Forever and Always
I Even Loved The Pain
Year 1997, when we first met. It was a snowy day that time, and I was playing outside, making snow angels. I saw you, so gaunt and tall, sitting on the bench while observing the other children. You were so quiet, and I was the exact opposite. I remember, I was still 5 that time, yet these memories lingered in my mind like it was created yesterday.
I went to approach you, despite that we were strangers. Because you caught my eye, Luhan, way better than what I've expect it to be.
Min Ah: Hi there~ Don't you want to play?
Luhan: Aniyo. Who are you?
Min Ah: I'm Lee Min Ah. And you are?
Luhan: I'm Luhan.
Min Ah: Why don't you want to play with me?
Luhan: I..
Before you could even tell me the reason, you were already fetched by your driver. Seems like you've ran away from home, and that you've had enough. You lived in a beautiful house, so huge and lavish, and I lived a few blocks away. We were neighbors, but I didn't pay attention to your house until I met you.
Will I ever see you again? That question lingered in my mind, like a super glue sticked to my cerebellum.
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I went home, staring at the windows, thinking about you. I didn't know the reason why you were vivid in my mind. Maybe I was curious, or maybe I liked you, even if I didn't have an idea what is it all about.
Mom: Why are you so quiet, Min Ah?
Min Ah: Nothing, mom. I'm curious. Who are those people living in the huge house?
Mom: They're the rich people in our subdivision. Waeyo?
Min Ah: I saw a kid a while ago, and I wanted to play with him.
Mom: Why not?
Min Ah: But would his parents allow me to do so?
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Luhan's Mom: Where the heck did you go, Luhan?
Luhan: I want to go outside.
Luhan's Mom: You didn't have to run away.
Luhan: Will you even allow me if I asked for your permission?
Luhan's Mom: I won't allow you to run away from me once again.
Luhan: Then give me a playmate, mom.
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Two days later, I secretly went to your house just to see if you were there and I was right. You saw me right away, and I greeted you with a smile.
Luhan: You're the girl from before..
Min Ah: Yes, I am.
Luhan: Mind if you play with me?
Min Ah: S-sure. What do you want to play?
You looked everywhere to see if the coast is clear, held my hand and went to the park with me.
Luhan: I feel suffocated at home.
Min Ah: Waeyo?
Luhan: Mom doesn't allow me to go outside and I'm sick of playing the same thing again.
Min Ah: Don't worry! Let's go and make snow angels!
This time, I held your hand. We both held each other, and we created the snow angels in a pile of snow. It was beautiful and we even created a snow man along the way.
Luhan: I've never felt so happy before~
Min Ah: Too bad they deprived you of your happiness~ How old are you?
Luhan: I'm 6 years old.
Min Ah: You're my oppa, after all.
Luhan: I guess I am. *smiles*
Min Ah: Luhan oppa~
It was nice calling you that way. I've always dreamed of having an oppa, and there you came.
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Months have passed, yet we remained friends. We would sneak around, secretly meeting each other at our rendezvous for a few months. This was the best thing that happened to me so far.
Luhan: I wanted to marry you someday, Min Ah.
Min Ah: Eh? Why me?
Luhan: Because.. You are my childhood sweetheart.
Min Ah: But we are still kids..
Luhan: That's why I'm going to wait for you until you reach 18.
Min Ah: That's too long.
We went to a tree, where you carved our names.
Luhan <3 Min Ah
Forever in My Heart
April 20, 1997
Luhan: Today is April 20, isn't it? Happy Birthday to us, Min Ah.
Min Ah: How did you know? And we both have the same birthdays?
Luhan: Silly Min Ah. You told me back then. How can I forget you, who gave me so much to remember?
Min Ah: We're like twins! Yaaaay!
Luhan: I don't want us to be siblings because you are my future bride!
You were very persistent in having me as your wife. I secretly am happy, hearing those words as a child. In fact, I consider you my childhood sweetheart, Luhan.
Then you gave me a smack on my lips, which is quicker than a millisecond. As I child, it was shocking, and memorable.
Luhan: I have to get going now or else mom would scold me. Happy Birthday to us! Let's meet tomorrow at the tree house, arraseo?
So far, it was the best birthday gift I had. A kiss from my childhood sweetheart.
