Chapter 1: Mr [lonely] Jerk (no more...)
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I am Mr Lonely.

I have nobody.

The song kept playing and playing, as if mocking at Seung Hyun.

From young, he had been the only child, and the only son, which seemed to make things worse. He had to fulfill the might expectations of his parents – to get straight A’s for his subjects, win top ten for cross-country, be able to play the guitar and hopefully the piano as well, plus he had to have vocal trainings.

In short, he needed to be perfect and very well-rounded.

Well, he did satisfy most of his parents’ expectations, except the fact that he was not really born to dance. He was not really made for memorizing History and Biology and other sciences. He managed to get B's for them, not A’s.

He thought that as long as he worked hard, his parents would appreciate him and praise him. However, he was so wrong. When he finally managed to score an A for History, his parents merely nodded and replied, “I want a perfect score next time. Work on your sciences.”

It was never enough. His efforts never worked. He never received a compliment from them before. Despite that, he clung onto the belief that all parents loved their children and that his parents just did not express their love for him the way he would love them to, with simple smiles and warm-hearted greetings.

Then, when he began a band and strived to produce music for people, his parents asked him to quit. “Being in a band is not exactly ideal, son. Do understand our position. You should major in either business or medial sciences. These careers are better. You can study law too.”

All they cared about was maintaining their reputation and images in front of the society. They cared about the majority’s perceptions and ideals, but never their son’s.

That was when Seung Hyun finally decided to step out of his good-boy role. He began ditching school, drinking beer, jamming with his band more and more often and he flirted with more girls. He even got involved in bar-fights.

It was not that he loved doing all these rebellious work. It was just that he craved some attention from his parents, be it the harsh scolding or even a small complimenting smile. However, his parents remained cold and arranged a marriage for him.

No scolding. No punishment. No frowns or anything.

Nothing.

“Seung Hyun, you have to meet Ms Yeung. She is your fiancée.”

There, he just got a wife whom he had never known before.

Ms Yeung and he shared a sumptuous dinner at a high-class restaurant. Seriously, Ms Yeung was well brought-up and really graceful. She spoke with eloquence and manners. She had knowledge in many aspects, be it history or science and even music. They could get along, but Seung Hyun knew that she was not the one.

However, Seung Hyun could tell that Ms Yeung was somehow interested in him, and he was determined to try to make this marriage work, partly because he still yearned for the acknowledgement of his parents, and also to make this petite lady smile.

Ms Yeung was not tall, and she looked like one of those adorable dolls on display. She had long black hair, with sharp eyes full of wisdom. Her lips were thin and pink. Each time she smiled, her lips formed a pretty upward curve. Her cheeks were rosy and she had a dainty face.

Seung Hyun liked her and from her words, it seemed that she had no genuine friends. She was only allowed to socialize with the people her family deemed fit. She was the only child as well. She enjoyed painting and that was her ultimate interest but her family opposed to her majoring in Arts.

“We have never intended to bring up a low-class artist.” Her eyes revealed such deep melancholy as she confessed to Seung Hyun about her parents’ statement. She had to abide and listen to her parents, since she knew that she was fortunate to be in such a rich and affluent family. Many wee starving and she was lucky, she convinced herself and tried to convince Seung Hyun.

Seung Hyun would never leave her alone. He wanted to show her more of the world. Though his parents treated him in a somehow similar way, at least he had the chances to make friends and even jam with his friends. He had his opportunities to be rebellious as well.

Ever since then, Seung Hyun went out with Ms Yeung many times.

“Serina! This is for you!” Seung Hyun began strumming the guitar as he sang a love ballad song to Ms Yeung.

“Thank you!” Both of them enjoyed being with each other. They were comfortable with each other, but both knew that they were not in love. Rather, they were more like brother and sister.

They were to get married soon. Seung Hyun was eighteen and Serina was seventeen.

Seung Hyun thought that maybe this time, his efforts would work. Serina and he could live a happier life together, both of them tried.

However, the news of Serina’s death shattered his belief and totally changed him. He had no more faith to cling onto anymore.

Serina had protested against the marriage and argued with her parents, for the very first time, for herself and Seung Hyun.

“We don't’ love each other! He deserves his happiness! Why are you forcing us?”

Seung Hyun could not stop the images of Serina protesting hysterically against her parents from flooding into his mind. Her father had slapped her hard and being the delicate lady, Serina fell and knocked her head against the hard wall. Her body collided with the glass table behind her as well.

“Internal bleeding in the head…”

That was the cause of Serina’s death.

Seung Hyun left his family afterwards. He could not bother what would happen to Serina’s parents or his family.

He lost faith.

Serina was dead.

A pang of pain hit his heart and spread. Soon, grief engulfed his whole heart. The pain was unbearable.

He lived with his band mates, and started dating with countless girls. He would always break up with them just when he knew that his girlfriends were expecting more and the best to come out of their relationships.

Yeong Lin was one of them.

“I am sorry, Yeong Lin… I am sorry to everyone. Sorry, Serina…” Seung Hyun rubbed his temples, as tears rolled down his cheeks.

He chose to break up with them at that point of time, when his girlfriends believed that the relationship was only going to get better, because at that point of time, it was the peak of their love.

Seung Hyun truly loved every one of his girlfriends. He wanted to break up with them at the peak of their love, using the most hurtful way, because it was the only way to keep their love intact at the strongest point.

It might sound absurd or ridiculous, but to Seung Hyun, breaking up at the peak of love, was a relief. That way, he knew that there was no more hurt and sorrow, only happiness in the relationship.

Breaking up in the most hurtful way for his girlfriends would help to remind them that they should never fall in love with a jerk like him. He wanted to make sure and motivate all his previous girlfriends that they surely deserved better and he was just a jerk.

Yes, he was selfish, to satisfy his own ideals, neglecting his girlfriends’ feelings. However, the truth was, he was not only hurting others, he was hurting himself the most badly. He had lost the ability to love or trust again.

All day long, the only thing that he would stick with would be his music. He was sure that he would not betray his own music and that his music would never betray him.

“Da da di da dum…” Seung Hyun’s handphone was ringing. His current girlfriend’s name appeared on the screen.

“Should I continue this way?” Seung Hyun wondered. He liked his current girlfriend a lot. Her name was Yuki. She was adorable and bubbly, and optimistic and hopeful. She always brightened his days.

He recalled the phone call and everything from past, which he had been escaping from, to the present. Serina sacrificed her life, fighting for her happiness, and his. Why didn’t he realise this earlier? Why did he waste her life and his own life? Why did he stay bitter?

He should move on and be happy and treat Yuki better if he liked her. He should just continue trying. Something must work. Maybe Yuki would be the one.

“Yeong Lin and your boyfriend, thanks. Have a good life! Serina, thanks, I finally get it. Song Seung Hyun, strip off your identity as Mr Jerk!” Seung Hyun declared with determination as he dressed to meet Yuki.

I am Mr Lonely.

I have nobody.

Seung Hyun smirked as the song replayed again.

“I used to be Mr Lonely. I used to have nobody. But all those are the stupid used-to-be(s)!”

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enjoy. thanks. cheers.

th1rd3ye