

 

What type of existance was that?

 

No more Piano.

 

No more music would come from my fingertips.

 

I feel a salty tear run down my face, I blink furiously trying to stop the on flow of more tears but to no avail.

 

My parents had come and gone. They had made a pitiful effort to try and cheer him up, but it was no use.

 

I just want to die.

 

But I can't. Because of that stupid machine.

 

I can feel my mind just going around in circles.

 

Around and around.

 

I can already feel myself slipping. I can feel my mind going crazy.

 

Around and around.

 

That stupid machine.

 

My mind is slipping, falling over the edge.

 

And around and around.

 

I just want to escape from here so badly,

 

But that stupid Machine.

 

I desperatly want to escape, I don't feel sane anymore.

 

I just lie there, not moving for 3 weeks.

 

Staring at the ceiling.

 

Day in

 

Day out

 

With no escape.

 

Who wouldn't start feeling a little crazy?

 

My dizzing world is interrupted by a soft knock to the door. A nurse walks in hesitantly guiding in a visitor.

 

I can see the pity in her eyes.

 

I feel like spitting at her,

 

"I don't need you pity! You are one of the ones responsible for keeping me alive in this world, just give me death and keep your pity, I don't need it, just get rid of that machine!"

 

That machine. That wretchd machine, the machine that beeps and won't let me sleep, the machine that keeps him alive and takes me further away from the jaws of death.

 

That stupid machine.

 

Jongdae suddenly steps away from behind the nurse.

 

I can see the pity in his eyes too. But it's not just pity that lies in his eyes. It's a mixture of pain, regret and guilt, all rolled into one.

 

He turns to the nurse as she talks to him.

 

"remember, if he taps once it means no and two means yes,"

 

He nods in understanding and he takes a further step into the room but she grabs his arm.

 

"don't expect too much or get your hopes up high, he refuses to answer or look at anyone at all,"

 

He nods again at her as she walks out the door closing it behind her.

 

He walks over to the side of the bed and stands there.

 

He stands over me and I try to ignore him. In my head I play a piano, let the notes overtake my senses, blocking out the person who stands above me.

 

I bring myself out from my imaginary world though when I feel a drop of water drip on my head.

 

But when I look at Jongdae, I realise that it was really a tear.

 

Soon more fall down from his face, they fall down and down again, wetting my face more and more.

 

I was getting frustrated. My face was getting all wet and there was nothing I could do about it.

 

He suddenly let out a loud sob and covered his face with his hands.

 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He dropped down to the ground in a crouch and started rocking backwards and forwards on his heels.

 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered again. He sobbed again and tried to muffle his mouth with his hands.

 

 

I don't know how long he stayed down there for. It felt like for a eternity. But he eventually quietened down.
 

He suddenly stood up and took one last look at me before walking out the door.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He comes back every day for the next month.

 

For the first week all he would do was cry and bring flowers. The crying was very annoying. Take that back. EXTREMELY Annoying.

 

But the flowers were still nice. They brought colour back into the room. Gave him something else to look at besides the roof for the rest of the day.

 

By the second week Jongdae was dry out of tears. He still brought flowers though. And cleared out the old ones that had died.

Instead of crying he would try and make me feel better. He would sing and talk about the piano.

 

I know that he really didn't care much for the piano, so I tried to appreciate the fact that he would talk to me about it but it only made me more upset. It made the hole inside my heart feel deeper and more dark.

 

It only made me more determined to kill the machine.

 

With Jongdae's visits I felt my mind stop slipping off the edge. Stop going around and around in circles.

 

For that I was thankful.

 

At night I would dream about my piano. I dreamt that I was playing it again. My hands going up and down the keys. Playing beautiful scales. Then I would move on to play beautiful grand pieces. My hands would sweep up and down the piano at incredible speeds. Pressing down into each note with precision. Drawing out the legato's and deepening my dynamics.

 

But then my hands would slow down and soften. The notes held with them feelings of sorrow and loss. My music reflected my feelings. I could feel my emotions flowing out through my finger tips, through the piano and out, leaving through the sad, heavy notes.

 

I would wake up with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I would never be able to play again. I would wake up hating myself and my life.

 

And that stupid machine. The machine that gave me life. How I hated it so much.

 

And even though, the whole time Jongdae came, I never once reacted or responded to what he said. That didn't phase him though. He still kept on coming.