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I waited for you to arrive at the tree house. I wore my favorite dress, which mom made. Because I was bored, I drew a picture of the two of us and placed it on the wall. I even brought milk and cookies, which were your favorites.
I was looking forward for our play time, Luhan. I patiently waited. At 12pm I was already there, excited to see you.
But where are you as of the moment?
Did your mom forbid you to go out today?
I wanna know the reason why..
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Mom: Min Ah! Wake up!
Mom was at my side, and I was inside my room. I wonder how did I get in here.
Min Ah: Where is Luhan, mom?
Mom: I was about to tell you, but you quickly went to the tree house. Luhan went to China already.
That broke my heart a little, knowing that you left, without saying that you're leaving.
Min Ah: Why, mom? Are they coming back?
Mom: They're not coming back.
Min Ah: You're lying.. Aren't you?
Mom: I'm not. It was too sudden. Luhan had to go back because his father was reassigned to that location.
I broke down into tears, and hugged mom so tight. Why didn't you tell me, Luhan? I though you're going to see me today?
Being a 6 year old kid, I feel like I'm bearing the world's problems on my shoulders. Luhan, why are you being like this? When will you come back to play and make snow angels with me?
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That was 13 years ago. We're in the year 2010, and I am 19 years old already. He lingered in my mind, but I started to survive living without him and I give up. His promises, are maybe forgotten already. Why would he even waste time waiting for a girl like me anyway?
I was still studying in high school. I stopped for a year so I could help mom in earning money, and I had to sacrifice for my little sister, Min Soo, who recently graduated in middle school.
Teacher: Welcome, class.
Class: Welcome, teacher. *bows*
Teacher: You have a new classmate. He came from China, but he's fluent in Korean. Please welcome, Luhan.
Did I just heard my teacher saying your name? Or did I misheard it?
Luhan: Annyeong Haseo, Luhan imnida.
You were a pretty boy, Luhan. Your black hair and cute face made you look younger than before. Do you still remember me, Lee Min Ah?
I was smiling, hoping you would remember me that time. You sat beside me, and I would recall our childhood together.
Luhan: Miss?
Min Ah: Y-yes?
Luhan: Would you mind?
He stared at me coldheartedly, and was exasperated right away.
Luhan: Stop staring at me. You're freaky.
That gave me a shock. The Luhan that I used to know doesn't talk to me that way.
Min Ah: Luhan, do you still remember me?
Luhan: If I did, why would I answer you this way?
Min Ah: Well.. It's been 13 years.
Luhan: That long? Why expect me to remember you? I meet a lot of people, and clearly you're not worth remembering after all.
Min Ah: Funny, that before, you told me that you love me..
Luhan: I never said that I love you. Stop being delusional and be quiet. Maybe you've mistaken me as someone you know.
Min Ah: I didn't. I know you're him. I know in my heart it's you.
Professor: Class dismissed.
Luhan left, ignoring me. I was alone once again, like the way I was when he left me.
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He was at the cafeteria, alone. I was about to eat lunch so I sat beside him.
Luhan: What the heck are you doing here?
Min Ah: Remember when we were kids? I'd accompany you whenever you're alone.
Luhan: You're dwelling in the past, whoever you are.
Min Ah: I'm Lee Min Ah. Arraseo? How come you've forgotten your childhood friend?
Luhan: You're a freak.
Luhan did everything he could to ignore me, but I was persistent. I know he's my childhood friend. My heart can't tell lies.
I was that of a sasaeng, but I really wanted to know why he's being like this to me.
Luhan: Why are you following me wherever I go?
Min Ah: I don't know. It's just that my heart leads me to you.
Luhan: I get it that you're into me, but can't you see you're looking obsessed lately?
Min Ah: I just wanted you to remember me. Is it too much to ask?
Luhan: Stop it already. I don't know who you are. Get out of my face. I don't want to see you again.
Luhan, why did you become like this? Don't you know how much it hurts, you, treating me this way?
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You kept on ignoring me, Luhan. Yet I don't know the reason why. Did you forget my existence? Or was I just not worth remembering?
Luhan: Mom, I'm home.
Luhan's Mom: Welcome home. How's your head lately?
Luhan: It's fine. Better than the usual.
Luhan's Mom: Your memories, I mean.
Luhan: I can't seem to remember a thing. And there's this girl, who said that she remembers me.
Luhan's Mom: But who could it possibly be? You only have one childhood sweetheart, as far as I know.
