I have a disease, or should I call it a problem? I don’t remember how it’s called since I do not really care about its name, so I will only tell you about what this problem is about. I have some sort of partial amnesia. Basically, my brain can only contain information for only two years. After that, my mind becomes blank. Well, not entirely blank, but I can only remember things that happened before I turned 18. What is the cause of this? After I turned 18, my dad died and it seems that that was a big shock for me, so big, that most of my brain cells don’t work the way it should work. I always go back to when I was 18 and I can’t remember the things that I have done in the last two years. I don’t remember my new friends, the places I’ve visited, my first love. The amount of information doesn’t have to be of a particular size. I can learn more things these two years than the previous two. That’s why I always carry with me my phone, my tablet, a notebook, my digital camera and always when I wake up after two years and see the date on my calendar I spend a whole day learning about what have I done in the last years.

     I always have a letter from myself on the pillow next to me, that always starts with: To myself, who believes it’s the next day after she turns 18, I have something to tell you: you are not 18 anymore. You just forgot two years of your life and I’m going to tell you all about it. Open the notebooks on the table and read it all. And always learning about my father’s death is as painful as the first time.

     The first time it happened to me, when I turned 20, it was a shock for both me and mom. I just woke up and went to our kitchen and when I saw her there I just asked her: What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be with dad in the hospital? Mom cried for days when the doctor told us about my problem, but I didn’t shed a single tear. I had to be strong, for me and for my mom too.

     Now, I’m 25, and in a week I’ll turn 26, which means that I will be back to memories from eight years ago and I need to take it from the beginning once again. I’m used to it already, but not in a million years have I thought that my life will change and that I will meet him. Now, I don’t want to forget anymore, I refuse to do so.

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     “Alex, please! Help me this one time!” I think I heard that same line for more than 100 times in the past hour.

     “It’s not just one. I helped you so many times before. I just don’t want to go with you to a blind date. And you know my reason.” I was trying my best to not scream at the top of my lungs since we are in a coffee shop, but my best friend Clara was pushing the wrong buttons right now.

     “OK, I was wrong to say “this one time”, but please, it’s not going to be that bad. And don’t let that problem of yours get to you. You can meet new people and still remember about them when you will turn 26. Remember, pictures and writing.” Clara was trying her best to make me change my mind, but I still didn’t want to go on a blind date.

     “You know I’m tired of hurting people around me. I don’t write every damn thing that I do and sometimes not remembering the guy you’re waking up next to as being your boyfriend might hurt not only him, but me as well.”

     “Hahaha! I can still remember when you called me and told me a guy was in your bed and that you are in a place you don’t know.  You even called him a . Jim was really hurt then.” Clara was laughing and I wasn’t enjoying it.

     “It’s not my fault I have this problem. It was the first time I had a boyfriend and my memories were going to be erased the next day after our anniversary. I told him it will be probably awkward between us, but I wasn’t expecting to react like that.”

     “True, but still, it was funny.” Clara wasn’t smiling anymore, since she knows she kind of hurt me with those memories. “It has been almost two years since that incident, so I think you should go with me on this double date. Please! He could be the one.”

     She always does that. She knows I want to meet that one guy, that will make my heart skip a beat when I see him, that will make me fall in love with him by just locking eyes with me, the guy I hope to remember after two years, the guy that will not reject me because of my problem and that even if I call him a and throw things at him, he will just laugh at me and then tell me how things really are. But I’m afraid of being hurt, so I kind of date guys and then break up with them after a couple of months. My motto is: Have fun and don’t get attached.

     “What are you trying to do? Just go and meet the guy on your own. Have your own blind date and don’t include me in it.” With that being said I pulled some money from my wallet and put it on the table, I put my bag on my shoulder, got up and went for the door, when Clara yelled after me.

     "Don’t bury yourself in a hole you won’t be able to get out from. You may have just half a year until you will turn 26, but you can still have fun. You need to have something to forget about. I’ll come by later at 6 p.m. and that’s final.”

     She can really make a scene. Driving back home, her words were still ringing in my ears: “Don’t bury yourself in a hole you won’t be able to get out from”. I’m not doing anything close to that. That’s why I left my family back in Bucharest and moved to Seoul. I wanted to be independent, to prove to myself and the ones around me, that even if I have this damn problem I can still survive on my own. In other words, I wanted to feel alive. Learning Korean wasn’t a problem and for some odd reason I was still remembering how to talk in Korean after two years. The doctor said this might be my hope, that maybe if I have things I love a lot, my brain cells fight back and try to maintain that information even after two years pass. But besides Korean, there was nothing else that was for me to remember. Well, my best friend Clara was another reason. We met when we were both in college. The Korean culture got something that attracted me a lot, so I wanted to learn Korean. I went to this cute coffee shop in Bucharest, and Clara was sitting on a table with a paper full of book names.

     “Ah, jinjja!! Why do the teachers make us buy such expensive books.” Hearing the word “jinjja” made me realize that she knows Korean, and so I decided to approach her. “If you want to win some extra money, how about teaching me Korean?”And that’s how our friendship started. With time passing, I learned that she is one year younger than me, she was from South Korea and she is on scholarship here in New York, that she misses her family and that she can be a great friend. She took the information about my problem really well and she even did some research to see if in someone in Korea has the same problem as me or if it can be fixed. We would always talk in Korean because it was easier for her and it was for me to learn it faster.

     After I finished college, I moved to Seoul and I opened a small store with clothes designed by me, named Dark Angel. I named it that way because it was me: and angel with a demon inside. My major was business administration, but drawing and always being fashionable were my hobbies. After waking up with no memories of the past two years on my 22^nd birthday, and I realized I still knew Korean and my friend Clara, I came up with this idea. I knew I couldn’t get a job, because forgetting everything that I have done in the last two years, was going to be a big problem. That’s why I opened my own store, with a lovely manager, Clara Lee, also known in Korea as Lee Jihyun, and all I did was create clothes. I was never going to forget how to draw, so it was my only hope.

     Money was never a problem for me. Dad owned a big company, a company now managed by my mom and soon to be mine, so I always had a big bank account. That is the reason why now I live in Gangnam district. The store is just something that I own and its purpose is to show people they can be fashionable without wearing expensive clothes. Basically, my prices were low, but I used good materials for which I obtained a good price. I guess I can negotiate pretty well.

     After closing behind me the door of my apartment, I sighed. Clara was right, I need to take chances when I come across them. What can it happened to me if I go to a blind date? Plus she was there with me. Anyway, I need to think of what am I going to wear.

     As I was pouring myself a glass of wine I thought: I want to make a good impression tonight…and I guess Clara is going to drive.