 

But one day, I decided, tomorrow I will change all that.

 

-----------------------------------------

 

Jongdae came through the door, a boquet of flowers in his hand. He looks at me cheerfully, "Has your day been good today?" he asks.

 

Here goes nothing, I think and I tap my finger once.

 

No.

 

Not expecting my tap in reply he stops with his mouth wide open and my flowers on the floor.

 

"Wait, are you talking to me?" he says picking up my flowers. His eyes hold a spark of hope and excitement.

 

I tap my finger again two times.

 

Yes.

 

Suddenly he starts to cry. Tears streaming down his face and his shoulders shaking and hiccuping.

 

Well I did not expect that reaction.

 

As if he could hear my thoughts he choked out a laugh. "I'm happy! I'm not sad, It's just that, I thought you hated me, Do you?" he asks inbetween sobs.

 

One tap.

 

No.

 

He lets out another sob and starts blubbering.

 

I listen to him  go on for a few minutes before he manages to pull himself together.

 

"So," he hesitates, "Why are you talking to me?" he asks.

 

He watches my finger, I try to move it sideways, to point, but it is hard, I have hardly moved it in a month. After a few minutes of tryng I finally manage to point at that wretched machine.

 

Jongdae looks at me with confusion written all over his face. "The life support machine?"

 

Yes.

 

"What do you want me to do with the life support?" he asks. 

 

I try to move my finger more, and I guesture to the plug into the wall.

 

"You want me to unplug it?!" he nearly shouts.

 

Yes.

 

"but, isnt that machine keeping you alive?" he says, his voice extremly soft this time, barely a whipser.

 

Yes.

 

Why doesn't he understand? He never truly understood me though. I just want to die. What's so wrong with that? It's my life. And it's a life I don't want to live. I feel like my soul has been shattered into pieces and what is left is not really me. Just a ghost of what I used to be. I lived for my piano. But now I don't even have this anymore. What is my life without piano? No one will ever understand why I want to die. But why is everyone else so afraid? It is just like passing through a veil, a veil that we have no other idea of what is on the other side. And right now anything the other side of the veil has in store for me leaves me with more hope than I will ever experience on this side.

 

"But, does that mean you want to die?" he asks, his voice shaking.

 

I desperatly want to shout yes but instead I just tap. Two times.

 

Yes.

 

He sobs again. "But why?" he chokes. 'How can you just give up hope?" he asks.

 

Hope? Hope in what? That I will be able to move again? That I won't have to spend the rest of my days in a bed, waking up crying, living my life the way I want through my haunted and despairing dreams. There was never hope to begin with. I have to resign myself to this life they all told me. I don't want to live like this. This isn’t living. I am just slowly dying, piece by piece.

 

"Don't you remember that time when we were little? When we swore to be blood brothers. I promised to protect you. I can't just stop now. Do you even remember that day?"

 

Yes.

 

And that's what I'm asking you to do, to protect me from this slow death. Just please do this for me.

 

I start feeling desperate. I can't do this if I can only say yes or no. I feel the tears coming down my cheeks and I make no effort to stop them.

 

When Jongdae sees my tears he starts to cry harder. He suddenly reaches out and grabs my hand and looks into my eyes.

 

People say that when you look into someone's eyes you can see through a window into their soul. And in that moment I swear we both could. It was like he was looking inside the very depths of me. Jongdae's eyes are a honey brown, but they have a depth that is deeper than the sea. Through them in a split second I swear I see his heart at its barest.

A boy who feels incredibly alone in the world. A boy who will go to the end of the earth for those he loves. He feels so directionless in life. Singing and me were his life lines that he clinged onto desperate to find a course to follow. He doesn't know how to reach out to others and I'm the only one who he really has ever made a connection with.

 

What I want to say is sorry. I am so sorry. But even without words I see the wave of understanding crash over jongdae's features. And he speaks my words for me.

 

"I'm so sorry." he says and a single tear falls down his features before he pulls the plug out.

 

A large beeping wailing sound wails across the room and I feel my senses dulling.

 

 The muffled sounds of running doctors and nurses surround me and my vision blurs.

 

I hear though Jongdae's whispered words.

 

I will always love you Byun baekhyun. You are my closest friend and this is my final act to try and ease your pain. You are my blood brother.

 

Everything then fades into a inky blackness.