Luhan: Yes.. And I know it's Min..
Luhan's Mom: Jung Min Ae. My friend's daughter, that I expect you to marry.
Min Ae: Luhan oppa! You here!
Luhan: Min Ae, you've grown up into a beautiful lady!
Min Ae: Yep! And I'm willing to marry you if that's the case! Are you okay after the incident?
Luhan: I think so. I was still alive after the car accident two months ago.
Min Ae: Pabo! I was worried about you!
Luhan: You're so cute. *pats her head* Shall we go and have dinner?
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I lie awake at night, praying that you would remember me once again. I know it's been a long time, and maybe I was the only one dwelling in the past. You were one of those unforgettable people who have been and always will be a part of my life.
I cried myself to sleep, because that's how it hurts, being forgotten by the one you love the most.
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Luhan: Where is that girl?
Sehun: Who?
Luhan: The one sitting next to me?
Sehun: Ah, Lee Min Ah. She isn't coming to class today.
Luhan: Why?
Sehun: Molla. Why, you like her?
Luhan: I'm curious, that's why.
I didn't came to class today because mom and I went somewhere else and I found out something, that made me break down more than what Luhan did to me.
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Luhan: (That girl.. Why did she told me about her? Is she one of the persons I've forgotten in the past?)
Sehun: You've been in the clouds lately, Luhan.
Luhan: Oh, sorry.
Sehun: By the way, I'm Min Ah's friend in class, Oh Sehun.
Luhan: Hey, Sehun. Nice to meet you.
Sehun: I wonder where Min Ah is right now.
Luhan: Me too. May I ask you a question?
Sehun: Sure.
Luhan: Why does she act as if she knows me a lot?
Sehun: Did you have an amnesia or something?
Luhan: Yes. I don't know everyone in the past.
Sehun: Oh. Sorry to hear that. Min Ah and I were friends since we're 10 years old, and she kept on talking about a guy who is her childhood sweetheart named Luhan. By any chance, are you that person?
Luhan: I.. I don't know. It's hard to recall all those things.
Sehun: Don't rush. I mean, amnesia doesn't come and go easily.
Luhan: Yeah.
Sehun: Does Min Ah bother you?
Luhan: A little. Because trying to remember her is like remembering someone I never met before. Besides, I have someone else in my heart.
Sehun: I see.
Luhan: I feel a bit guilty, though.
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The next morning, me and mom went to school, to give my teacher a letter stating that I am going to drop and leave school instead because of what I discovered. You know what I knew yesterday?
I was diagnosed with a heart disease. And I'm dying soon.
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Luhan's Mom: Luhan, are you ready for your engagement party with Min Ae?
Luhan: But, we're not yet lovers.
Luhan's Mom: Non-sense! You two will end up together anyway. Our families will merge our companies together in the future and you will be the CEO.
Luhan: But I'm only 20 years old.
Luhan's Mom: And you're at the right age to marry, Luhan.
Luhan: Arraseo, Mom. I love Min Ae anyway. (But why did I remembered Lee Min Ah?)
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The next morning, I stayed in my room, just staring at the windows like what I did waiting for Luhan. I wonder where they are.
I feel like a masochist, loving the pain that I damn encounter every day. I put my thoughts in a diary, because I have no one to talk to.
Sehun: Min Ah had dropped out of school.
Luhan: Why?
Sehun: She didn't tell me the reason.
Luhan: That .
Sehun: Yeah. I like her so much. You want to come into her place later?
Luhan: I can't. I'm going to be engaged later.
Sehun: Congratulations.
Luhan: Thanks.
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I've been poor in health lately. I lost my appetite, and my heart is destroying every part of me. I can't even function well because if I had extreme happiness or sadness, I might encounter a heart attack.
Even if Luhan rejected me, I still want to see him. Even just for now, I want to tell him how I feel.. How much he means to me.
Mom: Min Ah..
Min Ah: Mom.. Please do me a favor..
I was at the hospital, because a while ago, I had a heart attack. I fainted, while I was writing on my diary. I even wonder why am I still alive. I wanted to give up already. The pain is just too strong.
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Min Ae: Luhan oppa, you're going to be my fiance in a while.
Luhan: Yes, and I'm happy about it.
Min Ae: Shall we go to the guests and entertain them?
Luhan: Sure. *kisses her forehead* Wait a second.. My head hurts.. I..
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Min Ah: Mom.. Will you please call Luhan? I got his number from his friend..
Mom: Arraseo, if that's what you want.
Mom was calling Luhan, because I was filled with dextrose and pointy objects on my veins which weakens me, little by little. She pressed and placed my phone on loudspeaker, so I would hear his phone ringing.
Mom: No answer, Min Ah.
Min Ah: Please don't give up dialing, mom.. Jebal.
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Luhan: Ah! My head hurts! Damn it!
Min Ae: Oppa! Gwenchana? Help us everyone!
Maid #1: What happened?
Min Ae: Please call the doctors! And inform auntie!! Luhan oppa!
Luhan: Ah!! My head hurts.. This can't be!!
Doctor: I'm a doctor invited to the party. What's going on?
Min Ae: His head is hurting..
Doctor: Did he.. By any chance.. Had an amnesia before?
Luhan: Y-yes..
Doctor: Stay put, Luhan. *puts him in a chair* Close your eyes..
Luhan: It's painful! Damn it!
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Min Ah: There's no answer, until now. I've got limited time to live.
Mom: Don't say such things, Min Ah. You're going to live longer. You must promise me.
Min Ah: Luhan promised me he'll come back and marry me, but he never did. I won't promise anything, mom.
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Note: Luhan's memories are returning.
Flashback:
Min Ah: Hi there~ Don't you want to play?
Luhan: Aniyo. Who are you?
Min Ah: I'm Lee Min Ah. And you are?
Luhan: I'm Luhan.
Min Ah: Why don't you want to play with me?
Luhan: I..
Luhan's Mom: Where the heck did you go, Luhan?
Luhan: I want to go outside.
Luhan's Mom: You didn't have to run away.
Luhan: Will you even allow me if I asked for your permission?
Luhan's Mom: I won't allow you to run away from me once again.
Luhan: Then give me a playmate, mom.
Luhan: Mom! I don't want to go to China! I love Min Ah!
Luhan's Mom: What do you know about love? You're just eight years old!
Luhan: I may not be old enough, but Min Ah is someone worth cherishing!
Luhan's Mom: We'll come back in a few years.
End of Flashback.
Luhan: Lee Min Ah.. I remember her! My childhood sweet heart! *checks his phone* Thirty missed calls.. *calls the number*
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I was weak, losing everything, even my energy. I don't want this to happen, but I guess I am only meant to live this long. But 19 years is a blessing, yet I wasted my time in waiting for Luhan.
Mom: Min Ah! Luhan is calling!
That gave my heart something to look forward to. Is it really true, Luhan?
Mom placed it on loudspeaker so I can hear his voice. It was also a video call, wherein I saw his face, panting and running.
Luhan: Min Ah!
Min Ah: L-luhan..
Luhan: Jeongmal mianhae.. I had an amnesia.. I just recovered my memories.. *sobs* I'm so sorry..
Min Ah: I understand.. *weak* You're about to get engaged, aren't you?
Luhan: Nae.. But I suddenly remembered everything and ran away..
Min Ah: I.. I..
Luhan: Listen, you have to be strong, Min Ah. Understand? Don't even leave or sleep. I'm on my way. Bye for now.
I'm so happy when you said my name, Luhan.. Now I understand why you became that way. I love you, Luhan.. I was drowning in tears, when you called me. I feel so remembered..
Min Ah: Mom.. Please.. Hand this thing to Luhan.. When he comes..
Mom: Arraseo.. But what is this?
I didn't answer her. The truth is, I'm losing every moment of my life right now. Think of me and the sands of time. Every minute, every second, I'm dying.
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Luhan: Excuse me, miss! Where is Lee Min Ah?
Nurse: She's at room 420.
Luhan: Thanks. Min Ah, I'm here. Your childhood sweet heart.
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As I was breathing slowly, thanks to the oxygen, I saw Luhan, wearing formal outfit. He quickly went to approach me that time, and held my hands like when he did when I felt cold during that winter.
Luhan: Min Ah.. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for treating you badly.. I didn't know it was you.. Not Min Ae..
Min Ah: *sobs* I thought you've forgotten about us.
Luhan: I never did, Min Ah. Damn that amnesia for letting me hurt you.
Min Ah: Now, now. At least.. You're here. I'm so happy. Don't you know that it took me 13 ing years to wait for you? You never told me anything.
Luhan: It was unexpected. I was not informed. Do you still remember our promise?
Min Ah: I never forget that day when you told me you would marry me.
Half of the sands were already at the other side, and so is my life. In a week, or at the end of the day, God might take the life He had given me. Because my time here on Earth is borrowed, and must be returned.
Luhan: Min Ah.. That's why you dropped out of school.. I thought it's because of me.
Min Ah: Aniyo. We're quits. I never told you about this as well. Why did you left the engagement party?
Luhan: Pabo, that doesn't matter anymore. You're the one who matters.
Min Ah: But why?
Luhan: Do I really have to answer that question? Saranghaeyo, Lee Min Ah.
Luhan kissed my forehead, despite of me at my worst. The way he said those words, were like magic, giving me pure energy.
Luhan: Ya. You have to be strong.
Min Ah: I'm trying to. It's just that my heart is too weak.
Luhan: No it's not. If it is, you shouldn't have loved me for 13 years.
Luhan kissed my forehead this time, and he tried to nurse me back to health. We reminisced everything. From the day we met to the way we were.
Luhan: I don't think hearts forget. Because back when I had amnesia, it felt like something's missing despite having Min Ae. There's a reason for everything, yet I have no idea what makes me feel different and longing for someone who turns out to be you.
Min Ah: Time can't tell how much I missed, needed and how special you are to me. Even so, it can prove how much I've been loving you ever since. Luhan, I want my eyes to be yours so you could see how wonderful you are to me. I want my heart to be yours so you could feel how much you mean to me and I want my ear to be yours so you could hear me whisper, I love you. I love you.. I love you..
Luhan: I love you too..
The sands of time.. It's over. Time has ended for me, Lee Min Ah. Those were my last words to Luhan, my one true love. When he told me sweet nothings, I tried not to be filled with overwhelming emotions and used my last breath to say I love you. I loved the pain my heart disease had given me, and became a masochist in the process. But it got paid off in the end.
Luhan: Min Ah?! Min Ah!!!! CALL THE DOCTOR JEBAL!!!!
The doctors entered the room, used a medical instrument to keep me alive, but it was no use.
I was dead.
Yet, I am still writing and witnessing everything.
Mom's cry, Luhan's tears.. My sister's screams.. They all tear me apart.
Words that were hidden, moments that we looked into each other's eyes.. Times we were together.. I hoped to last. Then you held my hand like it was your world. It took me more than a decade to tell you how I feel. The promise you've made almost came true, yet I was the first one to let go. I died, Luhan.
If only I could ask God to be with you one more time, believe me I would, not that I could. Let me hold you for the last time, until I vanish into dust.
Happy Birthday to us, Luhan.
April 20, 2013.
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Mom: Luhan, Min Ah wanted to give this to you.
Luhan: Eh? What is this?
Mom: It's a milestone of Min Ah from the day you met until her last breath.
Luhan: *cries* Ahjumma, I'm so sorry.. I wasn't able to fulfill our promise..
Mom: Don't be like that. I'm sure Min Ah would not blame you. It's nobody's fault.
Luhan: I love her so much.
Mom: I know, and she loves you too. Please keep that album and scrapbook and handle it with care.
Luhan: I will.
Mom: At least before she died, you were able to say I love you.
Min Ah, a thousand words would not bring you back. I know, because I tried. Neither could a thousand tears. I know, because I cried. You left me with a broken heart and lingering memories, which I didn't want to have because all along, I wanted you.
I've forgotten my broken heart, the tears, the pain and everything I feel inside of me. But I still haven't forgotten about you.
God, if it's alright to ask for one thing, will you make Min Ah alive? They say you can't have everything. But if I could only have one thing in my life, I'd choose you.
Lee Min Ah, Happy Birthday to us. You would be forever in my heart.
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BONUS PART:
Director: CUT! Great job, Luhan!
Luhan: Jinjja? Gomawo! Min Ah! We did it!
Min Ah: So that's how it feels being hospitalized, eh?
Director: You did a great job too! This is perfect for EXO's 2014 Comeback! I'm sure everyone would be amazed! But for now, let's focus on Miracles in December.
Luhan: *winks* Let's focus on us, Min Ah. Let's make that music video a reality.
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